How To Best Serve Others?
Discover the power of seeing beyond fear and judgment, and embracing the beauty of human struggles as opportunities for deeper connection. Learn how putting yourself first in a playful and selfless way can naturally lead to serving others effortlessly. Dive into a guided meditation to release fear and experience the truth of your being.
Transcript
Are you seeing with a confused filter of fear that's distorting what you're seeing?
Or are you seeing clearly?
Are you seeing in a way that is in alignment with life?
Or are you seeing in a way that is insecure and afraid?
You might not get what you want in the future,
Which means you can't really listen to the moment.
You can't allow the moment to be the moment because you might not get what you want.
And if that's the case,
You're going to try and manipulate the moment,
Which includes manipulating other people in order to protect what you want in the future.
These misunderstandings must be clarified if we're going to have an opportunity to see beyond them.
The topic today,
How to best serve others.
I wonder how it is I came about this topic.
Totally forget what it was.
I just remember that it was really cool.
It was something to the effect of putting yourself first and realizing that it's playfully selfish to not put yourself first.
How to best serve others.
And my goodness,
I loved writing about this today because often when I write,
It just becomes so obvious,
So obvious where the confusion is,
So obvious what the innocent misunderstanding is.
And as we look behind and beyond the fear,
We recognize how easy it is,
How easy it is to serve,
How easy it is to appear to be helping.
What I'm ultimately unraveling is a discovery that is not trying to serve,
Not trying to help.
But yet there is a naturalness in your being,
Living a present moment life,
Doing you,
Or more accurately,
Allowing life to do you.
There is an unavoidable service that takes shape,
An unavoidable help that happens just by being you.
And for me,
This is the best service.
It's kind of like kindness.
Isn't the best kindness,
The kindness that's not trying to be kind?
Because the trying to be kind is kind of gross.
It can be really inauthentic.
It's like,
I want to appear to be kind.
So what would a kind person do?
Which is like saying,
It's not really kind.
I just want to look kind.
It reminds me of the comedy in trying to be authentic.
What would it look like for me to be authentic?
And then I'll try to be that.
We're missing the point here.
This is what I love about these qualities that we crave,
Whether it's kindness,
Whether it's authenticity,
Whether it's love,
Compassion,
Freedom,
Service.
The authenticity of these things are effortless.
And if we think they are things that you try to do,
Then we miss the truth of what they are.
These expressions,
These flavors of being arise naturally and effortlessly from seeing a deeper truth of life.
For example,
Love is what arises effortlessly when you see there is nothing to fear.
And the more you see the truth of life,
The more you see there's nothing to be afraid of.
And so the more you see the truth,
Love is a natural by-product.
It's not something you make happen.
It's not something you try.
It is the fundamental nature of reality.
Just like these other things that we crave that would be expressions of love.
They are already the foundation,
Like service,
Like compassion,
Like freedom.
Which is why throughout time,
The spiritual pointer in all the different traditions have some way or another said,
Let your priority be the truth.
Let your focus be on the truth.
And then everything else will be given to you.
Which,
You know,
When I was a teenager,
That irritated me.
It's like,
But there's things I want.
I can't let the truth be my focus.
Oh,
Silly tiger.
This brings me to the exploration of why.
I mean,
Imagine you ask this question.
How do I best serve this person in my life that I care about?
How do I best help this friend that's struggling?
How do I best help my partner in their difficulty?
And I'm always inspired to first ask the question,
Why?
Why do you even want to do that?
And then we get the classic story.
The story that's told that in some subtle ways tries to make yourself look good.
Tries to make yourself look like a caring human being.
And then the more we investigate that story,
In most cases,
It's really because I'm scared.
Scared in a number of ways.
I'm scared that if I can't help them,
They'll leave me.
I'm scared that if I can't help them,
They won't like me.
I'm scared if I can't help them,
I won't be able to hold on to them anymore.
