Crossroads

Susan shares one of her re-purposed shows from her archived radio talk-show "Live Your Inspired Life," thru her current podcast, "Empowering Chats with Susan Burrell." Her current podcast is aimed at strong capable women, to help them to access their inner wisdom and clarify their own truth. This podcast promotes Self love, compassion and female empowerment.

Transcript

Welcome to chats with Susan Burrell.

I help strong,

Capable women who have pockets of self-doubt access their inner wisdom and clarify their own truth.

This is where we have rich conversations about empowerment,

Radiating your brilliance out into the world and loving yourself more than you ever have before.

And today,

I have a treat for you.

A repurposed show from my broadcast radio show called Living Your Inspired Life.

Enjoy.

I listen to your show every day.

It's time now for Living Your Inspired Life with Susan Burrell.

Susan is no-nonsense,

Inspirational,

Motivational and fun.

This is positive talk radio.

Practical wisdom for everyday life.

It's a gift you give yourself.

Now,

Here's Susan.

Hello,

Hello and welcome to Living Your Inspired Life.

We're on News Talk 1590 KVTA and I'm in the studio here with my cohort,

Todd Waddington.

Hi,

Todd.

Hi,

Susan.

Good to be here.

So we are talking about crossroads in our lives.

And the reason why I wanted to do that is because I've been in a crossroads and it feels like it's been a long time that I've been standing at this crossroads.

And the relaunch of Living Your Inspired Life on News Talk 1590 is,

You know,

Now I've chosen the road I'm on again,

You know.

So oftentimes,

So let me just talk about what I think crossroads are.

Usually it's a place where two or more roads converge.

And that's,

And you stand in the center of that,

You know,

When you get to the,

I keep thinking of North by Northwest in the crossroads and with Cary Grant standing there.

Powerful image,

Yeah.

Yeah,

Waiting.

It kind of feels like that in that when we come to a crossroads in our lives,

We think we're driving the car and we're actually arriving at the crossroads.

We know we're getting there.

But other times,

And in my life lately,

A little while ago,

This crossroads,

I came to this crossroads and it felt like it snuck up on me.

And all of a sudden it was like,

Wait a minute,

Why am I here?

I did not want to be here.

How did I choose to get here?

And oftentimes then in hindsight and doing the work that we talk about on living your inspired life of dropping in,

Going within yourself and checking out what,

You know,

What your inspiration is telling you,

What your inner world is all about,

Oftentimes we'll realize,

Oh,

I was,

Of course I was meant to be at this crossroads.

Of course I was on that path.

But oftentimes it doesn't feel like that.

Well,

I think often what happens is we get through that experience and then we look back on it and say,

Oh,

That was a crossroads.

Yeah.

A diagnosis,

A relationship,

A bankruptcy.

You know,

It doesn't always have to be something horrible,

A marriage,

You know.

A good thing or a not so good thing.

Crossroads.

But oftentimes people,

So I've been doing a lot of work with people that are,

I have several clients that are empty nesters.

And so now they're,

You know,

With their spouse going,

Oh,

It's just you and me.

What do we do?

And what I'm noticing or I'm working with people that have crossed over a particular decade threshold,

Like 50s and 60s,

That kind of a thing.

Or they're coming up to it,

You know.

And now that I've been through some of this stuff,

I'm like,

Oh,

Here we come.

They're coming to that crossroads where you're going to have to stand and go,

Who am I now?

Where am I going?

Why did I do what I did?

Do I want to change course or do I want to stay the course?

And what I notice is when people come to those crossroads,

It feels dramatic.

So even if it's a happy thing,

Like a wedding,

I went to this great wedding in May.

Fabulous,

Big to do.

And the day after,

The bride,

I could tell,

I'm so sorry,

But I could tell that she's sitting at the table with all of us and behind her eyes,

There's this thought,

What did I just do?

Oh,

My God,

What did I just do?

And so it happens all the time in certainly big life events,

But even smaller events.

We come to this place of what path am I going to take now?

Well,

There's,

You know,

In that bride's defense,

I know that,

You know,

Just having done theater for years,

You know,

You have that big opening night and the next day there's that kind of letdown often for the run.

You go into the run and nothing's like opening night.

Right.

And so it doesn't mean that anything's wrong.

It's just that included in that crossroads are many,

Many dynamics.

It's not like just one thing and everything's going to be better.

Right.

Right.

Well,

So what I want to encourage people to do is when you come to a crossroads in your life,

To be there,

To become fully present that you're there.

And a lot of that is so I can only speak from my life experience on living your inspired life,

That in my life,

In this crossroads,

I've just navigated,

I've navigated a divorce and I really tried to stand fully present in every moment of it,

Whether I was feeling fear or anger or guilt or,

You know,

Shame or whatever and then feeling some,

You know,

Freedom about it.

But to just be present and what I really did was I was encouraged to really feel the emotions I was feeling so that they wouldn't download in my body.

And we talked a little bit about this last week.

So they really wouldn't download in my body as a dis-ease and out picture in some other way because I was ignoring those emotions.

I'll tell you,

That's a hard thing to do,

Be present with your emotions.

Oh,

Just to sit with it.

I talked about that a little bit last week,

That there's light and there's dark and everything and I'm just,

Just really beginning to take notice of the darkness and be able to sit with it.

