Learning About Empathy -- For Moms & Tweens

Empathy is key for healthy relationships. This guided meditation is designed for mothers to do together with their children (ideally ages 9-14) to learn about how to empathize with each other and strengthen their relationship through empathy.

Transcript

The relationship between a mother and child is one of the most important relationships you'll ever have.

Some experts even say it's the most important one.

For both mom and child,

It's a connection.

A bond that affects everything in your life.

If your mom is happy with you,

You can feel like the sun is out all the time.

On the other hand,

If you're mad at your mom,

That can make her day pretty cloudy.

In this exercise,

I'd like for us to take a short journey of empathy.

Empathy just means being able to imagine and even feel what someone else is feeling.

It's a superpower that will help your bond to become strong and unbreakable.

So let's get started.

Please sit in a comfortable position on the floor or a chair.

Sit in a way that you feel relaxed and also alert,

Not sleepy.

And let your eyes softly close.

Now take four nice,

Full breaths.

And every time you breathe out,

Feel your body relax a bit more.

Let your arms relax and your hands relax.

Relax your neck and jaw like your whole body is getting heavier and heavier.

In this journey,

There's no right or wrong way to do anything.

I'll guide you step by step,

And whatever you and your mom feel or think is just fine.

So why is empathy a superpower?

Think of a time when you were a bit upset about something that happened with your friends or family or something at school or work,

And you felt kind of alone and unhappy.

And maybe someone said they understood how you felt.

Perhaps it was your mom.

She really heard you and cared that you were upset.

She even seemed to know what it's like to be upset like that.

Can you remember a time like this?

If you can't think of a time right now,

Imagine it instead.

Imagine telling your mom you're upset or mad or scared,

And she 100% empathizes with you.

She understands you.

Empathy is like a mirror.

It reflects back how you're feeling and why what you feel matters.

It's almost like the other person is inside your skin sharing with you and supporting you.

It makes you feel more seen and more real somehow.

And when you're upset and you don't get empathy,

Like if someone doesn't understand or is too busy to listen or makes fun of you,

You feel even more alone and upset.

The mirror doesn't show you you.

These are the big reasons why empathy is a superpower.

We can all learn how to have more empathy,

How good it feels to other people,

And actually how good it feels to us too.

Stop imagining or feeling what it's like when your mom empathizes with you,

Cares about you.

And mom,

You can do the same thing,

Feeling your child's empathy for you.

Now let's do some real examples.

Mom,

Let's say your child tells you they're upset by something with friends at school.

Maybe they felt left out or made fun of.

Or maybe they didn't understand something in class and felt kind of stupid.

Can you remember or imagine something like this?

See the picture in your mind.

Really see your child and hear them and feel them.

Really hear why it matters to them.

Imagine how it would feel if you were them experiencing this situation.

When you really get it,

When you empathize,

What do you want to give them?

Support?

Reassurance?

The biggest hug ever?

See and feel everything you want to give them.

Feel your connection get stronger and stronger as you empathize.

Your desire to love and protect them.

Way to go,

Mom.

Now it's your turn,

Kids.

Let's practice empathizing with your mom.

Maybe you already do this sometimes.

We're just going to practice and really feel what it feels like.

Is there something you know that upsets her sometimes?

Like maybe it's when she gets home from work really tired and then has to clean up a game that someone left all over the living room floor.

Or maybe when she's made a nice dinner and someone in your family ate a bunch of snacks so they don't want to eat dinner.

Can you remember or imagine something like that?

Some normal everyday thing?

Great.

Now let's use the example of your mom being tired and coming home to a mess that someone else made.

Part of empathy is being able to put aside your own feelings just for a minute.

Your feelings will still be there when you come back.

So imagine a little box,

A cardboard box or a soft cloth box or a metal box.

Whatever you like.

And put your feelings in there for safekeeping.

Now try to imagine how your mom feels.

See her coming home from work.

She's worked all day.

It was a tiring day and she's glad to be home.

She comes in the front door.

Ah,

Now she can relax.

She walks into the living room and bam!

A big mess.

The game is all over the table and floor.

Can you imagine how she feels?

Maybe disappointed that she can't just relax.

Maybe a little frustrated because she feels you or other kids in the family don't help her and she has to do everything.

Imagine and feel what she might feel.

When you really get it,

When you empathize with how she's feeling,

What do you want to give her?

And remember,

You're doing your best to put your own feelings aside for a minute.

You might feel like it's not a big deal or that you're always in trouble or something else.

But right now,

You're practicing empathizing with your mom.

What do you want to give her?

Do you want to help her clean up?

Maybe you want to apologize if it's your mess?

Maybe you want to give her the biggest hug ever or make her laugh.

See and feel that as best you can.

Feel your connection get stronger and stronger as you empathize.

Your desire to love her and help her.

You're doing an awesome job.

And I'll tell you another amazing thing about empathy.

It helps you to see we're all people with the same needs and hopes.

It doesn't matter if you're 14 years old or 40 years old or 5 years old.

We all want to feel appreciated and heard and cared for.

We all want to know we matter,

Especially to the people we love the most.

Does that mean you never argue or disagree about anything?

No way.

We all make mistakes sometimes.

We all say things we don't mean sometimes if we're upset.

We all find it hard to put our own feelings aside sometimes to empathize with someone else.

But empathy is something we can learn and practice.

And we can feel for ourselves how things get better when we can empathize.

When you empathize with your mom or when she empathizes with you,

You will feel closer and more loved and happier.

Your mom does adult things and you do kid things.

But remember you both want the same things in your heart.

Being appreciated,

Heard and cared for.

Just feel that you both want the same things.

And how good it feels when your mom empathizes with you.

And how good it feels when your child empathizes with you.

Feel how empathy helps you feel closer.

And how when you empathize with your mom,

It not only helps her feel better,

Don't you feel better too?

Just calmer and more understanding?

And isn't it the same for you,

Mom?

Remember,

Practicing empathy doesn't mean you're perfect or you'll never make mistakes.

It just means you're willing to practice and try.

And to see how it changes how you feel about each other and about yourselves.

You've both done a great job today.

Take another deep breath.

And just let those feelings and thoughts about empathy be in your mind and heart.

Now open your eyes and look at each other.

Give your mom a little smile.

Give your child a little smile.

And then close your eyes again.

You can help to make your bond better and stronger by remembering your superpower of empathy.

And that bond will become unbreakable and support you in everything you do at work,

At school,

With friends and family and everywhere.

To finish today,

Please take another few deep breaths.

Filling yourself with good feelings and really relaxing on the out breath.

And when you're ready,

Gently open your eyes.

And have the most wonderful day.

Reviews

That was amazing, it was everything that I needed to hear! I'm going to listen to this with my 10-year-old daughter today and I think this practice will bring our bond closer and help us as she navigates her journey and I navigate mine as well. Thank you so much! I will follow you and listen to more of your tracks

Great tool to use with my mother/daughter clients regardless of age. Thank you!