Tools for Resetting Boundaries

As we approach the Autumn Equinox I wanted to share my three favorite tools for resetting boundaries. As we begin to slow down and integrate all of our summer growth and energies, it's a great time to start turning inward and working on our boundaries. Fall is my favorite to time to do boundary work so that I can go deep into rest and internal soul reflection during the winter months.
Enjoy

Theme music by Polish Ambassador ft Rashaan Amad.

Transcript

Peace and blessings to you all and welcome to another episode of Get Your Chit Together.

This is another mini podcast or a soul flow as I like to call it and today I want to come to you all talking about boundaries and how to set boundaries.

For me personally,

It's my personal belief that boundaries are something that either contains or confines you or they are tools for liberation and fostering connections with others.

So through boundaries we either block the flow of life or we set ourselves up so that we're tapped in constantly to that flow,

Right?

We're moving within the bounds of being in the flow of abundance and in connection.

So when we're taking a look at our boundaries,

It's really,

Really important if we're trying to change them is to have three tools in our tool belt to do that.

And these are the three tools that I have worked with in resetting my own personal energetic boundaries,

Spiritual boundaries,

Boundaries in life and business with money,

All of these things even with my kids.

So I wanted to come to you guys and share them with you.

So the first tool in boundary setting is what I like to call the microscope of truth.

So it's really important to take this microscope of truth and assess where the current boundaries are without judgment and without shame.

And that is like number one,

The first thing that you have to do because you can't reset something or change something when you don't know the state that it's already in.

And the most important part of that is not having the judgment and the shame attached to where things currently are,

Right?

Because I feel like sometimes when we look at boundaries,

You know,

And we see how bad things are,

We can get into this mode of like,

Oh,

It's not really,

You know,

It's okay.

I'm not doing that bad.

So it's like if you're eating stuff you're not supposed to be and you want to have a bit,

You want to have clear boundaries with food and eating more healthy and exercise.

You know,

If you look at it and you're like not exercising at all and you're having three bags of chips and two Snickers a day,

You shine that microscope on there and it doesn't look good,

Right?

But we have to look at it and take it for what it is and not judge and shame ourselves because we're really big at having that negative self-talk of judging and shaming ourselves.

And when we do that,

We shut ourselves down and we don't really get anywhere.

So in order to set these healthy boundaries,

You have to say,

Hey,

You know what?

This is exactly what I do.

And now that I know what I do and I'm honest with myself about it,

Now I can move forward with making a change and I'm not going to sit here and shame myself and judge myself.

It's not healthy.

It's not good.

So there's no need for the inner critic to run re-invent with it.

So the first thing,

Truth microscope,

Really huge assess where the boundaries are currently.

The second thing is discernment and you need discernment and able to determine how the boundaries are reinforced in your actions.

So how are you upholding the current boundaries that are in place?

What are you doing to continue holding those boundaries in your everyday actions?

And the emphasis in this statement is really on the your,

Your actions,

Because people outside of you do not set your boundaries.

You set your own boundaries.

Now you do have the ability to allow people to influence you in setting your boundaries,

But ultimately you are the one upholding and reinforcing the boundaries day in or day out,

Regardless of who you allow to influence them.

So discernment is really,

Really,

Really big in looking at what you're doing,

What part you're playing,

What role you're playing and enforcing these boundaries.

The third thing is the final tool that you really need and this is going to come in sort of like two parts.

So it's accountability,

Right?

So once we've noted truthfully where the boundaries are,

We've discerned how we reinforce them.

The next thing in order to shift them is accountability.

So we have to make ourselves accountable for setting new boundaries,

For shifting the old boundaries to a new set point and reinforcing the new boundaries.

So we have to show up,

Right?

And that's accountability.

You have to show up for yourself and setting new boundaries.

We have to catch ourselves when we start to slide back and we catch ourselves with compassion and with grace so that we're not inner self critic.

Oh my God,

You did this.

