Trusting Yourself

This episode explores what self-trust is, what are the main reasons why we doubt ourselves, where this behaviour and thought pattern is coming from, and how to start the process of trusting yourself. I share practical guidance and journal prompts to help you strengthen your sense of self-trust.

Transcript

Hello and welcome everyone!

Thank you so much for joining me and sharing this space with me.

I really appreciate you being here and I hope you find this episode helpful.

Today I'm going to talk about what self-trust is.

What are some of the main reasons why we doubt and question ourselves,

Where this behaviour and thought pattern coming from and how to start the process of trusting yourself.

I'll share practical guidance and journal prompts to help you strengthen your sense of self-trust.

So let's dive in!

How many times have you heard the phrase trust yourself?

Whether this is coming from a friend trying to encourage you or something you've read in a book or seen across the internet.

I would guess that you've probably heard it at least once and while this is a great way to be encouraged to trust ourselves we can't stop but wonder how do we do so?

How do we trust ourselves?

How do we get there?

Before we answer this question we first need to become clear on what self-trust is.

What does self-trust mean to you?

What does it look like to you?

How does it feel to you?

These are the very first things that you need to reflect on because your definition of self-trust can be quite indicative of the approach you've taken to grow your sense of self-trust.

It may sound silly but you'd be surprised how important it is for us to have a grounded approach to self-trust.

This is the foundation to building your sense of self-trust.

If the foundation is fragile or uneven it can cause issues and I'm going to give you an example of why I'm focusing on this.

When I usually ask my clients the question how would you know that you trust yourself what I hear in response is when I no longer doubt myself.

So let's take a moment to unpack this.

We need to be mindful of the expectations and conditions we place on ourselves and on our experiences.

When we have this unrealistic expectation that we can trust ourselves only when we no longer doubt we tend to self-subtach because self-trust is not the absence of self-doubt.

Self-trust is not about erasing self-doubt but helping us to trust ourselves in moments of doubt anxiety and fear.

There will be plenty of times in our life when we doubt and this is our cue to let trust in.

Self-trust quietens the doubts.

It doesn't fight them.

It suits them.

It gives us the space we need to move forward from a place of inner knowing and strong connection with ourselves.

Just like it's unrealistic to expect that happiness is the absence of sadness being happy doesn't mean that we will no longer experience sadness.

So when we place such a heavy expectation on our ability to trust ourselves,

When we expect self-trust to sweep away our doubts and fears we actually start to doubt our own ability to trust ourselves.

It creates this loop of doubting and questioning that's driven by our own unrealistic expectations and conditions.

So self-trust can take many shapes and forms and I believe that you can define it for yourself.

However make sure that your definition is not grounded in perfectionism or unrealistic expectations.

Doubt can be uncomfortable to experience.

It can cloud our judgement.

It can stop us from taking action and creating change and it can also disrupt our peace of mind and ease.

However it can also be beneficial in other circumstances.

Getting rid of it shouldn't be our main goal here.

If we never doubt how would we know that we are making the right decision for us?

Sometimes doubt can steer us into the right direction especially when it comes to relationships or work for example where there are many alarming signs or red flags that we might have missed if we didn't question anything.

So by building our self-trust we are growing our ability to differentiate between healthy doubt and unhealthy doubt.

And this leads me to highlighting some of the main reasons why we tend to doubt ourselves.

This can help you gain awareness around where your self-doubt patterns may stem from so you can take the time to explore them further.

A strong sense of self-trust is something that we learn and this learning process starts at an early age.

Some of our very first experiences with self-trust are what we observe growing up in our family.

If we had caregivers who modeled on us a strong sense of self-trust we easily pick this up and practice it ourselves.

It comes naturally to us because our brains have high neuroplasticity when we are young which means that we can learn things very quickly.

So if our caregivers doubted themselves on a regular basis we can't really know how to trust ourselves because we didn't know what self-trust is.

We couldn't observe it and if we didn't have any role models such as teachers who encouraged the development of self-trust in us it's understandable why we might now struggle with it.

Another key factor to consider is how hard,

Seen and validated you felt growing up.

If you had caregivers who patiently listened to you and accepted your needs and wants as valid then you learn that what you need and want is in fact true and you learn that you are worthy of being trusted.

You've learned that it's safe for you to trust yourself because you are making the right choices.

However,

What usually happens is the opposite.

There are many instances where our caregivers were either too busy or preoccupied or didn't know how to carefully listen to us and trust our perception of what we need.

You might have had caregivers who believed that they should determine what you needed instead of allowing you to decide for yourself because they thought they knew better.

For example,

If you were really hungry or tired or upset your caregivers might have ignored you or accused you of lying or attention seeking instead of trusting you to know what you need in that moment and providing this for you.

So this is how small instances can later turn into something bigger.

When this repeatedly happens we start to struggle to trust ourselves because we are repeatedly told that we are wrong.

