You Can Never Die And Heal Your Relationships

A very loving and compassionate teaching by Thich Nhat Hanh. We learn about no sameness, no otherness. No birth, no death. That is the nature of all that is. You can never die. Everything is this way.

We can lose all fear. When you touch your true nature, you are free from birth and death. We carry all our ancestors in our body. When we walk, our ancestors walk with us at the same time. We don’t just walk for ourselves, but we also walk for our ancestors. The same is with our spiritual ancestors - we are the continuation of these ancestors too. Are they alive in you?

What if you have difficult ancestors - your father, mother, grandparent, etc? You can still talk with them and help them to transform. This is a good practice.

Look deeply, rediscover and restore your relationships.

Transcript

When you look into the family album,

You see you as a five-year-old boy,

Or a five-year-old girl,

And you ask,

Am I the same person with this little boy,

Or am I a different person?

Because now you look so different from the little boy.

Your form,

Your feelings,

Your perceptions,

Your mental formations,

Your consciousness are very different from the five aggregates of the little boy.

So you are not the same with the little boy that used to be you.

But you are not a totally different person either.

So the truth is that you are neither the same nor a different one.

We know that this plant of corn is the continuation of the kernel of corn that we planted several weeks ago.

The kernel of corn that we planted several weeks ago.

The grain of corn is still alive.

Even if we do not see it in the form we used to see,

It is always there.

We cannot remove the grain of corn out of the plant of corn.

It is there in every cell of the corn stalk.

So those of us who know how to look deeply,

We can see the presence of the kernel of corn in every cell of the corn stalk.

The same thing is true with our parents.

We may think that our father has passed away,

Has died,

But our father is always alive in us.

And we can get in touch with our father in every cell of our body.

And you can talk to your father.

Daddy,

I know you are there.

So a conversation between the son,

The daughter,

And the father is always possible.

If the image of the father you used to know is no longer there.

So the form of the kernel,

Corn kernel,

Is no longer there.

But the kernel of corn is always there.

In other forms.

It is like this glass of tea.

The tea in this glass is the continuation of the cloud yesterday floating in the sky.

So the cloud has not really died.

The cloud has become the tea.

And when you look into the tea,

You see your beloved cloud.

Hello my dear little cloud,

I know you are still there.

The tea can talk to the cloud.

The cloud is inside of the tea.

My cloud,

You are my ancestor.

Yesterday you were in the sky and I was with you also.

Now I am in this cup in the form of tea and you are in me.

So the tea can talk to the cloud.

And the cloud has not died.

We have learned that it is impossible for a cloud to die.

To die means from something you become nothing.

But it is impossible for a cloud to become nothing.

It becomes rain or snow or ice,

But never nothing.

So death is not possible.

If we look deeply into the heart of things,

We find out that everything has the nature of no birth and no death.

The cloud has not been born.

It just manifests in the form of a cloud.

The cloud has not come from nothing.

The cloud has not come from the realm of non-being into the realm of being.

Before taking the form of a cloud,

The cloud had been the water in the ocean.

So it has not come from nothing.

So the nature of the cloud is the nature of no birth and no death.

And not only the nature of the cloud is like that,

No birth and no death,

The nature of everything is no birth and no death.

The nature,

Your nature,

Is impossible for you to die.

You can never die.

And interestingly enough,

Modern science agrees with that.

We think of the first law of thermodynamics,

The law of conservation of matter and energy.

We know that matter cannot be destroyed.

Matter cannot be created.

You can transfer one kind of matter into another kind.

You can transform matter into energy.

You can transform one kind of energy into another kind of energy.

And you can transform energy back into matter.

But you cannot create matter or energy and you cannot destroy it.

So the nature of matter and energy is the nature of no birth and no death.

And Antoine Lavoisier has said it very beautifully,

Renaissance,

Renaissance,

Nothing is born,

Nothing dies.

That is the truth.

So our cosmic body,

We have a physical body,

But we have our cosmic body.