I'm scared if I can't help them,
I won't be able to hold my illusion together of where it is I think I'm going in my life.
What it is I think this person is to me.
I want to help because I want to protect me.
Which is an interesting intention because then your help isn't really about the other person,
Even though we can tell a story that it is.
But in the wanting to help,
If there's emotional disturbance,
You can be confident that your help isn't as sincere as you would like to imagine.
On the topic of helping,
I think it's interesting to assume that I know what another person needs in their journey.
So in my helping,
I'm going to tell you what you should or shouldn't do because I think I know.
And as it relates to the real point of life,
Which is not reaching some future destination,
Some future image of myself,
But rather connecting more deeply with the truth of life.
I have no clue what roller coaster you're going on that is going to point you home.
So I don't know what you need.
And so in that,
From a deep place of sincerity,
I don't know how to help you in the way of controlling your experience or getting you to do this or that.
Sure,
There's things that might help,
But that's very different from an assumption that says,
I know because I don't,
Which is something to look out for.
There's a profound difference between what you think and what you know.
And if you confuse what you think for what you know,
You're setting yourself up for a little bit of a disaster because you'll find out that you don't really know.
And the more you think,
You know,
The more it's going to hurt when you find out you don't.
And so it might be more wise to just be radically honest with yourself about what you know and what you don't know.
What we're exploring here is not so much about what to do as it relates to serving or helping.
What we're pointing to is unraveling the confusion that's in the way of serving in a productive capacity.
As always,
This is coming back to how do you see?
Are you seeing with a confused filter of fear that's distorting what you're seeing?
Or are you seeing clearly?
Are you seeing in a way that is in alignment with life?
Or are you seeing in a way that is insecure and afraid you might not get what you want in the future,
Which means you can't really listen to the moment.
You can't allow the moment to be the moment because you might not get what you want.
And if that's the case,
You're going to try and manipulate the moment,
Which includes manipulating other people in order to protect what you want in the future.
These misunderstandings must be clarified if we're going to have an opportunity to see beyond them.
And why do we want to see beyond them?
So that more love can be seen.
We are holding space for more love to be seen.
And part of what happens in that space that's held is we be still and we ask ourselves,
But what's really happening?
We can see what we think is happening,
Which is what we imagine is happening,
The stories we're telling.
And yet beyond all the mind's noise,
Its projections,
Its fears,
There's a present moment experience that is untouched by your mental commentary.
Are you in touch with reality?
Or are you frantically running around trying to keep your story together?
The question is not,
What do I do?
The question is,
What do I see?
Do you see something missing in the other?
Or do you see their intrinsic wholeness?
We can go a lot of directions in that exploration,
But I invite you to investigate this in whatever way it makes sense for you right now,
In whatever example you can find right now and see the difference.
The difference in perceiving somebody as missing something,
Which is also like seeing them as in the way.
If only they had this or they had that,
Then they wouldn't disturb me.
If only they didn't have this struggle or that struggle,
Then I could relax.
So I'm seeing them as incomplete,
Which is to carry an undertone that says,
I would love you if.
I would love you more if you were this way.
So let me help you be this way.
Then I could see you as whole,
But there is a beautiful wholeness to be seen,
Which is also to say a love to be seen,
Even in the apparent chaos of our human experience.
The struggles that we go through,
The difficulties that we have,
Those things that we seem like need help are all opportunities for more love to be experienced in the one going through that experience.
Likewise,
Your experience of dealing with somebody else who's having a difficult time is also your experience for more love to be seen.
So it's not just their opportunity.
It's never their opportunity.
It's always your opportunity.
You can't know somebody else's opportunity.
You can only know your own direct experience,
Which is a beautiful opportunity to let go of them and allow them to have their experience and you focus on the real lesson for you,
Seeing more clearly,
Bringing healing to perception.
This is so beautiful to invite a relaxation of this grip that is so convinced that it should help someone.
This can become a heavy burden or expectation that you put on yourself that somehow blames yourself for somebody else's struggle.
