If It's Time To Move On... Here's How

“Should have’s” and “would have’s” can ruin your life, but we’re each dragging a sack of them around. Let’s lighten our load and find some freedom today. You’ll feel refreshed, energized, and “perfect as you already are” by the end!

Transcript

I think most of us have done this.

We get right up to that moment where we know things might break open,

Go really well,

Snag that new opportunity job client,

Be seen in a big way.

We go right up to the lip of that.

We're really excited about it.

We are getting there.

And then we're like,

Just put this off for a little bit.

I'll get to it next week.

Oh,

You know,

Later.

And before we know it,

We've dropped the ball.

And we say,

Oh,

I procrastinated or I missed that deadline or I didn't make the decision.

I backed down or I talked myself out of it.

Like that's classic.

I was going to,

But then I just talked myself out of it.

I decided I didn't need it or it wasn't gonna work or I shouldn't.

Why do we do that?

Why do we do that?

So I'm carrying on this week based off of last week's episode number 676,

Dump Your Fear of Success.

This week,

It's about moving on.

Right?

Maybe we did that.

Maybe we did drop the ball.

Maybe we didn't do that thing.

We wish we had.

We're kicking ourselves.

And that's why I want to welcome you right now,

Inside Timer listeners,

To this talk that I'm calling It's Time to Move On.

Stop Feeling Guilty for What You Haven't Achieved.

I'm Summer McStree.

Something people tell me a lot is that I am a very productive person.

Like you get so much done.

You have so many flow dreams.

You do so many courses.

How do you get all of that done?

And I think to myself,

Well,

I like to stay busy.

I mean,

I like making things.

I like creating things.

It's easy for me.

Yet I know a feeling as well as anyone else.

I should have done this.

I could have done that.

Why did I stop?

How come I dropped the ball?

Why did I switch directions?

I kick myself for things looking back that I wish I had done differently or things that I wish I had attempted at all.

And that's why I wanted to go into that today.

I wanted to kind of peel back the covers and see what that's all about,

Right?

What is the emotional energy around that?

What is the non-physical energy of us looking back with criticism about what we haven't done,

Who we haven't become,

Become the success that we haven't reached.

Why do we do that?

Is it helping us?

How do we stop doing that?

Because in the world of creating your future,

In the world of manifesting,

In the world of embracing your inner power,

There is a sweet spot for reflection.

It's a sweet spot,

Right?

This little amount,

Perfect little dollop of it.

And the self-reflection is really important because that's what we look and we say,

Oh,

I did this,

I didn't do that,

Maybe I should have done this,

Maybe I could do this differently.

We need that,

Right?

We need to evaluate.

But when it stretches beyond that sweet spot,

As it often can,

Then it morphs.

It becomes a totally different energy in our hearts,

In our minds,

In our lives.

Instead,

It becomes something that berates us,

You know,

Nags us,

Chastises us,

Reminds us of how we're not good enough and how we don't get what we want.

It's all our own fault.

Kuda,

Sura,

Wuda.

And I know we do it in every different area of our life.

Sometimes I tend to focus a little on achievements,

Right?

Things we make,

Create,

Maybe professionally,

But kuda,

Sura,

Wuda.

I mean,

Why didn't I clamp down on this behavior in my kids years ago?

Why didn't I face my partner about this months ago?

Why didn't I,

You know,

Start losing weight the moment I realized I was starting to have health conditions?

Why did I let it go so long?

How come I didn't?

What is wrong with me?

What's wrong with me?

Any of this.

This is where that sweet spot of reflection,

That sweet spot of evaluation turns toxic.

And I'd like us to think today,

Ask ourselves,

Is there an area in your life right now where this is happening,

Where this is actively happening?

Is there an area where the kuda,

Sura,

Wuda,

Why haven't I?

I could have done that better.

Why didn't I do it?

Is there any area where that is on spin cycle?

I can think in my own life of one,

Maybe two areas where I can look at it and say,

Shouldn't have switched direction.

I shouldn't have dropped the ball on that.

I should have dealt with that a lot sooner.

I should have,

I should have,

I should have.

I can see it.

I can feel those areas.

And sometimes when I'm trying to make corrections to them,

It's like that's what comes up,

You know?

Like,

Yeah,

You're too late.

Too little,

Too late.

You made the bed,

Now you got a lie in it.

And then I pause and I say,

Why,

Why am I doing this to myself?

Is this being gentle with myself?

Is this being loving with myself?

What is this form of self-punishment?

Why have I internalized punishment to myself for,

Weirdly,

Not meeting my own expectations?

No one else is punishing me.

In fact,

Most the time,

No one else in our lives even notices that we've missed the bar or missed the mark or did something we shouldn't have or didn't do something we should have.

Most people don't even know.

This is all our own inner chatter,

Our own inner expectations,

Our own inner goal setting.

And then when we don't get it,

Punish,

Punish,

Punish,

Punish.

What do you think that does to your energy?

What does it do to your emotional stamina?

What does it do to those happy,

Joyful thoughts of,

I'm moving forward in my life,

Things are getting better,

Things are improving,

I am creating more,

I'm happy with myself,

I'm proud of myself.

