How Do I Heal Relationship Conflict? - Meditate Now

Conflict arises through a misunderstanding of experience, through the assumption that somebody else has what you desire or crave. As we see more clearly that what WE desire and crave is already within us, we can release the other person and hold a space for conflict to transform into forgiveness and harmony.

Transcript

Welcome to the Meditate Now podcast.

We are going to hang out for a little bit,

Allow ourselves to come back to the present moment,

Connect with something that's more real and true,

And potentially if it's desired maybe discover a bit of guidance for yourself.

And whatever it is you might be journeying through.

The topic today,

How do I heal relationship conflict?

And the format of this as always is I want to share a few words and thoughts about this topic and then we will settle into a meditative space and take a guided journey to allow us to maybe heal some relationship conflict.

And I'm smiling because as I reflect on this topic I can look at my experience from the past couple days and I think,

Wow,

I could have some relationship conflict.

I'm not gonna go that far with it but I could see how,

Wow,

This could really be relationship conflict.

Where you think you are conflicted because of what somebody else is or is not doing.

Where you can feel like you are emotionally disturbed because of what somebody else is or is not doing.

And you know that's fine.

You're free and that's an option.

It is an option to see life in such a way that sees other people as having the power to disturb you emotionally.

To believe that my disturbance is caused by someone out there.

However,

We remain with a sense of powerlessness that then feels the other person must change,

Must do what we want,

Must stop doing what we want them to stop doing in order for us to be with peace and wellness.

And you know this is the funny thing about relational conflict because in the traditional way we can assume that healing relationship conflict means I get what I want.

If only I got what I wanted then there wouldn't be conflict.

And I just invite us to see that for a second.

That there's something in us,

In the human,

That believes that.

If there's relationship conflict you can recognize that aspect of yourself that believes if only the person wasn't how they are then I wouldn't have this conflict.

Then I wouldn't feel twisted.

Then I wouldn't feel as I feel.

And so the assumption is that in order for this to be healed the person over there needs to do what I want them to do.

But that's not really healing.

And so very briefly let's just acknowledge real healing and we can at least recognize that it's a return to wholeness.

It's a return to the recognition that what I am is complete.

I'm not missing anything and all is well.

Right?

Healing.

A return to wholeness.

Not healing.

I got what I wanted.

And this is important to see because if you really want to connect with healing especially as it relates to relationship conflict it's important to see that it has nothing to do with getting what you want from the other person.

And so maybe we can just start there and as we enter this meditation we can enter in with a bit of openness that recognizing,

Oh okay well if I'm gonna invite some sort of healing for this conflict am I open to letting go of what I think I want from the other person?

And I'll tell you what if there's conflict you want something from the other person.

And so just bring some awareness to that.

The possibility of openness that says okay well I might not get what I want and maybe that's okay.

And if it doesn't seem like it's okay then investigate that determination that really believes you can't be whole and complete unless somebody else does what you want them to do.

And look at how that just proclaims yourself as powerless unless somebody else does something that you have no control over.

Which of course is why we get violent in a way that tries to get control over their experience.

But okay let's dive into this meditation and see where it takes us.

Here we go.

Just allow yourself to be here with me.

Invite a relaxation and just bring everything that you are into this moment.

We're gonna create some space on the inside to allow ourselves to feel more open.

And so we take a few slow moments.

Just allow ourselves to get settled.

Here we are right now.

In the spirit of inviting healing for relationship conflict we can recognize whatever conflict it is whatever conflict is there that we want to bring healing to.

But at the same time let's hold it gently as if we can stand next to it and observe it with some curiosity.

And before we look at that can we just check in with our heart for a second?

Before we go running around trying to fix something or change something in the world or in our lives let's just be with ourselves for a moment.

If you're experiencing relationship conflict can we take a moment and acknowledge the conflict that might be in our own heart.

It's almost like asking why is this conflict even conflict?

What's going on inside of you?

Something you might say I'm I'm worried,

I'm afraid,

I'm angry,

And on and on and on and on.

And you know whatever it is that might come up I invite you to recognize a sincerity that just sees that you're scared.

And in that fear we want so badly to not be afraid and we think if only they would do this or they would do that then I wouldn't have to be afraid anymore.

It's important to acknowledge this fear behind all conflict.

It's important because that's what it is it's the truth.

In order for me to have conflict with another human being I have to first be scared and that usually is a fear of not getting what I think I want and then I think if I don't get that then there's some sort of impending doom for what I am.

I invite you to recognize that whatever it is you're afraid of being without can you connect with an okayness in this moment?

And see this for a moment.

The mind can imagine so many disasters,

So many future moments to be afraid of.

And in this imagination we become scared and then we start frantically doing what we can to avoid those future scary moments.

And in that fear we start demanding things from other people.

Haven't you been in this situation before?

Perceivably not getting what you wanted from somebody else only to find out that actually you're okay.

Only to find out that the mind turned it into something that it's not.

Meditation is an invitation to just come back to this moment and see that actually you're okay.

Sure things might not be going how you thought they were going to go.

Welcome to life and that's okay.

But here you are.

You made it to this moment.

Here's something that's really,

Really,

Really important as it relates to harmonious relationships.

And I'll point to this in the best way that I can in these short moments together.

But we can see in some fundamental way that the issue is a fearful issue.