Naturally,
This makes perfect sense given the conditioning we've had as human beings.
Playfully,
I would suggest it's a little bit arrogant to assume that it's up to you to help someone.
That's one way the mind likes to see itself as important.
The best help,
Though,
That I've found is in not what I say to people.
It's not what I do for people.
It's how I see people.
A great example of this is when I'm talking with a person one-on-one and they're sharing with me their struggle and their difficulty.
I don't see someone that's broken.
I don't see someone that's missing something.
What I see is an adorable human being that's temporarily confused.
What I see is a human being that for a moment isn't seeing how beautiful they are and isn't seeing how connected they are to all of life.
And so they're scared.
Also,
What I see is that there isn't really anything to be scared of,
So it's okay that they're scared.
It's not a problem.
It's an opportunity.
An opportunity to see that there's nothing to be afraid of.
And the best way for me to hold a space that invites them to see that is for me to see that because I'm not suggesting they have to see it.
I don't even know if it's time for them to see it.
Maybe they have to struggle a little bit more.
But what I can do is see it myself,
Which holds an open space that invites them into that space to see themselves more clearly.
And then naturally,
Just like now,
Being in that space,
Words get said,
Smiles get shared,
And that appears to help.
But really what's helping is the space that's held.
It's a space of non-judgment.
It's a space of unconditional love.
It's a space that doesn't need anything from you.
The space that doesn't want anything from you.
It's a space that just says,
I love you,
And I'm sorry if you're hurting.
And underneath that is an awareness that it's really okay,
Which means it's okay for you to cry.
It's okay for you to be confused.
It's okay for you to be scared.
What's incredibly beautiful about that,
This embrace of the totality of being human,
Is that it invites other people to accept their humanness.
Accept that it's okay to be scared.
It's okay to be confused.
Because often the great burden is the expectation that you shouldn't be scared,
Is the expectation that you shouldn't be confused.
Which is like saying you shouldn't be human.
You should match this character in your mind that's photoshopped,
That is untouched by the human experience in life and sees itself as some spiritual character.
Real service is an allowing of service to be service,
Rather than trying to serve.
Which is so often coming from a fearful place,
Which isn't contributing an energy of love.
It's contributing an energy of fear,
Which is interesting to explore.
So often we can run around the world trying to serve,
Trying to make it better,
Trying to fix things,
All the while we're just vomiting out an energy of judgment.
And that's our contribution.
But we also have this imaginary sense of self-importance that says I'm doing something.
I'm figuring out who all the enemies are,
And I'm the good guy.
But yet I have a heart full of fear and judgment,
And I'm not enjoying my life.
Is that helping the dynamic of being human by taking your life seriously in a stressful and anxious way?
Is that honoring life?
Is that contributing?
Is that in service?
Is not taking care of yourself helping the whole?
This is fascinating because from my perspective,
What the world needs as it relates to contribution,
Help and service,
What the world needs,
What life is asking for,
Life is asking for you to be you.
And there's a great illustration that I share often,
Which I think speaks to this perfectly.
The flower looks up at the tree and says,
My goodness,
You're so tall.
I wish I could be like you.
And the tree looks at the bird flying by and says,
Oh my goodness,
You fly so beautifully.
I wish I could fly like you.
And then the bird flies ahead,
Looks down at the flower and says,
Oh my goodness,
You're so beautiful.
I wish I could be like you.
All the while,
Each of them not seeing the miracle of what they already are,
Not seeing it's completely missed.
And we become wrapped up in an anxiety that wishes we were different,
Never having the opportunity to be the miracle of what we are.
And the flower,
The tree and the bird,
Without even trying,
Contribute to the whole of existence.
The flower completely unaware of its value,
Knowing how far its pollen is spread.
The tree unaware of the comfort it provides for the life around it,
As it's anxiously trying to get somewhere it's not.
And the bird anxious that it might not be enough as it compares itself with something else.
