Lovingkindness for Difficult Emotions

A new take on the usual lovingkindness practice, suited for when you are feeling shame or a sense of unworthiness. It is for those moments when you can not recover your own sense of goodness.

Transcript

Today I want to give loving-kindness instruction in a slightly different way.

And I made this up.

So,

You know,

Take it with a grain of salt and please,

You know,

Just know that this is not like some ancient practice from the Buddha.

It's just something that I made up.

And the reason that I came up with this version of loving-kindness practice is this.

I was teaching a program,

This was probably a couple years ago,

Based around my book,

The Way to Love a Broken Heart.

I spent all weekend working with the energy of the heart,

Which was quite raw for everyone there.

And at the end,

I wanted to sort of seal all of this practice with the energy of the heart with loving-kindness practice,

Because I know that that practice stabilizes your heart.

So I didn't want to send everyone home like that.

I wanted to seal the situation and stabilize all of us,

Myself included.

And when I took my seat in front of them,

As I opened my mouth to give them loving- kindness instruction,

I looked at their faces and saw,

Oh no,

Oh,

This is asking much too much.

Because in loving-kindness practice,

As you know,

You start with yourself,

Then you work with a loved one,

Then a stranger,

Then an enemy,

Then all beings.

But what I saw in everyone's face was a continued sense of shame and self-loathing.

And I realized in that moment that asking them to offer loving-kindness to someone else,

Even someone they loved,

Was going to be a gesture of shame rather than power,

Because they felt so undeserving,

As we do when our hearts are broken.

So on the spot,

I changed the instruction to what I'm about to tell you now.

And I suggest that you do this practice when you are feeling shame or unworthiness.

And so this practice is for those moments where you cannot recover even this much of a sense of your own basic goodness.

So in this version of loving-kindness,

I'm going to ask you to place yourself in each position.

You'll start by thinking of yourself in your ordinary form,

As it's called.

Then you will think of yourself as a loved one.

You'll think of all the wonderful things about yourself,

About what makes you lovable,

About what you love about you,

And you will offer loving-kindness to yourself in your most lovable form.

Then you'll offer loving-kindness to yourself as a stranger,

Because there are certainly parts of you that you don't know,

Things you do that surprise you or confuse you.

And you're like,

Who did that?

Who said that?

I did not expect that.

I don't know where that came from.

We all have these parts of ourselves that are in darkness,

That are mysterious,

For good or for ill or for neither.

And finally,

I'll ask you to offer loving-kindness to yourself as an enemy.

But let me be very clear here that I don't mean yourself as a loser,

Or yourself as,

Oh yeah,

I have all these problems and this is what's bad about me and that's what's bad about me.

Obviously,

That would be very counterproductive.

Here,

What is meant by enemy is that part of you that is the most vulnerable,

The most terrified,

The most fragile,

The most confused,

And therefore creates the most difficulty in your life.

So the parts of yourself that create problems,

So-called,

Are the parts that actually need your attention the most,

That need your love the most.

And you can offer it to yourself in this way.

And then we'll offer loving-kindness to all beings.

So I hope this makes sense.

I think as we do it,

If you have any questions,

It will become more clear.

So okay,

Here we go.

Please take your seat.

So to begin our loving-kindness practice,

You can remain with your eyes open or you're free to close your eyes and make yourself comfortable.

You can even lie down if you like.

And begin your loving-kindness practice by thinking of yourself,

Whatever it is that you think of as you,

The one that has a job or is a parent or goes out with friends or longs to be an artist or wishes they were out gardening or whatever it is that you think of as you,

The one that tries very hard to make a good life,

To take care of him or herself and others and so on,

And basically never gives up and has had trials and tribulations and also wonderful experiences.

And thinking of yourself,

The one who's going to get up from this cushion at some point and go back into his or her life,

Offer to yourself the following things.

May I be happy.

May I be happy.

May I be happy.

May I be happy.

May I be healthy in body and mind.

May I be peaceful,

Peaceful and safe.

May I be peaceful.

May I live with ease,

Ease around me and ease within me.

May I live with ease.

May I live with ease,

Ease around me and ease within me.

Now bring to mind yourself as a loved one.

Look at yourself through the eyes of love,

Through the eyes of someone who loves you,

As the one who you know to be good and strong and kind and smart and full of heart and full of ability,

Whatever it is that you love about yourself the most,

See yourself in this full manifestation of a loved one.

And feel the tug of your on your heart when you look at this loved one,

You as a loved one,

As a loved one,

And wish for him or her the following for myself as a loved one.

