Why We Judge Others (And How To Stop)

Have you ever felt that the judgment you give to others is actually hurting you? This talk reveals a profound truth: the judgment we direct at others is a reflection of a deeper lack of love for ourselves. You'll learn the simple mechanism behind this cycle of self-inflicted pain and discover how a single, powerful shift in perspective can dissolve judgment, open the door to authentic compassion, and allow you to step into a life of genuine freedom.

Transcript

Whatever you give others,

You are literally giving to yourself.

You might hate somebody else,

But who's the one that's feeling the hate?

Who are you really giving it to?

The assumption is that you're giving that to somebody else.

Which is also like saying,

You might think you're withholding love from somebody else,

But where is the withholding of love felt?

At the core,

You're only seeking one thing.

And at the core,

You're only afraid of one thing.

And here's the beauty of it all.

The thing you're afraid of is impossible.

The absence of love.

Because life is love.

It's interwoven into everything.

So this fear that we have of love's absence is really just an innocent misunderstanding.

And this is the misunderstanding that we are clarifying on our human journey.

Which is also like saying,

We're on a human journey to see that there's nothing to be afraid of.

And the more you see that there's nothing to be afraid of,

Then the more you can allow love to flow.

Right?

Do you see this?

Like if your fear is the fear of love's absence,

And then you realize that that fear isn't really there,

Which means there is love to be shared.

There is love there.

This is the expansion of love,

The continuation of love,

The flow of love,

Which is only blocked by fear,

Which is blocked by an innocent misunderstanding that thinks there's something to be afraid of,

Which is also to say,

That thinks there's an appropriate reason for withholding love.

When really that reason is an innocent misunderstanding that does not see the big picture.

Just like in our illustration of the lightning and the storm,

You might assume that the lightning and the storm are ugly.

And you say,

Oh,

That's ugly.

I don't want to love that.

Or that scares me.

It's in the way.

It's not giving me what I want.

I want the sunshine.

Therefore,

It's not allowed to be what it is.

I withhold love.

But then you realize that everything is as it is only because of lightning and the storm.

And then you realize,

Oh my goodness,

I'm sorry.

I didn't see you.

I didn't see what you really were.

I didn't see how much you are an integral part of this whole thing.

You are this whole thing.

Do you see the nature of the misunderstanding?

I didn't see the bigger picture.

This is the nature of compassion,

Which is a flavor of love.

Right?

Just like with any human being,

If you have judgment towards them,

It's quite obvious that you don't see the bigger picture of them.

Right?

Like if you could see the totality of their existence,

The seen and the unseen,

There would be an immensity of compassion.

Right?

There would be an immensity of understanding that makes their experience make perfect sense.

And you see the gate that opens,

That allows love to flow.

And this isn't to make declarations of how compassion moves,

What it does or doesn't do.

But it very much does say that compassion shows itself.

And then however you do end up moving is quite different than moving from a place of judgment and fear.

And you know,

What's wild too here,

And this also comes back to the purpose of it all,

Is in recognizing that whatever you give others,

You are literally giving to yourself.

So to judge and condemn somebody else,

That's quite an ugly feeling.

Do you notice that?

And the assumption is that you're giving that to somebody else,

Like hate.

You might hate somebody else,

But who's the one that's feeling the hate?

Who are you really giving it to?

Which is also like saying,

You might think you're withholding love from somebody else,

But where is the withholding of love felt?

This is wild and profoundly true.

That whatever you give is what you receive.

And so if it seems like there is a lack of love,

We are giving a lack of love.

And again,

It's not to blame,

It's to point towards the mechanism of how this works.

It's to see that,

Oh,

There is an innocent misunderstanding that when you trace it back,

Points to how you see yourself.

Meaning,

If you see others with eyes that are not loving,

That's only made possible because you see yourself with unloving eyes.

Which is why it's such a beautiful reflection to find yourself seeing others with unloving eyes,

Because it's trying to get you to see how you see yourself with unloving eyes.

And you see,

The function of all of this,

And again,

I could just sit here for days and weeks and months and ramble on and on,

But the fundamental pointer that I'm alluding to is that you are rested within a landscape that we call life,

That is profoundly sacred and,

Let's just call it,

Consciously designed to hold space for your human journey,

Which is incredibly intentional with the purpose of supporting you in fully being yourself,

Which is only an extension of increasing the amount of love that you give to yourself,

Which,

By extension,

Is a love that flows out into the world.

This is the journey you're on.

This is the journey every human being is on.

And it looks different for different human beings.

And every human being is on the exact journey that is designed for them,

Regardless of any judgments or interpretations we might have about their journey.

Right?

Again,

You can look at the journey of a storm and think,

Oh,

Well,

It's not very enlightened,

It's making a bunch of noise.

No,

It's exactly where it's going.

It's exactly where it's supposed to be.

It's exactly on the journey that life has asked it to go on,

Which is in service to the whole.

Whether or not you can see it doesn't matter.

And this is the thing about not needing to see it because it's the truth of everything.

Right?

You don't have to understand someone's story to understand that they are already seen with loving eyes by life.

Do you see this?

Everything is already forgiven.

Everything is already worthy of compassion because it's already part of the bigger picture.

Which is why,

In one way,

You just need to see the bigger picture of life as a whole and not necessarily the bigger picture of the 10,

000 pieces.

Because when you see the bigger picture of the whole,

Then you see the bigger picture of everything.

Because everything is everything.

The tree is life.

The stars are life.

The storm is life.

My neighbor is life.

The barista is life.

Which,

In another way of speaking,

Using words,

It's also like saying,

From a religious context,

See the truth of God and you will see God in everyone's eyes that you look into.

It's just saying the same thing.

My goodness.

If anything,

Maybe this invites you to take a big deep breath.

A big,

Deep breath.

Because again,

So often what makes this human journey difficult,

And I'm speaking from personal experience as I'm participating in this human game with you,

Is that we forget the point of it all.

And we think it's about our plans.

We think it's about where we're going.

We think it's about being approved of by others.

There's 10,

000 things that we mistake as the purpose of life which keep us spinning in the mind and disconnected from the real point.

And that's why it's important to have moments like this where we take a breath and remember what's really true.

And more and more,

This simply becomes our devotion.

More and more,

We realize this is the most important thing,

To see the truth.

Because as you see it,

Then the truth moves through you.

Which,

Again,

In another way,

You can replace truth with love.

To see the reality of love,

And then to have that love flow through you.

It's the most important thing,

And it gets to flow through you in beautifully creative ways that are in alignment with the uniqueness of what you are as a human being.

Right?

Again,

The tree is a tree designed to be what it is,

And it fulfills a beautiful function that only a tree can.

You are you,

Designed as you are,

Which can only fulfill a beautiful function that only you can.

The question is,

Are you going to show up to that invitation?

The invitation to be yourself.

The invitation to honor the truth that's inside of you,

Which is to honor the truth of your heart.

And you don't have to.

But,

I just invite you to recognize the pain of not.

And in getting in touch with that pain,

You will see that the truth will set you free.

Hiding behind an adorable but imaginary fear,

It's time to show up.

Reviews

Refreshing, thanks for helping me step out of judgment today! We are here to be a small piece of of life itself. I am a miraculous piece of the whole as is each of us. Thanks for the big picture view!

Thank you, Tiger. Always brilliant talks 🙏❤️

another wonderful talk. it’s like a hug. when we give someone a hug we receive a hug. so whatever i want to receive, simply put that out into the world every day- love it ✨🌞🌹✨🌞🌹✨🌞🌹✨

Always fearful.
I give and I give and I give.
I only see the 10,000 pieces.
Heart opener.
I love you
Namaste