Our cosmic body is the Kingdom of God.

And in the Kingdom of God,

Nothing is born,

Nothing dies.

The true nature of reality.

And we have a beautiful example yesterday,

The image of a wave.

When we look into a wave that appears on the surface of the ocean,

We have the impression the wave is fragile,

Impermanent.

The wave has her own body,

Wave body.

Like we have a physical body.

But the wave also has her water body,

Ocean body.

And the moment when the wave realizes that she has an ocean body,

She loses all fear and she enjoys going up,

She enjoys going down.

She is no longer fearful because she is capable of touching her ocean body.

If the wave suffers because she only knows that she has a wave body,

She has a beginning and end,

She has to go up and to go down,

She is not the other wave.

And all these notions,

Beginning,

Ending,

Birth and death,

Going up and going down,

Make her suffer a lot.

But the moment when she realizes that she is water,

And her ground is water,

She loses all these notions and fear and anger and jealousy,

And she is happy,

She enjoys going up,

She enjoys going down.

So when you touch your true nature,

You are free from birth and death.

Imagine the cloud in the sky.

The cloud has his ocean body also,

Because the cloud has come also from the ocean.

The cloud has his cloud body.

But it also has his ocean body.

When you look at the cloud body,

You have the impression that that is something fragile,

Impermanent.

But if the cloud realizes that he has a water body,

An ocean body,

And then is no longer afraid of dying,

Because dying is impossible.

To die is impossible.

Interestingly enough,

The teaching of no birth and no death goes perfectly with the finding of modern science.

Things change,

But they are not born,

They do not die.

Rihanna-sukre,

Rihanna-sukre,

Two su-transform.

And that is the first characteristic of the bijas,

Of the seed in alaya-bhishnana,

Store consciousness.

We have blood ancestors.

Our father,

Our mother,

Our grandfather,

Our grandmother,

They are alive in us.

Do not think that they have died.

It is impossible for our ancestors to die.

It is like the grain of corn.

She is always alive in the plant of corn.

The plant of corn carries the seed of corn always with her.

So we carry our father,

Our mother,

Our ancestors in every cell of our body,

And we can talk to them at any time.

And when we walk,

Our ancestors walk.

And if you can make peaceful,

Happy,

Joyful steps,

Our ancestors enjoy these happy,

Peaceful,

Joyful steps at the same time.

So you do not walk just for yourself,

You walk for your ancestors.

And when you breathe in mindfully and enjoy the fresh air,

And your ancestors in you also breathe in at the same time and enjoy the fresh air.

Because their nature is the nature of no birth and no death.

And we also have our spiritual ancestors,

Mohammed,

Jesus,

Buddha,

Abraham.

We are the continuation of our ancestors.

We have to find our ancestors in us.

The safest place to be in touch with our spiritual ancestors is in us.

If you are a good practitioner of Christianity,

Then Jesus is always alive in yourself because he is your spiritual ancestor.

And when you walk,

He walks with you.

When you breathe,

He walks with you.

And he breathes with you.

So Jesus Christ is always available in our daily life.

The same thing is true with a Buddhist practitioner.

If we practice mindful walking,

Mindful breathing,

The Buddha in us practices mindful breathing,

Mindful walking at the same time.

And the Buddha is always alive in us.

Jesus Christ is always alive in us.

Because we have received the teaching,

We are born spiritually from our root teacher.

And that is why it is possible for us to talk to Nilo,

With our spiritual ancestor,

At any time.

Like the plant of corn,

She knows that the corn kernel is still alive and she can talk to the corn kernel at any time.

In the case you have a difficult ancestor,

A difficult father,

A difficult mother,

In the case there is a difficult relationship with the father,

With the mother,

With the brother,

And we can still talk to them and help them to transform in us.

This is a good practice.

Suppose our father had a lot of difficulties.

And there is a lot of suffering in him,

A lot of difficulties in him.

But he did not know how to take care,

To handle,

To transform the suffering in him.

And that is why he remains always the victim of his own suffering.

