So as we settle into our formal sitting practice,
Just settling into this moment,
Letting go as best you can from past moments or any imaginations about future moments and just settling into what's present moment by moment.
Letting the body settle and still,
One of the foundations of sitting practice is to still the body as much as possible.
So you might wanna just do a scan of the body and notice any places that might be holding any tension.
Perhaps noticing the arms and the hands,
The legs and the feet,
The hips,
Pelvis area,
The lower back,
Middle back and upper back.
Allowing any areas of tension to soften and release.
Checking in with the belly,
The chest and the neck,
The front of the neck,
The throat and the back of the neck and the shoulders.
And then checking in with the head area,
The scalp,
The forehead,
The eyes,
Nose,
Cheeks,
The ears,
The mouth and the chin.
Allowing any areas of holding to release and relax and noticing that you're breathing,
Just tuning in attention to the sensation of the breath as it enters and leaves the body.
Tune into the breath,
Sort of wherever you feel it in the body.
Most predominantly it could be at the belly,
The chest or the nostrils,
Whatever feels most natural and easeful for you.
In this meditation,
We're going to explore the nature of this thing that we call I or me or self.
We kind of,
Kind of a meditative contemplation,
You might say.
And this,
You know,
Asking a spiritual question or doing a spiritual inquiry,
Helps us direct our attention in a particular way.
When we pose these kinds of contemplative questions,
We're not looking for an answer in the usual way.
Simply posing the question and letting the question sort of rest in awareness.
So when we shine the light of awareness inside and look for this thing called me or I,
We look to find out the nature of this self.
When we do this kind of exploration,
We can find a thought,
We can find a feeling,
We can find a perception,
Perhaps a sensation in the body.
In this meditation,
We're looking deeper inside to see if we can find this thing called I or me or self.
Where is this thing called me?
And surely it's not simply a thought,
A feeling,
A perception,
Or a body sensation.
There's always seems to be something more primary.
There is that which is aware of the body,
The thought,
The feeling.
What is that that notices the body?
What is that that notices the thought?
What is it that notices the feeling or emotion?
Directing attention internally in this way,
We find something unexpected.
The more we look for the essential nature of ourself,
The less we find.
Looking deeply at what I am really,
Truly,
Before thoughts about who I am,
Looking directly at experience as it arises moment by moment.
As you do this,
All we find is more silence,
More stillness.
This elusive self never seems to appear.
The more we look for a self,
The less we find of it.
The more we look,
We keep coming up against this ever-present silence,
This stillness,
This void.
Even then,
What is it that notices this silence,
This stillness,
This void?
Can we find a someone or something?
As we look from experience,
We keep not locating this owner of awareness.
In the looking,
Our whole definition of ourself is wordlessly called into question because when we look for it,
We do not find it.
We have merely assumed that we are someone and a somebody.
This kind of meditative contemplation is the opportunity to look for yourself,
To discover.
Is it true?
Is there a self?
Is there a me?
We are presented with a mystery.
We cannot find a self,
But we notice that we are aware.
This confuses the mind as it can only think in terms of you being a self,
An I or a me.
Notice how difficult it is for the mind to see you other than as a self.
As we look deeply,
Our notion of self may begin to transform or dissolve.
We can begin to glimpse that what we are is not a someone that can be found.
We can touch into that which notices the absence of self,
The absence of an entity which could be considered a self,
The opening to what you are beyond a thought-created sense of self.
Maybe,
Just maybe the self can't be found because it doesn't exist.
This kind of investigation can lead you to the place where there is no self,
To the place where what you are is not a thing,
Not a self,
Not an I.
It is the absence of self,
The complete absence of definitions.
The invitation is to rest there in the not knowing,
Resting in the mystery,
Stopping in the place of not knowing or resting in the place of not knowing where you can't find a self,
Just resting,
Not resisting,
Not figuring it out,
Just resting.
