Opening To The Unknown

In this lecture and practice, we explore the importance of liminal spaces - the space of transition, when one aspect of life has ended and the next has not yet begun. Transitions can be challenging because in every transition we are faced with the unknown. When in the midst of transition, we do not know what our lives will be like after the transition is over. And yet such times of uncertainty are incredible opportunities to know ourselves more deeply, and to grow.

20min talk, 20min meditation.

Transcript

Today I want to talk a bit about liminality and pivots.

So right now we are living in very pivotal times in the world.

It's a time of transition and this is sometimes referred to as a liminal space.

Liminality means the space in the midst of a transition when it's no longer what it was and it hasn't yet moved into what it's going to become.

So this term is sometimes used for rites of passage.

You know as we go through life and there's a rite of passage in whatever culture and however you might define that with any rite of passage what defines it is that it's a complete change in some aspect of who we are,

Of our self-identity,

Of how others relate to us or of how we relate to the world.

And so in a rite of passage there's that space,

The liminal space between where the person is no longer who they were or how they identified themselves but they haven't yet stepped into who they're going to be.

And so this can apply to individuals,

It can apply to experiences,

To things that happen in the world,

And it can apply to the world as a whole.

So a lot of times what's often used as a liminal space is a sunrise or a sunset.

It's that transitionary moment right when the Sun is dropping below the surface of their Heisner just as it's rising and there's all these changes happening and it's the transition from light to dark,

From dark to light.

Earth is considered a major pivot or transition as is death and part of the reason why we often fear transitions and liminal spaces is because when we are in a liminal space we are literally in the midst of the unknown.

And as someone mentioned before we got started that with quarantine you can't turn to avoidance,

You know,

You're just facing what you're with and facing yourself and that's the nature of a liminal space.

We're faced with the uncertainty.

We don't know what's going to happen.

We don't know what the future will bring.

Part of why that brings up a lot of fear or can even be terrifying for us is because all transitions ultimately are metaphorical deaths because death is the ultimate transition.

We're in this physical life,

We all know that we're going to die at some point and that's kind of a looming thing in the background or foreground of our minds at times and what's terrifying is that it's the unknown.

We don't know what is going to happen after we die and so that is kind of the ultimate liminal space and the ultimate unknown is that transition and that's also part of the reason why every transition that we go through in life whether it's a change of relationship or a change of job,

Moving to a new location,

All of these things are transitions where we're facing the unknown,

Where we are leaving some aspect of who we were and we're stepping into some new aspect of who we're going to be and how our experience is going to be in the world and yet we don't actually know what that is going to be like.

When we face the unknown,

I've mentioned this in a few of my classes,

A lot of times the tendency is to want to control and it's a very human tendency.

We want to believe that we can control how we're going to come out on the other side of that transition,

On the other side of the liminality,

But we don't have control over it and the more we try to control it,

The more we tend to impede the process of unfolding naturally in a way that will actually be most beneficial and healthiest for us.

Usually one of the best things we can do when we're facing any unknown or liminal space is to,

Even though it may be difficult,

Try to make space for it,

To be present to the unknown,

To be present to that pivot and to wait and see what is going to happen on the other side while staying as present and grounded within ourselves and with our experience and hopefully with a degree of trust or faith that it is going to be okay because the more we can have a degree of trust or faith,

The easier it can be to relax a little bit into that unknowing.

Part of the reason why it's useful to do that,

There's a few reasons.

One is that usually if we try to control what the experience will be or what it will be in the future,

Control is almost always rooted in fear.

We are afraid of the unknown,

We're afraid of what might happen and so we want to control it,

But the issue with fear is that it's perfectly natural to be afraid and fear can be very easily justifiable in difficult times and unknown times,

But if we allow fear to direct our action,

Our decisions,

In what we do,

We're actually all the more likely to create the very things that we're afraid of.

That's perhaps why FDR famously said that the only thing to fear is fear itself because if we lead with fear,

If that's what's guiding us,

Then that can actually cause a lot of the problems that we're afraid of.

