IFS Insight: Core Beliefs And Parts Work

In this episode, IFS Trained Practitioner Tim Fortescue delves into the significance of core beliefs within the framework of Internal Family Systems (IFS). He shares personal experiences of grappling with feelings of inadequacy and how these beliefs have shaped his life and interactions. The conversation emphasizes the importance of identifying, understanding, and challenging core beliefs to foster personal growth and emotional well-being.

Tim encourages listeners to approach their beliefs with curiosity and compassion, inviting them to explore how these beliefs influence their lives and relationships.

Transcript

Today we're going to look at a topic that's foundational to who we are and to the work we do with parts and internal family systems.

We're talking about core beliefs.

These beliefs shape the way we live,

How we see ourselves,

And how we interact with the world.

I found both personally and in my work with clients that uncovering core beliefs is a powerful way to understand why we act the way we do,

Especially when we feel stuck or when certain patterns keep repeating themselves in our lives.

Today we're going to dive into how we can identify these core beliefs,

How they influence our behavior and interactions,

And how we can gently challenge or redefine the ones that no longer serve us.

But before we get into the details,

I want to start with a personal story that might sound familiar to you.

If you've listened before,

You probably know that I have parts that struggle with a deep sense of inadequacy.

And I didn't recognize it right away,

But there was this core belief that I wasn't good enough.

That no matter how hard I worked,

It was never enough.

And a lot of this comes from when I was as young as seven.

This core belief has been around a long time,

And this belief and the part that feels inadequate is hesitant about offering the gifts that I can give to the world.

Like the content in this podcast,

Some of my meditations.

If it was up to this part,

I would never put myself out there.

And it made sense when I was younger,

But things are different now.

It wasn't until I took the time to sit down and really explore what was going on beneath the surface that I discovered this part of me that held this belief I'm not good enough.

And let me tell you,

It was a tough realization and it still takes work.

I always thought that by doing more and by showing up differently,

I could eventually feel like I was enough.

And if I'm honest,

There was another part that said,

No matter what you do,

You can't work your way out of this.

You're never gonna be enough.

But all this wasn't working because the core belief wasn't being addressed.

This part of me was holding on to something that had formed way back in my childhood,

Rooted in times when I felt like I had to prove my worth to others,

Whether it was at school or in relationships.

And I was in a therapy session with my own work recently and had the realization that there was a part of me that was cautious.

And when I checked in with that cautious part,

It was cautious because at seven,

I had some insecurities in my family.

If I was too vulnerable,

There was gonna be sarcasm.

And I didn't really fit out in the world either.

There was a different class out there that I wasn't familiar with relating to.

And so this cautious part just really felt like there's no in-between.

If you mess up here or there,

You're gonna have nowhere to belong.

And today,

I'm so grateful for this part.

It does keep me responsible and it helps me keep my word.

But it doesn't have to be perfect and it can take a break and rest.

And I'm grateful for my cautious part because it does keep me,

Much like with that part that helps me keep my word.

It keeps me wise.

It brings wisdom.

But things are different now.

I'm older.

There's an inner team,

This cautious part and this part that is overworking to try to be perfect and perfectionist.

They're on a team and they also have me.

They have something bigger than myself and there are other parts that bring gifts.

And they can trust me more and more to lead my life and to be more self-led.

And by asking this perfectionist part,

Why are you working so hard to prove this?

What do you really need?

And in that moment,

The part revealed that it's scared.

Scared of rejection.

Scared of being seen as less than.

The core belief was,

If I'm not constantly proving myself,

I'll be forgotten or unimportant or won't have a place to belong.

And from a place of compassion to this little one,

I'm able to remind it that it's enough.

There's an inner team.

That it's beloved and it can rest and trust and be a kid again if it wants to.

Maybe you've had a similar experience or maybe a different part of you carries a different core belief.

Here's the thing,

Those core beliefs are shaping your life.

They're influencing your behaviors,

Your interactions and even the decisions you make.

Often without you even realizing it.

So let's take a few minutes to talk about how you can start identifying these beliefs within.

And you've heard me say it before,

It's a good place to start in many places.

Start with awareness by noticing the parts of you that show up consistently,

Especially in challenging situations.

