Buddhism: Cultivating Kindness

In this lecture and meditation practice, we examine the importance of kindness. We all have suffering, and we all have an innate, natural state of compassion, wisdom, and love. As we cultivate kindness, we actively shift our perspective and state of consciousness. This, in turn, transforms the way we relate to others, the world, and ourselves. Our natural beauty begins to unfold, and our experiences and how we act towards others transforms. This track is made up of a 20-minute lecture, 25-minute guided practice.

Transcript

Good morning everyone.

Thank you again for joining me and sharing some of your precious time on this Sunday morning.

I talk about a lot of different perspectives in these classes.

Part of the reasoning behind that is that in my experience,

In my understanding,

The truth of existence,

The truth of life,

The truth of being can never be told.

It can only be experienced.

The words,

The perspectives,

Can only ever be a gesture towards that which is beyond words.

The words and the perspectives are but a symbolic reference to lived experiences of existence.

They are a guide to help take us beyond our conditioned frames of reference so that we can hopefully move more towards experiencing life as it is and ourselves as we are.

For some people,

They can easily achieve that through following one path.

For myself,

My path has been one of collecting different experiences,

Different perspectives as a means of trying to gain a greater understanding of the whole and how it all fits together.

It's not that one way is better or worse or right or wrong.

What matters is knowing ourselves and what really works for us.

I teach from my experience drawing on a lot of different traditions.

I hope that that is just an offering.

Some of it may resonate and some of it may not,

But it gives an exposure to the different perspectives that are out there as we engage in various meditative practices.

The perspective is a huge part in framing our experience in the meditative practice itself.

It frames our intention and how we move into that practice and our openness to it.

Today I'd like to talk a little bit about Buddhism.

Normally in these classes I've focused on a specific topic like patience or self-compassion.

Today I'd like to focus more on a specific perspective in that of Buddhism.

The Dalai Lama has said that my religion is kindness,

And to me that's beautiful and it sums up a lot of what I appreciate about the Buddhist perspective.

Because Buddhism is not really a religion per se.

It often gets lumped together with religions,

But in its essence it's not really a religion because it's not based on a specific belief system that we have to accept without experiencing it directly.

It's actually intended to be almost scientific in nature in that it's intended to be experiential.

That it is a system of tools for the individual to apply to achieve certain states of consciousness and of being and hopefully to move closer to experiencing reality as it is.

And within the various Buddhist traditions there is unlimited numbers of meditations and techniques and approaches and perspectives.

And part of the reason for that is because they understand that we are pluralistic,

That we are all dynamic individual beings,

And that there isn't necessarily one technique that is going to work for everybody to bring them to a certain state.

And so another thing that I like about Buddhism and the fact that the Dalai Lama has said that my religion is kindness,

Besides pointing out that it's in essence not really a religion but it's an approach to life and to being,

Is the idea that it is kindness.

It's based in kindness and compassion and love for ourselves,

For our fellow human beings,

And for the world as a whole.

For life itself.

Because ultimately we cannot know what someone else has experienced.

Even if they tell us a detailed story,

A detailed account of their experience of any given occurrence or emotion or thought,

We still cannot truly know it.

Because that's still an abstraction,

A conception that's been put into words that is removed from the actual experience itself that that person is having.

But one thing that we do know,

At least from the perspective of Buddhism,

Their take on it,

Is that everybody has suffering.

Everyone.

It's part of the nature of life,

Being born into a human body.

We will experience suffering.

We will experience pain.

And we all have a deep yearning for happiness.

To fulfill our potential to live fully and to feel connection to others and the world around us.

And so part of their approach is realizing that every person they meet,

Every person they interact with,

Has suffering that they do not know of.

That they have joys and hopes and dreams that we do not know of.

No matter how someone presents themselves,

Whether they present themselves as really confident and put together,

Or angry or controlling or reactive or peaceful or kind,

Every single person has suffering and joy and experiences that we cannot fathom,

That we cannot know.

And often when people act towards us in ways that may not be agreeable to us,

That we might take personally,

That's ultimately an outcome of their own suffering,

Of how they relate to themselves.

And so,

If you truly,

Deeply understand this or can see things this way,

The only answer is to be kind.