It's also worth mentioning that we need to feel safe in our ability to trust ourselves.

This means that if we've made mistakes in the past or growing up that have left an emotional wound or were difficult to overcome we might have developed a coping mechanism of self-preservation where we can't allow to trust ourselves because we are afraid that we would make another mistake and end up being hurt again.

So in this case our self-preservation instincts are interfering with our ability to trust ourselves because we don't feel safe doing so.

This is why we need to first start building that connection with ourselves and explore how we can feel safe before we grow our sense of self-trust.

This was just a brief overview so keep in mind that there are many other contributing factors depending on who you are individually,

Your background,

Your environment and the context.

And now let's get back to the question from the beginning.

How do we trust ourselves?

Let's talk about what you can do straight away today to start growing your sense of self-trust.

There are several things that you can try but please don't mistake these suggestions for a quick solution.

There are no quick fixes when it comes to shifting our behaviour and thought patterns because it takes time and effort to get there.

Don't let this discourage you but being realistic with our expectations is what will keep us grounded and drive us forward to making steady progress.

Besides exploring the root of your self-doubt and reflecting on where it might be coming from based on the factors I outlined earlier and making sure that you focus on growing your connection with yourself and establishing a strong sense of safety,

We can now move on to some practical things that you can try.

When we doubt or question ourselves,

We often need validation and if we can't give ourselves this internal validation because of our doubts and fears,

We tend to seek it from outside sources and get that external validation instead.

If you don't know what decision to make or you don't know what to do,

If you are not sure what the right thing for you is or you're not sure if you can do what you want to do,

You may feel more certain and secure if someone else confirms that you're doing well or encourage you to keep going.

So first spend some time reflecting on when do you need validation and what do you do to get it.

For example,

Do you reach out to a friend and ask for their perspective or advice or do you go on social media and post about it or anything else that you have the habit of doing so in order to feel validated.

Once you notice your pattern of behaviour,

Then you can start making small steps towards shifting it.

For example,

Instead of asking someone else for validation,

Pause,

Turn inwards and ask yourself,

What do I need to hear in that moment?

What feels right?

Another thing you can do is postpone taking action from a place of self-doubt.

When you experience a moment of self-doubt,

Allow yourself to pause and explore what's going on.

What patterns do you notice playing out?

Rather than jumping into taking action because the action will reflect your doubts and fears.

For example,

If you applied for a new job,

But you then started to doubt yourself and feel the urge to end the application process or not show up to the interview,

Don't rush into it,

But pause and reflect.

Once you recenter yourself,

You can let self-trust in and remind yourself that self-doubt is not the only guidance available to you.

Remind yourself that it's safe for you to trust and then you can consider taking action.

This way your actions will reflect your sense of self-trust.

Ask yourself,

What would I do if I trusted myself?

What action would I take if I knew it was safe for me to trust myself?

What would I do if I believed in myself?

And now it's time for your journal prompts.

Feel free to pause,

Get ready,

Get comfortable,

Take some pen and paper if you want to write them down so you can reflect on them later.

And here we go.

What does self-trust mean to you?

What does it feel like?

How would you know that you trust yourself?

What is stopping you from trusting yourself?

Where are your doubts and fears coming from?

How self-doubt makes you feel?

What actions do you take from a place of self-doubt?

What actions do you take from a place of self-trust?

What would you do if you trusted yourself?

What do you need to do to grow your sense of self-trust?

I really hope you found this episode helpful.

Thank you so much for listening.

And if you'd like to dive deeper into this work,

I've got a free self-acceptance workbook and journal guide that you can grab from my website for free.

And if you want to overcome unworthiness,

Insecurity,

Shame,

Self-betrayal,

Negative self-talk,

My one-on-one coaching program rooted in psychology will help you shift behaviour and thought patterns,

Process emotions,

Accept all parts of yourself and finally feel whole.

You can learn more via the link in my bio or about section.

Thank you again for sharing your time with me.

I truly appreciate it.

I send you lots of love and see you soon.

Reviews

Nameste 🙏

This was exactly what I was hoping to find 🤍thank you. I am doing this work for myself.

Thank you

Very helpful with valuable information! Thank you!! 🙏🏻

Really helpful.

This thoughtful podcast is aimed at helping the development of self trust. This process is crucial to where I am at the moment. If it's the right time for you this talk will give you the perfect environment to move forward, it's excellent. Thank you!

I’ve bookmarked this and will likely listen a few more times. Such a clear and helpful guide to establishing and strengthening self-trust. Thank you so much!

This was truly insightful and intriguing. It really resonated with me on so many levels. Thank you so much Anie. 🌸🙏🏻

Thank you. This was so interesting. I have written down the prompts from the end as l really need to get better at trusting myself.

Very interesting talk… I think I'm probably gonna go back and listen to the journal prompts again as I was doing some housework while I was listening to this lol