You Are Not Alone

How can we allow support as we pursue all that we hope and dream for in our personal and professional lives? In this practice, we explore the idea of nourishment, the ways in which we can resist it, and what happens when we surrender to it in small and grand ways. Pull up your cushion, take a seat on your couch or chair or floor. Meditate with Tiffany.

Transcript

So welcome to,

I keep getting the first Saturdays,

Like the very first Saturday of the month is like really really special.

So welcome to the first Saturday of February in the studio where we talk about meditation.

This month,

So also if you're an Aquarius,

Happy Aquarius month.

It's great to see you all.

So this month the studio's intention is nourishment.

And I just want to reflect on that a little bit and like how I responded to that when I first found out that that was this month's intention.

So the basic question that we kind of have been asking ourselves is what is our relationship to nourishment,

To receiving it,

To releasing the toxins that kind of get in the way of us being nourished in our lives.

What is our relationship to being cared for?

And I saw that and I was like,

No.

That's my relationship,

No.

But that's a really interesting thing.

I mean it is resonant because it's so funny because I got that email about the intention a few weeks after I had,

So I don't like going to the dentist but I go because I have to adult and I think a lot of us understand that.

And I had last year been going,

I had gone,

I go for all my regular checkups and all that kind of stuff and everybody in my dentist office knows that I have slight dental anxiety,

Dentist anxiety.

And so they treat me with kid gloves when I come in.

The whole office kind of gathers around me like,

Hey,

How are you?

Are you okay?

Okay.

It's very,

They know because I had a couple of outbursts in the office like,

No,

Don't touch me.

And so there was one incident where they were just trying to do like a typical filling,

You know how they have to numb your mouth to do that?

And I told them,

I'm like,

Listen,

That part of my mouth does not numb.

You're going to have to put me to sleep.

And I told them that a couple of times last year and they kept on trying it and they would numb and they would drill and I would feel it.

And I said,

I told you,

Like that part of my mouth does not numb.

And then they're going to have to put me to sleep.

So eventually they're like,

Okay,

We're going to put you to sleep,

Like slightly to sleep,

Not like fully,

But we're going to give you something so that you really numb and you slightly go to sleep.

But you're going to have to have somebody bring you to the studio.

I mean,

To the office.

They're going to have to drive you here.

They're going to have to stay and then I have to take you home and kind of take care of you until you fully wake up.

And I was like,

They told me this like in June of last year.

And I was like,

Yeah,

Sure,

No problem.

And then we would schedule their appointment.

And I kept calling and rescheduling because I did not want to ask anybody to do all of that for me.

I did not want to do it.

So we actually rescheduled all the way until January 2020.

I was like,

Look at me,

Just not wanting to ask somebody to help me.

And finally,

Like I texted one of my friends,

One of my really dear friends here and I say,

You know,

Hey girl,

You know,

She has a flexible work schedule.

She's actually a physician.

So I'm like,

Hey girl,

You know,

This is really crazy.

But in two days,

I need somebody to take me to the dentist.

So I waited to the last minute.

I'm like,

In two days,

I'm going to need somebody to take me to the dentist.

And the appointment was at 8 a.

M.

So she would have to come get me at my house at 7 a.

M.

She was 20 minutes from me.

I knew this was going to be and I was literally praying that she would say no.

Like I was like,

Say no so I can reschedule again.

And so I was like,

You're going to have to come get me.

Like I told her all the things and she was like,

Yeah,

Sure,

I'll be there.

Let's you know,

Let's do it.

And so we like that morning and so and then there started a process of being like,

Okay,

Here we are.

Somebody has agreed to do all of this that I just don't want to have to have.

And so she like I told her I said I had a little bit of dental anxiety.

So you know,

Like I'm really nervous.

And so the days leading up,

She would text me and say like,

How are you feeling?

Are you ready?

That morning she was like,

Oh,

Friend,

I know you're a little nervous.

Okay.

Like she was she was very sweet to me.

And in the office,

When we walked in,

She noticed like everybody,

Like all the dental assistants and the dentists kind of ran over to me.

Hi,

Are you ready?

Like,

We're going to do this today.

Like,

Let's go.

And she and she like my friend,

Like there are other people there were like seven year olds in the in the office.

Okay.

And this is like,

And I'm like,

Mid 30s almost.

And she like stands up and when they like come and get me she like stands up and gives me a hug and everybody was like,

What's happening?

Like,

What are you going back there to do?

It's just a cavity.

The little kids are looking at me like I'm crazy.

You know,

Like this woman,

She just can't put it together.

Also say like she stayed the whole time.

