Boosting Vitality Through Softening

Being human, it can be easy to harden as we go through life—to harden physically, emotionally, and mentally. Over time, this impedes the smooth flow of energy through the body, and diminishes vitality and our ability to live fully. As we soften into our true nature of stillness and light, the energy flows freely and we become more whole. This is a process of letting go of resistance, and moving from the sympathetic to the parasympathetic nervous system. This is a 30min talk and a 15min meditatio

Transcript

For today's class,

I thought I would speak about softening into our true nature to boost vitality.

As Chris mentioned,

Thit Nhat Hanh recently passed,

And so I thought I would start with a quote from him.

Every morning when we wake up,

We have 24 brand new hours to live.

What a precious gift.

We have the capacity to live in a way that these 24 hours will bring peace,

Joy,

And happiness to ourselves and others.

I wanted to start with this quote because it speaks to the core of what vitality is.

Sometimes we might think that vitality is having good energy,

But I really think that vitality is a fullness of life.

It's living fully in a natural state,

Grounded within ourselves and connected to others and the world around us,

In that place of peace,

Joy,

And happiness.

And as Thay says,

In a way that will bring peace,

Joy,

And happiness to ourselves and others.

That's the crux of it,

Because while we might want to have better vitality and fullness of life for ourselves,

The more we create that state of being and that state of consciousness within us,

The more that naturally spills over and begins to affect everyone around us.

And that happens without us trying to change anyone or anything at all.

Some of the greatest work we can do is this internal transformation to shift our state of consciousness and how we relate to ourselves and all that we experience in a way that brings greater vitality within us,

But also begins to spill over and bring greater joy and happiness and vitality into the lives of others.

As I said,

I view vitality as this fullness of life where we experience fully.

In a sense,

This is related to being healthy,

Whole within ourselves and connected to others and the world around us.

When we are in this state,

We not only have physical health,

But we are emotionally healthy,

We're mentally healthy,

Spiritually healthy,

Socially healthy,

And that lends itself to this fullness of life.

I would also suggest that this relates very closely to the Taoist and Buddhist concepts of the natural state or true nature.

Because as we move towards this place of wholeness within ourselves,

We naturally begin to move towards perceiving reality more clearly as it is.

We see beyond the obscurations of the mind and the conditioned habits of being,

And we begin to perceive each moment as it is and ourselves as we are from a grounded place of presence and experiential awareness.

In the traditions of Taoism and Chinese medicine,

They sometimes say that health and happiness occurs when the Qi flows freely through the body.

And so we sometimes translate Qi as life force or energy.

But at another level,

You could say that Qi is everything in existence,

Both physical and non-physical,

And they're just varying forms and levels of Qi.

When they say the Qi flows freely through the body,

They're referring to this movement of energy through the meridian system that connects heaven above and earth below within this individuated human body.

And from that place,

We're then able to connect the inside and the outside.

And so the spirit is grounded within the physicality of the body,

While simultaneously we are connected to everything and everyone around us.

So for those of you who are not as familiar with Chinese medicine,

You could say that all manifest illnesses are due to blockages in this flow of Qi.

And there's many different things that can contribute to blockages.

It can be a physical trauma.

It can be an emotional state that creates uneven movement of energy in the body that creates blockages within us.

It can be thoughts and conditioned habits of being.

And so as we move toward moving those blockages,

And the Qi and blood circulate freely through the body,

The body's own innate capacity to heal is stronger,

And it heals.

We heal,

And as we heal,

We become more whole because all the different multidimensional aspects of ourselves become more integrated and harmonized.

As that occurs,

It's similar to the removing of the obscurations from Buddhist perspective,

Where we begin to be more and more in the present moment,

Grounded within ourselves and experiencing everything with that fullness of vitality.

When we are in this natural state of the Qi flowing freely through the body,

The physical body is relaxed and at ease,

Without the presence of any unnecessary tension or guarding.

At an emotional level,

We experience emotions in the moment without attachment,

Allowing them to pass through our being and letting them go.

At a mental level,

One's mind is quiet and still with crystal clear insight into anything that we direct our mind to.

When we are in this state,

Life becomes more full and beautiful.

We're able to pierce through the veil of maya,

Of delusion,

And see clearly the beauty that is always inherently present in this moment.

