This meditation is for cultivating a forgiving heart.
While softening and opening our hearts cannot be willed,
The following meditation nourishes a willingness that makes forgiveness possible.
It's adapted from the traditional Buddhist forgiveness practice in which we first ask forgiveness from others,
Then offer forgiveness to ourselves and finally to those who've caused us injury.
Please begin by sitting comfortably.
Let your eyes close gently and allow yourself to become present and still.
Rest your attention on the breath for a few moments,
Relaxing as you breathe in and relaxing as you breathe out.
Take some moments to sense your intention in this practice.
The sincere wish to not leave anyone,
Including your own being,
Out of your heart.
Beginning by bringing to mind a situation in which you've caused harm to another person.
You might have intentionally hurt someone with insulting words,
By hanging up the phone in a fit of anger.
Perhaps you caused pain unintentionally in the way you ended a relationship or by being preoccupied,
Not realizing your child needed some special attention.
Take some moments to remember the circumstances,
Whatever they were,
In a way that you've caused injury to another and it may be circumstances that have continued over and over through the years.
As you reflect on these circumstances,
Let them be close up so that you can really sense how you've caused harm to another.
Sense the feelings of that person's hurt,
Our disappointment,
Our feelings of betrayal.
Now,
Holding this person in your awareness,
Begin asking for forgiveness.
You might mentally whisper his or her name and then say,
I understand the hurt you have felt and I ask your forgiveness now.
Please forgive me.
With a sincere heart,
Repeat several times this request for forgiveness.
I understand the hurt you have felt and I ask your forgiveness now.
Please forgive me.
Taking some moments of silence,
Letting yourself open to the possibility of being forgiven,
Of feeling forgiven.
Now,
Bringing to mind some aspect of yourself that feels unforgivable.
Perhaps you can't forgive yourself for how you've hurt another person,
For being judgmental,
For being a controlling person.
Or you might hate yourself for being cowardly,
For not taking the risks that might make your life more fulfilling.
Or maybe it's difficult to forgive yourself for how you feel like you're ruining your life with an addictive behavior.
Whatever it is,
Allow yourself to sense how you've turned on yourself.
Sense what feels so bad about your unforgivable behavior or emotion,
Our way of thinking.
What's so wrong about it?
How does this part of yourself make you feel about who you are?
How does it prevent you from being happy?
Now,
Explore more deeply what is driving this unacceptable part of your being.
If you've wounded another person,
Did you act out of hurt and insecurity?
If you've been addicted to food,
Alcohol,
Drugs,
What need are you trying to satisfy?
What fear are you trying to soothe?
As you become aware of underlying wants and fears,
Allow yourself to feel this human vulnerability directly in your body,
Your heart,
Your mind.
Begin to offer a sincere message of forgiveness to whatever feelings,
Thoughts,
Or behaviors you're rejecting.
You might mentally whisper the words,
I see how I've caused myself or others suffering and I forgive myself now.
Or you might simply offer the words,
Forgiven,
Forgiven.
If it helps to put your hand on your heart,
Let the gentle touch of your hand help to communicate this message of mercy,
Of forgiveness,
Then do that.
In these next moments,
Meeting whatever arises – fear or judgment,
Shame or grief – with the message of forgiveness.
Forgiven,
Forgiven.
Allowing the hurt,
The vulnerability to untangle in the openness of a forgiving heart.
As you practice,
You may feel as if you're going through the motions and are not actually capable of forgiving yourself.
You might believe you don't deserve to be forgiven.
You might be afraid that if you forgive yourself,
You'll just do the same thing again.
Maybe you feel afraid that if you really open and forgive yourself,
You'll come face to face with an intolerable truth about yourself.
If these doubts and fears arise,
Acknowledge and accept them with compassion.
Then say to yourself,
It's my intention to forgive myself when I'm able.
Your intention to forgive is the seed of forgiveness.
This willingness will gradually relax and open your heart.
In the same way that each of us has hurt others,
We each have been wounded in our relationships.
Bring to mind now an experience in which you are deeply disappointed,
Are rejected,
Abused,
Are betrayed.
Without judging yourself,
Notice if you are still carrying feelings of anger and blame towards the person who hurt you.
Have you shot this person out of your heart?
Allow yourself to recall with some detail the specific situation that most fully reminds you of how you were wounded.
You might remember an angry look on a parent's face,
A harsh word from a friend,
The moment of discovering that a trusted person had deceived you.
Whatever it is,
Let yourself be aware of the feelings that arise,
The realness of the grief or shame,
The anger or fear.
With acceptance and gentleness,
Feel this pain as it expresses itself in your body,
In your heart and mind.
It can help to gently place your hand on your heart at this time,
To feel your breath at your heart,
Breathing with the experience of vulnerability,
Of pain,
Offering a caring presence to what you are experiencing.
After you have held this vulnerability with compassion,
You can begin to look more closely at this other person and sense the fear,
The hurt or neediness that might have caused him or her to behave in a hurtful way.
Experience this being as an imperfect human,
Vulnerable and real.
It can help to remember that no one causes suffering unless they are suffering.
Letting yourself feel this person's presence now,
Mentally whisper his or her name and offer the message of forgiveness.
I feel the pain that has been caused and to the extent that I am ready,
I forgive you now.
Or,
If you are not able at this moment to offer forgiveness,
You might whisper,
I feel the pain that has been caused and it is my intention to forgive you.
Remain connected with your own feelings of vulnerability and repeat your message of forgiveness or your intention to forgive for as long as you'd like.
And as you practice,
Let whatever arises,
Whatever reactions or thoughts,
Feelings,
Sensations in the body be included with a forgiving heart.
You might gently whisper,
Forgiven,
Forgiven,
To whatever place feels conflicted or vulnerable.
Now,
Let go of all ideas of self,
Of other,
And simply rest in the experience of tender awareness.
If a thought or feeling arises,
Sense the capacity to include this entire living,
Dying world in the vast space of heart.
We'll close with the words of the poet Rumi.
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing,
There is a field,
I'll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass,
The world is too full to talk about.
Ideas,
Language,
Even the phrase each other,
Doesn't make any sense.