You see all of these elements in life,
In what's real,
Nothing's trying to help.
Nothing's trying to be at service.
These are fundamental qualities that happen beyond effort.
And even when there is the play of an act of help,
It's spontaneous,
It's effortless.
It's just what happens.
There's no second guessing.
There's just a movement.
In the same way that someone might call me and say,
Hey,
Do you have time to talk?
Do you have time to help me out?
And sometimes I say,
No,
I don't.
Because that's not what's happening right now.
I can be okay with that and not have the fear of,
Oh,
Well,
Maybe they won't like me because that's ridiculous.
There can still be,
I love you.
Maybe later,
Maybe not.
There's an intrinsic trust here in the same way that the flower trusts that life is doing what life needs to do for life to be life,
Right?
I'm not helping so that life becomes how I want it to be.
Thinking that I know how things should be.
I am releasing everything and letting it be what it is.
Trusting that life has made the perfect puzzle pieces in all things.
And if things would just be what they are,
The perfect puzzle piece they already are,
Then this thing would continue to fit together in the way that it already does.
You see the miracle,
It's already happening.
The gift is already given.
The prize already won.
The question is,
Do you see it?
The big misunderstanding about being human is the assumption of doing.
That you have to do something,
Which is about the future,
Right?
All doing is about some moment other than now.
I have to get there.
The assumption of doing implies that it's not yet given.
Implies I have to earn it,
Which proclaims I'm not worthy right now as I am.
And so this moment,
Reality becomes an obstacle rather than your friend,
Rather than the container that holds everything that you want.
What an innocent misunderstanding.
And it's a misunderstanding that has been conditioned into the human experience.
You see it everywhere.
This is the game society plays.
One of doing.
Living a life in the mind,
Chasing a fantasy that will never become a real something.
And we simply exhaust ourselves and create an enormous amount of suffering in the process.
All the while,
The real gift,
The real miracle,
The real prize is rested softly in your heart.
Waiting to be seen,
Waiting to be felt,
And then waiting to be shared with the world.
Okay,
Let's do some Q&R.
If you have a reflection,
I can speak to it,
Celebrate it.
All that good stuff.
And if there's none of that,
Then we'll hang out a little bit before we do the meditation in about 10 minutes.
Alan says,
There's something deeply healing in the unconditional validation of feelings you're providing,
Tiger.
Yeah,
That happens.
And that's the beautiful thing about unconditional validation in the way that you're saying that.
I'm assuming you're also meaning like acceptance.
It's such a great invitation to relax all of the resistance that says there's something about your human experience that's not lovable because it is all part of the playground that invites the deeper connection with what you crave.
And if you discard any part of yourself,
If you judge any part of yourself,
Then you can't complete the puzzle,
So to speak.
You can't allow all the pieces to be seen.
It's like if you judge something about yourself,
You're saying,
I don't want to see that,
Which is also like saying,
I don't want to see the truth of it,
Which is also like saying,
I don't want to see the love in it.
So I'm pushing away the love that I crave because I'm refusing to embrace that aspect of my humanness.
And we do that to other people only because we do it to ourselves.
And the more you go on that healing journey of healing the relationship with yourself,
Which is healing how you see yourself,
Then it becomes impossible to do that to other people.
Jenny asks,
Can you expand on there is nothing to be afraid of?
Yes,
It's one of my favorite topics,
But they're all my favorite topics.
So go figure.
This is so deeply and profoundly true,
Yet completely understandable that it's not seen that there really isn't anything real to be afraid of.
Now,
To preface,
There's a difference between fear and danger.
There are dangerous experiences that can threaten your life,
But danger doesn't imply fear.
In the presence of real danger without fear,
There's an alert presence that can deal with a circumstance with full attention.
However,
If there's fear,
That becomes rather difficult and we become chaotic and irrational.
There's an illustration that I use to point to this discovery that there's nothing real to be afraid of.