And his suffering is transmitted to you.

That is why sometimes you suffer and you don't know why you suffer.

Because the suffering of the father has been transmitted to the son or the daughter.

Because the suffering of the father has been transmitted to the son or the daughter.

And you can talk to your father inside.

Daddy,

I know that you suffer quite a lot.

You were not lucky.

You had not met a spiritual friend,

A teacher,

And did not know how to transform.

But now I have the chance to meet a spiritual friend,

The teaching and the teacher.

And I'm going to practice in order to transform the suffering in me.

And that is your suffering also.

If I transform the suffering in me,

Then you are transformed also in me.

So everything you do for yourself,

You do for your father,

Your mother and your ancestors.

There are young people who are so angry at their father that they cannot talk to their father.

They cannot look at their father.

And they can say,

That person,

I don't want to have anything to do with him.

And there are young people who say like that.

It looks like they don't want to have anything to do with their father.

But the hard fact is that they are the continuation of their father.

They are their father.

It is impossible to remove their father from them.

It's like this plant of corn.

Suppose she is angry at the corn kernel.

And she wants to remove the corn kernel from her.

It's impossible.

And that is why there is only one way to do it.

To recognize your father inside of you and try to understand the suffering and try to transform.

There is that practice.

Breathing in,

I see myself as a five year old boy or girl.

Breathing out,

I smile to five year old boy or girl.

Breathing in,

I see the five year old boy or girl in me is fragile,

Vulnerable.

Breathing out,

I feel a lot of compassion for that little boy and that little girl in me who was me.

And then breathing in,

I see my father as a five year old boy.

Because our father had been also a fragile,

Vulnerable little boy.

And as a fragile,

Vulnerable little boy,

He suffered also.

So when we are able to see the suffering of our father,

Suddenly our anger disappears.

When we see the suffering and the origin of the suffering in our father,

We don't want to punish him anymore.

Instead we want to do something,

To say something to help him suffer less.

Our anger has transformed into compassion.

So meditation has that power.

When you recognize the suffering,

When you begin to understand the nature of suffering,

In him or in her,

Compassion is born in your heart.

And when compassion is born,

You don't suffer anymore.

You don't want to punish anymore.

You can say nice things to him or to her.

You can listen with compassion.

You can restore communication.

You can help him or her suffer less.

And you can bring about reconciliation.

And that can be done quickly also.

So we need insight in order to make compassion born in our heart.

Daddy,

I know you have suffered so much in the past many years.

I have not been able to help you to suffer less.

And yet I have reacted in such a way that has made you suffer more and so on.

It's not my intention,

Daddy,

To make you suffer.

That's just because I have not seen the suffering in you.

I have not understood the suffering in you.

So please,

Father,

Tell me of your suffering,

Of your difficulties.

Please help me to understand.

I know that if I understand your suffering,

I will not react like the way I have and make you suffer more.

Please help me.

That is the kind of speech called loving speech that you can use when there is compassion in your heart.

And when you speak like that,

You open his heart and tell you about what is in your heart.

And that practice of deep listening is very healing.

Listening with compassion you make a person suffer less.

And then you can restore communication and heal the wounds.

Even if your father is no longer in the form that you used to recognize.

Many decades ago,

Two decades ago,

There was a young American who came to the Upper Hamlet here to practice.

And he had his homework,

Write a love letter to your mother.

And you do walking meditation,

Sitting meditation,

Two or three days,

Reflecting on your mother.

And then you sit down and write the love letter.

That is meditation.

And he was able to write a wonderful letter.

And reported that in the beginning he was very doubtful.

Because he was angry at his mother.

He could not communicate with his mother.

But because it is an exercise of meditation,

That is why he had to write a letter.

But in order to write a letter he had to practice breathing in and out,

Calm his emotions,

And look into reality as it is.

So during these two or three days he found out many virtues of his mother.

Because when you are angry at someone,

You only remember what is not pleasant in him or in her.

