In this session,
I want to invite you to take a fresh look at your boundaries.
Not just in your relationships with others,
But in your relationship with yourself and your parts.
Boundaries are often misunderstood.
We think of them as rigid walls or harsh lines.
But in IFS,
Boundaries are something different.
They're compassionate agreements.
They're an energetic yes or no that emerges when our parts feel heard and respected.
When we check in with our parts,
Especially those who feel burdened to people please protect or perform,
We begin to notice where our boundaries are too loose or too tight.
This week's invitation is to gently reassess your boundaries.
What are you saying yes to that drains you?
What are you saying no to that might actually nourish you?
And which parts are involved in those choices?
There have been seasons in my life,
And I still have to watch it,
Where I say yes far too often.
And I have parts that want to be seen as reliable.
Someone you could always count on.
This part has deep roots in my upbringing,
Where love often felt conditional.
So I overcommitted.
I agreed to every project,
Every extra task.
This part had and has deep roots in my upbringing,
Where my family,
They were not the upper class.
They were lower class.
Maybe close to lower middle.
A lot of privilege.
I'm a white guy,
And so I get that.
But these parts,
They want to say yes,
And they overcommit to every project,
Every extra task,
Every late night call,
So that they can be in that end crowd.
And eventually,
I burn out.
But something has shifted.
When I take the time to pause and actually turn toward these parts,
And let them know that I see the good intentions,
I appreciate how hard they're working to protect me from being an outcast or not accepted.
But I also let them know that we're never going back to those years of when I was seven,
Eight,
Nine,
Early teens.
And slowly,
They're beginning to trust that I,
Myself,
Can set boundaries from a place of care,
Not fear.
Now,
I still show up,
But not at the cost of my inner system.
So I invite all of us to this simple practice this week.
Take five minutes.
You can do this multiple times if you want,
Daily if you want,
But try at least once to check in with one part that might be impacted by boundary challenges.
And ask,
What are you afraid will happen if I set a boundary here?
What do you need from me to feel safe?
And know,
Too,
That those two questions,
What are you afraid of,
And what do you need,
Are good questions when we do an inner check-in anytime.
But particularly this week,
What are you afraid will happen if I set a boundary here?
What do you need from me to feel safe?
And can we all,
Talking to you and me and our parts,
Try something small together like pausing before saying yes?
So grateful for you meeting me here and for you listening.
If this resonated with you,
I'd love to hear what came up.
Reach out,
But until we meet again in the next session,
Stay connected and be kind to yourself and kind to your parts.