Whereas when we can create space to experience the fear,

Again it's not about denial or trying to escape it or avoid it,

You want to be fully present to your experience whatever is coming up.

The more we can be fully present to it and acknowledge it,

The more we can determine what we want our actions to be and where we want that to arise from.

Because when we make space to be present in the liminal space,

In the unknowing,

In the space between,

It actually has some of the most incredible potency for bringing the most amazing gifts.

It's actually the space of unlimited potential and the more we're able to stay grounded and present during such times,

Even though we might be overwhelmed in moments,

The more we can access that incredible potential that is present in such times.

I often like the idea of the analogy of life as an adventure,

You know,

And the nature of an adventure,

Part of what's integral to something being an adventure,

Is that there's so many unknowns,

There's so much mystery,

We don't know what is going to happen.

If we knew exactly what was going to happen,

It wouldn't be an adventure.

And so there's a lot of beauty in unknowing,

In not knowing,

In uncertainty.

You know,

It's something that actually we crave at a certain level,

And it's that adventure of life that we're all here for,

We all signed up for.

And it's through being present to everything that we're experiencing,

But not letting what we're experiencing determine our action,

That we can use the adventure of life to continue to grow into ourselves,

To grow more deeply into who we are and who we are meant to be,

To cultivate compassion,

Wisdom,

Kindness,

Virtue,

And humility.

For those of you that were in class on Friday,

I shared a little bit of a story of when I was in Boston and was riding my bike and got hit by a car.

And I use that to talk about many of the gifts that I received from being in a space of physical pain for a long time.

But one of the greatest gifts that I received during that time that I didn't touch on on Friday was that it really helped me to understand a little bit more about humility and to cultivate a greater degree of humility within myself.

At the time I was I think 30 years old,

And I was still young,

Young enough to believe that I had a better handle on things than I did,

That I knew more than I did.

I'm not under that illusion as much anymore.

Still too a bit I'm sure.

But it was going through that experience that cultivated a greater degree.

It humbled me,

And I still have a lot of humbling to yet come to.

I'm quite positive.

But it humbled me.

It softened some of the ego,

Some of the egotistical sides of myself,

Of believing that I had a handle on things and that I knew what was right.

And part of what humbled me in that experience was the not knowing.

I didn't know if I was ever going to be able to have full function of my body again.

I didn't know if I was gonna be able to practice yoga,

Which I loved and was such a core part of staying grounded within myself.

I didn't know what I was going to be in the future,

How I would come out of that experience.

I was overwhelmed at times by the experience of pain in my body.

And that created such an overwhelm that I had no choice but to surrender into that unknowing and to be humbled by the experience.

You know the interesting thing about suffering is that most of our suffering actually comes from the separation within self between our ego or mind and how we want things to be and the reality of how things are.

And that creates a separation within us between our mind and our soul.

And the greater that separation,

The more we experience suffering.

And so I tend to feel that our suffering will diminish in direct proportion to the amount that we are able to experience reality as it is.

And sometimes that comes through having experiences that are overwhelming and so full of uncertainty that the mind can no longer hold on to the illusion of having control,

Of directing it.

That it has to capitulate and surrender.

And in that surrender we actually have this incredible experience of being with things how they are.

Of realizing that we don't have control.

Because all experience or belief of control is actually to a large degree an illusion.

Things are always uncertain.

They're always impermanent.

They're always changing.

And we don't have control over what's going to happen in the world around us.

What we do have a degree of control over is what we do with our experience.

Whether we allow ourselves to be led by fear or by love.

Now when I talked about how our suffering will diminish in proportion to our ability to accept reality as it is,

That doesn't mean that we don't experience pain or heartbreak or difficulty.

As long as we're alive we're going to experience those things.

What changes is our relationship to those experiences.

They become more sensations that we recognize will change over time.

And they become opportunities for growth and for being present with all that we're experiencing.

And as we allow that to occur our suffering diminishes because we can detach a little bit from the experience.

Even though we're experiencing the pain or the heartbreak or the uncertainty fully and maybe even more fully than we would if we were in a state of some degree of denial or escape.

That actually opens the door for the suffering to just subside and for us to be present with things as they are and from that space to grow.

