Ego + Attachment = Big Problems

Tiger shares insight on intricate dynamics of the ego and attachment, shedding light on how they contribute to many of our life's challenges. Discover the wisdom and insights shared, and learn how to embrace stillness and compassion in the face of ego-driven fears. Join us on this journey of self-discovery and understanding.

Transcript

You know,

The more understanding I have about things,

The natural consequence of this is compassion.

When I say understand,

It's when I see the bigger picture and pieces start to fit together.

I've been writing this very short book called How the Ego Ruins Your Life,

And as I was exploring the concept of ego,

I found so much beauty in the ego.

Because with the experience of ego comes this richness of experience,

And it's impossible to not have one.

I love breaking these things down to their most simple form,

But for me the way I interpret this something called the ego,

Very very simply,

Is the idea I have about myself.

Who I think I am.

And it's so fascinating to see that that's there,

And to also see that it's not there at the same time.

Meaning that I can step into a moment of stillness and just allow the mind to quiet,

And that character disappears.

And yet as I go about my life without even realizing it,

My mind is captured by this something called an ego,

Which means in some way or another I'm constantly thinking about who I think I am.

And diving into that further,

When I look at the big problem of life,

The mechanism that creates the problem is always this fear associated with my ego,

That is afraid it's not enough.

Which is so wild when it's not a real something,

When it's imagined.

And furthermore,

To talk with all the people I talk to and find out that we all have the same fear in some way or another,

Isn't that fascinating that there's this inner narrative that fear is not being enough,

And yet that something that is afraid of not being enough isn't a real something.

You know what that tells me?

In some way,

There isn't a solution to be enough.

Because it's like,

If I see that the ego is imaginary,

And it's afraid of not being enough,

The solution would be to imagine that I am enough,

And that's still imaginary.

It's like,

Maybe it's a little helpful,

But it's like,

Wait,

It's still not real.

And yet,

On a completely different level,

Maybe we can just say a beautifully human level,

When I stop trying to be enough,

Not so much that I give up,

But when I don't,

Let's say,

Busy myself in trying to fix it,

It seems like it's much easier to just take a deep breath,

And be,

And then do whatever needs to be done,

If I'm able to.

Because what I see that's intertwined with this dilemma,

Is the play of attachment.

Isn't it wild?

I mean,

Look at this,

The play of attachment is a form of identification with something,

Where the thing you're observing,

You are using to tell you who you are.

You get your identity from that thing.

And one of the great examples of this is,

You go out and you buy a brand new flashy car,

And you think it means that you're cool.

You think it means you're a success.

And then if somebody comes along and scratches that car,

It feels like you got scratched.

It feels like something happened to you.

And for some people,

That's really silly.

And for other people,

It hits home.

They know experiences like that.

But yet,

It's wild,

Because it's so obvious that you're not the car.

It's so obvious that when the car gets scratched,

Nothing actually happens to you.

Look at the playful consequence of attaching to that,

In your subsequent response.

Everything from irritation to,

I want to kill the person that scratched my car.

Because it feels deeply personal.

We can attach ourselves with our work.

We can attach ourselves to what people say or what they don't say.

We can attach ourselves to what we think is going on in the world.

And all the while,

The realness of you in this moment remains untouched.

And furthermore,

To continue the trip down fascination,

We can say you attach to a car,

But really you're attaching to your thoughts about the car.

Do you see this?

That you don't really attach yourself to the thing out there.

You attach yourself to a thought about the thing out there.

And that thought reflects a meaning about yourself.

So it's not even that we're attached to a thousand things in the world.

This is all just happening in the mind.

Again,

Be still.

Right?

You can see that if you think it's all out there,

You have to run around.

But no,

It's just all right here.

And even though I can see that,

I'm gonna fall right back into it.

It's like it's unavoidable.

And for me,

That's beautiful.

But yet,

The more I see it,

And the more I'm willing to acknowledge the truth of it,

It's like it softens a little bit any reaction within me.

Because also what I notice in this revelation is that my attachment that causes internal pain isn't the fault of the person who scratches the car or the car itself.

It's like,

Oh wow,

This is my misunderstanding.

And for me,

That's just wild.

Because how often do we go through our adorable lives and there's this automatic assumption that we are disturbed by the thing or the someone,

And yet underneath there's this mechanism of identification with thinking,

That saying what we are is touched by what someone says or does.

And naturally,

The mind takes it to the extreme and says,

Well,

What if someone punches me?

And then we can talk about attachment to the body.

But again,

This isn't like a you should or you should not.

I mean,

Good luck trying not to be attached to the body.

It's all fine.

It just gently pushes aside the veil for a second.

I mean,

How often do we look in the mirror and have negative thoughts about ourselves and then think those thoughts are really about us.

And then we take such an ugly feeling and we project it onto something as sacred as the body and then blame the body for the thoughts we're having.

That's wild.

And to see that there's nothing really to blame in that,

In the most humble way,

I just get confused,

Is such a gift.

I can imagine in that sort of inquiry,

The human being is often left with this sense of,

Okay,

But now what?

But what do I do?

What about my work?

What about my responsibilities?

And you know,

At least right now,

I don't think there's an answer to that.

I don't think that's the point.

I think the point is just see it,

Acknowledge it,

Bow down maybe and say thank you,

Continue on.

Because,

You know,

Again,

As it relates to the sincerity of what I might crave,

Ultimately being some flavor of internal experience,

The only thing I see that being disrupted by is my inner misunderstanding.

The ego is so convinced that the thing that you want is for something out there to be different so that you can have that internal feeling.

The ego says,

If only everyone would do what I think they should do,

Then I could relax.

Which is wildly somehow a completely backwards way of going about it.

You see this,

The ego wants to control,

Which is to restrict freedom from others.

And the truth of life wants to let go.

And you can see that path of trying to control simply doesn't work.

It's a very temporary solution.

It's also like the ego thinks it needs to know in order to calm down.

And the truth of life embraces the unknown.

The ego is always on this quest to do the impossible.

And then when we exhaust ourselves,

When we see that it's not working,

That's when we come home and find a bit of stillness and just surrender everything,

If only for a moment.

Reviews

All the things I needed to hear today. Thank you.

Excellent! Thank you!

❤️

I so wish I could sit and chat with you. I appreciate your way of viewing so much in life. I’m in awe! 🙏🏼

I am very thankful to finding you, Tiger. This "not-enough-ness", and the mystery of self acceptance, self-love and letting go embody my challenges. Isn't that ironic? 😅

Thank you for enlightening me to see my attachments to ego. Awareness helps me see where I could let go. 🙏🕊️

this talk really spoke to me. please continue or expand the conversation around this. in the sense of, how do i simply be me (as im one of those people that over analyzes everything 🤪).
you said something like, the ego attaches to the thought (about the thing and i would add, the person). in alanon we talk about detaching A LOT. im always trying to detach from a person or a situation about that person. you helped me realize all i need to do is detach from the thought im having about that person or situation. thanks Tiger 😊🩷🌹😊🩷🌹😊🩷🌹😊🩷