I'm reaching some goals and I'm reaching more and more of them as I move forward.

That's our steam engine.

That's our train of thought and energy and manifesting and being that we want to be on.

And when we say,

Coulda,

Shoulda,

Woulda,

We've taken it beyond the,

I'm learning from the experience of the thing I just did.

It's almost like a part of ourselves is saying,

You didn't learn from it,

You're going to do it again.

And we're going to make sure you don't do it again by constantly bringing it up.

So it's funny,

I'm going to use an analogy here.

Someone I know very well is in a relationship like this with her ex boyfriend,

Who constantly brings up the crummy choices she made,

Doesn't bring up all the beautiful times they had together,

How much he adores her,

How close best friends they've been.

Nope.

It's always that one or two things that was terrible.

She doesn't do this with him.

She doesn't constantly bring up that bad stuff.

Because it cripples the relationship.

Eventually,

As you can see,

The relationship did not last because of this.

This is something we do with one another when we're still trying to get the other person back,

Still trying to punish them for prior sins.

Yet,

We're not talking about someone else doing this to us right now.

Today,

We're talking about us doing it to ourselves.

When is enough enough?

When is enough for you to say,

For your heart to say,

For that inner part of you to say,

Okay,

I have shoved your nose in this enough.

I think you've got it now.

I think we're good.

I think we're good.

That's what I want us to get to.

Because otherwise,

All the movements we make forward are being hampered by this little pulling back,

This little whisper in our hearts and energy.

Well,

You didn't make it happen before,

You failed before,

You messed it up before,

You didn't follow through before,

You spent too much money before,

You were cheated on before,

You were lied to before,

You made a bad decision before.

It's,

Oh God,

The list is endless.

And what is a sensible warning,

A caution,

Instead becomes an ongoing punishment.

The sweet spot is utterly destroyed.

The purpose for reflection and reevaluation or evaluation is gone.

Today,

My goal is I want you free.

I want you free to manifest,

To grow,

To reach toward your goals,

To just hype up the inner power,

The inner strength in you.

I want that for you,

With you.

I want you testing and trying new ways to get there and achieve it.

I want you dancing happily around your living room at the end of the day saying,

Everything went great today.

I made so much progress.

This was fantastic.

That's how I want you feeling.

And when you are looking back and saying,

Yeah,

But I didn't get there yet.

I haven't achieved that yet.

That's all unraveled from you to no end.

And I guess that's the main thing.

It's unraveling you for no purpose,

No end.

You've heard it.

You've got it.

It'd be like punishing a child every day for a year for something that they got it.

Like they,

You know,

Your kid,

I have teenagers,

Right?

Your kid didn't tell you they were going to go someplace after school.

You got upset and worried.

You said,

Fine,

I'm taking your phone away for a year.

I mean,

The kids got it.

You take their phone away for 24 hours.

They're like,

Okay,

Mom,

I will definitely tell you next time.

After a while,

It's pointless.

It's senseless.

If anything,

It's creating a sense of pushback,

Of anger,

Of retaliation,

Of being misunderstood.

That's what's happening when we're doing it to ourselves.

So please,

I want you to stop feeling guilty for what you haven't achieved.

So what?

So you haven't achieved it yet.

So you haven't gotten there yet.

There's no magical age.

If you're not married by the time you're 28,

If you haven't had kids by the time you're 32,

Big deal.

They're arbitrary.

These timelines we set for ourselves,

These goals,

They're arbitrary.

And it's really good to remind ourselves of that sometimes.

And I know we have this fear like,

But if I don't constantly like,

Kind of push myself with that,

Then I won't do it,

Right?

I'll be lazy.

And I just won't go,

I won't get anywhere in life.

I know sometimes we have that fear.

But I'm gonna tell you this,

Like,

After so many years working with personal growth with people,

If you're even listening to this show right now,

You probably don't have to worry about that.

You really probably don't.

You are probably more self-initiating,

More self-aware than 90% of people.

So for you to say,

I have to keep tormenting myself with that,

Or I might do it,

Is baloney.

Instead,

What it's telling me is,

There's some really perfectionistic standards in you.

There are some standards in you that you're using to force yourself forward.

You're using those,

The pain of not achieving as your prod,

You know,

Like prodding a cow with a red hot iron.

You're using those painful feelings to prod yourself.

Who taught you how to do that?

Because it's kind of terrible.

There are other ways to prod yourself forward.

Reward-based ways,

Success- based ways,

Joy,

Fulfillment,

I love what I do,

Therefore I often hit my goals.

I'm flowing toward them.

They feel easy.

If you really are moving toward a goal and you're having to prod yourself toward it with these feelings of,

Because you didn't make it before,

Because you're not where you need to be yet,

Because you're behind,

Because everybody else is ahead of you.

If you're using that to push yourself forward,

I just want you to stop and think,

What's the long-term effect of that,

Of using negativity to move yourself forward?

If you,

Again,

Were to do that to a child,

If you don't get good grades,

You're going to be a bum living on the side of the freeway.

