Episode 147: Playful Parenting Featuring Cassandra Levin

Do you wish your kids would listen the first time you asked them? Or that you could get your kids to listen without yelling. You can. Connection Coach and Human Design Consultant, Cassandra Levin, joins me today on this episode on the Beautifully Changed podcast and it’s seriously filled with ideas & what to say to get your kids to listen while deepening your connection and bond.

Transcript

We can start to bridge this divide.

So your child stepping into your world,

They're unsure.

They don't know who they can be.

They,

You know,

They're often told no to things.

They're being too much.

They're being not enough.

And so they aren't quite sure of who they are,

Especially in our adult world.

But us going into our kids' world,

We can allow them to express themselves,

To be silly,

To have ideas,

To imagine.

We kind of lose that as adults a bit.

Hey there,

I'm Steph,

And I want to welcome you to the Beautifully Changed podcast.

This is where we explore how ordinary people do big things.

Welcome to your tipping point.

Well,

Hello there,

Friends.

Welcome back to the Beautifully Changed podcast.

And today I have a treat for you,

Especially with the holidays and school vacations coming up.

Cassandra Levine is my guest today,

And she is a Connection Coach and Human Design Consultant.

So what does this mean?

This means that Cassie helps you come up with effective approaches for you and your child.

And she even uses human design to help you have a deeper understanding of how your child sees the world works,

Their energy,

What's the best approach for them,

And yourself.

Like how do you take your strengths from your human design and bring them together to really enrich your relationship?

And Cassie has over 12 years of experience working with families.

This is definitely where she feels at home,

And she loves to get creative and help you tap into your creative side as well.

So I really hope you get some valuable tips and information and perspectives from listening to our conversation today.

Also,

If you're loving it,

Please stop by and give me a review.

I will have a link in the show notes if you aren't sure where to go in order to leave that review.

And the reason why I want to review is because I want to know your feedback.

What are you liking about it?

Are you getting value from listening to the Beautifully Changed podcast?

And what do you want more of?

Let me know.

And also feel free to DM me at BeautifullyChanged on Instagram if there is a guest you want to hear or a topic that you want to hear.

And if you're really into self-growth and personal development and enriching your relationships,

Please join my Facebook community,

Beautifully Changed,

Where we really are there to just support each other and share helpful information on our self-growth journeys.

Thank you so much for being here.

I know when you have so many options of podcasts to listen to,

Like millions,

I am sure.

I really appreciate that you are selecting this podcast to give some of your time to today.

And I do hope that the exchange of your time and the value that you receive leaves you walking away,

Feeling uplifted and excited and tapped into the more creative side,

Especially when it comes to parenting today.

So here we go.

Let's dive in and hear what Cassie has to say.

Well,

Cassie,

Thank you so much for joining me today for the Beautifully Changed podcast.

I'm so excited to have you here,

Especially because you focus on one of my favorite podcasts,

Which is connection.

And everyone needs and desires and wants connection and really wants to find out,

How can I have a deeper connection?

Whether that's with my partner,

My child,

My friend,

My coworkers,

Anywhere in life,

Connection is around us and we want it and we desire it.

So I welcome you to my podcast and I'm so happy to have you here.

Thank you.

I'm so excited to talk to you.

Thank you,

I'm so excited to talk with you and be here.

So I know that you are a connection coach and human design consultant,

But before we dive into that,

I want to know,

Is there anything you've learned recently that has inspired you?

You know,

There's actually been this line that keeps coming up that's been inspiring me and it's,

Are you more interested in defending your limitations or achieving your goals and desires?

I love that.

And so that kind of came up for you and you're answering that yourself?

Yeah,

Yeah,

That when anything comes up,

Checking myself that if I'm diving into a limiting belief or if I'm looking into where that connection is,

How do I get to my goals and desires?

You know,

What am I really looking for?

Hmm.

Can you give an example of how someone could put that to practice,

Like put in a hypothetical situation?

Yeah.

If you're dating and you go out in the world and someone tells you,

You just have to go up and talk to someone and your first instinct is,

I'm just not good at talking to people.

And so that's you being interested in defending that belief instead of opening up and saying,

I find it a little challenging.