Being human,

It's easy to get caught by attachment and aversion,

By fear,

By emotions,

And all those things take us out of that presence.

But as we work to ground within the present moment by being aware of our physical body,

By following the breath,

It begins to clear the path,

So we can see clearly that while we might have these difficult moments or experiences,

We are all impermanent,

Multidimensional,

Complex beings that are continually changing,

And that we are all part of this dance of continually changing form in the outer world.

But while things are continually changing in the outer world of form,

We are always inherently connected to the source within.

And as we learn to relax and trust more and more in that source,

We soften into our true nature.

As we do so,

Love,

Compassion,

And wisdom naturally arise.

We become more peaceful.

We create this atmosphere around us that begins to affect others.

And as they say in Taoism,

The sage does nothing,

But nothing is left undone.

This can be compared to relaxing into the state of being and letting go of the doing,

Trying to change things in the outer world to affect our experience.

As we relax into this source within us,

We realize that our core nature,

Our true nature,

Is stillness and light and love.

It takes practice,

And yet it is an ability that we all have.

Often,

The first step is putting our intention in that direction.

It can be easy to get distracted by things that are happening in the outer world or things that we are experiencing in our daily lives.

But the more we continually guide our intention back to this place of stillness and light within,

Everything else begins to take care of itself.

As Jesus said,

Seek ye first the kingdom of heaven,

And all these things will be added unto you.

And this is a theme in many different traditions,

That when we seek the source,

When we move towards our true nature,

Everything else naturally comes of its own accord.

To soften into our true nature takes practice,

As I said.

We have to let go of resistance.

We have to let go of the magnetizing pull of attachment and aversion that keeps us entangled in the outer reality.

Often what can help is things that help us move from the sympathetic nervous system,

The fight,

Flight,

And freeze response,

To the parasympathetic nervous system.

The rest digest and heal.

In modern society,

It's easy to be caught in a continual sympathetic loop,

Because there's always so much that we feel we have to juggle and deal with.

There's financial stress and job stress and driving in traffic and all these things that can keep us continually in the sympathetic nervous system.

But when we're in the sympathetic nervous system,

Our mind is often hyper-activated.

We are caught by the mind and we're more externalized in the outer world because we're trying to manage these seeming threats that might be coming our way.

When we shift into the parasympathetic nervous system,

Our awareness moves more deeply into our body and we begin to ground and relax in the place of presence,

Of being,

With each moment as it is.

As we move into the parasympathetic nervous system,

We become more peaceful and simultaneously we experience things more fully.

You know,

It's an interesting facet of being human that we cannot shut down our ability to experience selectively.

As we go through our lives,

Many of us experience more and different forms of trauma,

Physical,

Emotional,

Psychological,

Relational.

And as we experience those different forms of suffering and trauma,

We will tend to resist more.

And that resistance begins to slowly inhibit our capacity to experience.

We end up blocking out not only difficulty,

But actually we inhibit our ability to experience beauty and joy and happiness.

And so as we begin to cultivate this level of stillness and move towards that inner world,

Towards our true nature,

We begin shedding these layers that we have built up over time as defense mechanisms.

And it opens our ability to experience the joy in life more fully.

And I know this can be difficult,

Especially when we have moments of experiencing pain.

And yet pain can be an incredible teacher.

And it's a matter of shifting how we stand in relationship to it and trusting,

Having faith,

That we always have what we need in each moment.

You know,

The difficult moments in life are often part of what lead to growth.

I think that in modern society we conflate comfort and happiness.

And we think that happiness is the avoidance of suffering.

And while there's nothing wrong with experiencing times of comfort,

At the same time,

If we focus solely on comfort and safety and avoiding difficulty,

Challenge and suffering,

We actually shut ourselves down more.

And we stop growing.

I think that happiness is this vitality,

This fullness of life and experience where we are continually growing and evolving and moving more deeply into ourselves and becoming who we are meant to be in this world.

As we do so,

We bring forth that unique beauty that each of us is here to share,

To contribute to the world.

You know,

It's like a symphony.

We are all unique and we all are our own instrument and we all have our own note and song to play.

And that can include times of difficulty and times of great beauty.

But all of it combines to bring us this fullness of vitality and life.