To be kind to yourself.

To be kind to everyone you meet.

Everyone you interact with.

Everyone you think of.

Realizing that we are all in this together.

And that as different as we might seem externally or in what we espouse as our beliefs or values,

In essence we're really much more similar than we often admit or acknowledge.

And so,

Buddhism is a technology of working with the mind,

With the thoughts,

With our emotions,

With the experiences within our body,

To start to transform how we relate to ourselves and how we relate to the world around us,

To hopefully cultivate those qualities of compassion and wisdom and kindness that we all have as our natural state.

And in so doing,

We can alleviate our suffering to a degree and the suffering of others.

In this sense,

The Buddha,

Gotama Buddha,

Was not the historic personage of the Buddha,

Was not considered a god or a deity.

He is not considered a god in Buddhism.

The Buddha was considered a pristine example of the potential that we can actualize as individual human beings.

When we are able to heal all of our trauma,

To let go of those conditioned filters of the mind that keep us experiencing a sense of separation from others in the world around us,

Separation within ourselves,

That continue the cycle of suffering.

So the Buddha is the potential that all of us have within us,

Within that perspective.

It's an innate potential,

And in truth,

It's our natural state.

When we are able to move beyond the traumas of life that have created a sense of separation,

That is naturally unveiled in compassion,

Wisdom,

And kindness,

Naturally manifest and flow forth.

A sense of inner peace within and around us that spreads through our interactions,

Through our being.

Beyond the Buddha,

Some of you may be familiar that there's a lot of other Buddhas and Bodhisattvas that are often mentioned in Buddhism.

And so these are sometimes actual,

Historic personages that achieved the enlightened state.

Sometimes they are symbolic references to the potentials that we have within.

So our beautiful dog,

Sivina,

One of her nicknames is the Bodhisattva of Patience.

So in Buddhism,

A Bodhisattva is an individual who reaches that state of enlightenment and decides to remain in the world for the benefit of all beings and to not reach that final state of enlightenment where you move beyond this realm,

Beyond this reality,

To not move beyond it until all beings have attained that level of freedom within self.

And Bodhisattvas are often embodying a specific quality.

So there's a Bodhisattva of compassion,

There's a Bodhisattva of wisdom.

And so Sivina,

I often say,

Is the Bodhisattva of Patience because she embodies that quality to such a degree of perfection.

And because of that,

She's able to express complete unconditional love.

She's been with me for almost 11 years now.

And in that time,

We've lived in,

Well,

She was born in New Orleans,

And then we lived in Texas for a year,

And then South Dakota for two years,

And then Boston for two years,

And then Colorado for four,

And now we're in Florida.

And I mean,

She's been through it.

She's experienced the gamut from being able to run free in the woods of the Black Hills in South Dakota and chase deer and play in creeks and lakes,

To then moving to Boston where we had to walk two blocks to even get a small patch of grass that she could go to the bathroom on,

And where I was so overwhelmed with being in grad school and seeing Patience that we didn't get to go out hiking except for maybe every couple of weeks,

And then moving to Colorado and just all the experiences,

And yet she's always been so patient and completely accepting of whatever we are doing,

Patient with my decisions that affect her life and often may have brought more suffering into her life or less joy,

And yet she loves me completely because she has perfected that virtue.

And what I like about the concept of the Bodhisattva is that the Bodhisattvas are expressions of the perfection of a certain virtue that is a latent potential within all of us,

And so sometimes they will do practices where they focus on a specific Bodhisattva to bring out that virtue within us.

It's similar in many ways to in Sufism.

They have what they call the 99 names of God or the 99 names of Allah,

And those 99 names are actually 99 qualities,

And those names become mantras that they will use.

So,

For example,

One is Subanallah,

Which means divine purity,

And as you say that over and over again out loud or internally,

It is able to bring forth the perfection of that quality within your own being.

And this is a potential,

Regardless of what perspective we approach it from,

That we all have.

It's how we frame our mind and our intention will actually create that in our experience and within our being.

You know,

I shared a week or two ago,

I shared one of the audio recordings with someone.

There was the one on patience for those of you who were in that class.