She took me she like fed me later.

She helped me go get to the car.

It was a very and it did end up bringing us closer together.

Right.

But I we end up talking about how after that when I came to we talked about she was so grateful that I had asked her because I never asked for help.

She's like,

You don't ever ask and I'm just so glad that you did.

And it actually strengthened our relationship.

Right now I feel closer to her and she feels closer to me because I actually allowed her in to help me and to see in a somewhat vulnerable like vulnerable situation.

Like I was half sleep and I said when I'm half sleep sometimes I hit on people like sometimes I'm like like it becomes real awkward real quick.

And so I was like,

I don't know what's gonna happen.

But she you know,

It was okay.

All of that to say a long story to tell you that like the moral of this is that I thought that that's a microcosm of you know,

The times when we need care and nourishment the most how we are so quick to reject it and push it away.

And those are often the times when we need to kind of settle into stillness for at least a second and check in and become in some way accepting of what is in this moment.

In this moment,

They are not going to let me go to the dentist's office and have this appointment.

I cannot go and have this done unless somebody takes me.

That is this moment.

I do not get to change that.

Right.

As much as I want to,

I don't get to change it.

And as much as I try to change it,

I'm gonna have to keep rescheduling the appointment.

It doesn't it's not going to change.

And so I've realized that in moments where we push nourishment away,

There are also moments where we may need to allow in some acceptance of in this moment,

I need help.

We allow ourselves to sit with it and feel the feelings that are associated with having to say to ourselves,

I need help.

And hopefully by doing so,

Coming to this understanding and being able to reap the benefits of feeling like you are not alone.

Like that was what I got out of it.

And when I finally sat with it and said,

I need help,

I have to ask for that it's that is this moment and I reached out and she was there.

What I got was a strong sense of you have to go through this by yourself.

He can't take the numbing and the cavity filling for you.

But you're not in you're not here alone.

You're not alone.

I think that's one of the benefits of accepting the moment.

I actually need nourishment.

I need help.

I need to care for me right now.

And I feel like as a society in the first month of January,

The macrocosm of it is that there have been a lot of things that have happened where we need nourishment and care.

As a society in the last month or two,

There has been an uprising of grieving,

Of fear,

Of anxiety,

Of separateness,

Of divisiveness,

Of hatred,

Right,

Of pushing away on so many levels.

And in this moment,

Can we as a society sit with what is in this moment,

Say yes to this moment in order to say we need help.

We are not alone in all of these uncomfortable and maybe sometimes great emotions that we are experiencing.

Accepting the moment in order to access our needs,

I believe fits into the philosophy,

One of the yoga philosophies of contentment,

Santoshan.

We talk about how Santoshan is welcoming the moment as it is.

I started to understand it as an internal form of truth telling,

Right,

Instead of telling the truth to other people.

In order to tell the truth to other people,

I have got to be able to see the truth for what this moment is,

Understand what is actually happening in this moment.

On the surface,

Santoshan,

I didn't like it when I first heard the word.

I felt like it was a way to just not address issues that are happening.

I felt like it was being complacent,

But I was reading a Jessica Doris to the Torell reader and she has a monthly poll where she does a spread and she kind of tells you what's going on for the whole collective.

In the one for February,

She was saying that acceptance does not mean resignation.

It does not mean that there's not something to do in the future.

It actually sets you up to do what you need to do in the future from a very sustainable place,

A very clear place.

Acceptance does not mean resignation.

I was listening to Tar Brock and she said something about it as well.

She talks about it as equanimity.

She talks about one of the ways in which mindfulness meditation helps us to create and nourish or cultivate a sense of contentment is through this idea of equanimity.

Which I think is really important.

Bell Hooks talks about how truth telling is one of the first ways in which we can begin self recovery.

We don't get to engage in healing or self recovery or anything like that until we can become very internally truthful with ourselves to accept what is in order to move forward.

I like what Tar Brock says about equanimity because she says equanimity helps us to cultivate contentment and contentment helps us to,

She says,

Cultivate a heart that is ready for anything.

When we're practicing this,

When we're saying yes to the moment,

Whatever is happening in this moment,

We're saying okay,

This is it.

This is what's happening.

I don't like it.

I don't want to ask for help.

I don't want to admit that I'm not happy right now.

We are building a heart that is ready for anything.

It's ready to do whatever it needs to do in the future,

But in this moment we have to say what is happening.

So how do we do this in a meditation practice?

How do we cultivate that on the mat,

On our cushions?

In Tar Brock's meditation,

She takes the folks through a couple of questions,

Which I want to do today.

First we ask ourselves,

What is happening now?