Yeah.

And sometimes it gets uncomfortable,

But I've discovered through teachings and learnings that the only way through it is through it and I have to allow that darkness to sort of go through me.

It doesn't mean I indulge or I go out on a drinking bender or anything,

Quite the opposite.

It's a matter of sitting with it,

Being with it,

And allowing it to process.

Because eventually the light will filter back in.

I agree with you,

Absolutely.

And what I notice is when people are not present with their emotions,

Or when I wasn't,

And some of my clients,

They become deadened.

You know,

Then they're not really living,

You're not living life at all.

You're just putting it on pause because you don't want to feel the feeling that you think is behind the experience.

You know,

You don't want to feel the fear or the anger or the guilt.

You just don't want to feel it.

So everything gets put on pause and all of a sudden you're just kind of floating through life and years can go by.

And this happens often,

Too,

For people when they show up at a crossroads.

It's all of a sudden,

Because it's an awakening.

When we get to that place where one thing is complete,

Whether it's rearing children or a job or a marriage or somebody in your life has passed on,

Made their transition,

There is something that is complete.

And yet we haven't necessarily been present to the emotionality of it to process it.

And so when we come to a crossroads,

It's very important,

In my experience at least,

To become consciously aware,

To stand there consciously aware of what has just transpired or what is transpiring.

And sometimes,

You know,

Like in the event of a divorce,

Sorry,

That's all I can talk about right now,

Or a long-lasting illness that ends in a death,

It feels like a long time.

And it gets very,

Very uncomfortable for people to be in that experience for a long time.

And yet when you think of the spectrum of life,

It's kind of just a short period of time.

You know?

And this,

Too,

Shall pass.

Well,

I hear you say,

I love that you used the word awakening,

And I'm wondering if whatever,

All the stuff you're talking about now,

If being with it,

Staying with it,

Is that what leads to the awakening or is the awakening all of that?

I think it's both.

And it depends on the individual.

Like for me,

I was resisting what was occurring,

And then I finally woke up and I went,

Oh,

Oh,

It's just done.

Oh.

And came to peace with it.

Okay.

And then there was the next part of the ride of,

Okay,

Now what do we do?

Where do we go?

Who am I now with this,

Without this?

You know?

And that's still standing at the crossroads.

You know?

And so then there was like this peeling the layers of the onion,

And it was all emotionally being done through me and for me and with me.

So I want to encourage listeners,

If you're listening to Living Your Inspired Life right now,

If you're at a crossroads,

We've got some skill sets on our website,

Livingyourinspiredlife.

Org,

That I want to encourage you to go and explore.

It's under the inspiration box,

And you can see,

We're going to talk a little bit more about that later in the show tonight.

But this idea of being at a crossroads is,

In hindsight,

Right,

Always a good thing,

Right?

When you come to that place where you have to turn left because you can't keep going straight or you have to turn right or whatever,

In hindsight then you go,

Oh,

Like you said earlier,

This I track back,

And that was a really good thing that happened.

I hated every moment of it.

It wasn't fun.

It was painful.

But now I can see why.

So it's about really being consciously present with the is-ness of life,

The what is within us and around us and through us.

And we're never done.

Because the crossroads sounds like,

You know,

It's dramatic.

It's very dramatic.

And it is dramatic.

But it's as if we're going to do it once,

And then we're done.

But you talked about the layers of the onion earlier,

And it really is.

Crossroads after crossroads after crossroads.

And maybe there are many intersections,

And then there are crossroads.

But yeah,

That's a good way to put it.

I see life as this evolutionary spiral that we just keep moving on.

And we can do it kind of dead-end and just going through the daily routine,

Or we can do it being as fully conscious as we possibly can in every moment.

And I don't mean that that means you're zen in every moment,

Because it's kind of hard to live a fast-paced life like most of us have and be in the zen.

But it certainly is about being consciously awake and aware enough to strive toward that peace,

Equanimity throughout the day,

Regardless of what's happening.

And that's,

It takes practice,

Practice,

Practice.

Yeah.

It does.

I liked what you said earlier about,

You know,

We don't know what we're going to – we go through life,

And then we – I don't remember how you said it,

But what came up for me was how I've done so many things in my life that I didn't think I would ever use,

And I would get really distressed about it.

Like,

For example,

I was a waiter for about 10 years after college.

Oh,

Yeah,

Me too.

And I thought,

How,

When am I ever going to use this skill set?

Like,

Why am I doing this?

I was getting really weary about it.

And then I can't tell you how many times I was in the middle of running a cabaret series in Philadelphia,

And one day I realized this would have never happened if I didn't have that big back – all that background in the service industry,

Because I needed to know what entertainers needed and how to run a room.

Uh-huh.

And a lot of people couldn't do it.

And I patted myself on the back thinking,

You know,

I really have this skill that I never realized I had until I put this cabaret series together.

I love that.

And it came out of this very distressful kind of work that I did for years.

Yeah.

But I knew how to be a host,

I knew how to be a waiter,

I knew how to do all of those things,

And then I could also – I knew then how to put this series together,

Get people into a room that would enjoy it,

How to set up the room.

And I have no stress when it comes to running things like that.

If somebody said,

Can you help me cater this party,

I'd be like,

Oh,

Yeah.