And it's all here to teach us and to continually guide us towards finding that true nature within us,

To let us reveal it.

As I said,

When we move towards the parasympathetic nervous system and this inner state of stillness,

We become more peaceful.

And I'll share another quote from Thich Nhat Hanh.

If we are peaceful,

If we are happy,

We can smile and blossom like a flower and everyone in our family,

Our entire society will benefit from our peace.

And so this speaks to that idea that as we move towards this true nature and cultivate that peacefulness and happiness within,

We naturally begin to unfold like a flower.

And just as when we see a beautiful flower,

It brings joy to all those that witness it.

Just us being ourselves and bringing forth our natural beauty will bring that joy and happiness and peace to those around us.

It changes the atmosphere and it's a great gift to those who encounter it.

But this takes dedication and courage,

Commitment and humility.

We have to have dedication to continually guide our intention back to the path.

We have to have the courage to have those moments of experiencing fear and yet still doing what we know to be skillful and right and not being reactive to the fear.

We have to have commitment so that even when things are difficult or we might be losing hope or faith,

That we continue on the path.

And we have to have humility because the ego can be very wily and it's the ego that is more attached to comfort and safety and it has the attachment and aversion that keeps us out of that place of stillness within.

And so we have to cultivate humility to soften the ego,

To let go of thinking that we might know what is right or best for ourselves or others or the world,

And to trust that the divine is unfolding as it needs to in each moment.

And that like gravity,

We as individuals and the world as a whole are continually being pulled towards that state of perfection.

As I said earlier,

It's important to let go of resistance.

Coming back to the meridians and the flow of chi through the body,

When we resist,

It creates stagnation and stasis.

It impedes the natural flow.

Who was it?

I think Ram Dass who coined the phrase,

What you resist will persist.

It's one of those paradoxes of life that when we resist something,

We actually end up giving it more strength and power and it continues to grow.

Whereas when we let go of resistance,

Things will move through and continue because everything is impermanent.

It's also important to know that it's natural to have cycles.

Cycles are a natural part of life,

From day moving into night into day to the change of seasons.

And sometimes being human,

It can be easy to get attached to a conceptual ideal of how we think we are supposed to be or the world is supposed to be.

When we get caught by that conceptual ideal and strive after it,

It often impedes the natural cycles.

When we're caught by the sympathetic nervous system,

It can be easy to think that we should be quote-unquote on all the time.

That we should have limitless energy and we should always be able to manage everything that's happening.

But that doesn't allow any room for cycles,

For inward times of stillness and rest and acknowledging that we might need that.

Or having appropriate boundaries to say,

I would love to but I can't right now.

And so we need to learn to take care of this little piece of the universe that we are responsible for,

Ourselves.

And to allow ourselves to have times of high energy and low energy.

To have vacillations in our state of consciousness.

All the while knowing that there is this stillness and light within.

And on that note,

It's also important to be gentle with ourselves.

Because even on the spiritual path or sometimes especially on the spiritual path,

It can be easy to think that we are supposed to be some way all the time.

That we have to meditate ten minutes or half an hour or an hour every day.

That we are supposed to just be this limitless well of compassion all the time.

And then when we have those moments of being human,

Of missing a sit or having a different emotion come up,

We can be really hard on ourselves.

And that creates greater stagnation and stasis as well.

And so first and foremost we have to develop a high level of self-compassion.

To be gentle with ourselves.

To know that we are human and we will all make mistakes.

We'll all have moments of being unskillful.

And the key is to not feel guilty about it,

But to acknowledge it and take responsibility for it and come back to that dedication to move towards the goal.

As I said at the beginning,

This is a process of softening into our natural state,

Into our true nature.

The tendency of the mind when it gets caught by attachment and aversion,

When the ego becomes harder,

Is that we resist.

That rather than softening into this truth within us,

We try to change things in the world around us or change other people to try to make ourselves feel better or feel happy.

And so we have to continually soften into ourselves rather than hardening and trying to enforce our will.

As I was seeing patients in clinical practice over 15 years,

I really came to believe that so much of the imbalances and manifest illnesses that I witnessed often come from the stress that we create for ourselves by being hard on ourselves.

One of the most beneficial things we can do for ourselves and for others is to learn to soften and have greater self-compassion.

