The Compassionate Line & Our Idea Of Happiness

The telephone line should be called the “compassionate line.” We hope this line can be established everywhere so that young people in their suffering, despair, and strong emotions can have someone to talk with. Suicide is a real issue and young people they feel lonely and suffer so much. Who can they talk with? Someone who has the capacity to listen. Each of us can make a vow to be that person who has the capacity to listen. Avalokiteshvara, the bodhisattva of deep listening. Compassionate listening. We have to cultivate this capacity and transform ourselves in this bodhisattva. Without the capacity of listening deeply, we cannot understand.

According to the teachings of the Buddha, love is born from the ground of understanding. We can apply this in our relationships and our families. Understanding is not something that happens “just like that” – it takes time and we have to give our ideas, our views, our prejudices, our judgment.

This is Part I of a dharma talk given on 11/25/04

Transcript

Good morning dear sangha.

Today is the 25th of November in the year 2004 and we are in the lower hamlet during our fall retreat.

This morning we spoke about a telephone line that should be called the compassionate line.

And we hope that that line should be established everywhere so that the young people in their despair,

In their suffering,

In their strong emotions may have a chance to talk to someone who could understand them.

We learned that the number of young people who die,

Who commit suicide every day is very alarming.

33 of them every day in France is a lot.

And they should do something in order to avoid that kind of damage.

The young people,

They feel lonely,

They feel cut off even from their parents.

And when they have a strong emotion,

They suffer so much they don't know how to handle the suffering.

They may think that the only way to stop suffering is to go and kill themselves.

The compassionate line should be there for them.

In a moment of despair,

Of utmost suffering,

They should be able to talk to someone.

And who is that someone?

A psychotherapist,

A doctor,

A teacher,

Or someone who has the capacity of listening?

Who is that one that is ready to listen to them?

And each of us has to make a vow to become that person.

In the Buddhist tradition,

We speak of a person who has the capacity of listening to the people who suffer.

And that person is named Avalokiteshvara.

Avalokiteshvara means the one who is capable of listening.

And we call that person the Bodhisattva of deep listening,

The Bodhisattva of compassionate listening.

And that capacity to listen deeply with compassion has to be cultivated.

If you are a friend,

You should be able to listen to your friend with compassion and deeply,

In order to be really a true friend.

If you are a parent,

You should be able to listen with compassion and deeply to your child.

You should transform yourself into the Bodhisattva of deep listening.

Because without deep listening,

Without compassionate listening,

There will be no communication.

And in many cases,

We live with love.

We truly love and wish that the other person be happy.

We are able to listen.

Without the capacity of listening deeply,

We cannot understand.

And without understanding,

Love is not real,

Love is not possible.

In the teaching of the Buddha,

Love is something that is born from the ground of understanding.

You cannot love unless you understand.

And this is so easy to understand.

A husband that doesn't understand his wife,

How could he love her?

A wife does not understand her husband.

If she does not understand the difficulties,

The despair,

The hope of her husband,

How could she love her?

That's why her practice as a wife is to listen deeply with compassion,

With no prejudices in order to understand her husband.

And if the father does not understand the son,

The daughter,

Does not know what is the kind of difficulties his son is undergoing,

And then how could the father love his son?

That is why it's so clear,

So simple,

To see that understanding is the ground of love.

You cannot say that you love him or her unless you understand him or her.

And understanding is not something that just happens like that.

You have to practice looking deeply,

You have to practice listening deeply in order to really understand.

You have to be able to give up your ideas,

Your prejudices,

Because you may already have an idea as to how that person can be happy.

And you want to impose that idea on him or on her.

And by doing so,

You make him or her suffer,

But you don't know.

You still believe that you continue to love him or her.

You may be very sincere,

You may have a lot of love within yourself,

But that is not love yet.

That is the intention to love,

The willingness to love and to make one person happy.

That's not love yet.

In order to truly love,

You have to understand.

And that is why if we love someone,

We should try to understand him or her deeply.

Understanding what the kind of difficulties that that person has,

The kind of suffering that person has within himself or herself,

The kind of deep hope,

Deep desire that the person has within himself or herself,

The kind of obstacles that person is encountering in his or her daily life,

You have to see all of that.

And if you don't see everything,

How could you see everything?

You can see a lot,

But not everything.

You should ask him or her.

You should go and say,

Darling,

Do you think I understand you enough?

And then she will tell you,

He will tell you.

And you ask with all your heart,

Darling,

Do you think I understand you enough?

You can ask this question to your partner,

To your father,

To your mother,

To your daughter,

To your son.

And if it's a real question,

If that is a question that is asked with all your being,

And then that person will tell you and help you to understand more.

And when you understand,

You will not continue to do or to say things that will make him or her suffer.

You help him or her to overcome the difficulties.

And that is true love.

True love comes from understanding.

The compassionate line cannot be set up by the telephone company alone.

You only have to pay something and then they will set up a line.

But that does not mean that with telephone you can communicate.

Telephone is everywhere,

You can pick up one everywhere in your city.

And yet with the telephone in your hand you cannot communicate.

In order to communicate really you have to be free of your views,

Your opinions,

Your judgments.

You have to be free of your prejudices.

And then with the absence of prejudices and judgment,

You have the opportunity to look deeply and to see reality in itself,

The reality of the other person.

Because you declare that you love him or her,

But you have not really understood him or her at all.

You have to practice looking deeply by yourself.

And you can ask that person to help you to understand.

