Learning To Receive Love

I wanted to share some of my thoughts around learning to receive love so that you can have the relationships you're longing for. If we don't learn to receive love, we will always be pushing it away and this will feel unfulfilling to us and our relationships.

Transcript

Do you ever feel really uncomfortable when someone gives you a compliment?

Whether it's a small compliment or maybe you've got the small compliments down someone's like nice shirt and you're like thank you it is pretty great isn't it?

But if someone gives you like one of those really big incredible compliments where you start to notice you're feeling uncomfortable,

Does that ever happen to you?

Or maybe you're someone who is single and searching for love and you're like when is that person coming?

When do I get to find my person?

I'm ready I want love I want to have this incredible love I want my soulmate where are they?

When are they coming?

Bring them to me universe I want my soulmate right?

And then when it takes a while for them to come you're thinking I knew it I'm not good enough I suck no one's gonna want this anyway I have a friend that always says like dumpster fire right so maybe sometimes you're like who's gonna want this dumpster fire anyway like look at me well I can't even write nicely in a card like who could even read my writing like you can't read my writing so obviously I'm not worthy of my soulmate right my penmanship is too sloppy right we can create these like very interesting stories within us or back to the compliments right when we get this like huge massive compliment we can start to question it like what's why are they lying to me why are they saying these things what are they doing what's what's behind their words what are they really trying to tell me are they testing me right now am I supposed to be not receiving the compliment am I supposed to receive the compliment what's happening do they are they gonna ask me for something next right like we can question the motives of the compliment or the timing how long it's taking to receive our person into our life and so today I want to talk about receiving love because we hear all the time visualize it visualize visualize that relationship that you want and I'm gonna expand that now like visualize the relationship you want with your parents your siblings your co-workers your friends your love face that you currently have right now or the future love of your life when they come into it visualize visualize visualize get in there feel it all use all your senses right and there is truth to this aspect this aspect is actually very very powerful however what we often neglect to do after the visualizing is acknowledging the skills that we need to acquire so that visualization can happen right so that it can flow into our life and so we can recognize it when it does so we can see the progress like sometimes when we visualize we expect our life to go from 0 to 10 like like that right just because we visualized it and yes visualization can move you forward there's so much research on it visualization is legit powerful I highly recommend it spend a few minutes like five minutes every day visualizing what you're wanting to create or bring into your life or how you want to show up in situations all that good jazz right and on top of that practice some skills shift become aware of like what do you need to do in order to have these relationships that you want such as do you need to learn the skill of receiving love because if you're gonna have a like if you're gonna have an incredible relationship you need to be able to receive the love that that person is gonna want to give you do you know what I'm saying if you are someone who is blocking love from your life that soulmate of yours that person of yours the one you're waiting for could be right outside knocking as hard as they can but you have this huge thick door that is keeping them out and you can't even hear the knock right so your work then is to practice receiving love and this is also where I want to share a little bit I had this conversation with one of my clients this week and she was getting very frustrated because she's like I just want someone to pick me I want someone to pick me and to that will feel like I'm enough then basically right like once I someone picks me then I know I will be enough but I keep getting passed over and it hurts to keep getting passed over or have a relationship end and I talked to her and I said you know someone has picked you in the past and what you what you're wanting is you want them to pick you forever but that's not guaranteed even if you feel like someone is like your person your soulmate I mean it doesn't mean that that person is guaranteed a hundred percent to always be in your life you know as I say life happens things happen sometimes we grow grow together and sometimes we grow apart right there's so many things that can happen and that's why that whole poem right a reason a season a lifetime like some people come into your life and they will be there forever and some people will come in and they'll be there for a short period either way the length of how long someone stays in your life that doesn't determine your value you know like whether you have someone that's with you in a romantic relationship for three months or 30 years your value is still priceless you know what I'm saying when someone dates you and then says you know what I don't think we're actually a lifestyle match like we don't really have the same values or ideas that we want to experience in this life and one of that one that's very common is to have kids or not to have kids so again that doesn't take away your value as a person because someone said you know I don't think we're a good fit for each other you're still an awesome person you're still incredible right instead of fixating on you have to have someone choose you forever to be of any value to be lovable to be likable to be sexy to all of those things right it's knowing that relationships are these beautiful experiences that you get to have so the takeaway here is that you can't guarantee forever however you can enjoy the heck out of the experience of each relationship that you get to have romantic platonic family co-workers every relationship can teach you something there can be joy there can be joy in those relationships even when they don't last forever so my friends please convince yourself to stop putting your value on external relationships or material items your value is just guaranteed automatic within you and it's your job to see it to highlight it to know that it doesn't get decreased or increased based on other people and what they