It's another interesting aspect of being human that often the way we relate towards others is a reflection of how we relate to ourselves.

And so if we're hard on ourselves and we judge ourselves and we feel a lot of guilt,

We will tend to be hard on others and judge others and try to make them feel guilty.

When we have compassion for ourselves and we're gentle with ourselves,

We tend to extend that compassion and gentleness to others.

When we acknowledge that we make mistakes,

That we are not always skillful,

That we sometimes have suffering that causes us to act in unskillful ways,

It becomes easier to see that others' unskillful actions stem from their own suffering that we may not even know about or understand.

Because when someone is truly happy and full of vitality,

They do not cause as much harm or suffering to others.

When we are acting from that place of our true nature,

We have that compassion and wisdom and love that overflows.

And so when others aren't acting in that way,

It almost always indicates that they are suffering.

And so knowing that,

It creates the space to be more compassionate,

To take things less personally,

And to allow our softness to maybe,

Like water on rocks,

Gently disintegrate that hardness.

There are many things that we can do to move towards this softening.

The body and the breath are two techniques,

Two places of focus that are often employed in different traditions to help us come towards the stillness and peace and softening that leads us to the experiential awareness of our true nature.

When we focus on the movement of the breath,

As it flows in and out in each moment,

It begins to calm and steady the mind.

As we bring awareness to the felt sense of the body,

We become aware of where we might be resisting or creating tension or guarding,

And we can use our awareness and the breath to begin to soften those places.

Abdominal breathing is an excellent practice,

Combining both body and breath awareness.

And when we use abdominal breathing,

It has many other benefits as well.

To engage in abdominal breathing,

The diaphragm has to descend,

And the diaphragm is a muscle that as it pushes down,

Actually begins to compress a lot of the internal organs,

Which helps with detoxification as well as bringing fresh blood supply to those organs.

So it's very healing for the digestive system and internal organs.

Abdominal breathing also helps us shift from the sympathetic nervous system to the parasympathetic nervous system.

We can feel ourselves,

Our consciousness,

Relaxing deeper into the core of our being.

So,

Let us practice.

Please find a comfortable and stable posture for meditation.

You can be seated or lying down.

The most important thing is that you have stability beneath you,

Supporting you,

So that you can completely let go of any unnecessary tension.

If you are seated,

Please check to make sure that the knees are below the hips,

And allow the spine to rise with its natural curves up towards heaven.

Allow the shoulders to relax back and down,

And check that the head is situated directly over the shoulders and neck.

Once you are in your meditative posture,

Begin to bring awareness to the natural movement of the breath.

It might be long or short,

Choppy or smooth,

Shallow or deep.

Simply observe the natural movement of the breath and allow it to be as it is.

Move to slow motion,

This is called Leo'sexhale,

And begin to notice the very start of each inhalation.

Follow it for the duration and notice when each inhalation ends.

There's a pause and then notice the beginning of each exhalation.

Follow the exhalation for its duration and notice when it ends and there's a pause.

If thoughts come in,

Gently let them go and return to focus on the moment-to-moment movement of the breath.

As you continue to follow each momentary movement of the breath,

Begin to add in abdominal breathing with each inhalation,

Allowing the abdomen to gently expand and with each exhalation,

Allowing the abdomen to gently contract,

Allowing the chest and shoulders to remain relaxed and still and it doesn't have to be a very deep breath,

Just whatever is comfortable and accessible to you at this moment.

As you continue to engage in abdominal breathing,

Bring awareness to the felt sense of the body as a whole.

Allow your awareness to gently scan the body and let it flow through your body.

As you continue to engage in abdominal breathing,

Allow your awareness to gently scan the body.

Notice if there are any areas of tension or guarding and with each exhalation,

Allow your awareness to soften into those areas.

As you continue to engage in abdominal breathing,

Allow your awareness to soften into those areas.

As your awareness scans the body,

As the body,

If any thoughts or emotions come up,

Use the exhalation to gently let them go.

As you continue to engage in abdominal breathing,

Allow your awareness to soften into those areas.

Allow your awareness to soften into those areas.

As you continue to breathe and soften,

Notice the stillness within.

Focus on the stillness.

Allow the stillness to expand throughout your body.

