You can't live a full life without making some mistakes and without experiencing failure.
So why is it that we're generally taught to view mistakes and failure so negatively and to avoid both at all costs?
Since diving more into my human design,
I've been learning more about having a line 3 in my profile,
Which is that of the martyr.
The martyr is here to experiment and try out different things.
Or,
As I like to see it,
The martyr plays and flows from one thing to the next,
Trying things on until they find the right fit.
And a big part of this experimenting and playing involves making mistakes.
And it means sometimes they won't get it right,
Which most of us would define as failing.
When I look at my experience in life thus far,
This playing and experimentation has been a pattern for me,
But I have not been able to embrace it as a natural process.
Instead,
I've built a story around these mistakes and failures,
Viewing them as things I should be ashamed of that should be hidden or erased as soon as possible,
And any future ones avoided at all costs.
Part of this is self-imposed,
But I realize a lot of it has originated outside of me.
I was taught that my success in this world depends upon me not making so many mistakes,
And I think that is true for most,
If not all,
Of us.
It starts with school,
As early as kindergarten.
I have a memory of a specific moment in which I watched student after student in line ahead of me get a heart drawn around their printed name by the teacher.
But when it came to me,
The teacher didn't give me one.
I asked her why.
She told me it was because the top of the A in my name didn't reach the middle dashed line on the paper.
My little self was a touch dramatic and took this very personally,
But I was upset because I had written it so neatly,
Who cared if the top of a letter didn't reach some arbitrary line?
But I was taught in that moment that mistakes are unwelcome and only perfection will be rewarded,
And that stuck with me for life.
We can also perhaps blame the entire grading system.
They tell us an F is bad,
Even when an F could mean you got 50% of it correct.
When you get an F,
You have to take it home and show your parents and have them sign that they saw it.
You are taught to be ashamed of it,
And you're taught to believe you are lazy or dumb if you get one.
And then there's the mistakes we could make beyond the classroom,
Simply as a young human experiencing life,
Which often people would say is the time to make your mistakes and learn.
But growing up,
My mom would always warn us to be careful of how we behaved now because mistakes could follow us into adulthood,
And if we wanted to become someone famous or important later on,
It could come back to bite us.
One mistake could impact your entire future.
No wonder I was terrified of mistakes.
It's one thing to worry about life-threatening mistakes,
But to treat all of them as permanently life-altering is a little over the top.
And of course,
The story just kept getting reinforced when I entered the working world.
Some of my favorite memories include an executive producer in a newsroom yelling at me that she shouldn't have to tell me things more than once for me to get them right,
Making a typo on a draft of a corporate newsletter and attempting to laugh it off and take it lightly in front of my boss,
Who then told me it wasn't funny and mistakes like these from our team weren't acceptable,
A boss who had recently corrected a small grammatical error in my work telling me it deeply bothered him when writers and editors made grammatical mistakes because that's supposed to be their whole job.
I bet,
If you look back,
You'll find a lot of similar stories to these in your past,
And probably even in your present,
And unfortunately,
We all likely reinforce these stories around mistakes in some way by either being overly critical of ourselves or of others.
When we view a mistake as a failure,
And a failure as a final determination,
I believe we often leave behind an opportunity.
This could be an opportunity to either learn,
Or try again,
Or both.
Sometimes we look at something and say,
Well,
It didn't work,
I guess I'm done here.
Then we jump on to the next thing,
Without ever really giving anything a full chance,
Or we beat ourselves up for the mistake so much that we can't see alternate routes or other possible solutions.
If you've fallen into this pattern and believed the story around mistakes and failures for as long as I have,
Don't blame yourself,
It's what we were taught.
But now we have the ability to rewrite the story,
And rewriting the story includes being less hard on ourselves,
And on others.
Here's what rewriting the story could look like,
And what I'm personally working on.
Welcoming mistakes as part of the regular process,
Whether it is you making the mistakes,
Or someone else,
Or both.
Reflecting on mistakes and failures and what we learned from them through a practice,
Such as journaling.
Expressing gratitude for our mistakes and past failures by acknowledging how they brought us to where we are today,
And rewarding ourselves for having the courage to try something different or new.
Forgiving and showing compassion toward ourselves and others for past mistakes or failures.
When we make a mistake or reach a point we consider a failure,
Sensing into whether we really want to let go,
Or play with what's left behind to see if we can create a new iteration.
Do you feel called to rewrite the story around your past mistakes and failures?
Let's move toward making mistakes and failures an accepted and even celebrated part of our journeys.
Let's journal together.
Go ahead and find a comfortable position and settle in with your favorite writing utensil and journal.
I will give you two minutes between each question to write,
And feel free to pause me if you'd like more time,
Or revisit the questions later.
Before we begin writing,
Bring your focus to your breath.
Take a slow breath in,
And slow exhale out.
Inhale,
Welcome in any insights from your highest self or spirit team.
Exhale,
Release any friction or hesitation that might prevent you from writing your truth today.
Continue to breathe at your own pace for a few more breaths before we approach our first question.
Let's begin with our first prompt.
What feelings do I associate with the words mistake and failure?
Let your final thoughts flow onto the page.
Next,
What do I tend to gain from trying something,
Even if it doesn't work out?
Gather your final thoughts.
Next,
How can the process of trial and error further my personal growth?
Begin to release your final thoughts on the page.
Finally,
What would it look like for me to celebrate my mistakes and failures,
Or to acknowledge or reward myself for them?
Release your final thoughts on the page.
If you feel complete,
Go ahead and close your journal and reacquaint yourself with your space.
If you'd like to keep going,
Please do so.
With much love and gratitude,
I close our time together.
May we journal together again soon.
