Self Acceptance; From Resistance To Gratitude

Tiger shares powerful insights on embracing your imperfect humanity with compassion. You'll learn to meet your struggles with gratitude instead of resistance, and give yourself permission to be authentically who you are - flaws and all. Discover how to stop exhausting energy trying to change what you can't, and instead find rest in accepting what is. This may be just what you need to stop running from yourself and embrace life as it comes.

Transcript

Wherever the struggle seems to show up in life,

It seems that there's this understandable knee-jerk reaction that wants to do something about it.

We want to fix it.

We want to change it.

Maybe we wish it was different.

But in all my years of doing that,

I ultimately just end up exhausting myself in some way.

And I find myself invited back to this space where I ask that classic question of what's really going on here.

I see that I'm running away from something.

I'm running away from a very,

Let's say,

Simple answer.

But it's not really the answer that I want.

Or it's not the answer that I think I want.

And this leads me to say something else.

Human spirituality is so much about getting answers that you don't think that you want until you realize you do.

Because our struggle,

And we could say under the surface,

Is this very human aspect of ourselves,

But we could also call it the ego,

That's very much freaked out and is struggling to hold on to something.

And so the answer it wants,

In some way,

Is saying,

Help me hold on.

Help me get what I want.

Help me feel what I want to feel.

And help me not have the experience that I'm having,

Essentially.

And as time passes and the fog clears a little bit and I can look back,

I recognize how perfect that experience was that I was having.

The answer,

Very much,

Was the thing I was trying to get away from.

So whether that's in the exhaustion of helping other people,

Whether that's a disharmony that shows itself as rage,

Or whether that is the body fighting off some sort of cold,

The question I ask here is,

What if all of that is so incredibly perfect?

What if that's how it's supposed to be?

In the example of losing interest in helping others because you find yourself just exhausted,

Maybe that's perfectly okay to take a break and to stop helping others.

What if it's perfectly okay to feel that way?

And if there's a rage that's happening inside of you,

If there's something within you that appears incredibly upset and angry,

What if that's just extraordinarily understandable?

And in the experience of the body having a cold,

This is one of my favorite examples because as far as I'm concerned,

The body having a cold is a great sign that the body is working.

It's an expression of healing.

It's almost like the body is saying,

Okay,

It's time to relax.

Take care of me,

Please.

That's super sweet.

In my own experience,

Of course,

There's been so many times where I'm busy,

Busy,

Busy,

And there's a lot of things I want to do,

But then a cold comes along.

Oh no,

Now that's in the way.

This is what fascinates me is there's the idea of what I think things should be,

And then there's just what's happening.

And then there's times when I get really sad,

When I get really scared,

And I think something's going horribly wrong.

And then I can be busy trying to do all sorts of things,

Trying to change it,

Trying to get rid of it.

And then when I actually meet it,

It's like,

Oh,

Of course you're sad.

Of course you're scared.

I'm sorry.

And there's such a beauty in meeting it.

You know,

What this also speaks to is reorienting yourself in such a way that it invites gratitude for what is.

And of course,

The more I don't want what is,

The more difficult it is to find gratitude.

The more I think it should be different,

The harder it is to be grateful.

The more I think it shouldn't be.

Just as I talk about this,

This is so loud for me in my experience,

Because I can watch how the character of me thinks it's going somewhere,

Thinks it's doing something.

And then the reality of life and the reality of what I'm feeling on the inside is somehow in the way of that.

But the example of helping people and not saying that this is your experience,

But in that context for me and what I do,

I get locked in this mind frame that says I should be helping others.

And then instead of just acknowledging the break that's being asked for,

I can judge myself.

Or worse,

I can go against what I'm feeling and try to help others anyway,

And it's not an enjoyable experience at all.

It's like in my desire to be helpful,

There's also the desire to not be seen as unhelpful.

And in seeing the insanity of that,

I really have to take a step back and just let the whole thing go for a second.

And I guess this also comes with a little invitation of caution as it relates to getting caught up in the role you're playing as a human being.

Do you see how easy it is to pick up these identities?

Oh,

I'm this person or I'm that person.

I do this and I do that.

And then we try and make that solid.

And more real than all of that is the sincerity of the heart that you're carrying.

I had a beautiful conversation with someone earlier this week,

And it was such a great reminder that nothing actually changes,

But how we relate to it changes.

It's such a great reminder where we go into spirituality and we bring this mindset that's effectively trying to change our experience.

We're trying to have more of this and less of that.

We're trying to change something.

But really what happens is spirituality invites us to look at these things that we're trying to change and see that they're not a problem at all.

Which of course invites us to see these things with new eyes.

Just like the example of having a cold,

You can have that sort of conditioning that says this shouldn't be happening,

It's in my way.

And then you have some sort of realization that shows you,

Oh,

This is part of a healing process.

This is actually for me.

Oh,

Okay.

I didn't see it that way.

Yeah,

So go with it.

Relax.

And you see the shift in attitude where it's like,

Oh,

Thank you.

But look at the capacity to argue with it.

You can argue with a cold to the point of suffering.

You can argue to the point of absolute discord,

Where your whole life is ruined now.

Because you got this cold and you have a big meeting and you were going to impress everyone and now you can't do that.

Right?

And all that's going on in the mind about your character.

And yet there's the reality of this that's happening,

That's only moving in a way to serve you,

To support you.

And it really illustrates the fight that we experience as human beings,

Where we're fighting for the content in the mind and rejecting reality.

Right?

