Expand IT 3: No Praise, Approval or Sympathy

Does criticism get you down? Does praise get you up? Does sympathy keep you going? Is that the best way to run your life... with the ups and downs of other people's opinions, judgments, compliments, or support? Rev. Jay brings the 2nd Agreement and other inspiring ideas into your field of light for expanding your connection with the power of the Universe and self-empowerment.

Transcript

Three two one I said earlier that I would tell you about our theme of the month in case you forgot what that was and it's expanded and That's what I'm going to do during my talk today is I'm going to expand it I'm gonna expand on things I've been talking about this month as well as something that That Remi Gary brought up this morning my talk title in case you didn't see it is no praise approval or sympathy I Remember learning one time and I I Couldn't figure out where this came up with where this came up It was something in my religious science life Anyway,

I remember learning that there should be no difference in the way I take a compliment or the way I take criticism the effect on me Should be no different whether it's from a friend or a mentor or or a troll on the internet or some sort of Cancel culturists as we seem to have now but when I do get triggered by that and I do every once a while get triggered by Criticism or sometimes even compliments I go to two books.

There's two books I go to If I if I'm in a whirlwind about it somehow and I can't step out of it Or I I can of course,

But I feel like I can't which is the emotional feeling not the knowing feeling I Go to two books and there's two books and one of the books Gary was talking about Don Mcgwell's Ruiz's the four agreements and Yes,

The second agreement is the one I go to now,

You know,

The four agreements is based on Toltec wisdom that Don Mcgwell Ruiz studied But anyway,

The second agreement is don't take anything personally,

Right?

Yeah,

That could be a tough one.

Sometimes it's tough for me.

Sometimes don't take things personally in fact,

Sometimes I can remember rereading that chapter when I when I Required to because of where I've allowed my emotions to step into a criticism or a compliment I Get pissed off a little bit about it to be to be reminded of that don't take things personally and he tells us that many times we get triggered because we agree in Some way or another with what that other person said about or to us Never has that ever happened to you.

You think I think clairvoyant or something?

I mean,

How did they know I am thinking of myself that way?

I Don't tell people that well People pick up on your energy.

We give out energy whether it's an egoic energy or a low self-esteem energy we give that out people pick up on that even unconsciously and They treat you based on that Now that doesn't relieve them of being butt heads for bringing up especially some sort of criticism Especially if it's in a mean way However,

Not everything is about us If we get out of the way of our bloated nothingness as a Ralph Waldo Emerson would put it and and get back in the path of the divine circuits and Remember who we are We are with that Remembrance we can see that it's their junk that's coming up Whether it's sucking up to you or whether it's putting you down It's it's about them and their snow That's what Ruiz is talking about in the second a minute a second amendment the second agreement We have to remember that in this play in this movie of ours.

We're the actor.

We're the director We're the producer.

We're the the the director of photography We're the ones telling our story Not other people's opinion of us not even other people's compliments of us Don't let their emotional garbage fill your dumpster.

That's something I have to remind myself every once in a while It's their emotional garbage Why would I want to fill my dumpster full of that my dumpsters full of enough stuff?

Of my own that I want to get removed Excuse me that I want to get picked up so to speak It's just a habit.

It's just one of those Dumb habits that we get some dumb the routines that we get into in life Especially if you've lived any amount of years in the decades It's a it's a habit and a routine to allow praise approval sympathy even or criticism to have an effect on us beyond You know,

It's nice to get a to get sympathy when when something's going on It's of course great to get a compliment and you can learn from criticism But it's great to know that I can just be polite about the reception of all those and not have them Put me off kilter at all The second book that I look at is What you think of me is none of my business.

I brought this book up Once in a while over the years,

It's written by Reverend.

Dr.

Terry Cole Whitaker.

She wrote this book in 1979 and I'm still digging it to this day Well,

The final chapter in the book is the title of the book what you think of me is none of my business and dr Terry tells us that if we run our lives on the basis of what others think We not only destroy our own sense of self We begin to forget who we are We forget the very essence of ourselves Is the divine is God we forget that and so and not in an ego sort of way as far as Edging God out and you know,

I'm better than you kind of stuff not in that way just in a way to that We're not remembering That we represent that we express In this in this unique Unlike anybody else no matter if they're related to you or in the same profession as you or anything else We are we are unique Expressing God right here right now She also says if we live our lives or focus our energy to pleasing others.

