Cultivating Resilience

In this talk and guided meditation, we explore the innate power of resilience that we have within, and how this power allows us to use challenging and difficult moments of life to cultivate a deeper connection to ourselves. This entails understanding and opening to complexity, and working with the link between the body and the mind. In some perspectives, this link is said to be the breath, and is the basis of many mind-body practices.This is a 20 minute talk followed by a 20 minute meditation.

Transcript

Today,

I would like to talk about resilience.

We are continuing with our uncertainty in the world,

In our individual lives,

In our societies and our cultures.

And nobody knows what the future holds or how all of this is going to unfold.

And with that level of uncertainty,

There's a lot of stress.

Stress in itself is not inherently a good or bad thing.

In fact,

We need stress for growth.

What matters and what makes the difference is how we relate to the stress and whether we can cultivate a degree of resilience in our experience and within ourselves so that we can use these stressful moments of life to cultivate greater growth and connection within ourselves,

To know ourselves more deeply,

To develop our virtues,

Our innate potentials that we all have within us.

It's during these stressful moments when we have an incredible opportunity every day in the choices we make in what we decide to do.

Often,

It can be challenging to make the right choices or the choices that will benefit us because we don't have the tools or the resources.

And that's part of what I hope to offer through these classes,

Is to help give you some of those tools to increase your resilience day by day,

Week by week,

And thereby to make the most of these challenging moments in life,

To unveil the opportunities that they carry within them.

So what is resilience?

The dictionary definition has to do with the ability to recover from challenge or adversity.

And it's related to adaptation,

How we adapt to stress,

To recover.

And they often say directly or connote it's a return to the state we were in before the stress occurred.

In this sense,

Resilience is related to homeostasis.

Personally,

I don't prefer the term homeostasis because it is this idea of going back to how we were before the stress occurred,

Before the difficulty,

Before the challenge.

And for me,

We never go back.

And nor is it desirable to go back because life is about growth.

It's about this continual unfolding of the magic that we are and that we carry inside of us,

The continual unveiling of the mystery and the beauty that we are.

When there's challenge,

The challenge,

The stress inherently affects us and it changes us because we are changing every moment of every day.

Cells are dying,

New cells are being born.

Our personalities,

If we allow them to,

Continue to change day by day,

Year by year.

And every challenge that we experience allows us to grow into new parts of ourselves,

Into new ways of being and experiencing life that are different than they were before and hopefully more full,

More full of life,

More full of complexity.

And so I prefer,

Rather than homeostasis,

I prefer a term that I learned from my mentor,

Homeodynamic balance.

With homeodynamic balance,

Rather than returning to a static point or trying to return to a static point after any given stress to the system,

With homeodynamic balance,

You're continually finding new points of balance in an ever-changing dynamic equilibrium.

And I like that a lot because it includes this idea that we are continually growing and changing.

And it's not about trying to stop the change or trying to go back to where we were as quickly as possible.

It's about allowing this process to unfold so that our innate development can occur as seamlessly and beautifully as possible.

In this sense,

Resilience is not about going back or recovering.

It's about healing in ways that allow us to continue to grow and hopefully to incorporate lessons learned from the stress,

From the challenge,

From the difficulty,

To incorporate that into new aspects of our identity and who we are in this world in this moment.

When we talk about resilience,

I find it helpful to look at a couple of different perspectives on the understanding of trauma,

Whether physical trauma,

Emotional trauma,

Psychological or spiritual trauma.

Every trauma is a form of severe stress and challenge to the system,

To the individual,

That will often throw us off balance in different ways,

Cause us to lose our bearings,

Cause us to experience a variety of emotions.

And trauma can be very difficult to recover from,

To heal from.

And yet at the same time,

Those traumas offer incredible opportunities.

So when we think about trauma in the Eastern perspective,

In Chinese medicine,

For example,

There's often this idea that the individual human being is a coming together of body and spirit,

Of the physical and non-physical aspects of being,

Physicality and consciousness.

And when we experience trauma in that perspective,

They see it as causing the consciousness to leave the body to a certain degree,

Because the physicality of the body is how consciousness experiences reality.

And when there's overwhelmingly difficult experiences,

The consciousness doesn't want to stay present to that,

And so it tries to leave the body.

In Western terminology,

We would often associate this with the interaction or interplay of the autonomic nervous system.