Do you have any tips?

And so opening it up to how you will actually get what you want versus just throwing a roadblock in the way.

Hmm.

I love that.

That is such a good one because when you are out there dating and you have to like wanna meet somebody,

You can talk yourself out of it.

And then the whole rest of the night,

You're like,

Oh,

What if I would have went up and talked to that person?

Oh my gosh.

Now I'll always wonder if I just have had the courage.

So I love that how that's like,

You're just giving more power and feeding into your limiting belief versus challenging it.

Yeah.

Great example.

Okay,

So Cassie,

Can you share with me more like,

I know we talked before about how you really love working with parents and talking with them about playful parenting.

And I'm wondering if we can dive into that a little bit and you share kind of your theory and your idea of what you mean when you say playful parenting.

Hmm.

Yeah,

Absolutely.

So that's one of my favorite things.

I mean,

There's so many different methods and ways out there,

But I've spent the past 13 plus years working with kids and have really seen in different households what works.

And every time I add playfulness or silliness,

The whole day just flows a bit better.

And so what that looks like is when I pick the kids up from school,

And they start taking off their shoes in the car,

I could get angry with them about it or go one route.

And instead I get really silly.

I make a big deal about,

Your stinky feet in my car.

Oh my goodness,

No,

Not your stinky feet on the seat.

And all of a sudden,

These kids that may have had a harder day at school or were stressed,

Get to come home and instantly like light up.

Where sometimes it's a bit harder because parents want to dive into,

We love our kids so much,

We want to know how their day was.

And so we start asking all these questions,

Which is trying to bring the child into our adult world versus us actually stepping into theirs.

I love that.

I love how you,

Like just saying that stepping into their world gave me like goosebumps because I think that is such an important distinction that when we step into their world,

Well,

You tell me what makes a difference between a parent stepping into a child's world,

Even more so than what you just said.

So if I'm gonna step into my son's world versus inviting him and expecting him to come up to my world,

Why does that matter?

Yeah,

I mean,

So first to just go all the way back,

We forget that kids just popped out on this planet.

We were functioning,

We were running society,

We have rules,

We have expectations.

There's so much going on and our kids are naturally dropped into that world.

But when we can stop and step into theirs and how their brain is working in a smaller manner,

We can start to bridge this divide.

So your child stepping into your world,

They're unsure.

They don't know who they can be.

They're often told no to things.

They're being too much,

They're being not enough.

And so they aren't quite sure of who they are,

Especially in our adult world.

But us going into our kids' world,

We can allow them to express themselves,

To be silly,

To have ideas,

To imagine.

We kind of lose that as adults a bit.

I love that because we really do.

I know for myself that I've definitely had to learn how to be more playful.

And one of the thing that I think is so cool that my husband brings to the table is that he is very,

Very,

Very playful.

And so I found that I was getting too stuck in my seriousness or the rules of life and all these expectations that other people have and all of this and how you're supposed to act and no matter where you are.

And then I watched my husband and I was like,

Wow,

This is so cool to watch how he plays and how creative he is.

And so I've been able to step back and be like,

I need to be more playful.

And that is something that I have been consciously working on since I've become a mom and my son is six and a half now.

So I'm like,

Okay,

This definitely makes a difference versus when I'm like,

Trying to be all stern versus when I'm being a little bit more playful,

He can definitely come along and meet my expectations of how I want him to be in that situation.

It's more easy and more light and no one's crying at the end of it.

So the best part.

Yes,

Yes.

The best part.

What would you give a parent like me who was taking life so seriously?

I grew up with a really strict home where even playing myself,

It was like,

Play quietly on your own.

Like my parents weren't really involved.

And so now me transitioning or a parent like me who was stuck in that seriousness and not even knowing how to begin to play,

What is something you would tell a parent in my situation to do?

Yeah,

I think one of my favorite first steps to incorporating playfulness,

And I love that your son is six because it's a fun age,

Is in the smallest way,

If you're cleaning up around the house,

Set up a funny scene.

So I used to,

When I make kids bed,

I'll set up like Batman reading a book to a bunch of the other stuffed animals,

Or I'll put a mask,

Like one of their superhero masks on a teddy bear and hide it up in a corner.