I mean,

It's not my favorite thing to do,

But I could help them easily.

So this sounds to me like what you said just a few minutes ago about the intersections leading to the crossroads.

So that sounds like that waiters' gig was part of coming to another intersection to get to the crossroads where now you're going to do this cabaret thing.

And it's probably still informing a lot of work that you continue to do.

I know that.

Right.

I know that to be so.

Right.

And so I think what I want to encourage everyone is not to be afraid when you come to a crossroad.

I ran into a woman just the other day in the post office and somebody I hadn't seen in a while,

And I could tell something was up,

And she is navigating a divorce.

But as she started to talk to me about it,

I could see and feel in her eyes that she was absolutely petrified,

Literally petrified,

So that there was nothing moving forward,

Like no filing,

The house is for sale,

But no sale.

There was all this stuff that just was in a standstill.

And as she started to talk to me about it,

Her fear started coming up,

Which,

Of course,

She didn't want to experience in the middle of the post office,

But the fear that now that this decision has been made,

Now that this completion has happened,

That they aren't going to be able to move forward.

And I just stood there witnessing for her and with her that there is this place where you have got to,

When you're at a crossroads,

You've got to surrender.

And I mean just let the stuff go,

Whether it's letting your anger go and having a temper tantrum where it doesn't hurt anybody,

Including yourself.

But get out a pillow and beat it up and yell and scream,

Or just sit down and cry,

And then in my case,

Sit down and cry some more,

And then sit down and cry some more,

Because that is the place where,

In the surrendering of those emotions and the experience of them and then letting them go,

There begins to become an open,

Clear container for then you to put something new in.

But you can't build on top of the garbage.

You can't build a new life or make a new choice on top of the old garbage.

It just doesn't work.

Then you stand out on a landfill.

You know what I'm saying?

I do.

And I saw poltergeist,

Man.

So you just don't want to build your stuff on a landfill where everything is constantly changing.

You want to build it on a solid ground,

On a solid foundation.

Well,

And then listening to you,

I'm thinking that one of the things that crossroads implies is movement.

Yeah.

I mean,

Even if it's the movement of emotions,

I tend to get stymied when I'm really overwhelmed.

Right now I have a lot of things on my plate,

A bunch of just tons of stuff.

And I notice that as soon as I go into the activity that's required of me,

The fear starts to dissipate,

Whatever the anxiety level goes down.

And it's simply because I'm moving.

And that movement sometimes,

I need exercise.

I need,

You know,

So the movement seems to be a big piece of,

For me,

Of what crossroads and moving through crossroads is about.

Yeah.

I appreciate you saying that because that is what we're saying here is the movement.

So I want to share,

This brings up to mind,

I just got back before we started Living Your Inspired Life.

I just got back from 10 days in Scotland.

And it was,

I had no idea what it was going to be like.

Scotland was not on my thing to do list,

You know,

Go see.

But this trip came up and I went with a group of people that I would never meet before.

And it was fabulous,

Fabulous.

The places we,

Oh,

The things we saw.

And I met this woman,

Her name is Mary,

M-E-R-R-Y.

Oh my God,

I know.

She's awesome.

And I had borrowed a book from her and I went to her room to return the book.

And it was early morning,

We're getting ready to head out.

And she said,

Come in,

Come in.

And she goes,

I'm listening.

And I was like,

I listened.

I didn't hear anything.

I'm like,

Okay,

Mary,

What are you listening to?

And she goes,

I'm listening to the wind playing the building.

And that's,

I wanted to start laughing.

But I tell you,

It was a profound perception.

I get it.

Because then she started humming what she was hearing and all of a sudden I heard the wind playing the building.

And she said,

You know,

Because she knew about Celtic music and all about,

She said,

There's,

I don't know anything about this stuff,

But she said,

There's a lot of Irish songs called Ayres.

And she said,

Now I get it.

It's what they were hearing when the wind was moving through the trees or the whatever.

And she started humming the tune again.

And I heard it.

Okay.

Now I wasn't doing any kind of scotch then.

No,

No,

I get it.

But it was,

It was amazing.

And because of her sharing her experience with me,

It shifted my perception.

And I now hear things literally.

I hear things differently because she said that the rest of the trip was,

You know,

Was just me trying to pay attention to what she pointed out.

And I think that's what happens when we're at a crossroads as well as we've got.

It's our opportunity to change our perception.

It's our opportunity to hear things differently.

It's our opportunity.

You know,

Like if you're in a,

If you're in a relationship that's conflicted,

That's a crossroads too.

Right.

If you go to therapy,

You got to learn to hear things differently.

Same within in the workplace.

People get,

If you've been in a job for forever and you get triggered by other people,

It's not necessarily because the other people are the ones doing it to you.

It's because you've learned and it's become a habit.

You're in a rut,

Right.

And sometimes we get,

We are in ruts leading up to the crossroads that doesn't,

That no longer allows you to hear or see things in ways that make you happy.

In ways that activate your inner creativity in ways that help you connect heart to heart with another person.

And so shifting that perception and listening differently,

Listening to the air play the building,

Listening to the tune that it's creating,

It can open up doors for you.

So that's what we talk about and that's what we're all about on living your inspired life.

And we're on News Talk 1590 KVTA.

And we're talking about,

I guess we're talking about how change affects us when we're at a crossroads.