So the autonomic nervous system is often divided into the sympathetic and parasympathetic,

Being fight,

Flight,

Or freeze,

Parasympathetic being rest,

Digest,

And heal.

And when we experience an overwhelming stress,

A trauma,

We often get kicked into the sympathetic nervous system,

The fight or flight response.

And with it,

The release of a lot of adrenaline,

Cortisol,

And many other stimulating hormones.

What this does is it brings our awareness to the periphery and even outside of the body.

So when we're in the parasympathetic nervous system,

We tend to be very inward.

After we eat a nice meal and we're sitting in front of the fire,

We're very inward in our consciousness and kind of sunk down in our body.

When suddenly there's a threat,

Our awareness tends to come up and out so that we can be aware of any potential danger and know how to respond to that.

You can even think about it when you've had a sudden fright.

What does our body do?

It lifts up.

Our body physically lifts up.

And that's this bringing up of the awareness.

So then we become more outward oriented.

Our eyes become more wide.

We take in more from the world around us.

Our consciousness actively seeks outside of our body for any potential threats.

And that is very similar to in the Eastern perspective,

This idea of the spirit dislodging from the body or the consciousness dislodging from the body.

It moves further outward from our center.

While that can be very useful in the moment that a trauma is occurring,

Some of the difficulty and what impedes our ability to cultivate resilience is that it often stays dislodged.

Our consciousness stays hyperactive and hyper aware for any potential threats,

Even when we're in completely safe environments.

In other words,

There's a hyper activation of the sympathetic nervous system.

It becomes chronically engaged.

And this disrupts the natural innate ability of the body to heal because healing physically,

Emotionally,

Mentally,

Spiritually,

A lot of healing occurs when we are in the parasympathetic nervous system.

It's the rest,

Digest and heal response.

And so in order to cultivate resilience,

We can learn how to actively guide our awareness internally to begin to shift the patterns out of the sympathetic nervous system response and into the parasympathetic nervous system response.

It's kind of a paradoxical thing,

Which the more I study and the more I learn,

I think that a lot of being human is about embracing paradoxes,

Complexity,

Simultaneously existing oppositional aspects of reality that are all occurring in this finite space of the human being.

It's part of what makes life so challenging is having to experience and even embrace paradox.

Because paradox is very difficult for the mind.

The mind likes clear cut duality.

Yes,

No,

Black,

White,

This or that,

Either or.

But having the two things that are seemingly oppositional present simultaneously is extremely hard for the mind.

And so cultivating resilience is paradoxical because when we have trauma or have had trauma and the sympathetic nervous system is engaged and our awareness is more upward and outward from our body,

We have a lot of fear.

And so we want to stay out here and be prepared to defend ourselves from any potential threats.

And yet as long as we're out here,

We can't actually cultivate resilience and we can't actually heal.

And so we have to guide our awareness back in to the body to calm our minds,

Calm our awareness and ground ourselves,

Our consciousness within the physicality of our body when it might be the very last thing that it wants to do.

And yet as we do that,

We access an incredible healing potential.

The body,

The emotions,

The mind,

The spirit,

They all have an unlimited innate capacity to heal.

It's often that we get in the way of that natural unfolding process because the mind wants to take control and thinks it knows what's best for us.

It wants to do something when in reality to access that healing potential,

We have to access the state of being and not doing.

We have to allow ourselves to sink inwardly and simply be with whatever is there,

Which might be quite painful or uncomfortable.

We might not like it.

And yet as we allow ourselves to simply be in that space,

Present to our experience,

Things will naturally start to shift and they'll start to heal.

When our awareness and our consciousness are outward because we don't want to be present because we're worried about external threats,

The consciousness and the awareness are not moving as much within the body and there's more stasis.

Things tend to stay the same.

And yet when we move inwardly,

Things begin to transform of their own accord.

It's very closely related to self-compassion and self-acceptance,

Which we've talked about here.

And the ironic thing being that it's as soon as we accept ourselves as we are,

As soon as we allow ourselves to become fully present with being in our experience,

Moment to moment,

As soon as that happens,

We change,

We transform,

We heal.

This is a form of deep presence.

Some might even associate it with the divine presence because when we reach that level of deep being,

Of simply experiencing everything as it is without the filters of the mind,

Without our conceptual abstractions,

That is when we attain that level of unity between our sense of individuated being and the all,

Everything that is around us.

