I'm Tim Fortescue,
A life coach coming alongside of folks in their personal and spiritual development.
Today,
I'm going to lead you through a guided meditation exercise to help you be more aware and to see if you can be curious during a triggering conversation.
This can particularly be helpful in relationship with others or a partner.
I'll be using the Internal Family Systems approach.
If IFS is new to you,
You can check out my recorded talk on the basic assumptions of IFS.
Note too that if you need more time,
You can pause this recording as much as you like.
Make sure you do that and give your system the time and space that it needs.
As we begin,
I invite you to get settled.
It's best to have both feet on the floor if you can.
Notice where your body comes into contact with the ground where you are.
You can close your eyes if you'd like to,
But if you'd rather have them open,
Just let your gaze rest softly in front of you.
Take a couple deep cleansing breaths and take some time to continue to get comfortable and just let your attention go inward as you get oriented to your internal world.
See if you can think about a hard conversation that you've had recently.
Maybe it isn't so recent,
But it still really stands out in your mind.
It might be helpful to focus on your inner critics for this exercise.
Parts that say,
I can't believe you responded that way.
You made a fool of yourself in that conversation to that person.
There's something along those lines,
But if something comes to mind,
Check inside.
When you think about having that conversation,
What comes up?
If you're having trouble keying in on something,
Just notice what's coming up in general.
Be and let all of your parts know.
Remember,
Parts can arise as thoughts,
Impulses,
Feelings,
Beliefs,
Sensations,
Among many other things.
Just let all your parts know that there's no agenda here other than just getting to know them and allowing them to get to know you a little more.
See which parts are activated in light of a difficult conversation.
What are their fears and concerns?
And instead of speaking from your parts,
For example,
I'm anxious about looking into my anger.
See if you can speak for your parts,
Something more like this.
I have a part who feels anxious about finding out why I get so angry.
Just check in and be curious if you can and see what you notice.
Check in again,
Ask this question.
What is the cost of not speaking up and not having this conversation successfully?
Again,
Speak for your parts if you can.
Maybe something like I have a worried part that has a fear of not being known.
Probe a little more and ask something like this.
Check in and see how do your parts impact your partner?
Your partner or the other person you're having a conversation with.
Maybe something like I have a part that's concerned about what they're going to say and it really wants them to just be quiet.
Check in a final time,
Ask what's your intention in having this conversation?
What outcome do you want for you,
Your partner,
Or the person you're in conversation with?
And for your relationship,
Maybe you have parts that want a peaceful resolution.
Maybe you have a part that wants to remain in this relationship.
Maybe you have a part that's afraid of losing the other person and really doesn't want to lose the connection in this relationship.
Notice what's happening in your body and your mind after having gone into your inner world for this time.
If parts are triggered rather than blending with them.
See if you can just notice them and as you do so,
Ask them to separate from you just a little so you can be with them without being them.
And if it's possible,
Be curious about their triggers,
But be curious from that more separated,
Unblended state.
Maybe ask why this is or was so hard for them.
What else do they want you to know?
And as you're with them and not in them,
See if you can reassure them that you're still there.
Remind them that you're not young,
That you can help them too.
They're not alone.
You understand that this is hard work and it's scary for some of your parts,
But you're there for them.
You're there with them.
And as you are with these parts in this compassionate way,
Just remind them that you've been taking care of them and yourself for a long time.
You have some wisdom about how to help everybody feel better and you're going to act on that wisdom.
Thank your parts for anything they let happen.
Thank them for their courage.
Let them know this isn't your last visit.
Let them know that you'd like to spend more time with them if they'd like that.
Maybe later today or in the next couple of days.
When it feels right,
You can bring your attention back to the present moment,
Where you are,
Take a couple final deep cleansing breaths.
You can open your eyes if they were closed and continue about your day.
Thank you so much for taking the time to join me in this meditation and exercise and take good care.
