If you're human,
Chances are you've had moments where you felt pulled into different directions by parts of yourself.
Many parts of you want to rest while another part insists on pushing forward.
Or perhaps you've experienced an internal tug of war between staying calm and speaking up.
These inner conflicts can feel frustrated,
Even paralyzing.
But today I want to offer you a different lens.
What if these conflicts aren't a problem to fix,
But a signpost pointing toward deeper self-understanding?
And let those parts that may not want to see this signpost know that they're welcome too.
They're not alone,
But they're seen.
What if by listening to the needs and fears of these parts around this conflict,
You could foster collaboration and more harmony within?
In this episode,
We're going to explore how to identify inner conflicts,
Understand their roots,
And mediate between parts with a little more compassion.
I'll share a simple exercise you can try in a personal story from my own journey.
My hope is that by the end of this episode,
You'll feel more equipped to navigate these moments with curiosity and care.
First,
I would invite us all to identify the conflict.
Many of us aren't even aware of the inner tensions we carry until they start to manifest in some way.
Procrastination,
Frustration,
Even physical sensations like tension in the shoulders or a pit in the stomach.
These can be clues that parts of us are not in agreement.
And it may be helpful to ask,
Are there any parts of me that are in conflict right now?
What are they trying to achieve?
For example,
A part of you might want to spend more time with your family while another part feels the pressure to put in extra hours at work.
If you've listened long enough,
You know,
I can resonate with that one.
Or maybe you've been wrestling with a desire to set a boundary in a relationship,
But also feel a strong pull to avoid conflict.
And I'm an Enneagram Nine.
And what you need to know about that,
I'm no expert in the Enneagram,
But that's another framework that's been helpful for me.
And Nines,
We're peacemakers.
We want peace without and peace within.
And man,
The people-pleasing parts are up for all of us,
But they're really up for me as a Nine.
And I'm just learning now that when I face major inner conflict,
For example,
To say no to an opportunity,
I have parts that have a fear of missing out,
Parts that say you're already overbooked on the other side,
And there's a conflict there.
There's parts of me that are driven to do it and not only say yes,
But to perfect every detail,
Which takes more time.
And these parts,
They're doing the best they can.
They want to ensure that I deliver what I promise and do it flawlessly so that I don't upset someone or look bad.
But another part,
And on the other side,
Parts of me are exhausted and just really pleading and begging for rest.
And I still find myself stuck,
Although I'm growing,
Unable to move forward because neither part felt heard.
Now they feel a little more heard.
And it wasn't until I paused to address the conflict that I began to feel clarity and ease.
So just be aware of the conflict.
And then second,
Understand their needs and fears.
Once you've identified conflicting parts,
The next step is to understand what's behind their actions.
Every part has a reason for showing up the way it does.
Often these reasons are rooted in care and protection.
Even if the behavior seems unhelpful,
Particularly with who you are today,
It likely was helpful back when this part was younger.
But now it's a little extreme on the surface.
But these parts are still trying to help and care,
Protect.
They don't know who you are.
So it may be helpful to ask each part,
What do you need?
What are you afraid will happen if things don't go your way?
In my case,
The part demanding me say yes and for perfection feared failure.
It believed that if I didn't get everything right,
I would let people down and damage my reputation.
The part urging rest,
On the other hand,
Was terrified that I'd burn out and lose my ability to show up for my family and myself.
Neither part was wrong.
They both had valid concerns.
The tension came from the fact that they were trying to protect me in opposite ways.
Then step number three,
Mediate with compassion and know that a drop of compassion will go a long way.
And this is where you step into the role of the mediator and imagine maybe sitting at a table with both parts and inviting them into a conversation.
In my struggling to say no and fear of missing out situation,
I acknowledged each part's concerns and I said to the perfectionist part,
I see how much you care about making me look good and successful and I appreciate your dedication.
Then to the part seeking rest,
I said,
I hear how exhausted you are and how much you need me to slow down.
Thank you for looking out for my well-being.
And once both parts felt seen and valued,
I was able to negotiate.
I assured the perfectionist part that I'd allocate time to focus on key areas of where I needed to say yes and I would do that well.
And I promised the part seeking rest that I'd take breaks and stick to a reasonable work schedule.
And here's the result that I'm finding and I continuously do this over and over again.
I want to encourage you to begin again and again and again too.
But what I've found and what I'm finding is that a sense of balance,
More balance has occurred and that allows me to move forward with both confidence and self-care.
And I'll share one more story with you.
When I branched out several years ago to start Faithfully Growing,
I was faced with a difficult decision whether to branch out into much of what was unknown and to start this new coaching practice or not.
And there was a part that was excited.
It saw this as a chance to make a meaningful impact,
Grow my skills.
Another part,
Resistant,
Worried about the time,
Commitment,
And toll it would take on my family.
And at first these parts were so loud that I felt overwhelmed.
When I sat down and gave each part space to share,
Their motivations became clear.
The ambitious part wanted me to step into my potential and contribute to something bigger than myself.
The cautious part,
On the other hand,
Was fiercely protective of my family time.
It didn't want me to lose security and to lose sight of what mattered most.
And by listening to these parts and honoring their concerns,
I was able to approach the decision with more clarity and so grateful that I ultimately chose to take on this role,
But in the process to set clear boundaries around my time,
Ensuring that my family wouldn't be neglected.
And this experience has reinforced the idea that when we mediate between our parts with compassion,
We're able to find solutions that honor all aspects of ourselves.
So I encourage you this week,
Be aware of the dilemmas and the conflicts in your life.
Be aware of the parts that show up on either side and send a little compassion if you can,
Knowing that all parts are doing the best that they can,
But let them know they're not alone.
Remind them who you are today.
And remember,
It's not about forcing resolution.
It's about creating space for understanding and collaboration.
Thank you so much for spending time with me today and for sending some insight and just a sense of connectedness to parts around inner conflict.
And it can feel like a struggle,
But also an invitation to grow in self-awareness and compassion.
And by taking this time to listen to your parts and to check in with care,
We're all transforming ourselves and enter tension into a deeper sense of harmony and connection.
So until our next session,
Take care of yourself and your parts and know that you're worth it.