think of you your value as a person has always been more than enough the moment you were born and it remains more than enough for your entire life okay so really do the work to start believing that that's someone else thinking you're someone they want to be with someone they think is pretty someone they think is handsome doesn't change your value okay no matter what mistakes you've made in your life that doesn't change your value regardless of how much money is in your bank account that doesn't change your value might change what you buy but your inherent value of who you are as a person remains the same so some other skills you might need to learn and being able to receive love which is gonna be one of the biggest right but is also being able to understand your value all the time which is actually that one's really big to like if you know your value regardless of who loves you or who doesn't love you or who thinks you're awesome and who doesn't think you're awesome and who thinks you're great looking and who doesn't think you're great looking if you know that your value doesn't waiver that's pretty powerful work too and then being able to state your needs your wants your desires share your opinion share what excites you be able to be raw be able to be vulnerable be able to trust even when nothing's guaranteed like you can go out to dinner it doesn't mean the dinner is gonna be delicious right but you could enjoy the experience of going out to dinner with whoever you went with even if the food sucked so think about how you're already applying this mindset to other aspects of your life and how you can apply it to the aspects that will really uplift you right if I hear a song that I don't like it doesn't mean that I give up on music I don't say oh this song sucked so I'm never listening to another song again nope I'm done with music don't even don't even turn music on around me I can't even do it I won't listen music is dumb music is for optimists and Pollyanna's I'm done with music because this one song left a bad taste in my mouth right we don't do that so we can do that with people too so I also want to talk about how you can practice receiving love which is when people offer to do something for you like a friend right or a family member or someone you're in a relationship with if they're doing something that like they have a genuine offer they're not just offering because they think they're supposed to you but it's a genuine offer practice accepting it practice saying if someone's like hey I'm gonna go to Starbucks and get a drink would you like one and if you actually would like one be like oh my gosh yes I would without feeling guilt or like okay no I better buy them I'm already planning my next trip so I don't usually go to Starbucks but I'm gonna go to Starbucks like in two days so that I can then buy them a drink because they went to Starbucks get me a drink like if you want to have something where you feel like you're reciprocating the love the give right the flow of the give and take the giving and receiving right that's fine but it doesn't have to be that you know like we're not taking out a scorecard I mean like okay you know we got to make sure everything they do I do it back or I do it better or all these things it's just letting them love you and part of us giving compliments and I want to talk about this because back in the day right probably like 20 years ago compliments were incredibly painful for me because I literally was like why are you telling me this right now it felt really uncomfortable and I didn't believe it for a second and I was like what are they are they trying to embarrass me what's happening right now like why are they saying this and now I've done a lot of you know I did a lot of that work of stopping being a people pleaser and seeing my value and now when someone gives me a compliment I'm like oh thank you so much and this week this is interesting because a lot of times we have to continuously do the inner work especially when something comes up that reminds us like okay maybe there's a little bit more to do here so this week I had a couple friends give me like gigantic compliments like those compliments that they're so big they seem a little ridiculous like okay exaggerator you know and I caught myself struggling in the moment like with one friend I didn't even really acknowledge what she said you know I wasn't even like I was just like letting it take in and sometimes that's part of the work is I was like okay I'm not gonna push it away I'm gonna let it land and I'm just gonna let it sit with me for a second and so that's what I did and I mean I think at one point I was like thank you but she kept giving them so I was like okay these are really big compliments and I had to like let it sit with me for a second and realize that I feel uncomfortable in this moment and so because I feel uncomfortable I'm not gonna push it away I'm just gonna receive it I'm gonna take it in and I'm gonna know that she has good intentions she's not trying to trick me by telling me nice things you know and then with another friend like her compliments again just so huge and I would like caught myself being like oh wait am I supposed to be humble right here should I push it away should I receive it okay do I need to start complimenting her back a ton okay I'm just gonna and then I was like you know what just take the compliment and so what I've kind of been thinking about since those two interactions is that you know I didn't pick the words that they chose to say to me those were words that came up that they came up with on their own you know as a way to describe me is how they see me and so because I didn't write them a script and say hey um can you read this to me can you pretend you're giving me this compliment then who am I to say that the way they view me is is wrong in that moment you know what I mean now I'm gonna be selective with this if you're giving me an insult I'm gonna be like okay whatever your opinion or how you view me doesn't really matter right because people dislike puppy pictures right but when someone's giving you a compliment and it's really important to receive that love I don't need to receive negativity or hate so don't confuse what I'm saying here so if someone's giving me negativity I don't need to receive that I can say no thank you right but when someone is genuinely offering me love and I've overcome and battled my life of feeling unlovable then it is within my work to be able to receive that love when someone who's in my life that I have an like an established relationship with a friendship with it is within my work to then receive that love from them and to not tell them that