If you don't get good grades,

If you don't get into this college,

You're never going to be happy.

If you don't do this,

If you don't lose weight,

You're never going to meet your perfect partner.

I mean,

These are hideous things.

I wouldn't say this to my child.

I hope nobody says this to their children.

Horrible.

People do,

Though.

And they're doing it often from love,

In a way.

They just don't know any other way.

They use criticism.

They use fear.

They use putting down this kind of language or comparisons.

And then we do that to ourselves.

The word would be institutionalized,

Like the poor people who go to prison,

And then when they come out,

They can't readjust.

They've been institutionalized.

They become their own jailers.

We do the same.

So look around right now.

The whole purpose of today's episode is to ask you,

Where are you judging yourself harshly?

Where are you criticizing yourself for not having made that goal?

Where are you saying these big failures in me?

These big failures in me.

And I can't seem to get my eyes,

Can't tear my eyes off of them.

I want you to tear your eyes off of them.

I want you to experiment and play with and try a new way,

Which is,

I am really proud of where I've come to.

I am really feeling high and positive and excited about all that I've been able to achieve.

I feel proud.

I feel pride of who I've allowed myself to become,

The truths about myself.

I've embraced the achievements I've created in my life or for my family or for others.

I am so proud of this.

I am so proud of myself.

I recognize that there are things that,

Yes,

I could have done differently or better.

There are goals or high points that I am still working toward reaching.

And that is perfectly okay.

It is perfectly okay.

Every day I do better.

Every day I'm seeing myself more clearly.

I'm seeing myself with more love.

I'm giving to myself more,

Supporting myself more.

Every day I'm recognizing what I'm doing that's working.

Every day I'm recognizing my inner power,

The ability that I have to actually reach and and hit those goals of mine.

And if I haven't reached them yet,

It's okay.

It's all right.

I have a life,

A lifetime.

And if I'm looking back because you're thinking,

Oh,

You don't know,

I'm 89 years old,

That lifetime is,

You know,

All those days are up,

Then look back and look at all the things you did do.

Look at the things you learned from.

Look at that.

But please,

I know most of us aren't 89 or 95.

We are 35,

45,

55,

65.

And we're still looking ahead.

How do I want to feel next?

What are my achievements giving me?

How are they making me feel?

Your achievements should make you feel wonderful.

Shouldn't make you feel the opposite.

I didn't do enough.

I feel guilty.

I never got this.

I never made this.

I never had that family.

I never had that job.

I never switched careers,

Blah blah blah.

Only you can choose to let these feelings go.

Only you.

No one else can do this for you.

You are the only one who can do it.

And that means the powers in your hands means you can do it today.

And I encourage you,

Do it today.

So as I wrap up,

I would love to encourage you.

Do some flowdreaming around this,

Right?

Flow dreaming,

Gorgeous,

Beautiful,

Positive,

Active,

Emotionally energetic kind of meditation,

Kind of daydreaming,

Manifesting work.

Go in there.

In fact,

On Inside Timer,

You're going to see some of these meditations.

You can play with them,

Test them,

Try them out.

Of course,

You're welcome to come Google me and see everything that I do and create in my sphere.

But just want to say I'm loving talking to you here.

And I do intend to be back with more and more of these mindset pieces where we talk about this inner change of or exchange of emotion,

Non-physical energy,

As well as our mindset,

The way that we move forward in life.

I am obsessed with topics around inner power,

Around utilizing harnessing that non-physical part of ourselves,

The energetic part of ourselves,

Coming at it from like we just discussed this talk,

Asking,

What am I doing to myself?

Do I want to keep doing it?

What could I be doing instead?

I want to change our mental self,

Our mind self,

As well as that deep inner emotional self,

That energy self,

Where I think most things in our life truly spring from.

So with that,

I appreciate your rating and reviews.

And I'm going to send you guys lots of love.

And I'm looking forward to the next live gathering that I have with you.

I've been playing with those as well.

So do look for those live events with me and or more meditations and more pieces like this right here on Insight Timer.

Reviews

I’ve been punishing my parents for years for my sisters passing and for them abandoning us. And I am trusting that this is helping me to realize how. To do it. To stop making excuses and just do it and see how things can transform. Thank you

Good reminders to reflect upon.

I'm enjoying the 3 minute Flowdreams when I don't feel like flowing with longer dreams at that moment.

Great talk on an important topic! Thank you! 🙏🏻😊

Love your energy …open to your wisdom, your message…Grateful!!!🙏🏻♥️

Thank you for sharing this, I’ve gained so much insight 🥰. I actually first thought this was only about moving on from a relationship but it focused more on moving forward from a place of self criticism and about achievements and self talk, and I was like wow this is so beautiful too 🥰.
Thank you for sharing!

Wonderful talk! “Could’ve would’ve should’ve .. if I this and that..gotta let that thinkin go.. yea.. that’s not where it’s at.” That’s in a song I wrote.😂 So feel this! Why did/do we do this to ourselves? I catch myself now.. and pivot. Ty!💜