And it's just these little things that they're really fun to set up in the moment.

I mean,

I do it with my roommates just to make them laugh.

Like there's just nothing sillier than walking in the room and there's like a triceratops in your fruit bowl.

I love that.

That is hilarious.

Like I could already imagine,

Like that is so funny to like set up a scene and it taps into your own creativity,

But you still get to kind of be in control of the scene that you want to create.

So it gives you that parenting seriousness with the playfulness of your child's world.

Yeah,

You know,

I'm still in there making beds,

Tidying up their room,

Because that's the other thing too,

Is modeling those things.

And then what I think is fun that you don't realize comes in is when you're setting up these scenes,

It kind of has to be clean for them to notice it.

So they're almost more encouraged when they start liking it to realize that they need to clean things up so that way they can find these like hidden scenes you're setting up.

I love that.

It's like,

Oh,

A hidden scene.

That's really good.

Okay,

So what would you say then about playing and helping kids learn?

Do you think there's truth to that?

Oh,

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

When we learn things are far more fun,

Our brain is far more open to encoding things.

I mean,

When things aren't fun,

Our brain is just held up by all the things about it we hate.

This is boring.

This is hard.

We're not good at it.

We almost start to have like negative self-talk come in,

Especially as a kid.

But when it's playful,

You're more open to making mistakes,

To imagining new solutions and ideas.

Like when you're not worried about the outcome,

When it's just silliness,

Like you tap into more of who you are and your potential.

I like that.

And so what is it?

So give me a little bit more,

Some tips that a parent can do to even maybe get to a place like let's say somebody is listening right now and they're like,

No,

No,

No.

Being playful,

What are they talking about?

I don't know that I'm not sold yet.

What would you say is another reason to,

Or the value that's added to your relationship with your child when you add in that playfulness?

I mean,

That's where connection happens.

Like adding in that play,

That silliness,

It takes you into a higher vibration and it calls them into it.

And something popped in my head right now and it's falling out.

When we add in this playfulness,

It really is changing the energy.

And you can take a kid that's so stuck that they're mad about a situation or whatever it is.

And once you can start kind of being a little silly,

You throw in there like,

Okay,

We're gonna be mad now.

No smiling,

Let's be grumpy.

And you like fully commit into it and can kind of bring in the lightheartedness of it.

It can actually move the energy through versus diving in and telling your child they need to stop acting the way they're acting,

That it's unacceptable,

That's inappropriate.

All these things like calling this shame and bring us down into these lower vibrations.

And really that's where major disconnects happen.

You're telling your child like all these things about how they're not enough and how they're not living up to your standards versus when we're silly,

When we're playful,

Where again,

We're meeting our child where they are,

We're shaking up their energy,

We're showing them that it's okay to learn,

It's okay to make mistakes,

We just need to grow and keep moving.

I like that.

And I think what kind of came up for me when you were saying that is so often we expect our little ones to never have any emotion besides like obedience and happy and listening and doing exactly what I tell you,

Exactly what I tell you.

And we forget that they're their own like little individual person,

They're just really small.

And they're viewing this world differently.

And as adults,

We have bad days.

We have days like moments where we feel really mad and disappointed and frustrated.

And so I think it's like,

When you also tap into that playfulness from my experience,

It also allows me to give my son space to also have feelings and to experience those feelings and if I just tell him,

You can't be mad,

You can't act that way,

Then it's like,

As he grows,

He's gonna be one of those people who just like sweeps his feelings and like under the rug and stuff some and then resentment builds and he's not trusting his own,

Who he is as a person and his feelings and all of that stuff.

So for me,

I found that when I am a little bit playful,

We can talk about his emotions and where they came from and what he can do when he's feeling mad.

Eventually,

Like,

Once,

As you said,

As you shift that energy a little bit and you open up that space to come in,

Then it allows me to have a more productive conversation around that experience and around those emotions.

Would you say that is true for kind of what you're teaching parents and the connection you're seeing form with the parents and the children?

Yeah,

Absolutely.

And you came around to hitting on something great too.

So when we tell kids,

Right,

You can't get mad,

You haven't at all empowered them to what they can do.