And I asked them what they thought of it after they listened to it,

And their response was,

Well,

It just kind of seems like a form of self-hypnosis.

And my response was,

Well,

It kind of is.

But ultimately,

We are always self-hypnotizing ourselves,

Either consciously or not,

Because whatever we're thinking in our mind over and over again,

We're hypnotizing ourselves to believe that and to reinforce that within our experience.

It's how we entrain the neural pathways to perceive reality.

So if we are continually paranoid,

Afraid that people are judging us or don't like us,

We're going to start believing that more and more.

We're going to self-hypnotize ourselves to believe that and perceive that,

And then that's going to cause us in ways,

To act in ways,

That actually will make people act more odd towards us.

And so we create that in our reality.

If we teach ourselves to continually come back to perceiving ourselves and the world around us from a place of love,

Of patience,

Of understanding,

Of compassion,

Of kindness,

It actually softens how we relate to ourselves and allows us to be more gentle with ourselves and with the world around us,

And it makes those qualities become more tangible in our day-to-day experience.

It literally transforms the way the brain perceives reality.

And it takes time and practice and dedication.

It's not a magic pill that we take and suddenly everything is different.

But with time and dedication and practice,

It will transform how we experience life,

How we experience the world in which we are immersed.

We make our experience its own heaven or hell in relation to how we train ourselves to perceive it and react to it.

And again,

As I've said before,

That doesn't mean that we're not going to experience difficulty or pain,

But it will change how we relate to those experiences so that we don't start reinforcing our story that that is what we are fundamentally.

We can realize that we can experience those things,

But that that isn't who we are,

And that those experiences can actually be great blessings for transforming us and helping us to grow.

So in Buddhism,

They use meditation,

Many different forms of meditative techniques,

To consciously retrain the mind so that it shifts our perspective of how we perceive ourselves,

Our experience,

Others,

And the world around us.

It's a way of healing our past traumas and letting go of those defense mechanisms that we've created in response to various traumas so we can step more fully into who we are right now in this moment,

Letting go of concretized aspects of self-identity,

Believing that I am this person that has experienced X,

Y,

And Z and that defines me in this way.

I've talked a lot about labels and how we label ourselves.

It's a way of letting go of those labels,

Of realizing that while,

Yes,

We have these roles that we play,

It is not who we are and that who we are is an incredibly magical being of just limitless potential,

And that we have the agency,

The ability to direct our experience to unfold and allow that magic and potential to shine forth.

In each moment,

We have a choice.

We can choose to allow our past experiences and traumas to define us,

To define our actions and responses and thereby to limit us,

To cause us to act defensively towards ourselves and towards others,

To see others as potential enemies or adversaries.

Or we can choose to open space within ourselves to acknowledge those parts of ourselves that want to be reactive,

But to still choose to be kind,

To choose to be patient,

To be vulnerable,

To be open,

And to see those around us as potential friends rather than enemies that are all here together walking this journey.

So with that,

Let us practice making space within ourselves and cultivating a greater degree of kindness towards ourselves,

Towards our experiences,

And towards the world around us.

So if you will,

Find a comfortable position.

You can be seated or lying down.

If you are seated,

Make sure that you have a stable base,

That your knees are below your hips so that the fronts of your hips are relaxed and open.

Allow your spinal column to rise with its natural curves up towards heaven.

Allow your shoulders to relax back and down.

Make sure that your head is centered over your shoulders and spine,

The crown gently reaching up towards heaven.

Gently scan the body to release any unnecessary tension,

Relaxing the scalp,

Relaxing the forehead,

Relaxing the eyes and their sockets,

Releasing the jaw,

Relaxing the neck,

Shoulders,

The arms,

The hands,

And even the fingers,

Relaxing the torso,

The back,

The chest,

And stomach,

Relaxing the hips,

The legs,

The knees,

The calves,

The feet,

The toes,

And the very bottoms of the feet.

Become aware of the breath,

Moving gently in and out.

Begin to pay closer attention to each inhalation and exhalation.

Notice if it's choppy or smooth,

If it's long or short.

And regardless of how it might be in this moment,

Allow your awareness to observe it tenderly with kindness.