Yeah.

We are.

And,

You know,

I just have to say I was laughing and I tend to laugh at everything.

You know,

I'm one of those people who.

Which is what I love about you.

I mean,

I can totally find laughter in just about any topic.

But that said,

Somebody like Beethoven,

Who was no slouch,

Wrote music because of what he heard.

And I mean,

The Postural Symphony is all about his walk in the woods.

And it's filled with birds and wind and all sorts of stuff.

And there's people that can really hear that.

And it wasn't until I met Mary,

M-E-R-R-Y.

And I just love that because she's Mary.

It wasn't until she shared her perspective with me that I could open up my eyes and ears and see things differently.

And so that's what happens to when you're at least for me.

And during my experience of this particular crossroads,

I just navigated lately.

I had tremendous support,

Tremendous support.

And what I mean is I had I had a couple of friends that I knew I could go to and they would not judge me.

And they very rarely gave me advice unless I asked.

And they I trusted them with my confidence so that they weren't out blabbing away about my experiences.

And then I had other people that I could go to to laugh with that they would they would point things out.

My friend Grace Lovejoy would I would call her up.

And I didn't even have to say anything.

And she'd just start laughing about it,

Which just lightened me up.

You know,

And and I had other people counselors and things like that that I could go and have a different opportunity to explore what was happening within my life and within myself.

Because the emotions,

You know,

The emotions became became so huge,

Mostly because I had not been addressing them up until now.

And I didn't realize I had not been addressing my deep level of anger or my deep level of love.

You know,

I was just in that monotone of life getting through.

Well,

That's that's what I was saying earlier that for me,

I haven't noticed that I've gone through crossroads until I've been through it most of the time.

And I think that what you're saying now speaks to something that I know have noticed for most of us,

Most people.

We don't know how much pain we're in until we're out of it.

You know,

Yeah,

Because we start tolerating the levels of it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know,

That's interesting because coming out of this now,

I want I really do want to be present with my life in a way in new ways and have fun.

And and then the realizing the high level of tolerance in so many different areas that I had been holding was also part of the surrendering.

You know,

OK,

I'm not going to tolerate that anymore.

I'm not going to tolerate that.

I'm not going to tolerate this anger in me or I'm not going to tolerate that thing that's happening in my outer world,

In my workplace or my relationship or with my child.

I'm just not going to tolerate it.

And what happens when we also hit crossroads is I,

At least for me,

There were huge levels of grief because not only was I looking at divorce,

But my son graduated from high school during that time.

So there was the emptiness thing happening all at the same time.

And and just to address just the emptiness part,

There's grief.

I have a friend who whose son is a sophomore up at Washington University,

And she just left to take him back for,

You know,

After the summer.

And and she said the grief is almost worse than when he graduated because she had him all summer again.

It's like he came home and now we have to do it again,

You know,

Just ripping that scab off every time until it until it heals.

I was smiling because I was thinking of a friend of mine on the East Coast who was just a basket case when she took her first son to college and then she just took her second son.

And now she was a big mess.

She was texting me on the way there.

And I thought,

Oh,

Poor Michael,

Empathizing with her husband.

Yeah,

Because he and he's probably going through the same thing just differently.

Yes.

And I just want to encourage people.

It's just again,

We've been saying this.

Maybe we're hammering too hard,

But it's important to feel the feelings.

It's so important to feel the feelings because that really is what life is about.

Life.

Life is dynamic.

Life is always dynamic.

There's no there's no safe base.

You know,

When you're kidding,

You always had to get to safe base when you're playing tag,

You know,

There's no safe base in life.

And I don't mean that in a bad way.

I mean that in the sense that life is always in this current of change and and circulating and swirling in and through and around us.

And because it's dynamic,

It causes us to change and grow all the time.

It causes us to evolve mentally,

Emotionally and spiritually all the time.

And what happens is in that dynamo of life,

We are always at choice.

We have this huge freedom to choose and choose again and choose again.

And some of the people that I'm working with that are navigating having turned 50 and who am I now and do I really want to stay in this job?

And what am I going to do with the second half of my life that I'm working with this one client?

He's fabulous.

And he wants a plan.

He wants a plan.

I'm like,

Oh,

Dude,

There's no plan.

I mean,

You have to be present with what is right now first.

And the is is you really clear you're getting clear on this job isn't working for me anymore.

And and we have an empty nest again.

And and so instead of trying to have a plan so you can fill up the emptiness so you can fill up the vacuum that was created,

It's really important to take that time as a gift to yourself where you can explore.

OK,

This is who I've been up until 50.

Liked a lot of it.

Didn't like so much of it.

What am I keeping?

You know,

It's like cleaning out a closet.

I'll keep this pair of shoes because I'm I remember dancing the disco in them.

You know,

But I'm not going to keep the outfit.

You know,

I'm not going to keep the polyester,

You know,

And really get clear on what it is you want to bring forward.

And so many people don't realize that these decade thresholds that we cross of turning 30,

40,

50,

60,

70,

80,

90,

100,

They are they are definite crossroads.

They're not the intersections.

They are the crossroads.

And we tend we spend time leading up to turning 50 and we spend time afterwards going,

Oh,

My God,

I'm 50 or I'm 60 or whatever it is.