We just start chipping away at ourselves Our life becomes less magnificent than it could be because we are full of constant confusion and dissatisfaction especially if if you're especially if you're online and you get trolls or you know people who are Throwing their criticism and opinions and a lot of times if it's a troll it's in a mean way At you And you start accepting that and you start embodying that opinion that judgment You start losing yourself.

It just starts chipping away at you to the point that if you don't get off that social media or Unfriend them or any of that other Stuff you can do as a tool in Twitter,

Etc,

Etc It starts chipping away at you It starts chipping away at you And it's not that we want to ignore people or not.

Listen to what they're saying.

There's a lot of learning in them their ills of opinions and recommendations and criticisms and praise There's something to learn from that.

In fact,

Tom Mcguile reminds us others Are reflecting their junk on me so I don't need to step into the guilt shame or blame Even though I may learn something from what they say which could be Turn them off unfriend them or whatever or You know,

Here's the hand as they say Because they're reflecting their junk on me.

I don't need to step into guilt or shame or blame or any of that Low self-esteem stuff Because I know it's not about me They're talking a reflection of what's going on in their lives at me So if whether it's criticism or praise You know,

We can either take the view of that other person And use it to reinforce negative mental patterns.

We already have accept that and start walking around with that as Not just their opinion but embodying that idea I can't imagine what I'd be like if I embodied some of the ideas that People put upon me so to speak Or we can use that information to get rid of stuff that we're forgetting might be showing up Learning from those opinions those judgments or those that praise is the best way to handle it really But anyway the essence of both books is to remind ourselves to love ourselves That's the biggest thing love ourselves.

Don't forget to love ourselves and not again not in an egoic way or a way that discounts others But in this way that is called humble confidence The humble confidence way um a woman alana palm Wrote this great article that I wrote read she wrote it.

I read it Where she lists these qualities and the the blog article was called confident humility a way to lead so everyone wins and So here's a few of her ideas remain open to feedback And so that's where you want to check for any opportunity there for any actionable Suggestions they might have right like I said,

They might say something that you unconsciously aren't remembering It's such a habit that uh,

You don't even realize this is happening,

But that's sitting down and thinking about it and not in a way of Oh,

I'm a horrible person,

But in a way of oh now i'm going to be my magnet my magnificent self at every moment because i'm learning from this opinion and Taking heed from it She also talks about staying grounded so constantly Which is what brought up this talk in the first place constantly.

We are relearning and reloving ourselves and that's okay We want to relearn and relove ourselves every day.

In fact Reestablishing that conscious contact and communion with the universal power whether it's using the affirmative incantations or any of your spiritual practices So then using those we can expand remember this month's theme is expand it expand that divine power That is within us already We can expand that divine power and presence in our thoughts feelings beliefs and experiences every day We start with it every day.

We end with it every day.

So all those times in between are just through it as it When we bust through sore and zoom as divine wisdom and love soars and expresses itself through us She talks about practicing gratitude,

Which we've talked about many times and she Said check the other side which has a lot to do with um What do they say?

Is it something I can learn from?

There's always more to learn and we We have to remember that and be excited by that it's so great to always be learning Take leaps of faith She talks about Live into your potential always think and create big and bold.

That's what I say Create big and bold you can figure out the rest later You can make it a little smaller if it needs to be you can do it in little chunks if it needs to be but live into your potential not live your potential live into Potential your potential it's actionable It's a part of your life.

It's It's the sand in the ocean Be present she also says so listen be polite You know if you have to walk away,

Then you walk away excuse yourself and walk away.

You don't have to listen to their stuff But remembering Who you are?

Will override anything they have to say whether it's praise criticism outside approval or sympathy Remembering who you are Will Combine any feedback that it's going in With the plugging in you're doing with your divine self.

That's what makes the difference I'm plugged in with my divine self.

So if if somebody praises me,

You know,

That's nice.

That's great if somebody has a criticism of me whether it's Fair going good fair or mean or anything in between With my divine self present and in full strength I can go yes,

Okay well,

Thank you for thank you for sharing that and thank you for Bringing that to my attention.

I appreciate that and If I believe there's nothing to be learned from that when I walk away smiling And not being defensive either to them or within myself Then I can either learn from it or poo-poo it in my life I'm not saying You're not allowed to feel great with compliments and approvals have at it.

Enjoy it You feel better with sympathy When you are in need of sympathy for something that's going on in your life and and it's given to you then Enjoy that feeling enjoy that that support Or even get a little sad or miffed by the digs or the criticisms that you hear.

