If God Loves Me Why Do Bad Things Happen?

An intimate look at what Teemaree has experienced in her walk with God and how you can gain strength from things that don't make sense as described in her interview with Jeff Byrd. Be encouraged and inspired by what is possible for you when bad things happen that you don't understand.

Teemaree is an author of 4 books, a coach, and a wellness business owner who delights in helping others live their best life now. Connect with her here and on her website for more.

Transcript

Well,

Tamarie,

Well,

Let me ask you this on the question of worth,

You know,

And I know that when really difficult,

Challenging things happen,

It can cause us to really question God and go,

Well,

God,

If I'm really,

If you love me as much as you say you do,

And I'm worth as much as you say I am,

Then why,

What gives?

You know,

What am I missing here?

Why are you letting these things happen?

How did you used to see your worth?

What was it based on?

And how did that change with God in the equation?

How do you see that now when you look at how he actually thinks about you?

Oh,

My goodness.

So initially,

I didn't feel it was a dual,

A dual experience for me.

So what I mean by that is initially,

I didn't feel that I had worth when it came to my relation to other people.

Because my family experience,

I mean,

If your own family,

If your own parents,

Right?

I mean,

How could I calculate anything else?

Maybe I could.

But for me,

That was just I didn't feel that in relation to other people that I had worth.

Now inside of me,

I did have a sense that I was worth something and that I wanted something better.

That was constantly in conflict around,

You know,

I feel like I want more,

I feel like I can have more,

I feel like I can get better,

I feel like I'm smart,

And I have something to give.

But why don't they like me,

Want me,

Accept me,

Invite me,

Care for me,

Whatever,

Insert the thing there.

So that's also part of,

You know,

Remember,

At a young age,

I had full dominion over what I could do.

I could leave the house,

I could stay out late,

I could do kind of what I wanted.

And so,

You know,

As a matter of fact,

I kind of was looked to,

To run things and take care of things.

So I really had a very,

I had no rules,

Really.

And so what was cool about that is,

From a young age,

I would walk myself to different churches,

Because I wanted to find God.

So I'm like,

Okay,

Because even that now,

Technically,

Because I know what you're born into is a thing.

So technically,

I was born into a Catholic family.

But growing up,

There was no church experience,

Really.

My grandmother,

On my father's side,

Would occasionally,

When we were with her,

Take us to a Catholic church,

Which felt very,

Very foreign.

And what I mean by that is those experiences at that time,

What are they talking about?

Oh,

We stand up now,

We sit down now,

I think we sing,

Where's the book?

It just didn't feel,

I hadn't landed in the experience yet.

And I also,

From that young age,

Felt a conflict around what I felt at the church and what I thought God might be about.

So I was interested in learning,

What is God,

Where is God,

What's happening?

So I started to walk to various churches,

And just kind of see and sit and listen.

And it was a wonderful experience.

And so that walk continued on throughout the years,

On and off,

Going to different churches,

So Baptist,

Christian,

Catholic.

I actually did take a few meetings with Jehovah's Witnesses that arrived.

Why not?

What do they got to say?

What are you about?

There was one time I even went to go and see what was,

I forget what it's called,

It's a type of Buddhism where you chant to a scroll,

So various,

Let's see what's happening.

And questioning,

Praying,

What I was starting to discover,

And so that was happening throughout my life,

Off and on.

And then I landed and really went head first for a series of like six to eight years of deep spiritual study.

And that just changed my whole world.

And here's why.

God's ways are not our ways.

And I know that's a church cliche,

But it's actually really true.

Why didn't I have a traditional parental upbringing?

That hurts.

I don't want that.

I want my parents to,

Shoot,

Love me,

Forget about it.

I want them to give me everything that I desire.

I want them to drive me everywhere.

You know what I mean?

We have these fantasies,

Right?

And then fast forward.

I became a mother at 15,

As I shared,

And right away I got pregnant again.

After having my first daughter and realizing what that really was about,

Because oddly enough,

Even though I was 15,

I really wanted her.

And I wasn't trying for her,

But once I knew I was pregnant,

I really wanted her.

However,

My boyfriend at the time,

Who I thought we'd be together forever and then beyond,

He was my first experience and I loved him and I thought that was it.