And what I want to encourage us all to do is to be really present with,

OK,

Now I'm at choice.

I have the freedom to choose whatever I want to do with my life.

I am free to make that choice.

And if I don't like what I made,

You know,

Like this guy,

I'm encouraging him to go slow before he develops a plan,

You know,

Slowly do the research he needs to do to figure out who what he wants to do for the next 50 years.

Yeah,

Yeah,

Do that.

But don't then say,

OK,

Now I have a plan.

I'm going to activate it because there's there's a place of being in the stillness of life,

Of of that,

That still water place where you can really listen to the airplane,

The building,

You know,

Listen within to that place of inspiration that wants to bubble up through you,

That wants to spring up through you.

And become even more than what you thought your plan was.

I mean,

Which certainly happened.

Now I'm digressing again,

Maybe.

But it certainly happened when I realized that my marriage was complete because I had a plan.

I had a plan for the next 50 years.

And all of a sudden,

It ain't my plan.

So if I had rushed into another plan,

I would still be operating out of the old Susan that that that got me to that that crossroads.

Boy,

Do I not want to repeat a lot of that.

Do you know,

I really want to be my whole person who I am as a 50 something year old now.

Who am I now?

Because the choices I made when I was 20 or 30 or 40 led me down to these different crossroads and intersections.

And so what do I want to keep and what do I want to leave?

Because there's this place we think of maturity being OK,

Now you're 18,

You get to leave,

Move out of the house or,

You know,

Now you're a parent.

And but there's also this inner wisdom,

This inner spiritual maturity,

If you will,

That when we listen to that.

Informs us in ways that creates such a better life.

That's been my personal experience,

At least such a better life.

Yeah.

And it sounds wonderful.

And I say it sounds wonderful because I'm what I'm realizing.

And then this happens in this show is that I,

You know,

I go into my own process and I realize,

Oh,

I think I'm in the middle of a crossroads.

You know,

I hinted at something last week on the show that that I had some physical things going on.

And and as it turns out,

I need an MRI of my lower back now.

So I've had an MRI on my shoulder last week,

Next week,

Slower back and my male ego,

I'll call it my ego is like battling.

You know,

The chiropractor said,

You know,

Let's let's not do any any heavy,

No weight,

No weights now,

No lifting.

And,

You know,

I got to be honest,

For eight years I stopped working out.

And then two years ago,

I was so happy to be going back to the gym to have carved it into my schedule to be doing that for myself that I'm really I'm really struggling.

With this.

Yeah,

That that that that's done.

Or maybe I don't know.

I'm seeing another specialist tomorrow and that perhaps it's all about yoga and being gentle.

And I'm there's really a battle going on in this.

You know,

I think it is.

It's kind of a crossroads.

It's a different.

It's something that I expected in my 60s or 70s,

Right?

Not at 54,

Right?

To be saying,

You know what?

I'm going to have to start doing this a different way.

I have to start eating a different way.

You know,

I got that got that report,

Too.

I mean,

There's a bunch of self-care things that haven't been happening or have to happen in a different way that I'm really up against it.

Yeah.

And it doesn't feel like it can just be still and breathe.

And that's exactly what I need to do.

Right.

It is it is being stolen.

It is being still taught.

I'm sorry.

Literally for you,

It's going to be being still maybe for a little while.

But but but because in.

Well,

So what happens is when we're at the crossroads and we're talking about freedom of choice,

The crossroads causes us to become self responsible.

And in that self responsibility,

That means that if you have to make health changes,

Food changes,

Relationship changes,

You become more responsible to yourself.

And what I mean is that self within you,

That is what I like to say is divine.

You know,

And when we become responsible to that divinity within us,

That is that breath of life that we live from.

Then then then in changing that perception,

You said self care.

I know in my experience,

When a doctor says you got to do this,

I'm like,

That's it.

I'm not doing it because he told me I went home and ate eight cookies.

Oh,

Yeah.

What's in the freezer?

Yeah.

It's like I don't care if I try to glycerides or three hundred.

They're not three hundred,

But they're pretty close.

See,

In my mind,

I'm like,

Oh,

Well,

It's filling up the refrigerator.

And he told me I can't have it anymore.

I'll just eat everything out and then I won't buy it again.

It's the same thing.

So but but in for me and looking at it now as instead of it's somebody telling me I have to do self care,

I am choosing to be self responsible,

Which also means if I want to cheat,

I'm responsible for it.

Right.

And if I want to if I want to be if I want to be healthy,

I'm responsible for it.

And and that's what happens when we face these these crossroads.

There's a place of needing to step up a little bit more and step up a little bit more.

So so yeah.

So this is living your inspired life.

And we're on News Talk 1590 KVTA.

And we're going to take just a short welcome back to living your inspired life on News Talk 1590 KVTA.

I'm Susan Burrell,

And I'm here with Todd Waddington,

My cohort and master of amazing fun.

And we're talking about crossroads in our in our lives.

And I just want to remind people that our new Web site,

Living your inspired life dot org is up and running.

So go take a look.

And eventually these shows are going to be archived on the on the site so that you can go back and say,

What was it they were talking about?

Oh,

Yeah,

I want to remember that.

You can go back and listen.

So that that's happening in our lives.

And that's it.

That's a awesome positive for us.

Absolutely.

It's a beautiful site.