And what I invite you to see is that you're not afraid of anything in life.

You're not afraid of what other people are doing or not doing.

You're afraid of the mind's imagination.

Mostly about what you think it means about you.

To not get this or to not get that,

The mind says it means you're less than.

It means you're unlovable.

It means you're not enough.

This is what we fear.

We fear the imagination.

If you can see that,

If you can really see that,

Do you see how also in our relationship conflict we tend to blame the other person for our fear,

For our imagination.

And then we want them to not be them,

But to be what we want them to be so that we can resolve our own dilemma of fear.

Do you see that this is where the conflict comes from?

It looks like an external conflict,

But really it's an inner conflict.

To feel separate from your own wholeness inside yourself and then wanting somebody else to fix it by not being them.

And then maybe at times it looks like they fix it,

But then you find out it didn't.

And then we play the conflict game all over again.

Can you recognize that openness,

That releases a blame that says it's their fault that you're afraid?

And it's not wrong to be afraid.

However,

If you blame that fear on somebody else,

Then you can't actually address it within your own authority.

And this is real healing.

Returning to the wholeness that you already are.

The remedy to your fear is already within you.

But in order to really connect with this,

We're invited to forgive that which we are blaming.

And as you bring some loving attention and awareness to this fear,

Coming back to the present moment,

Seeing that you're not fearing anything real,

You can relax a little bit and maybe realize that you don't need from them what you think you need from them.

Or it's not nearly as important as the mind is making it out to be.

Or if there is something that you genuinely need,

Maybe it's not to come through them.

Maybe it's coming from somewhere else.

This invites a great trust,

Which is not a trust in what you think you want.

It's not even a trust in other people.

It's a trust in the truth of what you are,

Beyond all the mind's noise.

A trust that whether this works out or not,

Whether they do this or don't do that,

What you are remains whole and complete.

And this invites such a profound space of openness in your communication with them.

It reduces an enormous amount of intensity.

It removes the energy of blame,

Which often only fuels the conflict.

And in this you can simply release the other person to be the other person and go on their journey while you sharing your concern or your desire,

But also knowing that fundamentally you don't really need what they have.

You see,

My friend,

Healing in every case,

It's about seeing more of what's true.

And so often in our human experience,

We think healing is about what we get and about what we do.

And so we exhaust ourselves trying to heal something when really the invitation is to be still and see that maybe it's already done and you just don't see it yet.

So breathe,

Dear one.

Breathe.

Come back to reality.

See that in this moment you're whole incomplete and nobody can take that from you.

Thanks for meditating with me today.

You

Reviews

Beautiful, eye opening meditation. I loved the slow pace, the long silences, and the fact that there was no background music. There was so much space for the wisdom to sink in. Thank you Tiger 🙏🏻

Absolutely amazing meditation. Exactly what I needed given some conflict I’ve been navigating as I am getting to know someone new.

Absolutely amazing. I put it on repeat and fell asleep. Woke up and listened to it again. I’m learning so much from this and am very grateful.

Truly magnificent and refreshing approach to a topic that we all can benefit from, real introspection and taking down the barriers that keep us focused on the ilusión, like a bad dream we need to wake up from. Namaste 🙏🏽

Knowing now, on what is my seventh year on this path, that my answers lie within my own awareness, has led to needing the personal space to put my practice first. There are those in my life who feel left out and resentful. They want me the way I was. Due to poor early programming stemming from fear which developed as a survival skill, I recognize how ego and finger pointing etc can wreak havoc. One can even struggle with being baited to play what now seems such a uselessness game. I need this on repeat for a bit to penatrate my thick head. Thank you. The struggle is real. Welcome to life.
🙏🏽😊

A very long term issue with my son now makes sense as I acknowledge my fear. Thank you for the important insight. What a gift.

Whew… you really blew it out of the water with this one Tiger! I felt the deep impact of my common feeling of wanting to blame another for conflict in a relationship, when only to learn that is giving my power away wholeheartedly instead of taking the journey within to discover the true fear I hold to recon with of not being whole and not feeling I am enough. This 27 minute journey has been quite enlightening and truthfully an honest exploration for me. I thank you for your deep words that have been such a heart opening for me to see the truth within!
Peace to you and all others on this journey to discovery within.

One of my go-to tools when I think I am in conflict with something outside myself 🙏🏽

Just what I needed and didn’t realize it!! Thank you 🙏🏼 for helping me ground into myself and my own safety and security. This was powerful for me!! Namaste 🙏🏼

beautifully guided and very helpful reflection. Thanks Tiger!

wow…so timely … my husband and I are going to celebrate our 40th wedding anniversary this next Sunday … had a huge conflict yesterday which is why i was drawn to this meditation… just what i needed to hear … easier to point the finger at the other … thank you for this gentle reminder to look at myself…❣️❣️❣️

Well, dang, so much easier to blame others 😉Thank you Tiger, as always for gently opening the door to let the light in and bring truth = FREEDOM. Hugs 💜

Profoundly healing. The truth is inside. I keep looking out there, and the healing is in me. Thank you so much for this. All of Tiger’s meditations are helping in my growth 💜

Thank you, a very good one, needed to hear this 🙏🌿

Thank you. Just what I needed to recognize in this very moment 🙏🏽🧘🏽‍♀️💙