And shortly after she was born,

I was really thrust into kind of everything.

And he was still getting to be a kid.

So I knew I didn't want to have any more children at that time.

I did not want to.

And when I got pregnant again,

I wanted to have an abortion.

And I share this with you because the series of events that followed,

It was a doozy.

I didn't want to have the baby and everyone around me at the time,

My boyfriend's family and,

Well,

My dad was kind of ambiguous,

But the people around me at the time said that was wrong,

That it was wrong to have an abortion and that I should not do that and that it's not pleasing to God.

And they said that they would be there for me and that they would help me out.

And I really didn't want to do it,

But I conceded.

I conceded and I said,

OK,

You know,

I don't want to not please God.

I love God.

And if you're going to help me,

Then and then I thought about how easy my my pregnancy with my daughter was and and then that pregnancy turned out to be life threatening for me.

I had a condition called placenta privia,

Which means the placenta is basically over the opening.

And so anything when you're standing,

Just the sheer gravity as a child gets older can literally like cause the baby to be birthed very,

Very early.

And a lot of things happen.

So I was relegated to bedrest the whole nine yards.

So I went from not wanting him to wanting nothing but him,

Because now we're in this alone together.

You know,

We were going through a thing.

So long story short,

I give birth to my son.

He's very ill.

And he dies after a few months.

Now,

If you want to tell me that.

What are you doing,

God?

Oh,

My.

I was heartbroken and furious and devastated.

And because I'd been let down now by a multi by the people who all promised by the experience.

And now I don't even get to keep the kid.

What?

No way.

What kind of God is this?

I can't even.

And so hopefully those of you that are seeing this or I hope that depending on your age,

You are at a space where you can understand that the best relationships are relationships that have been tested and pass the deep disappointment phase.

Because boy,

Was I mad at God.

And I actually had a spell where I acted like it.

And the reason why I bring that up is because it too is a key point in my relationship with God.

As time has elapsed and as I saw,

Because usually when we're angry at God,

Inadvertently we end up hurting ourselves.

And I've done some thought around this.

I think because deep down inside of us,

Even if we don't believe that God exists,

We believe that something higher lives within us.

Many of us,

When we're deeply,

Deeply hurt,

Many of us,

We end up doing what?

Taking drugs or being bad to ourselves or being promiscuous or putting ourselves in situations that ultimately harm us.

It harms the house.

And I think that's because deep down inside,

We understand that something greater is there.

And so I had my spell doing that.

Now I can tell you with great assurity that as I was acting out,

I wake up one morning to a series of pains I haven't felt before.

So serious I go to the doctor and that very same morning I give birth to a son that I had no idea I was pregnant with.

The Lord's ways are not our ways,

My friends.

We have no idea.

Now my son that is alive,

Christian is his name.

He is my miracle.

He is my miracle because his arrival,

His arrival,

Truly God restores.

God will restore anything that we've thought we've lost and greater.

My son,

Christian,

Was born three months premature.

Like my son that passed away,

His name was Richard.

But my son,

Christian,

Was strong.

He survived being preterm.

He survived no prenatal care.

He survived the fact I didn't even know I was pregnant with him.

He is strong and brilliant and empathetic and kind.

He was just like,

Here you go.

So you know,

And same thing like with my parents.

Listen,

I would have loved if I wrote my own story,

I would have written a story where my parents loved me and they let me go to camp like I wanted.

You know,

They did all the things.

But guess what?

What I got is better than what I would have asked for.

Because I know the deep sensation of real love that lasts.

I know God's really there.

I've been given gifts that I can share with the world.

And if I would have had all of that,

I probably would not have what I have now.

I can testify to God's goodness because I've seen it over and over again.

God took me from a place to where I thought nobody loves me,

Not even my family.

I have no one,

To I have an amazing husband who is my best friend and my partner and my soulmate and he has been there.

We are 20 years plus deep.

I know real love.

I know real friendship.

I lost my son and was angry and devastated and I couldn't believe it.

But now I have a son.

And quite frankly,

My son that is here and that is,

He doesn't require of me what my first son might have for the rest of his life.