So we're talking about crossroads,

Which really means change and change often brings up fear for people,

You know.

And and I know for me in my in in my in the past,

When I've become fearful,

I become a mule.

I sit down and you cannot budge me.

You can't make me change my mind.

You can't make me move forward.

I'm just going to sit down and say,

I'm not moving.

And that happens for a lot of people that the fear is become so immense that the how do we move forward piece?

That's why people need a plan.

You know,

I can only move forward if I have a plan.

Sometimes sometimes moving forward in life means you you don't have a plan.

Right.

Well,

I think I think fear for me is the fear of whatever I imagine either happening or not happening.

Like it's so it's my ego way of it usually is very limited.

Like we were talking before the break about this,

You know,

Some physical stuff going on with me.

And I think the fear is that I have I don't know what the exact fear is,

But my desire is to have a 30 year old body in a 50,

Not even 27 anymore.

You know,

I'm moving up to 30.

You know,

I was kind of hoping for my 40 year old body and she's not there anymore either.

And and yeah,

It just it's not it's not going to happen.

I can still be slender and 54 and reasonably fit,

But it's just not going to be 30.

It's not going to be 30.

It's well.

And that's a good thing.

Really,

We have to wrap our minds around the thing of of of life continues to move forward because going back doesn't doesn't mean that you're growing.

Doesn't mean that you're growing mentally,

Emotionally,

Physically,

Spiritually at all.

Doesn't you know,

So moving forward is the only thing we can do.

So I just want to read this quote I have by philosopher Ernest Holmes that had it that had a lot of meaning for me when I read it.

So we'll see if it means something to you as you're listening.

One may die from one experience and be born into another in this world.

We are learning how to do this by mentally letting go of the old and taking hold of the new.

Our mental vision must be guided by the star of hope and not the illusion of despair.

So when people so when people are stuck in fear,

I think part of that is filled with despair.

Right.

That whatever was good about this thing that's now over,

You know,

Whether it's whatever job,

A relationship,

A life,

There is despair.

Because now who am I?

Now what am I going to do?

Or what am I going to do without that?

You know,

What am I going to do without my 40 year old body?

What am I going to do without my marriage or my job?

And and so that's also what amps up fear.

We may have it already,

But it amps it up even more.

And really,

We're because we're always at choice.

We this is what I've I'm trying to practice.

I have to let you know how I'm doing,

Because it's a challenge.

But I'm trying to tell myself that when I fear,

Feel fearful,

It's actually an opportunity to listen.

It's to awaken,

To to choose to become more conscious,

Because really the fear is trying to tell us something.

Right.

Yes.

It's that fight or flight thing.

The fear is trying to say,

Watch out.

There is,

You know,

A lion on the horizon that's going to eat you.

And and so in our in our daily livingness,

That fear is here to inform us that there's something I need to pay attention to.

Yes.

Well,

I mean,

And to be really honest,

To come clean here,

I know I know what I'm supposed to do.

I said it last week.

You know,

I know that and I know that I'm going to be happier.

I know I know this already.

When I decide to do all the things that the doctors are telling me.

So what do you think is the thing that's keeping you stuck then?

Because I want to be 30 years old again.

I don't think it's fear of death.

I think it's some sort of fear of like being limited in some way.

And the idea of my body getting stuck or some physical thing going on.

And so so let's peel this.

Because this is what I do.

You know,

So because what I hear really underneath some of that is that there's some grieving.

Yes,

I'm no longer 30.

I'm no longer.

I can't buy that time back.

I can't go back and and and undo the mistakes.

So there's the spandex.

Can't wear the spandex.

Oh,

Please don't wear the spandex anymore.

Nobody.

But I never.

But that,

I think,

Is is I know for me,

Under the fear,

There was a lot of grief.

Could have should have would have.

Why didn't I?

Most definitely.

And and then why didn't I appreciate my life back then when I was healthy and svelte?

You know,

And instead of turning and looking back on,

Oh,

Shoot,

I should have been paying attention to that.

And and so that so then again,

We become self responsible and consciously aware as we stand in a crossroads that I get to choose again.

I have freedom of choice to choose again.

So all right.

So here's some things that I would recommend that I've done personally in these crossroads.

And I and I use this stuff with my client,

My clients that I work with is to become a to really well,

First of all,

Is to really feel those feelings and let yourself have it in a safe space.

You know,

If you're in the middle of something like if you're in the middle of the post office and you feel like crying,

Excuse yourself and go cry.

Don't say,

Oh,

No,

I can't do this because what happens is that you keep putting a lid on it and then it becomes a pressure cooker.

And same with being angry or same with feeling guilty or ashamed.

You need to take time,

Go sit in your car or,

You know,

Close the door to your room and be with what is.

And I tell you from personal experience,

When you sit down and you really sit with what is going on emotionally,

You go through it faster.

You go through it.

And I've been reading this great book called The Untethered Soul by Mark Singer.

Fabulous book because it talks about untethering,

Unhooking yourself to all those things that causes your heart to close.

And because we want to hold on to whether it's a good feeling or a negative feeling.

We want if it's if it's a negative feeling,

We hold on to it.

We steal our heart against it so we don't have to feel it.

But it's still in there stuck in our heart.

And if it's a good feeling,

We hold on to it because we don't want to feel the bad stuff anymore.