the way they view me is wrong so that makes sense I'm hoping this is making sense and if not this is really good and therapeutic for me so at least one of us is getting some good stuff out of this conversation so because of the work that I've been doing and I know the importance and I know if I was talking to a client and they were like oh my gosh someone gave me this gigantic compliment and I wanted to push it away and and like shrink myself so that I would get smaller and be less visible and feel more comfortable or something I would challenge them with that I would say I need you to receive that compliment like you need to receive that compliment what would that be like what if you took their compliment in and instead of rejecting it you let it just like settle inside you and that's how they see you and that's their that's their truth that's their perspective and let it just like settle within you and nourish you and remind you that other people see you as enough as well you know sometimes it's nice to know it's not needed in order for us to know we're enough but it's nice to be reminded that other people see our value as well right it's a nice way to bond and connect and to be vulnerable and in those moments it is saying thank you and it is letting it settle and there might even be a part of you that agrees with them that's like you know what I agree with what they're saying I am pretty badass you know and just let that just settle on your soul and take it in it's okay for people to see you as an incredible person I think sometimes we forget that and if you're going to have these incredible relationships in your life they're going to see you as an incredible person and so you're going to have to let them see you as an incredible person and you're gonna do the work to receive how they see you so my friend start receiving the love start taking inventory and become aware of the areas where you push love away when do you question other people's motives when do you question if they're telling you the truth or if they're lying to you when it comes to loving on you pay attention to those moments and do the work to help yourself shift them so that you can have all those relationships you are visualizing because I want that for you and I know you want it for you too so this is the other side of that and then really just do the work of making the choices that help you create your future this has been a big thing I've been working on lately is so often I spend time replaying memories of pain in my past in my mind like if I was in the dating world back before I would probably replay the times everybody broke up with me or all the disagreements or all the fights or all the rejection right and when I continually play that in my mind I'm creating that more in my future right and so I want to start making choices that align with my visions or my goals or the things that I want to experience in my life and I've really been zoning in or zooming in on this this last week is every day I'm like okay what do I want to accomplish what am I trying to achieve what am I working towards okay what is a choice today that I can make that's going to take me closer to that and anytime I see my mind start trailing off to worry or the past or trying to convince me how I'm wrong or it'll never happen I know I when I become aware of it I stop it and I say whoa whoa okay now what choice can I make that's gonna help me create this and then I do that and so it's really been active work it's not just something that is passively happening in the background I have to actively pay attention and catch my thoughts and make sure I can switch them to what I am creating in my future and what choices I can make today to do that and then I make the choice and I put the action behind that choice so it's been really cool to just actively be doing that so I encourage you as well to maybe just be more active in your day and catch your thought and be active in your choices and see what happens and then I want to before we head off for the day I want to just remind you that there's so many little tools that are free to you to use and one of the most powerful is your breath so I want to close today with just teaching you a little quick easy breathing exercise where it's so simple you're just going to breathe in and out through your nose okay but you're going to breathe in to the count of four hold it for four seconds exhale to the count of four hold for four seconds then inhale to the count of four hold for four exhale for four hold for four and then continue that cycle so maybe if you're feeling and if you're up for it then I would encourage you I'm inviting you to try that breathing exercise today just do a couple rounds like set a two minutes or just do a couple rounds until you feel a shift within your body and then go about whatever it is you're doing so give it a try see what you think and I imagine I do believe that not every breathing exercise is for everyone but once you find one that is something that feels really good to you then you have it in your back pocket all the time and you know that it's a breathing exercise that you can use whenever you need it however you need to find one that you enjoy and that you practice enough so that it actually is in your back pocket and not something that you're reaching for and trying to locate in your memory the moment you get stressed right so if we have a breathing exercise that's already natural to us that's already become a habit then it shows up for us in the moments when we need it so that's pretty cool well my beautiful friends thank you so much for joining me today I am sending you buckets of love huge huge hugs and the reminder that you're enough you matter and believe in you because you are someone worth believing in much love talk to you later bye thank you so much for spending some of your time with me today and make sure to share this episode with someone and leave a review and remember you're worthy of incredible love

Reviews

I wish I could leave a thousand stars. For me to remember my own selfworth is usually forgotten and is a hard thing. However, a very much needed thing. I think that because it may be a more "familiar" place, being in the place of lack or no selfworth is tormentingly familiar and therefore comfortable (and not comfortable at the same time). How you put remembering our selfworth spoke to me and brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for this important piece to my puzzle. Love, light, & blessings to you! ♥️🌄🙏🐾😇

Perfectly awesome and practical!
Well done, thank you!

That's what I needed! Thank you so much for your words. This was spot on for me and I will grow from your insight!