You see,

God's ways are not our ways.

And so things can devastate us and hurt us.

I have tons of testimonies.

Oh,

We don't even get to the financial testimonies.

Because when you are wanting to build a life out of helping others and being vulnerable,

You want a good roller coaster?

Not on that one.

Right.

Understand that.

That'll be another show.

But yeah,

We'll have to do that one too.

So you know,

If you don't believe that God exists,

I love you.

You are welcome.

It's okay to question.

I would say to you this,

If it's because you just have never had an interaction with God,

Seek one.

Seek one yourself.

Seek one just asking.

Use it as a scientific experiment.

God is so amazing and wondrous that he'll answer your questions.

And those myths are myths that I needed to overcome to be closer to God.

You see,

The church,

Not all churches,

And not the only church,

But a church that I experienced caused me to believe that I couldn't ask questions,

That I had to just be quiet and do what they said.

And seemed to be in conflict with what I thought God could be capable of,

Or the questions I had,

You know?

And so if you don't know God at all,

And if you're open to even as a scientific experience,

To even as just,

It's there for you.

And if you have had a relationship with God,

And you feel that God has literally broken your heart,

Either because you haven't had a,

You've been praying for something and it hasn't come to pass,

Or like the story that I shared,

You thought you were doing the right thing.

For heaven's sake,

I did what you said,

God.

How did it turn out this way?

Or some other malady has caused you to be heartbroken.

I would just tell you that God loves you so much,

And I know that's hard to hear and it seems trite and dumb,

But God loves you.

And God can and will restore in full abundance everything that you feel you've lost in ways that will delight you and surprise you and fortify you in a way that you will be prepared to live the life you secretly dream about,

The life you don't even pray about,

The life that is so deep inside that you just,

It's almost a fantasy.

That's how good God is.

And finally,

If you've been believing in God,

And for some reason,

Some person has hurt you,

Maybe a preacher has said the wrong thing.

I know the pandemic caused a lot of,

A lot of things.

Maybe your church started saying a message that didn't seem to resonate.

I try to share this with people all the time.

There is good and bad in all of us.

We all fall short.

So please,

Let's try not to mistake our humanity,

Our mistakes for God's limitless,

Incredible,

Abundant mercy,

Love,

Grace,

Joy,

Because we can never compare.

So if your church let you down or if a preacher said something or somebody did something wrong or your congregant was,

Whatever might've happened,

Please don't let that steal your relationship with God Almighty,

With our Father.

So I could go on and on about this,

But hopefully that helps.

Oh,

And a way,

Because I like to share practical tips.

We live in such a great age right now.

So there's tons of ways we can access God very,

Very easily.

I always have no affiliation whatsoever,

Except that I use it every day.

The YouVersion Bible app is phenomenal.

Okay,

It is absolutely FR to the EE free.

And you can get,

And let me tell you,

Some of us that are a little bit older or let's say a little more seasoned,

A little more,

Right?

Back in the day,

You used to have to buy a separate Bible if you wanted different translations.

It could be a pricey.

This is free and every translation,

There's narration,

There's small snippets or scripture you could look at each day so it can be easy.

And another way I love to share God is with music.

That's another thing you can access easily.

So there's lots of really cool music that can bring and stir up wonderful sensations and help us to feel closer to God.

Christian contemporary,

There's even Christian rap now.

So I'm just saying,

Okay.

So hopefully you feel encouraged that you always have a through line and you're always welcome with me.

Reviews

thank you. This was incredibly powerful.
I am right now sitting in a rehab with a very seriously injured, left leg and foot . but God has shown up in tender, beautiful ways.
And in other ways that might not be as beautiful.
I have had a beautiful, wonderful, almost spoiled life up till now, and I’ve always wanted to help people. So I am trusting that he is going to use this experience to teach me so much that I can use to comfort others.
I can relate to reaching out to God in music as I write songs that are prayers to God. I am a teacher here too. I’m really grateful for this meditation. I can relate and agree to so many things you said. That God shows himself faithful over and over. I will say God, I need you to show me something, and the testimonies are endless. Thank you and may God continue to bless you and use you for his glory
🙏🏼❤️🕊️🤍✨