Let's just give up and go back to the old way.

So we have to be very compassionate when we catch ourselves,

When we do our backsliding.

And with accountability,

Once you continue to show up,

You continue to show up,

Continue to show up,

You form a really strong solidified connection with those boundaries.

And in doing that,

You can gain this feeling and knowing of how they serve you.

So you really come to love the new boundaries that you set up.

You really come to have a connection and an understanding of how they work.

And once you're accountable and you show up and you have that connection,

You know how they work and you see that they're serving your highest good,

Then you have the ability to do this part two phase,

Which is have flexibility with the boundaries.

And I feel a lot of people,

Including myself,

Mess up when we try to go through the truth mode.

I check discernment,

I see my role accountability.

I'm showing up and doing these new boundaries like,

I don't know,

For a day or 48 hours.

And then I'm trying to be flexible on day three when it's not possible to do that because we haven't set up that strong connection with the new boundaries.

So before you try to have any flexibility,

You really have to have a very solidified,

Strong connection and relationship with your new boundaries,

A thorough feeling and thorough knowing of how they serve you.

And then you can play and have a little bit of flexibility here and there.

And in order to have that flexibility,

We have to use again,

The tools at the top,

Truth and discernment.

And by using the truth and discernment,

You can look and say,

Hey,

I'm looking at this really strong boundary that I have now.

It's really good.

I'm assessing where it is.

Okay,

Discernment,

Tap in,

How am I reinforcing it?

And how can I shift this?

How can I modify this for this particular,

For a particular occasion or for a particular reason?

How can I begin to wiggle things around a little bit to give myself a little bit more freedom for whatever situation that comes up?

But before you,

Again,

Before you jump into the flexibility boat,

Exercise truth,

Assess the boundaries,

Use discernment to determine your role in reinforcing them.

And three,

Go through the accountability phase to shift your boundaries,

Establish a firm connection,

Be very consistent and have a very strong practice in your new boundaries.

And later on,

Think about the flexibility part.

So I hope you all found this helpful.

This was a little something that was on my mind today.

And until we meet again,

May you all have health in the body and peace in the mind.

Reviews

Really useful approach to resetting boundaries as a regular self-inventory. I just thought my boundaries were damaged, the idea that they need to be reviewed as a form of spring cleaning is new to me! The music is only at the very beginning and end and doesn't overlap with the speaker. Thank you for this, very helpful practice.

Thank you for your presence on this platform! I appreciate you.

Loved the step by step breakdown in looking at boundaries as well as the reminder to HOLD the new boundaries for awhile before introducing flexibility.

Listened to this at the perfect time, exactly what i needed to hear today in this moment. Thank you!

Clear, well-communicated, necessary reminder and lesson. Thank you

Loved the motivating feel good beats and this mini inspirational clarifying reflection on healthy boundaries! With gratitude, Gina

This was a whole vibe! I loved everything about it. I’m using this with some of my classes. Thank you

wonderful advice. I've been working on setting and keeping boundaries.

Setting boundaries equals self care! TY 🧡

Very clear, practical and insightful. Now that I’ve learned something I hope I apply it to my life. I’ll come back for reminders. Thank you.

Very well explained.

Clear, direct, and helpful.

Very nice and well thought out. I liked the reminder to practice and a great toolkit to follow.
Thank you for this great work.

This is so true! Thank you, it is exactly what I needed to hear. 🙏🏻

Thank you. I agree that personal accountability is key. It’s a struggle, but we ultimately control how others impact our emotions. It’s up to you to “get your chit together.”

Sounds like a lot of work, but I bet it's worth it.

Good outline for the three tools for establishing and resetting boundaries.

Very helpful- thank you 🙏🌺

Cool thoughts on boundaries. Would of liked a few more examples in the discernment phase😀 Want to hear more so I’m looking you up cause you fill my soul sis💕🔥🐠dls

Just what I needed. Thank you