And that's an experience of the divine,

An experience that transcends the limited,

Individuated human.

So there's a meditation teacher in the Buddhist tradition,

Tara Brock,

And she has defined presence as the felt sense of wakefulness,

Openness,

And tenderness that arises when we are fully here and now with our experience.

Presence is the awareness that is intrinsic to our nature.

As I've said before,

With self-compassion,

This is something that we already have.

It's not that we need to cultivate it or create it or find more of it.

It's about allowing ourselves to access that which is already there.

We already have the capacity to be fully present in our experience.

It's simply that we condition ourselves to not be.

How do we cultivate this level of presence and therefore resilience?

A lot of it is through the breath.

The breath is the key to connecting the mind and the body,

The physical and non-physical aspects of being.

And the breath is perfect for this for so many reasons,

Including that the breath tends to be both physical and non-physical.

It's right there in that liminal space between the physical and non-physical,

Between being and becoming.

It's the transition between inside and outside,

Life and death,

Self and other.

The breath that continually connects us,

Keeps us interconnected to the world around us.

And so what's interesting is a lot of what we think about when talking about working with healing trauma from various modalities,

We often look at mind-body practices.

It's like yoga,

Qigong,

Meditation,

Etc.

And mind-body practices are practices that consciously guide the awareness within the physical body,

Often when we're doing movement or while we're sitting.

But almost all mind-body practices have a focus on the breath,

Because the breath makes that connection.

I'd like to share a quote with you from Hazarat and I at Khan,

A great Sufi master who's often credited with bringing Sufism to the West,

And who was an incredible master for seeing beneath the surface of things,

And for being able to relate to all the different spiritual traditions and understand the essence of them.

So he says,

Different conditions and the changes that take place in the world have their effect upon the mind,

And the different conditions of the mind have their effect upon the body.

As bodily illness makes man irritable,

Confused,

And exhausted in mind,

So different conditions of the mind cause health or illness in the body.

The link between the body and the mind is the breath,

A link through which the influences of the body and the mind are exchanged and work upon each other.

As we work with the breath,

It becomes easier and easier to calm and focus the mind,

And to bring it back within the physical space of the body.

And in so doing,

Both the body and the mind have an increased capacity to heal,

To be resilient,

To use difficult and stressful moments in life,

To not react,

But instead to grow,

To be patient,

And to allow that calm enduring of suffering that leads to the cultivation of virtue,

To the cultivation of our humanity.

So for today's practice,

We'll work with the breath and guiding our consciousness,

Our awareness,

Into the physicality of the body.

So if you will,

You may find a comfortable position for meditation.

You are welcome to lie down if you would like.

If you are seated,

Just make sure that your knees are below your hips,

That the fronts of the hips are open and relaxed,

That you have a stable base,

That your spinal column and torso are rising vertically upwards,

Keeping the natural curves of the spine.

Allow your shoulders to relax back and down.

The crown of the head to reach up towards heaven.

And whether you are seated or lying down,

Gently release any unnecessary tension from your body.

Feel the stability beneath you,

Supporting your body and holding you up.

And allow yourself to simply relax and let go of any unneeded tension.

Bring awareness to your breath.

Simply observing it,

Moving in and out.

Knowing it to be just as it is.

Feel as it moves in and out,

How it's maintaining a connection from the air around you,

Outside of your body,

To the space within you,

In your lungs,

And through the lungs,

Reaching the rest of your body.

Continuing with this awareness,

Begin abdominal breathing.

Allow your chest and shoulders to remain relaxed and still.

Every inhale,

Allowing your abdomen to gently expand.

With every exhale,

Allowing it to gently contract.

Greetings.

Abdominal breathing.

With every inhalation,

Feel as though you are pulling your consciousness into your body from around you.

With every exhale,

Allow any tension within your physical body to melt downwards into the ground.

As you inhale,

You can feel almost as though there's a magnet towards the back of your head and neck that draws the consciousness inward towards it.

As you exhale,

It flows from that point down your spine,

Dripping into the ground.

Be gentle with yourself.

If you find yourself trying to move things and it's creating tension in the body,

Simply soften your intention,

Simply allowing it to happen with an effortless effort.

Continue with abdominal breathing and bring the awareness to the center of your lower abdomen,

A space two to three inches below the umbilicus,

Between the front of the abdomen and the spine.