Experiencing the body as a still,

Empty container of consciousness,

Now bring awareness to the heart center of your brain.

Now,

Bring awareness to the heart center in the center of the chest.

Allow your awareness to soften into the space.

As you soften into the heart center,

You may become aware of a point of light.

Allow this light to begin to expand,

Filling the heart center,

Expanding out,

Filling the chest and torso,

Down through the legs,

Out through the arms,

And up through the head.

Launch your body as stillness and light.

This is your true nature.

Bring awareness back to the felt sense of the body as a whole.

Feel the stability beneath you,

Supporting you,

And holding you up,

And the air around you in which you are immersed like a fish in water.

And when you are ready,

Maintain a connection to the stillness and light within as you gently and slowly begin to open your eyes,

Taking in the world around you,

Letting it flow through you.

We all have this true nature of stillness and light and love.

It's a practice to continually come back to it,

To realize that we always are this state of being,

Simply that we forget.

And so we practice by taking five minutes or ten minutes or half an hour to sit on our cushion.

And yet the real practice is to begin to bring that with intention throughout our day,

To notice our breath,

To notice our body,

Whatever we might be doing,

Whatever we might be involved in,

And to continually remember this state of consciousness within us.

I'll end with another quote from Thich Nhat Hanh.

Enlightenment,

Peace,

And joy will not be granted by someone else.

The well is within us,

And if we dig deeply in the present moment,

The water will spring forth.

We must go back to the present moment in order to really be alive.

Thank you all for joining me today.

Reviews

I found the teacher’s tone of voice soothing, and the content of the talk put my mind at ease. I fell into a light sleep before the meditation started, and woke up at the end feeling refreshed. I’ll save this to play again. 🙏🏼

I love his voice, the pace at which he speaks, and the meditation as the end, as well as the thoughtful and wise message he offers.

Thank you for clarifying the process of softening. Thank you for the practice of softening. I do sense the stillness, light and love within me and around me.
🙏

Thank you so very much, Thomas. Your teachings and meditations continue to enlighten, guide, and comfort me 🙏

A great talk and meditation which reminds me to release fear and show myself and others more compassion. My challenge is being in the body and breath when I have physical discomfort and shortness of breath. It does sometimes help to be with the symptoms and to soften but at other times it is hard. Thank you 🙏😊

my other favorite talk of yours you use the word soften a lot. i (people) seem to focus on a word or a concept that reflects where they currently are. Today is my wedding anniversary. the first one since my husband died. I am blessed with so many family and friends reaching out to make sure i’m ok. i’m one of the lucky ones.

i especially loved this talk because of the focus of leaning, depending on God. Seeking first the kingdom of heaven… when i do that i am strengthened. the only message i’ve heard from God in the last eight months is, feed my sheep (help others). and that’s what i do. i continue to give my phone number to the newcomer in an aa meeting. or check on an elderly neighbor to see if they need anything. and when i do that i’m not in my head. and when i’m not in my head i have a lot more peace. thank you again 🙏

Soooo much incredible wisdom, insight and teachings in this powerful session! This is one to replay often! Thank you Thomas! Wow wow WOW 💕🙏🏼💕

One of my favourites! It takes me right to the essence of being. Thank you Thomas for your gift of insight, and for sharing your wisdom and the quotes of others. May this work bring you great satisfaction and joy. 🙇🏻‍♀️🙏

Such insightful guidance…so grateful!!!♥️🙏🏻

There is such a lot of wisdom here! Thank you, Thomas, for the reassurance that we can achieve our natural state and live life fully while still acknowledging our humanity. Encouraging words and a beautiful meditation! 🙏🌟⭐️

Complete, so much wisdom, thank you 🤍

💗 💗 Such a powerful teaching and meditation Thomas. Loved it so much will be sharing it with those I know will benefit. Thank you for imparting your wisdom with us here 🙏🏻

Another beautiful sharing, dear Thomas. Thank you and hope life is flowing smoothly.🙏🦋😆

Everything I needed to hear today!! Thank you!🙏🏼💗💫

Complex and thoughtful. Thank you 🙏🏼

Thank you for another precious talk!
Good reminder that self-compassion is paramount for me and towards the others. Namaste! 🙏💞