May you be happy.

May you be healthy in body and mind.

May you be peaceful and safe,

This beautiful creature.

May you be peaceful and safe.

May you be peaceful and safe,

This beautiful creature.

May you be peaceful and safe.

May you be peaceful and safe.

May you be peaceful and safe.

May you be peaceful and safe.

May you be peaceful and safe.

May you be peaceful and safe.

May you be peaceful and safe.

Now let this you go and bring to mind yourself as a stranger,

As someone you don't really know.

There are parts of yourself that you have never seen,

That you do not understand,

That you do not know,

That surprise you,

That are mysterious or even much greater than you could ever realize.

For this you that you don't know,

For yourself as a stranger,

Picture yourself as a stranger in some way,

Or just rouse the sense,

And offer to this person you as a stranger,

I don't know who this person is.

The following.

May you be happy,

Whoever you are,

May you be happy.

May you be happy.

May you be healthy in body and mind.

May you be happy.

May you be peaceful,

Peaceful and safe.

May you live with ease.

May you be peaceful.

Now let this you go and bring to mind yourself as an enemy.

And again this doesn't mean the you that is icky or that you think is bad.

This is the you that is so afraid,

So wounded,

So confused because of these woundings that he or she creates difficulty for yourself and perhaps for others.

So bringing to mind all the things or any of the things that you think you can't forgive,

You cannot accept,

You cannot condone,

You feel so ashamed of or angry about yourself,

Rouse an image of yourself as an enemy.

Again the most fragile part of you is always what creates difficulty.

And for this you,

This enemy you,

Wish for him or her the following.

May you be happy.

May you be healthy in body and mind,

Completely healthy.

May you be peaceful and feel safe,

Deeply safe.

May you live with ease,

Inner ease and outer ease.

May you be peaceful.

Now bring all of you together.

Ordinary you,

Beloved,

Lovable you,

Strange,

Mysterious you,

Confused,

Enemy you,

It's all you.

Bring a sense of all of you and wish for yourself that includes all of this amazing complexity and beauty and struggle every day.

Wish the following for all of you.

May I be happy.

May I be healthy in body and mind.

May I be peaceful and safe.

May I,

All of me,

Live with ease.

May I live with ease.

Now let yourself go and bring to mind all beings beginning with our Open Heart Project community,

All of us who are watching this video now or at any time,

All the people in the world who are trying or seeking their way,

And with the knowledge that all beings find these splits and difficulties in loving themselves,

Wish for all beings the following.

May all beings be happy.

May all beings be healthy in body and mind.

May all beings be peaceful and safe.

May all beings live with ease,

Inner and outer ease.

Everyone.

Reviews

I adore Susan Piver, the kindness and nurturing energy she brings soothes my soul ❤️

Loved this. Thank you for a beautiful approach.

A great practice for dealing with our difficult emotions and the most vulnerable parts of ourselves.

Thankyou for this practice. It brought up a lot of emotions and as difficult as that was, I believe that it was a critical step I needed to do. I’m glad to find you here. You were one of my first meditation teachers. Grateful for all that you’ve taught me 💓🙏

This was a wonderful and skillful adaptation of the lovingkindness practice. Thank you 🙏🏼

Beautiful practice, thanks! I only wish the audio were re-edited with continuous "room environment" so the (voice) silences are not "sound empty", as this gives the piece the feeling of being broken, is distracting and can lead to doubt and disengagement. Pro-tip about what I am truly sorry for.

The script is perfect!! Would like it recorded again without intro (which can be written) and with better sound quality (no whirring noise and a nicer bell tone at end). But don't change the script! It is brilliant!!!

A truly thoughtful and powerful meditation.

Found this really helpful today. Helped me to let go x

Good times Suzie!

so creative and so effective! With all my love for you! Thank you!

Beautiful meditation! Just what all of me needed❤️❤️💗💗

A very effective and somewhat different look at loving kindness. Thank you.

Really fantastic exercises

Just what I needed. Thank you. 💜

What a great inspiration and approach to the practice. Loved the idea of generating loving kindness to the various aspects of self. It would be worth doing a “studio” version.

A lovely take on loving-kindness. Love the focus on the "parts" of ourself. I will come back to this one for sure.

Just what I needed. Namaste

Very kind and helpful version of loving kindness meditation.
Don't be put off by reviews regarding sound quality...the wisdom of the teaching is too valuable to miss out on.
Thank you for sharing this💙

That was amazing! I love you, Susan Piver!