These experiences of life become growing pains that we all need in order to continue on our journey to continue on the adventure of life to cultivate new skills new abilities and to grow in our fullness to experience life fully.

Our human lives,

Our individuated human lives are themselves liminal spaces.

They're the pivot,

The transition between birth and death.

And the entirety of it is full of uncertainty and unknown.

We often get attached to this physical body and believe that this is something that's concrete and solid and stable but it's not it's always changing.

But we are connected to something that is stable and unchanging and that is the divine essence that permeates and connects everything.

And there are many names that are given to this but there is a continuity within life that transcends our limited individual experiences of life.

You know in some traditions they use the metaphor of the wave in the ocean.

So the wave begins far before we see it out in the currents and then it starts to come in and we start to make out the swell then it grows and it takes a full form of a wave and then it crashes back into the ocean.

And for the duration of the time that we can see it individually and pick it out and point to it and say oh look at that wave.

It has a sense of individuality and yet even while it maintains the form of a wave it's continually changing and growing.

It's impermanent even in that form and even while it seems individuated it's always a part of the ocean.

It is never separate from it.

And that is how our individual lives are.

We are always connected to the greater whole.

And at some point this physical body will pass and our wave will crash back into the ocean.

But we were never not a part of the ocean.

We were just in the liminal space of being a wave for a while.

The transition.

So for our practice today we're going to work with liminal space.

And what we're going to focus on is the liminal space of the pause between the inhalation and exhalation and the exhalation and inhalation.

So if you would please take a comfortable seat.

It can be on a chair or on the floor.

You want to make sure that you're seated either in a chair or on the floor that your knees are below your hips.

That your spine is upright.

That your shoulders are relaxed and down.

That your head is centered over your shoulders and spine.

If you prefer to lie down that's totally fine for this practice.

If you do lie down I would recommend trying to not allow yourself to fall asleep.

Because what we're aiming for is the liminal space which is also the space between waking and sleeping.

And sometimes can be too easy to pass it by because we want we're eager to get to the other side of the liminality.

So sometimes seated can help us stay a little bit more present even as we enter that liminal space.

So if you are seated in a stable comfortable posture you can gently close your eyes.

Bring awareness to the breath.

Gently let the awareness flow through your body.

Scanning for any areas that might have unnecessary tension.

Gently softening into those areas.

Relax your scalp,

Your forehead,

The jaw,

Neck,

The torso,

The hips,

All the way down to the bottom of the feet.

Now check in with your eyes.

Relax the eyes and their sockets.

And check in with the eyelids.

And try to let the eyelids be naturally closed which often means that they aren't completely closed.

They might be 95% closed with just a little bit of light coming in.

And the eyelids are just completely relaxed.

Now bring awareness to your breath.

Follow the flow of the inhalation and exhalation.

If it is comfortable and accessible,

Breathe in and out through the nostrils.

Notice how simply in bringing awareness to the breath it begins to soften and even slow down a little bit.

With every exhale,

Try to release any tension in your body.

Simply being present to the flow of the breath and the felt sense of the body as a whole.

Now begin to become aware of the very start of the inhalation.

Follow even more closely the length until you reach the end of the inhalation,

The pause.

And then notice the very start of the exhalation.

Paying even more close attention to the duration of the exhalation and noticing the end of exhalation,

The pause,

Before the next inhalation begins.

Becoming fascinated by the flow of the breath,

Following it even more closely beginning,

Duration,

And end.

Beginning,

Duration,

And end.

Thoughts come in,

Just gently guide the awareness back to the breath.

Now begin to pay even closer attention to the pause between the inhalation and the exhalation and the pause after the exhalation ends before the inhalation begins.

If it is accessible,

You can even intentionally pause the breath for a second as long as it doesn't create discomfort in the body.

As you momentarily suspend the breathing process,

Those pivots between inhalation and exhalation and exhalation and inhalation,

Become aware of the stillness present in those moments.

Focus on the stillness.

Allow awareness of the breath to move to the background in the foreground of your awareness.

Focus on the stillness.

