Be Radically Selfish — But In The Right Way

A heart-based reflection for those caught between their true selves and everyone else's expectations.

In this session, you'll feel invited to reclaim your time, release people‑pleasing, and rediscover what deeply matters to you. Real love offers freedom—not guilt. Consider this a gentle permission slip to stop managing others' lives and start honoring your own.

Please note: This track may include some explicit language.

Transcript

The Deep Divers Group.

A conscious and devotional decision that says I am going to show up on a regular basis and get super honest with myself while at the same time being open to fall madly in love with the whole damn thing.

Okay,

Let's do that.

In one way,

There's such an obvious invitation that sees I can't do it all.

There's all these people in your life that might be begging for your attention,

But yet you also have your life.

And in your life,

You can't do everyone's life.

And we all know people and probably parts of ourselves that wants to do everyone else's life because we don't want to disappoint them,

Because we don't want them to judge us,

Because we want them to see us a certain way.

And so we sacrifice our own life to protect how other people see us,

Which is adorably insane because then we don't ever live.

And it creates a magnificent turmoil on the inside where we feel like we're going to freak out,

Like,

I can't do this.

That's where you kind of stand up and say,

Shit,

I need to live my life,

Which means I need to let everyone else go.

And you decide for yourself what is important,

What is the priority?

Like in the nuclear family setting,

It doesn't matter how many kids are in the neighborhood.

You say,

These kids in my house are the priority.

And even with having a vision or building a business,

You have this human life where there's 10,

000 things and you realize this business thing isn't going to happen unless it's a priority.

And maybe it's a silly analogy,

But for me anyway,

It's very relevant.

Like when I think about all the things that I might want to do in my life,

And let's say on the weekends,

I can't have all of that if I also want to pursue this higher calling that I have.

Like I have to decide that I'm not going to do these other things.

Case in point,

Another example,

It's a priority for me to the best degree that I can take care of my physicality in the way of what I put in my body and movement and lifting heavy things.

And so when somebody invites me to go to a restaurant on the weekend,

Yeah,

It sounds like fun,

But sorry,

No,

It interrupts my priority.

And they can think,

Oh,

He just doesn't want to hang out with me.

Whatever you have to choose.

And just like being healthy,

There's a degree of consistency and long-term focus where it's like,

This is going to take a while.

And building a business is no different at all,

Where you do consistent things that make a incremental improvement over a long period of time.

And I am such the classic person that would start going to the gym for a week and be like,

Why hasn't this worked yet?

And so I think it's a beautiful exploration to get really clear about what's important for you.

Look at these different areas of your life.

And you might find there's a list of 10 things and realize I cannot fit all of this in.

Then you got to make some tough decisions.

And what gets in the way of those decisions,

Adorably,

Are all these little fears related to what other people are going to think.

And the best remedy to that,

Or the medicine,

As far as I'm concerned,

Is to tell people,

Look,

I love you,

But I can't do this and I can't do that.

Here's what I can do.

Maybe,

Sometimes.

As we probably all know,

There are so many people in the world,

Let's just say it,

That are not awake to this.

And so when you speak in,

Let's call it an awake way,

They don't understand what the fuck you're talking about.

And they get even more irritated.

But the core of it,

Which is the salvation for the one who is awake is,

Am I honoring what is deeply sincere for me?

Am I moving in what's true?

Am I speaking honestly?

If I'm doing those things,

Other people's opinion of it is irrelevant.

And you release them to their journey,

Which is to be irritated if they're irritated,

To throw a fit if they throw a fit.

And you say,

Gosh,

I'm so sorry you don't understand,

But I love you.

And you know what they're going to say?

Classically,

If you loved me,

Then you would.

Because they think love is conditional.

Like most of the world.

There is an upside down view of love.

If you love me,

You would be my prisoner.

This is what we were taught growing up.

I'll love you if.

Real love is letting the truth be the truth.

Letting what is sincere,

Be what's sincere,

A freedom for the heart to be what it is.

And this is also what we are extending to others,

The freedom for them to not get it.

A freedom for them to wrestle with their own demons or their insecurities.

Just like we have had to do.

Also realizing that we didn't grow until we took radical responsibility for our own experience and stopped relying on somebody else to save us.

And that was hard.

And so naturally,

Sometimes the absolute best help we can give others is what looks like no help.

We do the best that we can.

We do what we can honestly do.

And they will either see the help in that or they will see it as no help.

Fine.

Right?

It's like somebody asks you for a thousand dollars and you can say,

Here's a hundred.

