Welcome back to IFS Meditations and Insights.
I'm Tim Fortescue,
Your guide on this journey toward wholeness through the lens of internal family systems.
Together,
We're creating a sacred space to explore,
Accept,
And love all parts of ourselves.
As we do this work,
We open ourselves to experiencing divine love and living more authentically.
Let's begin.
Today,
We're exploring something that happens in every relationship,
Both internal and external.
Rupture and repair.
Whether it's a harsh word,
A broken promise,
Or a protector taking the wheel,
Ruptures happen.
The goal isn't to avoid them,
It's to learn how to move through them with presence,
Even just a little more presence and compassion.
In IFS,
Rupture can look like a moment when one part of us overwhelms the system,
When anchor takes over,
Or a part shuts down to protect us.
The connection between self and our parts,
Or between ourselves and another person,
Temporarily breaks.
When that happens,
Other parts often rush in.
Blame,
Guilt,
Shame,
Defensiveness.
They're all trying to help.
The beauty is that rupture reveals the places where healing still wants to happen.
Repair starts with pausing and noticing.
It begins when we notice that self is still here.
It's always here.
It never left.
Curious,
Compassionate,
Calm.
Sometimes that means saying,
I see you,
Anchor.
I see how you were protecting me.
Or,
I notice how hurt you feel when someone doesn't respond the way you hoped.
In our relationships,
Repair often sounds like,
I realize that hurt you.
I'm sorry.
I want to understand what happened.
The goal isn't perfection.
You know that by now if you've listened for long at all.
It's presence.
A few weeks ago,
One of my kids said something that pushed one of my parts buttons.
If I'm honest,
It's happened a couple times in the last few weeks.
They didn't mean to.
And I snapped.
Right after,
As often happens,
Another part flooded me with shame.
You should know better.
You teach this stuff,
You hypocrite.
And later in the day,
I was able to sit with those parts.
I found the protector that reacted,
And the one that criticized.
Both were trying to keep me from feeling the pain of disconnection.
But when I stopped and paused,
And noticed self,
Which connection is a big part,
Was still there.
I'm able to go and to apologize,
Even though there's still parts that say you could have done that better.
And I can tell my kids I'm working on being more patient.
And man,
This is hard for me.
And there comes that critic,
You teach this stuff.
And often,
In that moment,
My kids respond softer.
It's okay.
I knew you didn't mean it.
That moment of repair deepens our trust far more than if the rupture hadn't happened at all.
That repair is so key.
That's a good reminder for me.
Repair teaches us humility.
It reminds us that love isn't about never messing up.
It's about how we return after we do.
And oh,
A lot of my little ones don't believe that they can mess up.
And that'll be okay.
But each repair builds safety and resilience,
Both within and between us.
In the IFS model,
This is where healing really takes root.
When protectors learn,
They can step back.
Exiles feel seen,
Understood,
And we're more self-led,
Self-leads with compassion.
Take a moment to reflect.
Is there a part of you or a relationship that needs repair right now?
Maybe it's time to listen,
To soften,
Or simply acknowledge what happened without judgment.
You can always begin again.
You're doing courageous work.