Allow yourself to relax,

To surrender,

To soften into that stillness.

Focus on the stillness.

Allow yourself to relax,

To soften into that stillness.

Focus on the stillness.

Focus on the stillness.

If thoughts arise,

Gently guide your awareness back to the stillness.

Focus on the stillness.

Focus on the stillness.

Focus on the stillness.

Gently bringing your awareness to the breath,

Following the flow of inhalation and exhalation.

Continuing to feel the stillness beneath the movement.

Bringing awareness to the felt sense of the body as a whole.

Feeling the stillness beneath all sensation.

Becoming aware of the floor,

Chair,

Bed underneath you.

The physical solidity of the world that is supporting you,

Holding you up.

Even as you are connected to it,

Not separate.

Become aware of the air around you,

The air that you breathe,

The air in which you are immersed.

Which you are not separate from.

When you are ready,

Very gently,

With kindness,

Begin to open your eyes.

Maintaining the connection to the stillness as you take in everything around you.

Feeling the stillness.

It is in this stillness that we access our unlimited potential.

That we experience reality a little closer to how it is.

We have all been born into these liminal lives.

And someday we will all pass away.

Yet the recognition and acceptance of this can allow us to live even more fully.

To embrace and cherish each moment as it is.

And become more fully who we are meant to be in this world.

For today,

If you find yourself thinking about the future,

Or trying to figure out how you can affect how your experience will be in the future,

Just try to gently come back to the breath.

Into the stillness that is always present,

In the ocean of ever present awareness.

Thank you all again for joining me today.

It's an honor as always.

Reviews

Still highly relevant even though this track was released during the pandemic. Provides gentle guidance in recognising our fear of the unknown and then creating space at the precipice to embrace/accept the adventure ahead. Thomas kindly shares experiences from his own life to illustrate the process - so helpful and inspiring! Heartfelt thanks 🙏

Some very wise reflective statements in the first half; will listen to those again. And calming and presence energy in the meditation. Thank you 🌷🙏

Absolutely what I needed to hear. The way this is presented is comforting. Thankyou.

God bless you Thomas. 2024 has been the most difficult by far of my 60+ years on this earth; worse, it's partly my fault. That being said, it is creators like you that are making this journey a little bit easier, a bit more calm, enough to see the meaning and to believe in the light at the end of the tunnel.

Phenomenal, exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you.

This has become a frequent practice for me lately. So much wisdom here! Thomas, I continue to be so grateful. The liminal space- like the wave that appears individual but is always part of the whole ocean. You remind us of so much and the practice is powerful! The stillness that always exists and is endlessly available for me to join. The reminder of the present moment breath. Thank you, thank you, thank you 🙏🏼 🪷

I enjoy your word ‘pivot’. Dropping from thought to presence. Moment to moment decision 🌺

Thomas Thank You🙏🏻🕊️🐢☯️☸️🕉️✝️☦️☪️🔯♾️🛐⚛️🌌🕯️☀️🌜🪔❤️‍🔥🪶🌹🍃🌊

there is so much in this talk that speaks to me. How you talk about suffering, and control and surrender and the wave being connected to the whole…and more. I plan to listen to this a few more times to let it all soak in. Thank you

Meditation into stillness, will repeat again and again……

So deep into the peace of presence. Kindly lead through simply breathing. We are a wave into the ocean. That gave me an anchor. No worries nothing to do. Thanks for this gift. I appreciate your gentle and basic approach. This is a meditation I can return to and be in. Love and deep appreciation. It felt short

Nice intro about these times of transitioning and then breathing. Thanks

Wonderful!

Beautiful meditation, guidance and wise words of understanding delivery with love.💙
Thankyou Thomas...🙏
Love the liminal space between the breath. I’ve been working on this for sometime, but your knowledge as always pin points the positives of a practice such as this. Namaste my friend..🧘‍♀️😊

Ahhhhh... the gift of stillness. Thank you for bringing us there. So grateful, Thomas.🙏

I love listening to your talks and then meditating with you, love how you explain things so easily. I’m going through deep sadness and you have helped me a lot to understand... Namaste 🙏🏻✨