And I'm going to try and summarize it in just a minute or two or three.
The analogy is this.
Imagine that you were quote unquote afraid of the dark.
Say this is your experience.
And I want to ask you a question.
Are you afraid of the reality of the dark?
Or are you afraid of what you imagine while in the dark?
What are you afraid of?
What's real or what you imagine?
You see how easy it is to say that I'm afraid of the dark.
And so I blame the reality of the dark for my imaginary monsters when really the dark is innocent.
The dark did not put those imaginary monsters in you that you see when the lights out.
That's your own issue.
And if you blame the dark,
Or we can say if you blame the nighttime,
Then you withhold love from the nighttime because you think it's responsible for your misunderstanding or your imaginary monsters.
And it's not.
To see that the issue is not the nighttime forgives the nighttime realizes,
Oh my goodness,
You didn't make me afraid.
I was already afraid.
And I found out that I was afraid of my own imaginary monsters.
And so you can recognize in this that you're not afraid of reality.
You're afraid of what you imagine to be there or might be there.
You're afraid of your own imagination,
Mistaking it as reality.
And then you blame reality and withhold love from reality,
Which is pushing love away.
Just like with situations and circumstances we go through,
We think we're afraid of what's happening in life.
No,
You're afraid of your imagination about life.
Recognize this.
You're not afraid of anything that's real.
You're only afraid of the imagination.
This is the vital importance in being able to discern the difference between reality and what you imagine because all fear is in the imagination.
And when you recognize this,
You realize,
Oh my goodness,
I love life.
Bring me back to life,
Please.
Because there's nothing to be afraid of in life.
And this is again,
The spiritual pointer throughout time.
And it's amazing that we don't traditionally see this as human beings because it's so obvious,
But the pointer has been to wake up to life,
Wake up to see that there's nothing to be afraid of.
And what happens when you encounter the complete absence of fear?
You encounter an infinite supply of love,
Which is the foundation of reality.
That's what's real.
This is why love is pointed to as the foundation of life,
Because it's absent of fear and where there is nothing to fear.
There's only love.
Scott says,
How many,
How many constructs are in service of the ego,
But pretending to be something else?
That's fantastic,
Scott.
That's great.
How many constructs are in service of the ego,
But are pretending to be in,
In pretending to be something else?
Cynthia says,
Powerful word,
Pulling the veil back and seeing the little man that is really fearful that he would be seen.
He is needing love and release.
Beautifully said.
Alan asks,
Where's the line between the ego and the love?
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I'm going to say,
I'm going to say,
I'm going to say,
I'm going to say,
I'm going to say,
I'm going to say,
I'm going to say,
I'm going to say,
I'm going to say,
I'm going to say,
I'm going to say,
I'm going to say,
I'm going to say,
I'm going to say,
I'm going to say,
I'm going to say,
I'm going to say,
I'm going to say Connect with the reality of what is,
While surrendering our imagination about what is.
Let's end with three deep breaths that really invite us to taste this moment,
To feel it deeply.
Let's breathe.
Thank you for showing up.
Thank you for gifting yourself this moment.
Thank you for meditating with me today.
4.9 (36)
Recent Reviews
Melina🌸
December 28, 2025
♡ ¤☆ just love ☆¤♡
Jeff
February 22, 2025
Always love theses talks. Sometimes I need to go back and listen again if I am having trouble following an idea, but I always come back with more peace and presence.
Shelby
November 17, 2023
Oh.em.gee. this was for me! Loved this. My relationship has made it through many different chapters at this point that had recently left me especially confused. This helped me find clarity and confidence back within myself, my goals and the moment! Indeed, what a beautiful thing
Alice
October 6, 2023
wow!!! we were in the deep end of the spiritual/emotional pool today 🤩 this talk opened my mind that all this guilt i’ve been carrying is actually fear. I’ll listen to this at least one more time as there’s a lot to take in. thanks Tiger ❤️🥰🙏