And in their mind,

They're thinking you're not helping me,

But I'm giving you a hundred dollars.

And see,

It's up to them if they're going to be grateful or not.

And if you have no money to give,

Let me give you some encouragement.

You see,

It's always enough.

And it's really enough when we are,

Let's say,

Honest with ourselves about what we can truly give or not.

I love that space of giving people back to themselves.

And this is something you're also going to have to come to terms with in creating or building a space or a business where you are holding space for others because the same game is going to play out,

Which is I'm loving on you.

Therefore you should give me something in return rather than doing what you do to the best of your ability and releasing everyone else.

In the play of things,

And in the most sacred and beautiful way,

Everyone is inherently selfish.

Meaning there is no reality where people authentically do things for other people.

Where we say,

I like to take care of others because it feels good.

Okay.

Who feels good?

You do.

You want to feel good.

It's important to take care of others.

To who?

To you.

And in the upside down world,

The world will call you selfish.

And for me,

What is selfishness really in the,

Let's just say negative context,

It's demanding that other people not be themselves so that you can avoid what you're afraid of.

You're withholding freedom from others because you're scared.

That's selfish.

Which is so interesting because,

And I've said this many times,

But it's a great illustration.

The one that runs around calling other people selfish is the one that's saying,

You should be thinking about me.

You shouldn't be doing what you're doing.

You should be thinking about me.

Who's being selfish?

Hilarious.

So there's a beautiful play of selfishness where we own up to it.

Yeah.

I am living for the sincerity of my heart.

Absolutely.

100%.

And much of that sincerity of my heart is that I love you and I want you to do well.

And I want to support you.

So in appearances,

It looks like I'm serving you,

But it's for me because that's what's important.

And so flipping this upside down or right side up in a way creates a playful landscape to get radically selfish in the most beautiful way.

This is your life.

This is your opportunity.

What do you want to do?

How do you want to play?

What adventure do you want to go on?

You can say,

I want to go on the adventure of being a wife,

A mom,

A business owner that adds value to other people's lives,

Sharing things that I think are beautiful.

And I know that those things are going to be hard because that's what an adventure is.

You see,

This is the in-breath where we look inward and see things more clearly.

This is the spiritual inquiry.

And then the out-breath is the application in the physicality of our lives,

Which is a different battle to fight.

You see,

They're both a little bit difficult at times,

The in-breath and the out-breath.

But you see,

Let's just recognize,

What do we see on the in-breath?

In one way,

We see,

Holy shit,

I'm free.

Holy shit,

It's true.

It's real.

All my fears are imaginary.

I'm supported.

I'm loved.

I'm connected to it all.

And that's the spiritual truth.

That's what you really are.

And then in the out-breath,

You say,

This is a different world.

There's so much to fear.

And you see the merging between the two.

It's like,

Oh,

I see this deep discovery that there's nothing to fear.

And I see how in my practical human life,

I don't really live because I think there's a lot of things to fear.

And so I am here to bring the light of the in-breath into the out-breath.

Which in a direct way is to run toward the things I fear.

And that might be,

Case in point with what we're talking about,

Telling other people,

I cannot save you because I'm afraid of how they're going to respond.

I cannot live your life for you.

I can help where I can help,

But I cannot do it for you.

Or you tell your friends,

No,

I can't do all these things with you because there's something else that's asking for my heartfelt attention.

Right?

All these things we're afraid of that you thought you couldn't do before because it was too scary.

You see,

You take the in-breath.

You see,

There's nothing to be afraid of.

Then you go outward like,

Oh,

But I'm afraid of this.

Okay.

Let's go look at it.

Right?

Let's go run towards it.

And then what do you find out?

Oh,

I can do it.

It's not nearly as scary as I thought it was.

That's the integration that is allowing the deep spiritual insight to be made manifest in your life.

That's what our whole human experience is about on this earth as a playground for the light to shine.

And it's hard.

But the more you see that all of this is happening,

And I'm willing to bet that you sense this in some degree that you totally understand that it's hard and it's supposed to be hard and it's worthwhile.

It's an adventure.

Why do you go to an adventure park?

To not be scared?

No,

Because you want an adventure and you know,

It's going to be a little bit scary.

Do you see that this life earth is an adventure park for the soul?

A temporary adventure park.

It's the most bad-ass simulation out there where it really looks like there's things to be afraid of.

But what you see when you look deeply at what's real,

Wow,

It's all imaginary.

And in that is a safety to go play.

But in order to go play,

You have to be profoundly clear about the kind of play you're going to engage in.

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