Working with shame.
In this practice,
We'll be thinking of a situation in which you felt somewhat ashamed or embarrassed.
You'll be encouraged to focus more on embarrassment than on shame.
However,
If you go from 0 to 10 on the intensity scale when you start to feel embarrassed,
Please give yourself the freedom to disengage from the practice.
Open your eyes,
Focus on your breath,
Take a bathroom break,
Or attend to yourself in some other way.
Please find a comfortable position sitting or lying down.
Close your eyes and take a few deep,
Relaxing breaths.
And then placing your hand over your heart or another soothing place,
Reminding yourself that you are present and perhaps allowing kindness to flow through your hand and into your body.
And now begin by bringing an event to mind that made you feel embarrassed or somewhat ashamed.
Let it be a past event that's over and done.
For example,
You may have overreacted to something.
Maybe you said something dumb at a work meeting or perhaps you made a culturally clueless remark and you still feel a bit ashamed about it.
Or maybe you flubbed,
Shot,
And lost an important game for your sports team.
Just choose an event that's upsetting enough that you can feel it in your body.
If it doesn't make you feel uneasy,
Please choose another,
But no more than a 3 or 4 on an intensity scale from 1 to 10.
Let it be an event that you would not like anyone to hear about or remember because if they did,
They would probably think less of you.
Please choose a situation that makes you feel bad about yourself,
But not one in which you hurt someone and feel the need to make amends.
And also,
Please do not choose a situation that involves someone from whom you still need to protect yourself.
No one will know what you're thinking about during this practice.
This is a private exploration in the safe container of your own mind.
So please feel your way into the embarrassing situation.
Remembering the event in some detail.
This takes some courage.
Use all your senses,
Especially noting how shame or embarrassment feels in your body.
Now please reflect for a moment and see if you can determine precisely what you're afraid others might discover about you if they knew about this event.
Can you give it a name?
Perhaps,
I'm defective,
I'm unkind,
Or I'm a fraud.
These are examples of negative core beliefs.
If you found more than one negative core belief,
Please choose the one that seems to carry the most weight.
And as you go into this,
You may already be feeling alone.
If you're feeling this way,
Recognize that we are all alone together.
We all have very similar feelings to yours right now.
Shame is a universal emotion.
Now name the core belief for yourself in a compassionate voice.
Perhaps as you might name it for a friend,
For example.
Oh,
You've been thinking that you're unlovable.
That must be so painful.
Or just say to yourself in a warm,
Compassionate voice,
Unlovable.
I think I'm unlovable.
Remembering that when we feel embarrassed or ashamed,
It's only part of us that feels this way.
We don't always feel like this.
Although the feeling may seem very old and familiar.
And our negative core beliefs arise out of the wish to be loved.
We're all innocent beings wishing to be loved.
And as a reminder,
Please know that you can open your eyes at any time during this practice if it becomes uncomfortable.
Or otherwise disengage any way you like.
Now expanding your awareness to your body as a whole.
Recall the difficult situation again and scan your body for where you feel embarrassment or shame most readily.
And open your mind's eye,
Sweeping your body from head to toe,
Stopping where you can sense a little tension or discomfort.
And now please choose a single location in your body where shame or embarrassment expresses itself most strongly.
Perhaps as a point of muscle tension,
Hollowness,
Heartache.
You don't need to be too specific.
Just take your time to find a place in your body where the shame or embarrassment resides.
And again,
Please take good care of yourself as we do this practice.
And now in your mind,
Gently inclining toward that location in your body.
And softening into that area.
Letting the muscles soften.
Letting them relax as if in warm water.
Softening.
Softening.
Softening.
And remember that we're not trying to change the feeling.
We're just holding it in a gentle way.
Softening a little around the edges.
And now soothing yourself because of this difficult experience.
If you wish,
Placing your hand over the part of your body that holds embarrassment or shame.
And just feeling the warmth and gentle touch of your hand.
Acknowledging how hard that part of your body has been working to hold this emotion.
Perhaps imagining warmth and kindness flowing through your hand into your body.
Maybe even thinking of your body as if it were the body of a beloved child.
Soothing.
Soothing.
Soothing.
And are there some comforting words that you might need to hear?
If so,
Imagine you had a friend who was struggling in the same way.
What would you say to your friend,
Heart to heart?
Perhaps,
I'm so sorry you feel this way.
Or,
I care deeply about you.
What would you want your friend to know or to remember?
Now,
Try offering yourself or the suffering part of yourself the same message.
It's so hard to feel this.
Or,
May I be kind to myself.
Letting the words in to whatever extent possible.
Again,
Remembering that when we feel embarrassed or ashamed,
It's only part of us that feels this way.
We don't always feel like this.
And finally,
Allowing the discomfort to be there.
Letting your body have whatever sensations it is having in your heart to feel just as it does.
Making room for everything.
And releasing the need to make anything go away.
And allowing yourself to be just as you are.
Just like this.
Just like it is.
Softening.
Soothing.
Allowing.
Softening.
Soothing.
Allowing.
Each of us has been feeling some sort of embarrassment or shame.
We're all human with strengths and weaknesses.
And right now,
We're connected in the universal emotions of embarrassment or shame.
And the wish to be loved.
And now letting go of the practice and focusing on your body as a whole.
Allowing yourself to feel whatever you feel in this present moment.
Releasing and letting go.
Grounding ourselves in our body in this present moment.
And when you're ready,
Gently opening your eyes.
