In so many instances with dealing with difficult people,
We're taking something personally that's not really personal.
And it's creating a world that's not a real world at all.
It's creating a difficult person that maybe isn't difficult at all.
Let me just draw it out as an illustration and I hope you see the principle in it which can be applied to all situations.
When my wife takes her a few days a month being crazy,
In the most beautiful way,
There's a freedom to let her have her experience.
And not interpret it in such a way.
That says she's in my way.
That says how I respond is because of her.
That says it should be different.
Any of that.
Just a complete release.
To let her have her experience.
Even if.
.
.
In appearances,
She's being unkind to me.
If she's giving me attitude.
I can still let her have her experience and here's why.
Here's why.
And this is the mirror of relationships.
And the fundamental conclusion here is it's not personal.
And this is what makes dealing with other people so damn difficult,
Is we are determined to take everything personally.
And it's not personal at all.
And you can see maybe the mechanism here where if I'm taking it personally.
That is a perspective to have.
That is a way of perceiving.
Meaning something is happening And I am saying,
This is about me.
Furthermore,
I'm saying this is about my worth and value.
This is about how loved I am or not.
Now can you see?
That beyond your interpretation,
It doesn't really mean that.
Fundamentally.
If my wife is having her experience and having a moment.
I mean,
My goodness,
There's so many things happening within her.
That are her own journey.
How silly is it of me,
When her hormones are going crazy,
That I take personally anything coming out of her mouth?
Or anything that she does.
Like how silly is that?
Like it's fundamentally not about me at all.
And so to see that.
.
.
And maybe there's an important caveat here.
Because I see that it's not personal,
It doesn't mean that I push her away.
It means I can actually hold space for her.
If I push her away,
Then it's like I'm taking it personally.
And again,
If that's happening,
It's fine.
But look at the dynamics.
There's a beauty in being able to hold space and let other people have their experience and not need to take it personally.
And this is a playful test for you.
And again,
It's not a test to see if you need to judge yourself.
It's a test to be fascinated by the mechanism.
Which is to watch yourself encounter what appears to be difficult relationships and ask yourself,
What am I taking personally?
In what way am I overlaying a meaning that says this is about me?
Now if your me is wrapped up into a bunch of future outcomes,
Meaning in order for you to be whole and complete the future needs to look a certain way,
Then you will perceive other people as being in your way of getting to that outcome so you can be whole and complete.
And so you will perceive them in a way that takes it personally,
That says they're in your way.
But if you see the truth of what you are and you see that you're perfectly whole and complete,
It's quite literally impossible for anyone to be in your way.
And so do you see this?
In so many instances with dealing with difficult people,
We're taking something personally that's not really personal,
And it's creating a world that's not a real world at all.
It's creating a difficult person that maybe isn't difficult.
At all.
They're just being perceived that way.
And I see this happen all the time.
Whether it's in an intimate relationship.
Whether it's with family members,
And again,
Family members.
We intensely take personally because we attach our identity to those other people.
And so there's a higher intensity of taking it personally,
But the principle remains the same.
Meaning we are still the one who is taking it personally.
I see this in parent-child dynamics all the time.
Where the way that the child behaves.
The parent takes it personally and says this means I am either a good or bad parent.
And so they.
.
.
Reject the sincerity of the child because it gets in their way of their own idea of themselves.
Rather than simply holding space for the child's experience.
And you see how,
I know we're talking about relationships,
But it extends to everything that you are in relationship with.
For example,
Your relationship with money.
You can look at what money is or what it does.
And you can take it personally.
Whereas,
If the bank account says this,
Then it means this about me.
It doesn't mean that.
Or you can look at the concept of money and have problems with it.
And project a meaning on it as it relates to you.
And it doesn't really mean that.
So do you see this,
That.
.
.
In all of these things that we have relationships with,
They are full-on a mirror that shows you how you perceive yourself.
And in many ways,
It shows you what you are worshipping in the world.
It shows you what you are tying your worth and value to.
Now,
Through a religious framework.
And again,
I'm using silly words to illustrate a point.
Through a religious framework,
What this is kind of like saying is that your worth and value comes from God.
And The world is the devil's playground.
Put it that way.
Furthermore,
It's to say that.
What you attach yourself to.
To in the world.
Is really to attach yourself to images in the mind.
Like this for example,
You don't attach yourself to other people per se,
You attach yourself to your idea of that person.
So,
You're attaching yourself to an image.
You're attaching yourself to something in the mind.
And what is in the mind is not real.
It's imagination.
We are worshiping the unreal and it creates all sorts of issues because what we're really looking for is the real.
It disconnects you from what you really crave.
And so the invitation.
Is to effectively,
See what's true and worship what's true.
Where your whole orientation in this life.
Is an orientation that is in service to what is true?
Which is another way of saying to be open to see what is true and letting go the protection of images.
Which is to let go of the worshipping of images.
Which is to let go of your belief in images.
Which is the same as not taking everything so personally.
In a manner of speaking.
