I've had a few requests to talk about how to work with difficult head talk or the thoughts that come in when we are hard on ourselves,
When we beat ourselves up.
This is fairly common.
It's hard being human and we all have so many experiences of difficulty,
Of suffering,
Of acting from places of ego,
And we can carry a lot of guilt and shame and judgment.
A few weeks ago I talked about working with guilt and how this is an integral part of guilt,
Is this judgment of ourselves.
And ultimately it's not useful.
It doesn't bring us to the place where we want to be experientially.
Sometimes we think if we're hard on ourselves that it's like we're giving ourselves some sort of punishment and that if we punish ourselves enough then that will somehow make us become better people.
But often it's the reverse.
If we punish ourselves by letting our mind continually judge us,
We actually tend to accrue negativity and we ultimately are feeding the ego,
Which leads to us having greater suffering and often causing greater suffering for others.
The key to our happiness is in discipline.
It's in mastery.
It's in learning to master the mind so that we do not let the mind run wild and have these thoughts that are not actually serving us or anyone else.
It's in mastering the mind to focus on that stillness beneath the fluctuations of consciousness and to bring forth that beauty that we have within.
As I've said before,
We do not dispel the darkness by focusing on it.
Darkness is removed by increasing the light and we can only increase the light when we have control over the mind and our thoughts.
As we gain mastery over the mind,
We can let go of the negative self-talk and we can focus on that beauty within.
And so as we focus on that beauty within and that comes forth,
It will push out all of the negativity.
Gaining mastery over the mind takes practice.
It's like a muscle.
We have to work it.
We have to guide our intention and use discipline and commitment to gain that strength.
I'll share a quote from Hazrat Anaya Khan.
The mind of an average person may be pictured as an unruly horse that jumps and kicks and throws anyone that tries to ride it.
Masters of the world are those who have mastered themselves and mastery lies in the control of the mind.
If the mind becomes your obedient servant,
The whole world is at your service.
It's interesting that in a number of different traditions they use these analogies of wild animals.
It's like an unruly horse or a monkey.
Many of you probably heard the term monkey mind.
These are apt descriptions of what the mind is often like until it gains discipline,
Until we gain control of it.
And so this process of mastering the mind is like breaking in a wild horse or taming an unruly monkey.
It takes practice and we have to have a firmness to our resolve.
Otherwise we won't be able to master it.
And just like a wild horse,
The mind can be a great tool or our worst enemy.
If we do not have control of it,
Then we'll get bucked off and we'll injure ourselves,
Maybe injure others.
But if we can tame that wild horse,
If we can tame the mind,
Then it becomes a servant to the soul.
It helps us to fulfill our purpose.
It helps us to become a force of peace and light and beauty.
The mind becomes a way to bring greater harmony within ourselves and within our relationships.
And ultimately the individual being is a microcosm.
It's a microcosmic reflection of the entirety of the world,
Of the universe.
And so the more we bring that peacefulness and stillness within,
The greater the mastery we have over our minds.
That has a ripple effect that moves throughout the entire universe.
And although it might not seem like it at times,
This is a capacity that we all have.
It's true that it may be easier for some and harder for others,
But it is not unattainable for anyone.
As I said,
It just takes practice,
Commitment,
Discipline.
And this is part of the purpose of meditative practices.
It's setting aside a time to consciously exercise discipline,
To consciously build that muscle of controlling the mind,
Of directing it.
And while we might take five minutes or 10 minutes or 20 minutes to sit in a meditative position and focus on it,
Ultimately this is practice,
Which is why we call it meditation practice.
And we need to learn to bring that throughout our day,
Throughout our week,
Throughout the year,
To expand it,
To become aware of when the mind is being unruly when we're not sitting in meditation.
Often when we're sitting in meditation,
We become very aware of how unruly the mind is.
And then we can actually feed that unruliness of the mind by judging ourselves and beating ourselves up by thinking,
Oh,
I'm really bad at this.
But that doesn't help.
Instead,
We need to shift the focus.
We need to guide the mind to focus on the breath,
To focus on the body.
We have to give the mind a task.
We need to tether it to a point of focus.
And as we do this,
As we return to focus on the breath,
As we return to focus on sensations within the body,
Slowly over time,
The mind begins to come to a greater and greater place of stillness.