Simply rest your awareness in that space within the physical body.

Notice if there's any sensations,

Tension,

Warmth or coolness,

Sense of emptiness.

Whatever you may or may not experience,

There's no judgment.

Allow yourself to become even more interested in what you experience there.

If you find that there's tension coming into any part of your body,

Use your exhalation to allow that tension to soften and melt and to flow down to that space of your lower abdomen.

If you notice thoughts coming in,

Bring your awareness to the breath and focus on the movement and the balance.

Drawing even more awareness to the space of your lower abdomen.

So there's a magnet drawing all of the consciousness to itself.

Whatever you may or may not feel,

In this space,

Direct your consciousness into the center of it.

And notice the stillness beneath any sensation.

Focus on the stillness.

Relax into the stillness.

Feel the presence that permeates the stillness.

Feel the presence that permeates the stillness.

In this presence,

It's the source of resilience.

The source of your unlimited capacity to heal,

To grow,

To transform any difficulty into unbounded virtue,

Awareness,

And presence.

Feel the presence that permeates the stillness.

Feel the presence that permeates the stillness.

Come aware of your breath.

Come aware of the felt sense of your body as a whole.

Of the solidity beneath you,

Supporting you and holding you up.

And the air around you.

And when you are ready,

Maintain a connection to this inner stillness,

A conscious connection to your lower abdomen.

As you slowly and gently begin to open your eyes and receive the world around you,

We all have an innate capacity for resilience.

It's built into our DNA.

It's built into the fabric of life.

Life is about growth,

About ever-increasing complexity.

And we always have all of the tools that we need for each challenge we're given in each moment of life.

As we cultivate trust in the mysterious unfolding of life,

And as we train the muscle of our consciousness to be grounded within the physicality of our body,

Life begins to unfold in more harmonious ways.

And we begin to see more and more of the fabric of life,

How it all fits together.

All of the joy,

All of the pain,

All of the difficulty,

All of the moments of comfort and ease.

And as we learn to ground ourselves,

To calm our mind,

To cultivate patience with our experience,

It becomes easier to make space for all of these myriad emotions and experiences,

For the complexity of life,

The complexity and paradox of being human.

Thank you all for joining me today.

As always,

It's a pleasure.

Reviews

I would like to transcribe this and memorize some of the parts that relate to Yoga for my teaching. I’m very grateful for these talks

WOW, this totally blew my mind. I felt present, aware and so here and Now. Thank you, thank you, thank you 🙏

I never leave comments but this meditation was enlightening. Thank you 🙏🏻

Dear Thomas,
This talk was so enlightening. Thank you so much for your teachings, for your wisdom, for your beautiful articulate being! May you be well and content and full of peace and ease! On my part I’m trying to be resilient, trying to move forward and trying to get strong. Your teachings help me a lot in this journey. Ever so grateful for having found such a wonderful person as you!

Profound and gentle. Thank you, Thomas

Thank you Thomas.

The sweet paradoxes, so baffling when I was younger... Mysterious Joy Now. So much in this talk Thomas..

WOW, powerful grounding meditation I’m so grateful to have found your teachings Thomas. They are calming & self compassionate. This could be taught in schools. Blessings to you

All of this time when you say "the felt sense of your body as a whole," I thought you were saying "the svelte sense of your body as a whole." I chortled ridiculously loud on mass transit.

Thank you- needed to hear this.🙏☮️

Thank you Thomas. One of the best descriptions of resilience I have heard!

Hi Thomas 🙂 I found your talk resonated with me a lot, it’s interesting how we deal with trauma, and how we often get stuck outside of ourselves (I do craniosacral therapy). The meditation was so lovely and relaxing. When I hear your voice I feel the words are coming from your heart 💖 thank you 🤗

Thank you Thomas...Wonderful Insight..Always thought provoking with relaxation..Love your meditations and talks..Namaste..🙏

That was really helpful thank you. Beautifully paced, backed by useful science and covered many powerful points including resilience is in our DNA 🙏🏻

Thomas does a very good job of taking complicated concepts and breaking them down into bite-size pieces. He integrates the many different aspects of our path to healing and explains the role of trauma. The lecture is very well organized and the meditation is very practical.

Captivating talk, but in a very calming way..😉. Will listen again.