You know,

So we so wherever we tether ourselves or cling to these emotions,

Either way,

It takes us out of living our life fully,

Living our life consciously,

Living our life creatively and having fun just takes us out all the fun.

So in feeling those emotions,

You begin to open your heart.

You begin to untether your soul.

You begin to create space for a clear vessel,

If you will.

You know,

I always see like a big bowl,

A big,

A big golden chalice thing,

You know.

But to to then you can put in and fill it up with what you want to experience,

What you want to live.

So feeling your emotions is really important.

That's what I that's when I work with clients,

It's about feeling the grief and doing it.

And then this other thing that I've been doing for myself,

Especially once I have cleared out most of that emotional garbage,

At least for that moment or that day,

Then I I ask,

I go within and I ask,

What is my highest good here?

What is the highest vision for my life now?

This is done.

Whatever this is,

It's done.

What is the highest vision for my life and how can I embrace it and become it?

And and and then what do I need to release from it?

And so that I can really be fully present and be living my most inspired life,

Be exactly who I was brought here to be.

And I think that that's true for everybody.

So that that particular process is called visioning.

And again,

It's on living your inspired life dot org.

Under the inspiration page,

You can I wrote something up on how to do a visioning and you can do that.

And when you're ready to ask yourself those questions,

You know,

What is my highest good now?

What is the highest idea for my life?

And just write whatever comes down to you,

Whatever shows up.

And this is not about creating a plan.

That's not what it is.

It's about tuning in to your inner wisdom,

Tuning into that heart center that has all the answers because we are beings that already hold all the answers for and solutions for our lives.

We just don't know it because we've been trained to look outside of ourselves for our answers.

And I'll tell you,

My personal experience from this,

Having navigated this for the last couple of years is that I and I have not really been able and I'm going to say it out loud.

Oh,

My gosh.

I have not been able to say this in truth about myself,

But I love myself now.

I love myself.

I respect myself.

It's something I've been working on.

Those have been my affirmations for at least five years.

I love myself.

I am loving.

It's like ridiculous.

I I now feel that I love myself and I'm happy.

I'm having fun and I am really good at what I do.

I'm really good at what I do.

It's very true.

Isn't that so who would have thunk?

And you've been on this ride with me for a while.

Who would have thought that out of a out of a seeming negative experience,

There comes this renewed place of joy and freedom and love and commitment to myself.

I want to ask you a question just so I can and maybe some of our listeners can get some clarity.

When you were talking about feeling the feelings and then you were talking about a visioning process,

Is it is it something you do at the same time or you want to be clear of those feelings before you go into your visioning process?

That's a good question,

Todd,

Because I think you we can be in the midst of strife and vision and still get stuff.

I think I think you can.

I think you can do it either way.

I wouldn't.

So what I notice with people that are not attuned to visioning,

It becomes the again their template for creating a plan.

Sometimes I want a vision so I know what I have to do.

And it's not about that.

So if you are in the emotional turmoil and you and you sit down and just with your journal or a piece of paper,

You know,

What is the highest good for me right now and just write it down while you're in the midst of it?

That could be vastly helpful because it might be,

You know,

You might get OK,

It's time for me to take a nap.

Yeah,

You know,

And that's part of how we we check in with ourselves.

But it also can be it is hugely helpful,

At least for me after I navigated a lot of that stuff,

Because when I was in the midst of it,

Of the grief and the anger and the fear,

There wasn't anything there was.

It was very hard for me to have even five minutes of time where I could see clearly and then listen.

So which is why I so the other piece when you're navigating a crossroads,

Why I really encourage people to develop a support group for yourself.

And that looks like one or two friends that love you unconditionally and are nonjudgmental and so that they're not giving you advice.

Because what I've noticed is when especially when people are in pain,

The people that love us the most want us not to be in pain.

Fix it.

Fix it.

Yeah,

I got to fix it.

Here,

Let me tell you what you need to do.

No,

No,

No.

See,

I and my parents have been fabulous all my life.

Yeah.

And I've had to ask them,

You know,

I'm not sharing any of this so you can tell me what to do.

I'm just sharing it because this is where I'm at right now.

And I just need to be able to share it,

You know.

And they've been awesome about listening.

So find a couple of people in your life that you trust that that will listen,

That will hold your confidence,

Because also what happens when we process stuff,

There becomes this energy that starts to build and that energy for a lot.

I can't even describe what it is really.

For lack of a better word,

We'll just call it energy.

It begins to move within you and through you and around you so that as you're emptying out your emotional stuff,

It creates a synergy.

The energy becomes synergy that then opens you up.

So your perception that we talked about earlier,

Your perspective can then focus on the new road you're to take,

The new path.

So so sharing with just a couple of people is important.

If you're if you go out and start telling everybody your story,

Then what you're doing is you're not utilizing that positive energy that could result from sharing your deepest fears and grief with with close friends.

It dissipates and you'll be left standing at that crossroads for a very long time wondering what am I supposed to do?

Who am I now?

All of that.

So so make sure that you've got a container that's that's tight enough so you can create the synergy as you're as you're letting go of these as you're experiencing these emotions and letting them go.

Then that vessel becomes huge.

And then that's when the visioning questions can can really help you in in just kind of refocusing and refocusing and refocusing.