Instead of having these wild vacillations of thoughts and judgments,
They become a little smaller.
There tends to be moments of stillness that are interspersed.
But when we first start,
The mind might be wild,
And we might be tempted to give up,
Say,
Oh,
I can't do this.
And that's where we have to have the commitment and the trust to believe that we can.
But it's important to know that it is a journey.
Rome wasn't built in a day,
And it may very well be that learning to master the mind is a way more difficult task than building Rome.
But even without having completely mastered the mind,
Which may take lifetimes,
Even gaining a little degree of control and discipline can vastly change our experience of ourselves and the world.
If we do not master the mind,
Then we tend to be caught continually in a reactive state.
Our emotions,
What we feel,
What we think,
And what we say and do end up being controlled by these conditioned habits of thought,
By these reactions that are continually occurring.
And it's just like a wild horse bucking and kicking in every direction,
And it can create a lot of harm.
And ultimately,
It's not what we want,
Because that means that we are imprisoned.
We are imprisoned by our experiences,
By our past traumas,
By judgment and fear.
And I truly believe that no human wants to be in that state.
Ultimately,
We all want the experience of happiness and freedom.
We want to be free of suffering.
The biggest issue is how we try to be free of suffering.
And when we're controlled by the mind and our conditioned values,
Ways of being,
We often think that the way to be free of suffering is to have greater control over others in the world,
To have more money,
More power,
More influence,
To have fame,
To be able to make the world and others be how we want them to be.
And that if we could just create that,
Then we would be happy.
But this is the mind being in control.
And it's us being in control.
And it's us being in control.
And it's us being controlled by it.
It's one of those ironies of the world that the more we try to control the world and others,
The more imprisoned we ourselves become.
Because we're imprisoned by the ego,
Which creates greater separation.
And we build the walls of our prison thicker and thicker.
The way to be free of suffering is to control ourselves,
To gain mastery over the mind,
And to allow those walls of the ego to begin to soften and dissolve,
To move into a place of trust and presence,
To become experientially present in each moment,
To our experiences as they are,
To ourselves as we are,
And to the world as it is.
As I mentioned,
The breath and the felt sense of the body are two primary ways used in many different traditions to begin to gain mastery over the mind.
With the breath,
It may help to understand the relationship of the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems.
So often,
The hyperactivity of the mind is associated with the sympathetic nervous system,
The fight,
Flight,
Or freeze,
Where we are caught in a reactive state.
And the parasympathetic is dropping into more of that place of stillness and rest and repose.
And in modern society,
Many of us are caught in hyper sympathetic nervous system responses.
And so we can use the breath to move into the parasympathetic.
And there are several ways to do this.
For one,
Breathing through the nose,
Rather than the mouth,
Helps us to move towards the parasympathetic state.
Abdominal breathing,
Rather than chest breathing,
Helps us move towards the parasympathetic state.
It's also said that the left nostril is more related to the parasympathetic,
And the right nostril is more related to the sympathetic nervous system.
And so if we focus on breathing in and out through the left nostril,
That will help move more towards the parasympathetic state.
We can also accomplish this through making the exhalations longer than the inhalations.
And so in some of the past classes I've had us count the number of times we've inhaled,
And I've had us count the breath,
The duration of the inhalation,
And the duration of the exhalation.
Sometimes we do this to have them be even,
For a count of four or six.
But we can also intentionally lengthen the exhalation.
So maybe we inhale for a count of four,
And then exhale for a count of six or eight.
This has a very calming effect on the mind.
Bringing awareness to the body is another way.
It focuses the mind in the here and now.
And whether we have painful sensations or discomfort or pleasurable sensations in the body,
Just bring awareness into the sensation with curiosity,
Asking ourselves,
What is this that I'm experiencing?
And focusing.
That will guide the mind to focus on the here and now.
This is something that has been known by mystics of all traditions.
It's not a secret.
If we look through various traditions,
This is common knowledge.
But as humanity has moved towards more and more materialistic states,
As we've gotten more and more attached to the outer world of form,
We've moved away from the knowledge that has always been there for us.
In the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali,
They define yoga as,
Yoga is the stilling of the fluctuations of consciousness.
It's the stilling of the mind.
And yoga,
Etymologically,
Means union.
