Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?
And we all know that person and sometimes we are rested in our self-righteousness but something inside feels poisoned.
And really what we're holding on to is a self-image.
It's not so much we want to be right,
We want to be perceived as right.
Which is to say we don't want to see ourselves as wrong.
There's been so many examples of that in my life.
Whether that's holding on to a resentment,
Withholding love,
All because the image of myself was being threatened to the point where I might not be perceived how I want to be perceived.
And do you see this holding on to an image?
This image is the unreal.
This image is the falsehood because it's not really who you are.
It's like the little boy who won't surrender to what is authentic because he sees it as too embarrassing to be seen as out of control or unstable or whatever.
And you know in this human play,
Sure it's nice to feel safe.
And that certainly has its place.
But what I also see is that it's futile.
It's not sustainable.
And I also see that it's not the true safety that I crave.
It's like a synthetic form.
You know what it's like being famous or a bunch of people saying that they love you?
It can be nice for a little while but then at some point it just becomes empty.
It doesn't really touch the core or the truth of what you are.
And then there's maybe a more authentic or real version that hits closer to home and genuinely feels supportive.
And all of that I think is still pointing to something deeper.
You know,
Whether it's a million people who say they love you,
That can be a little empty.
And then it's your friends that say they love you,
A little bit less empty.
Your family,
Your partner.
But I assume you've had the experience where at some point even that doesn't get you there.
There's still something deeper.
It's kind of like trust.
And the concept of trust is one that I find a little bit hilarious.
Not to say it should be or shouldn't be,
But from what I see as human beings,
We say to others that I will trust you if you do what I think you should do.
I will trust you if the way that you move doesn't expose my insecurities.
I will trust you if you don't do anything that scares me.
If you don't threaten what I'm holding on to in the future.
It seems rather conditional and reminiscent of I will love you if.