And that is the practice of love.

But you might think that it is the other person that you have not understood.

Because the fact remains that you have not understood yourself.

You don't know enough about yourself.

You don't understand the nature of your own suffering.

You have not understood the difficulties that you are going through.

You don't understand the nature of your difficulties,

The roots of your difficulties,

And your desire.

You are in a difficult situation.

And because you don't understand your own situation,

You don't understand yourself,

You continue to be caught in a situation.

And you don't even want to get out of that situation.

There is a young nun of nineteen who wrote to Thay the other day.

And she told Thay about her life as a teenager.

There is something very true in what she said.

She said,

Thay,

When you are caught in a situation,

You might think that that situation is normal.

And you don't see yourself in that situation.

And that is why you don't have the desire to get out of the situation.

Unless someone comes and takes you to a far away place,

Maybe a little bit higher,

And looks back to your situation,

Then you have a chance to see that that is a situation that you don't want to be.

And that is a kind of enlightenment.

If you don't have the desire to get out of that situation,

You will never get out of it.

And that is why the first thing you do is to have a desire to get out of that situation.

And you get that desire only by leaving that place,

Go to a far away place,

And look back.

And now you see that this is not a good situation.

You and your beloved one are caught in that situation.

You want to get out,

And you want your beloved one to get out also,

Because both of you are suffering deeply every day.

So first of all,

There is a desire,

There should be a desire to get out.

And if you are the first one who is able to get out,

You will be able to help rescue the other person,

Help the other person to taste the taste of freedom and true love.

Because true love,

True happiness cannot be without freedom.

Everyone of us has an idea as to what happiness is.

And we are committed to that idea.

We say that if I cannot get this and that and that,

Well,

Happiness will not be possible.

So you describe your happiness,

You have an idea of your happiness,

And you are striving not to arrive at that.

Suppose a young person who falls in love with someone else,

And in her passion,

Attachment,

She could not see more than that person.

She said that that person is the only reason why she has to be alive.

Her raison d'être.

If she cannot marry that person,

It is better that she dies.

With happiness,

It cannot be possible without that person beside her.

And her idea is to get him or to die.

But for those of us who have not got into that situation,

We are able to see that happiness can come from every direction.

Happiness can come from the West,

From the East,

From the North,

From the South,

From the Earth,

From the Below.

And if we are committed to just one idea of happiness,

And then we block all the avenues,

We block all the venues,

Happiness comes and knocks on your door,

Please,

Open,

I am happiness,

You snake,

No,

You are not happiness.

And you refuse every opportunity to be happy,

Because you are already committed to one idea of happiness.

And many young people commit suicide because they cannot get,

They cannot marry the person they love.

In the history of love,

There are plenty of things like that.

And those of us who are free,

We see that happiness can come from everywhere and at every moment.

The morning sunshine can bring happiness,

Half an hour of walking leisurely can bring happiness,

Having a cup of tea with our friend or our teacher can bring a lot of happiness,

Happiness can be there at every moment of our life.

Why do we have to commit ourselves to just one idea of happiness?

This morning we spoke of joy and happiness,

Born from the practice of releasing,

Of letting go.

And the first thing we have to let go is our idea of happiness.

If we are able to let go of our idea of happiness,

Happiness will come very easily.

If you are not happy,

It may be because you are holding very hard to your idea of happiness.

And if your beloved one is not happy,

Because you keep imposing your idea of happiness on him or on her,

It is very clear,

Very simple.

Reviews

Love requires deep listening and understanding. Otherwise I guess you are just loving the image of the person. A beautiful talk that starts with a bit of a shock with the theme of suicide. Wisdom words that are so obvious but yet so dificult to practice.

Thanks for the reminder.

Timeless and evergreen: it landed on me as a missing piece I didn’t even know I’d lost !

All Ways such enriching nourishment towards understanding💜🙏💜
BEing with awareness 💜🥰💜
Grateful for these teachings
💜🥰🙏🥰💜

So delighted to have THICH Nhat Hanh’s teaching. Thank you.

Few words. A lot of wisdom. Thank you form 20 years in the future 🙏🏻

I am certain that every human will be happy they listened to this one!

Thay has the most gentle and compassionate way of teaching us the most profound truth.

I love Thai. May the blessings he gave to the world continue to spread and contribute to enlightenment of all beings. 💗🙏🏼

Exactly what I needed to be happy in this moment thank you TNH 🖤

Very grateful to this talk about happiness. Explains a lot why we are looking for happiness in all the wrong places . Very grateful to this amazing teacher for his wisdom 🙏❤️

Thank you for sharing this uplifting message with us, love it

I have listened to this a few times and each time I listen I find new wisdom

Exactly was a needed to hear this morning. Thank you.

I can't express my love for Thich Nhat Hahn enough

Exceptional !! Listening to this talk made me feel very peaceful and yet at the same time I felt energized and hopeful. Amazing teacher who explains with examples so he is sure that you have understood. I wish I would have found him prior to his passing, but what teachings he left will keep me busy for this lifetime. I am so grateful that he's left

So relevant to addressing young people and concerns..❤Thank you!

Seems to end abruptly but such a good talk, easily understood and his voice is so calming

A very important talk about being able to really love others by understanding them deeply. Really deep listening is required.

Thay reminds us of the need to listen fully and deeply in order to experience true, compassionate love. A lovely message that I will come back to again and again.

Wise teaching from my wise teacher. Deeply grateful 🙏🏻