And so it's yoking and uniting our consciousness with the divine,
With the absolute truth of oneness.
It's moving us away from the conventional reality,
Conventional truth that is based in dualistic form,
In materialism.
Similarly,
In Dzogchen and Buddhism,
They talk about how the root of suffering is the conceptual mind or the moving mind,
Because it's this conceptual mind,
When it is not mastered,
That creates delusion,
That prevents us from perceiving reality as it is.
And so as we settle into the emptiness,
The stillness within,
And we bring awareness and light to that stillness,
We begin to perceive more clearly the truth of reality.
Even though it's not pleasant,
It's actually easy to be hard on ourselves.
But being hard on ourselves does not make us virtuous.
If we want to bring forth our innate virtue,
We have to have the discipline to not get attached to being hard on ourselves,
And instead to guide our focus to the breath,
To the body,
To the present moment.
And as we settle into that stillness,
As the silt settles,
We will begin to see clearly.
So let us practice.
Please find a comfortable and stable posture for meditation.
You can be seated or lying down.
The most important thing is that you have a stable base beneath you,
Supporting you in such a way that you can let go of any unnecessary holding or guarding.
Once you have found your posture,
Bring awareness to the natural movement of the breath.
Simply observe the natural movement of the inhalation and exhalation.
If thoughts arise,
Just gently guide your awareness back to the movement of the breath.
Continue focusing on the breath as you begin abdominal breathing.
With each inhalation,
Allowing the abdomen to gently expand.
With each exhalation,
Allowing the abdomen to gently contract.
It doesn't have to be a very deep breath.
Just whatever is comfortable and accessible to you in this moment.
Allowing the shoulders and chest to remain relaxed and still.
As you continue abdominal breathing,
Begin ujjayi breathing.
Inhaling and exhaling through the nose,
While bringing a slight constriction to the throat to make the breath slightly audible.
You can imagine as though you were trying to fog a mirror with your breath.
Continue ujjayi breathing and begin counting the duration of the inhalation and exhalation.
Could be a count of four or six.
And at first,
Try to make the inhalation and exhalation the same duration.
Continue counting the duration of the breath,
Then try to make the exhalation two seconds or four seconds longer than the duration of the inhalation.
Continue counting the duration of the breath,
Keeping the exhalation longer,
But drop the ujjayi breathing.
Still breathe in and out through the nose and try to make the breath a little more subtle.
Now,
Drop the counting and simply observe the moment-to-moment awareness of the breath as it enters and leaves your nostrils.
Begin to notice the stillness within.
Allow awareness of the breath to move to the background.
Begin to focus more on the stillness.
Beneath the movement of the breath,
Rest in the stillness.
As you rest in the stillness,
Bring awareness to the felt sense of the body as a whole.
Notice how the stillness underlies all sensation.
Become aware of the stability beneath you,
Supporting you and holding you up,
And the air around you in which you are immersed like a fish in water.
Feel the stillness within the stability beneath you and within the air around you.
When you are ready,
Keep your mind tethered to the stillness as you gently and slowly begin to open your eyes with a soft gaze,
Taking in all that you see,
Observing the stillness beneath the world of form.
At times,
It can feel as though the outer world is changing at an accelerating pace,
And it can be tempting to try to slow it down,
To try to control how it changes,
To try to control outer circumstances,
To make things be how we want them to be or think they should be.
This,
However,
Will not lead us to the peace and happiness that we want.
The greatest thing we can do to prepare for changes in the outer world is to prepare our inner world,
To work with calming the mind,
Shifting our perspective,
Gaining mastery over how we relate to all that we experience,
To acknowledge the impermanence that underlies the material world of form,
To understand that life is fleeting,
And to trust in the flow of life and to have the discipline to cultivate the stillness within,
To cultivate a stable base,
Stability of the mind,
Mastery of the mind,
And to rest in calm abiding.
In this way,
We move more and more towards the present moment of experiential awareness,
And we find that we always have everything that we need to deal with the challenges of each moment.
Now more than ever,
The transformation of our own state of consciousness is vital.
So try to become aware throughout the day when thoughts are coming in and guide your awareness back to the breath and the felt sense of the body.
Practice,
Exercise this control,
Build the muscle,
And you'll find that you have everything that you need within.
Thank you all for joining me today.