Allowing it to be just as it is.

Becoming fascinated by it.

Observing each inhalation moment to moment to moment as it passes through your nostrils,

Throat,

And lungs,

Entering in,

Becoming a part of you,

And observing each exhalation moment to moment from the lungs,

Moving up through the throat,

And out through the nostrils.

Allowing it to be just as it is.

Feel this exchange between yourself and the world around you.

Realizing how you are always connected to the space around you.

Through the breath,

Taking in oxygen,

Nourishing your body,

And expelling carbon dioxide,

Cleansing the body.

Every inhalation,

Taking in kindness from the space around you.

Allowing kindness to fill your lungs,

Your body.

With every exhalation,

Releasing kindness into the space around you.

Allowing kindness to fill your lungs,

Your body.

As you inhale,

If there are any areas of your body that have discomfort,

Or pain,

Or tension,

Or even lack of sensation,

Breathe kindness into these areas as you inhale.

And as you exhale,

Use the exhalation to release any tension or discomfort.

As you breathe,

Realize that you are part of the perfect balance of the world.

But as you take in oxygen from the world around you,

It nourishes you.

You then release the carbon dioxide,

Which no longer serves you,

And yet is vital for the plants and trees.

They take in that carbon dioxide and are nourished by it,

And then release oxygen,

Which no longer serves them.

Similarly,

It does not do any good for us or the world to hold on to our suffering.

Use your breath to inhale that pure nourishment,

Fulfillment,

Kindness,

Happiness from the world around you.

And as you exhale,

Let go of any discomfort that you might be holding onto within your body,

Within your emotions,

Within your mind.

And as you exhale,

Let go of any discomfort that you might be holding onto within your emotions.

As you let it go,

That which no longer serves you becomes potent nourishment for the world around you,

Like compost.

So let it all go.

Breathing in nourishment,

Vitality,

New life into the felt sense of the body as a whole.

Breathing out,

Releasing all tension,

All grasping,

All discomfort.

Allow awareness of the breath to move to the background,

The foreground of your awareness.

Feel into the stillness that lies beneath the movement of the breath,

Beneath the sensations of the body.

Experience the deep sense of peace within the stillness,

The deep sense of presence.

The deep sense of kindness,

Gentleness within this awareness.

It is still not pervading.

It is still not pervading.

Come aware of your breath.

And the felt sense of the body as a whole.

Feel the stability beneath you,

Connected to you,

Gently supporting you and holding you up.

Feel the air around you,

In which you are immersed,

Never separate from,

Like a fish in water.

And when you are ready,

Maintain a connection to the stillness within and around you.

As you gently and slowly begin to open your eyes and take in the world around you with kindness,

With gentleness,

With softness.

.

Every moment of every day,

We have choices of how we choose to perceive ourselves,

Our experiences,

And the world around us.

Today,

Try to allow your thoughts to be infused with kindness,

With gentleness,

Including towards yourself.

Buddhism offers lots of tools for working with the mind and cultivating different states.

It's about guiding our intention.

And it's not exclusive to the other religions.

I know many Christian Buddhists and Sufi Buddhists and Taoist Buddhists.

Because really,

It's a technology that can be used by anyone,

Regardless of what path one may walk.

It's simply a way of learning to work with being human and our suffering and our experiences.

To hopefully access the true nature that we all have within us of compassion,

Wisdom,

And kindness.

Thank you all for joining me today.

Reviews

Thank you so much Thomas for all your teachings, inluding your inspiring kindness. Thank you again to share your gifts and talents to the world with such generosity, kindness and humility ✨🙏💛

🌟The quote of the day on Insight Timer: Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible (Dalai Lama). The world needs kindness, including kindness to ourselves 🌟

Just perfect, Thomas. Thank you. And give my love please to the Bodhisattva of Patience.🙏💖

Just what I needed today. Thank you again for your teaching! Thomas!

Love this!...There is so much in it...I’m actually working on this one...👌👌Each time I listen I find it ever more evolving. As usual...🙏Thankyou Thomas for your heartfelt insights..⭐️😊

Thank you Thomas, that was an exquisite lecture and meditation on loving kindness.
Blessings.