And and the other thing is going through a crossroads going through a change.

It's important to to how do I say this to make sure that you are supported well like you were talking about physically with proper health care,

Proper self care,

Making sure you're eating well,

That you're resting when you need to because it takes a lot of emotional and psychic and physical energy to move through processes where a trauma has happened.

You know like if you've lost your job,

It's okay if you sit on the couch for a couple of weeks.

Oh my God,

The wife or the husband that's listening to this is going to tell their spouse to get off the couch.

But but I think it's if you do it consciously,

It's okay if you do it consciously.

I you need to rest.

You've just completed something.

It was maybe a completion you didn't want.

And it's time to take a little time for yourself to just be with it and rest with it before you go rushing out to whatever the next thing is.

Now I'm not telling you not to go look for a job.

Right.

But if there is a place where some sort of a depression sets in some sort of a sadness sets in it's important that you honor yourself by by sitting with it.

So did that make sense?

Yeah.

And I have a question about sitting with it because you brought this up earlier before the visioning thing.

Is there anything that you do personally?

Do you ask yourself questions or you know because I don't know if it's just a guy thing or just in general but for me it's kind of scary the idea of just sitting with my feelings.

Yeah I know.

And what do I do with that then?

Do I just breathe?

Do I ask myself questions that might lead me through it?

I think breathing is the most important thing.

Breathing and recognizing this emotion is coming up for a reason.

And not to judge it maybe because I tend to beat myself sometimes I can beat myself up for already feeling bad and then that's not you know.

Yeah I agree with you.

And I hear what you're saying.

It's important when you're going through this stuff not to beat yourself up.

It's coming up for a reason and it's coming up.

You know we talk about truth being revealed so it can be healed right.

You know so it comes up so then you can go.

So basically then you become a choice.

But when you have those emotions come up just breathing through it that's really the only thing.

Okay.

The only thing you can do and allow yourself the time to to experience it.

We just start in such a fast paced life that the shutdown is automatic so it's about becoming aware of when we're shutting down our heart or shutting down our mind or any of those things.

So thank you for asking those questions.

Yeah.

This is why I love having you in the room with me.

Well I want to break through this crossroads and have a better life.

Well I'm sure within by the next time we talk on air it will have already resolved itself.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So this is living your inspired life.

We're here on Sundays and we are on News Talk 1590 KVTA and please go to our website living your inspired life dot org and you can email us through their contact us through there if you have questions after listening to the show.

Todd and I are happy to be your support system.

So thank you for tuning in and tuning up and developing your power perspective.

And I'm just going to say and so it is.

Namaste.

I'm only hope you'll dance regardless of the circumstance.

The sand will shift.

The tide will turn.

Hold fast to who you are.

Be happy anyway.

Be happy anyway.

The good and bad in life will come to pass for they do not come to stay.

Be happy anyway.

Be happy anyway.

Reviews

🙏🏼

Excellent talk on navigating crossroads. Thank you ☺️

This is exactly what I needed to hear💜Thank you 🙏

Wonderful podcast, thank you for your insight and inspiration!

Very interesting talk and is applicable to so many situations. Thank you for sharing this.

Very insightful! This helped me clarify some things and kind of consolidate a lot of the concepts I’ve come across in my journey into a cohesive toolkit for moving forward. Thank you so much! 🙏🏻❤️

So appreciated how this was shared: 2 people, having a conversation. Not a sermon, not a lecture, not a motivational show. Just 2 people, having a conversation! It made it easier and better for the message(s) to soak in, to make sense. Or maybe I hear it that way because of the "crossroad" that I'm at in my own Life! 😊

Awesome. Bookmarked. Thank you 🙏🏻

Thank you for fostering a space in which I could authentically be present with the emotions that encompass numerous crossroads, in the middle of which I've consciously been struggling all-the-while a seemingly neverending stream of hardships continue to arise.

Yet..., I ... have ... a ... choice, ... don't I...?

I've been dealt several hands simultaneously, which I firmly believe each as a stand-alone event are subjectively negative enough; however, are collectively "the perfect storm." I can choose to (1) wallow in despair; (2) sit observe, and seek the silver lining(s) inherently present, thus not flail in stagnation by consciously choosing to keep moving forward (i.e., play the hand I've been dealt); and/or (3) anywhere on the spectrum of the aforementioned....

No, it may be unlikely to be a "walk in the park," but at the least it IS making a choice....

Thank you for inspiring this thinking and change in the moment today. I'm humbly grateful for both of the speakers and the sharing of their wisdom , personal stories, etc.

I really enjoyed this. I would love to see regular podcasts from you on these subjects. Thanks so much. 🙏🏻🌟💫

I absolutely loved this talk, for many years I have been a place of stuck, for want of a better word, not knowing why but this has now made it easy for me to articulate!! It just made so much sense to me, as to why and where I am right now. That freaking crossroads again!
I am so grateful I found this talk, it’s made me realise and trust I am moving in the right direction and after 2 years of saying I Love Myself.. I’m almost there ❤️

Thank you Susan ❤️❤️❤️

Lots of food for thought and funny how it was exactly what I needed to hear. Yep—at a personal crossroads and now have some more tools, validation that what I’m feeling is ok and hope.

Love it! Thank you! 💜

Very up beat and encouraging