But when you have enough time to look,

You can discover many wonderful things in him or in her.

So with that kind of discovery he was able to write a very beautiful letter.

And after having finished the letter he felt wonderful.

He found that he had rediscovered his mother again.

He had a new mother.

And when his mother read the letter she was transformed.

She rediscovered her beloved son.

And she was healed.

They were able to reconcile just because of one letter.

And she wrote to him,

My son,

I am so happy that you wrote that letter.

I rediscovered my beloved son.

I am very proud of you.

And I want to write a letter like that to my mom,

Your grandma.

Your grandma.

Because I did have difficulties with your grandma.

But now she has passed away,

I have no chance to write such a letter.

And that is why the collision is no longer possible when the other person has died.

The young man in Upper Hamlet wrote back and said,

Mother,

Write it anyway because my grandma is always alive in you.

If you sit down and look deeply you see that grandma is always present in every cell of your body.

And as you continue,

As you begin to write the letter,

My grandma begins to read it right away.

So that is possible with the insight of no birth and no death.

The non-duality between father and son,

Mother and daughter,

Is wonderful.

The restoration of communication,

The reconciliation with the other person can take place in just a few days of practice.

So if you have some difficulties in your relationship with your father,

With your mother,

With your partner,

Don't allow the situation to continue.

With the practice we can transform the situation.

The practice of mindful breathing,

The practice of mindful walking will calm down our feelings,

Our emotions,

And allow us to look deeply and to rediscover.

Reviews

Inexpectedly beautiful message about healing wounds with ones parents.

A wonderful teaching that once heard can't be unheard. A lesson about no beginnings and no endings. It's beautiful to learn we are on a journey with ourselves and our ancestors and we can transform those relationships. I am grateful to hear the voice and wisdom of Thich Nhat Hanh. Every word was precious, and a repeat listen can clarify every word..

Any talk from Thach ghat Han is powerful. Parts of it were very hard to understand because of all the noise and coughing in the audience. But the parts I could hear were wonderful. ♥️💜🤍♥️💜🤍

Thank you. Such enlightening insight. NAMASTE 🙏🏽 ✨️

Beautiful. I am inspired to now write a letter to my own mother. This is the first talk I have listened to by Thich Nhat Hnanh and I am interested to hear more of his talks. Again, beautiful to the point where I can not even describe.

Love Thich Nhat Hanh, his teaching is transformational

Teaching awakens hope. The recording is difficult in places to hear Tie because of the coughing.

Profound. I'm grateful for this beautiful, healing truth.

such great powerful words used with wisdom. I am grateful for this speaking. Thank you.

If you have any resentments toward anyone, this talk offers a fast track to healing and reconciliation. Grateful for the prayers of healing this talk inspired . Love ya’s all 😊🙏🌱☘️🍀💚💜🥰🥰

I like exploring the spiritual roots of connection with others and myself. The wave is made of water. The cloud is in my tea. Transformation is nature. Don’t be a victim to transformation and suffering. We are always evolving. Follow your heart and mind as it is speaking to you now.

I love this so much, thankyou so so much. Exactly what I needed to hear today

Amazing! IM going to mindfully breathe & mindfully walk & mindfully write to my mother. I hope I have the courage to give it to her 🙏🏼

Dear Thay, thank you for being one of my early teachers in mindfulness. I miss your presence, but never your teachings. They are alive in me.

Thank you Thich Nhat Hanh, your endless teachings live on through the listeners of your wisdom

I love this recording so much so beautiful. I wonder if there is a way for a sound editor to be able to remove the background noise of the many people who seem to be sick. Or with allergies, I would love to be able to not hear so much background noise.

So beautiful to be able to continue to connect with his teachings since he has passed from his physical form

This spoke directly to my heart and has given me a helpful practice for resolving issues with family members past and present❤️

Thay take my love with you. May we be worthy Torchbearers of your living legacy.

Rest in deep love, Thay. No-birth, no-death. With us always. Deep gratitude to you. 🙏🏼