That's okay It's how long you do it and how quickly you get out of it Especially if you're miffed or sad,

Um on those digs or criticisms that come your way And I understand that this principle may not be so simple.

I mean,

It's simple to say it's actually A simple process but it isn't always easy to apply that process I get it It's a journey And it's also an adventure And it has to be a journey And it's also an adventure and it happens to me all the time as well and I just make sure that that kind of situation doesn't trigger me again Or when it does if it does again if I haven't Brought myself to to being grounded and centered about that Then I quickly realize that so that I can I can depending on my reaction apologize for my reaction if need be or Move on more quickly more quickly Um You know,

We all get up in the morning I want to make sure I brought this up.

We all we all get up in the morning.

We get out of bed We have a little tinkle we um experience the affirmative incantation,

Of course for the week We brush our teeth we comb our hair or hairs for those who have multiple hairs We put on our clothes.

We have some food etc,

Etc.

But we also put our personality on We put our act on for the day and then we go out and play our role And we get to decide what that role shall be What it will sound like what a little um act like whether praise criticism Criticism or or being ignored even shows up during the day So you're going to always be looking out for the signs of abandonment and other childhood woes That's what happens a lot of time to us,

You know We have some sort of issues from our childhood and something triggers that or we have issues from a previous Relationship whether it's romantic or or at work and something similar shows up and we get triggered now We can allow those triggers to take us over And so that we emotionally react versus respond Or we can latch on to the truth Latch on to that truth that you spoke and stated and declared in the affirmative incantation that you made that morning Where is source where is the source and substance of your supply?

Decide that right this now right this minute.

Where's the source and substance of your supply?

Is it your work?

Is it your boss is your spouse your doctor your bestie?

No,

None of those things you're no longer a small And vulnerable child that needs the help of big people to survive your self-image is based on who you are Your real self your true self your God self when we remember that Then we can get through the criticisms as well as the praise and the sympathy I forgot to warn Steve about this but Steve if you look in slides,

You'll see another Statement and if you could pop that up for a minute,

I'd like us all to speak this together Did you find that?

Yeah,

There it is.

Okay.

This is an affirm This is affirmative statement out of Terry Cole Whitaker's book that I'm talking to you about and and let's say this together or If you'd like you can just close your eyes and listen to me say this it's something that I've been working on Let me say this.

It's something I I want us to know and be and trust in And she says I know that I am in charge of my life I accept that I am my own best friend and the real authority on my own life That does not mean that I don't love and support others or that I won't listen to what they have to say to and about me I know that I can learn from others,

But I refuse to let others dump their negativism on me Negativism on me So if you remember to keep that second agreement and not take things personally Then as Don Mcguel writes you can travel around the world with your heart completely open and no one can hurt you You can say I love you without fear of being ridiculed or rejected you can ask for what you need You can say yes,

Or you can say no whatever you choose without guilt or self-judgment You can choose to follow your heart always then you can be in the middle of hell and still experience inner peace and happiness you can stay in your bliss and The hell will not affect you at all When you are centered in who you are when you remind yourself who you are every morning every day And step out into the world that day whatever hell shows up It's not going to affect you Just like Goldilocks The porridge of life will just will be just right Won't be too hot won't be too cold won't be too much praise won't be too much criticism It'll be just right the perfect amount for you to learn from Perfect amount for you to ignore if you must Terry Cole Whitaker ends her book with the following statement Accept that you are one with God And that you have the power to create your life exactly the way you wanted and remember I think of you Is none of your business Is none of your business however What I think of you is this And I'm gonna close on this my friends you Are magnificent?

Right here right now And it matters not what your smarts are your looks your job your finances your health your hairline Whatever none of that matters you are already right here right now perfect whole complete spiritual beings Having a spirit filled human experience And that experience is full of some serious fun Joy love grace respect peace both inner and outer and happiness Go ahead Go ahead and throw in hmm health You're all about health.

You're all about wealth whatever that means to you You're all about succulent creative expression That's who you are that's what you are and you can have as much of that serious fun joy love grace respect peace inner and outer happiness good health wealth succulent creative expression as you have the consciousness of having And you get to decide how much consciousness you're going to have on those great things in your life So that no matter what anyone else says to you or about you I want you to remember that and I want you to expect No less in your life No less in your life.

Thank you so much namaste