Maybe you have a part that's always striving for perfection or one that's always on alert trying to keep you safe.

These parts are likely carrying core beliefs just like my cautious part,

My perfectionist parts that says if you mess up you're not gonna have a place to to be and to live.

And these beliefs shape how these younger parts of us show up.

One example is a part that's always trying to achieve might carry the belief if I don't succeed I'm a failure.

While a part that is always cautious might believe the world is dangerous and I need to stay on guard.

And in my case the world is dangerous within and without.

That complicates things even more.

Maybe you can relate to that.

Then once you're aware and have identified a part you can ask it directly from that place of curiosity and seeking to understand.

What do you believe about me?

How old do you think I am now?

Things are different.

But it makes sense that you may not trust that.

What do you believe about the world?

And then just listen.

It might take a little while but often you'll get an answer that helps explain why this part acts the way it does.

Maybe it believes you're not worthy of love unless you're constantly giving or sacrificing for others.

Or maybe it believes that vulnerability is dangerous because you might get hurt.

Like in my case with sarcasm.

It's not okay to be vulnerable to share your feelings.

And once you've identified those core beliefs the next step is to look at how they're influencing your behavior and interactions.

Are they driving you to overwork?

To avoid conflict?

To constantly seek approval from others?

For me that part of me that believed I wasn't good enough can lead me into a cycle of overwork.

Neglecting myself,

My family,

And can ultimately lead to self-sabotage.

Even though I am fully capable today.

I'm still human.

I mess up.

That's okay too.

Mess up.

You're not gonna go back to square one.

It's good for my parts to see that.

But they can kind of play out their biggest fears in their extreme roles.

And when this perfectionist part is up,

For example,

And when it's extreme I take on too much.

Say yes to everything and never allow myself to rest.

I feel like if I'm not constantly producing or being useful,

I'm not valuable.

This belief impacts my relationships too.

Especially with my wife and kids.

Because I'm not fully present,

My mind is elsewhere worrying about what I haven't done or what I need to do next.

So when you pause and take a look at your own life,

Think about how your core beliefs are shaping your actions.

Are they causing you to put up walls,

To distance yourself from others,

Or to push yourself too hard?

Core beliefs are powerful.

They don't just sit in the background.

They drive how we interact with the world and how we show up in relationships.

Here's where it gets interesting.

And honestly,

This part can feel really freeing.

You have the power to challenge these beliefs.

I'm not saying it's easy.

And some beliefs may still be helpful.

We don't have to throw them all out.

But we can challenge them.

And these beliefs have often been with us for a long time.

And our parts hold on to them because they think they're keeping us safe.

But as we start to develop more of that self-energy,

Meaning we approach these parts with curiosity and compassion,

We can begin to ask them if these beliefs are still true or necessary.

In my case,

I had to gently ask that part of me if people-pleasing,

Leading to exhaustion,

Was still serving me.

If constantly proving myself was still the only way to feel valuable.

Over time,

That part began to relax.

It didn't happen overnight.

It still comes up.

But as I continued to engage with it,

I noticed that the belief started to shift.

Instead of believing I'm not good enough,

It began to trust that I was enough,

Just as I am,

Without needing to prove anything.

That's what I want to offer you today.

The opportunity to reflect on the core beliefs your parts might be holding.

And just simply ask yourself,

Are these beliefs still serving me?

If they're not,

That's okay.

It's about starting to challenge them gently,

With kindness,

And inviting your parts to let go of beliefs that no longer fit your life,

That may be limiting you now.

So as you go through your week,

Take some time to sit with your parts.

Ask them what core beliefs they're holding.

Ask them how those beliefs are impacting your life and relationships.

And if you feel ready,

Ask them if they'd be willing to explore the possibility of changing or releasing those beliefs.

I'll leave you with this.

The beliefs you hold don't have to define you forever.

With curiosity and compassion,

You can start to reshape those beliefs,

Creating space for new ones that support you,

And living a fuller,

More authentic life.

As always,

I'm here to support you on this journey.

Feel free to reach out if you'd like,

To share any insights or experiences.

I love hearing how this work is unfolding for you.