If something's going on inside of you that's uncomfortable,

That's scared,

That's angry,

We're fighting for our ideas about it,

Rather than just meeting it.

Giving ourselves to it,

But also with a degree of gratitude.

And if that's difficult to meet it with gratitude,

That's only because we see it as in our way.

And I really invite you to look at that gently.

Because all that human stuff,

It's not going away.

It's going to keep coming back like the seasons.

And what's going to change is our capacity to meet it.

And you see my friends,

This is the pattern that will continue to unfold in our human journey.

Which is effectively,

We will continue to encounter our resistance so that we can see through it.

The ways that you judge parts of yourself,

They will continue to come back.

All the hidden things inside that we don't like about ourselves,

That we think is wrong,

That we think shouldn't be,

That's just a way of seeing.

And that way of seeing will keep coming back.

It wants to be seen.

And it's not an expectation that says,

You should see through it the first time and then it never comes back.

No,

It's more gentle than that.

It's like a love note that keeps coming back.

And you know,

In the sweetest way,

My goodness,

What else is it saying other than,

Will you love me?

Will you see me?

Can it be okay that I'm this way right now?

Or do we have a bunch of people to impress?

There's such a beautiful heart in that.

And I'll tell you what,

This is fundamentally what the world is struggling with.

I don't think it's okay to be me.

I don't think it's okay to feel how I feel.

And so I'm going to keep pretending.

And for the one who touches that permission in themselves,

That sees it's just okay,

Then you're showing others that it's okay.

It reminds me,

I did this live video,

I don't know,

A week or two ago and I had a plan.

I was thinking to talk about some awesome stuff.

And before I did that live video,

The same day,

Some things happened and my heart was just kind of crushed.

And I was just so not in the space to be doing a live video.

Like I didn't want to talk to anyone.

I didn't want to see anyone.

I just wanted to hide.

But I showed up to this video anyway,

Because I said I was going to do it.

And about five or ten minutes in,

I was like,

You know,

I can't do this right now.

I'm going through something and I'm just hurting too much.

And I can't give this attention because my mind is just somewhere else.

And then afterwards,

I got a few messages from people.

And for them,

That was the perfect teaching.

It was like,

Oh,

You're human too?

And that's okay?

And for me,

That's the message.

It's not that we can show up,

Whatever perfect means.

It's that we can show up just as we are and that's okay.

And the more we hide that,

The more violent we become.

The more we pretend,

The more lost we become.

So your struggle,

That too,

Is part of the light.

And inside of you and inside of everyone is this beautiful misunderstanding that we will just call a child who doesn't see very clearly right now.

And that's okay.

Reviews

Great insight 👍 gratitude

Loved this one ❤️ And I must say I love how your talks end with some heartfelt music. Always leaves me feeling even more in awe of the message 🙏

Beautiful ✨🙏 just what I needed to hear. Thank you

Your message and thinking magically arrived at a time when I am struggling with a family relationship dynamic. Initially I wanted to step in and sort it out. To deliver my wisdom and opinions (ha ha!) to two people struggling with their relationship and a newborn. It is painful to see. I don't like the disharmony and lack of peace that it causes me. I have been planning what I should do about it to put them on the "right" path. I listened to your words and I now wonder if I am approaching this all wrong. Should I feel what I feel but accept that this is what is happening. It is not my path to alter? Do I tend to my hurt and allow them to work it out knowing that they have my support if needed? Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this talk and I hope you have worked through what was troubling you. 🙏

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OMG!! What an absolutely beautiful talk/meditation. It brought me to tears!! And it really made me think and realise such a lot about my own thoughts abd always putting myself down and blaming myself. When all I need is a bit of self love!!
Thankyou so much 💓
And Namaste 🙏 my friend.
You have touched my heart ❤️

Dear Tiger, thank you for your clarity, and empathy. Grateful. Sending good wishes.

Sweet.

Thank you for your authenticity. You helped me realize that recently at times I feel guilty for not reaching out to people in my life. My conditioning has been to be loyal to my friends and family so I might receive love in return. (Similar to the helper, helping so love is received from the people helped). In the last few years I have been learning to love myself therefore I don’t really feel that need to constantly reach out to others for love validation. I find myself more and more give myself permission to spending time on my own, enjoying my solitude. It’s a new experience for me. Accepting what is without clinging to what I think I would prefer as an outcome, letting go, practicing being in the now. 4 noble truths!

Wauwwww, so clear and mind blowing .. Thank you again Tiger, just beautiful.
Hope you are doing good (now)? 🌸🫶🏽

We are perfectly imperfect. ☀️

Great lessons. Thank you!🧡

You always have the right words at the right time, Tiger which always clarify a perspective and allow movement forward. Again, thank you💗

Really lovely. From one human to another. May you be well. May be happy. May you find peace and contentment amidst the storms. ❤️

Thank you Tiger 🙏 it was a beautiful conversation .
It helped me a lot and conforted my heart

Always on point, Tiger

🙏🏼🩷🕊️ thank you

I’m with you now, was with you in that session & yeahhh, it’s all ok. Actually, it’s beautiful ♥️

this was the perfect message today. i’m in a twelve step meeting almost everyday and when im asked to share on days when my mind is unfocused or unclear i try to sound focused and clear. i hope to be more authentic and share exactly where im at even if it’s saying, im unfocused or unclear today. i appreciate your authenticity Tiger. much love 🧡🎃🖤🧡🎃🖤🧡🎃🖤🧡🎃🖤🧡🎃🖤🧡🎃

🙌