What is happening now?

What thoughts,

What feelings,

What emotions are not happening right now?

What is happening right now?

And then we say yes to the moment.

We ride the wave of,

We ride that wave of that moment and we say yes,

That is happening right now.

In this moment I feel like I need help and I don't like it.

I feel like I need extra caring from someone else and I don't like it.

That is the moment right now.

And then what she says,

We say we then can invite in some compassion and kindness towards ourselves and what that looks like.

And this is saying others feel this too.

Others are feeling this right now too.

In some part of the world somebody else is feeling the same thing and we know because there is so much going on as a society that others feel this too.

And that is not to push away and say like so that yours doesn't matter either,

It is to say you are not alone.

You are not alone in feeling like you don't want to accept nourishment.

It is actually a huge epidemic in this country and in this society.

And hopefully that can help us to cultivate a very clear sense of where we are in order to move forward,

To take steps in the future towards accepting the nourishment and help that we all want at a deeper level or at a surface level and deserve.

And so today's practice is going to be just that.

We will go through those three after we do the traditional body scanning and getting settled into our seat.

We'll have space to say what is happening now.

Yes that is happening now and you are not alone in feeling that.

So if you are seated cross legs,

Go ahead uncross,

Recross your legs and allow yourself to come to a seat that is comfortable.

Allow your hands to rest on your lap,

Somewhere supportive.

You can have your palms facing up or your palms facing down.

It's comfortable for you to go ahead and close your eyes or you can take a soft gaze towards the ground.

Together as a group take a deep breath in through your nose.

Exhale sigh it out.

Again take a deep breath in through the nose.

Bless you.

Exhale sigh it out.

Land here in your seat on your mat.

Notice and feel the cushions,

The bolsters,

The blankets,

The earth underneath you.

Let that be an initial invitation into being cared for.

Let that be an initial invitation into being cared for.

To soften the muscles in your face,

The muscles around your eyes,

Your forehead,

Your jaw,

Your shoulders up,

Back and draw them down.

Feeling a slight expansion across the front of your body.

The same with the breath here,

You may begin to feel the belly expand and contract with each inhale and each exhale.

Let it be soft and receptive in this practice.

Relax.

Feel the muscles in your legs,

Feet.

Invite them,

Give them permission to allow gravity and the earth to do their job.

We sit in this moment.

Accepting it as complete as it is.

Receiving the care and nourishment that comes just from settling into our seat.

Bring attention to what you hear.

You might ask,

What is happening now?

What am I hearing now?

Welcome in,

Welcome all the sounds in.

Yes I hear this.

I hear that.

Tell yourself,

Others hear this too.

Health matters.

House.

] Bring awareness to touch,

To the skin,

The fabric,

The material that is underneath.

Any part of your body,

On top of any part of your body.

You might ask,

What is happening now?

What am I feeling now?

Yes,

I feel this.

Yep,

I feel that.

I'm not alone,

Others feel this too.

Bring your awareness back to your breath.

You might notice that it's deep in here,

It's become more relaxed here.

Just feeling the inhales and exhales here.

As we enter into about seven minutes of silence,

Continue to ask yourself,

What is happening now?

In whatever way sounds like your unique voice,

Say,

Yep,

That's happening.

That's happening in this moment.

Very kindly and gently,

And with as much care as you can muster up,

Tell yourself,

Remind yourself,

I'm not alone.

Others feel this too.

Yes,

I feel this.

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Deepening,

Reconnecting to your breath here.

Yes,

I feel this.

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Yes,

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Exhale,

Sigh it out.

Thank you all so much for being here today.

Namaste.

Reviews

Thank you - sound quality was a little fuzzy in the beginning. Still got some sleep.

Awesome! 😎

Whooo chile! I didn’t know I needed this word today like I did. The beginning was so real. It’s hard to ask and accept. And then this was actually recorded pre-Covid. We’ve suffered so much more trauma since February. It’s the end of August and there are 4 months of 2020 left. Thank you so much for this meditation.

Just what I needed. Thank you.

I enjoyed and totally related to the talk at the beginning and I definitely return to this meditation again. Thank you 🙏🏾

Grateful for your experience in what it means to ask for help...so can relate 🙄
Your guided meditation was on point for me to slow my breathe down, it took a while, but recieved the blessings as I was sitting outside in the sun✨🙏❣️

Beautiful. Lovely storytelling set up, wonderful meditation. As an introvert, I think of meditation as a peaceful and solitary endeavor, but what a beautiful addition to bring attention to “someone else is feeling/hearing/experiencing this, too.” Thank you 🙏🏻

Accessible , real