You're just telling them,

Hey,

Shut that off,

But you haven't given them any method to how to properly cope and deal with it.

Or even to say,

Hey,

When we're feeling mad,

That's okay,

We go take some space in our room because we don't wanna hurt other people's feelings.

It's okay to feel this way,

But this is what we do when we're feeling it.

Or do you wanna talk or do you wanna take some space for yourself?

And actually giving kids the way to get what they want because that's where I find most misbehavior comes from is your child wants something,

Whether it's power,

Attention,

Just whatever it is.

And their behavior is how they're getting there.

And when you tell them they can't have their behavior without telling them an appropriate way to get it,

They just start acting out.

They have no idea what to do.

So they just start throwing things at the wall.

And a lot of times when they start screaming or throwing tantrums,

We give in.

We just give them what we want and we feed into that bad behavior.

And so the other part of this playfulness,

Like you're saying earlier,

This lighthearted like,

Oh,

Do we kick and scream when we get mad?

Is that what we do?

Like,

Is that expected?

Oh,

Instead,

Why don't we go take some space or why don't we take some deep breaths?

But pulling that silliness,

We're not getting angry at them because they're still learning.

Like us as adults are learning.

You know,

And you also touched on we have bad days and we need to remember our kids have bad days and also need to like have the space to just be in their moods.

Okay,

So you were mentioning modeling earlier.

And so I think in my experience,

And maybe you could share with yours,

Is that even when it comes to handling emotions,

Like parents are modeling that.

So when you're talking about giving the options of what you can do,

As a parent,

Are you doing those same options?

Because those little eyes are watching you to see how you're handling these emotions when they come up for you.

And so even though we don't necessarily wanna hear that,

Sometimes it's like,

Oh my gosh,

Like I see it all the time with my son.

I'm like,

Okay,

Maybe sometimes,

Oh,

Do it.

Do it like that.

Maybe I might need to approach that situation differently or when I'm asking for things,

Am I coming out using the words I want him to be using?

Stuff like that because back in the day,

I think,

Do you remember in schools,

They used to have like,

No running,

No this,

No that,

No that,

And it was like,

Okay,

All the kids know everything they can't do,

But what can they do?

So now I think there's new signs out that say,

We walk slowly in here,

We use soft voices in here.

So it's doing exactly what you said,

Giving them the information of,

Okay,

What can I do in this situation?

When I'm feeling tired and exhausted,

What do I do that is acceptable or appropriate?

So I really appreciate that you brought up those points and it can really apply to all aspects of your relationship in the parenting or even with your relationship with your partner.

Like if you want them to act a certain way towards you in certain situations,

Are you showing them that by treating them that way in those situations?

You know?

Yeah,

I think that's so important.

So often,

One of my favorite quotes is,

When you realize it's not personal,

It's just a disconnect.

And so,

Especially with our partners or friends or loved ones,

Realizing that it's not personal,

Like there's love on both sides,

It's just a matter of finding that disconnect.

Sometimes people are having different conversations,

If that makes sense,

Right?

I'm telling someone how excited I am about my business and they actually think I'm asking for advice.

And you have to stop and it's not personal,

They don't think I'm doing poorly.

They thought that was the conversation I was having.

So coming back,

Yeah,

Stopping and coming back around to say like,

Hey,

Let's have a conversation.

Yes,

And okay,

So Cassie,

What is like your vision and how did you get on this path to begin with?

Oh my gosh,

I have so much vision.

Honestly,

My grand vision for the world is just like there being so much unconditional love and growth and the world looking for self-development.

Us learning to maintain this growth mindset of it just hasn't happened yet.

And so ultimately I have grand visions of world peace and that starts with the family,

With the family unit,

Like peace at home and peace within yourself.

I started on this journey in my own healing.

Three or four years ago,

I came from a family where I felt very disconnected.

I was told all the things I couldn't do.

I wasn't,

Things weren't modeled for me.

And so I just didn't feel as supported.

And so it's always been my mission and working with families and being in childcare the past decade plus years is to empower kids to have that and also realizing that as adults,

We don't have that yet because we grew from this disempowered child into an adult who has been raising other children.

Okay,

And I like that.

So it's kind of like the ripple effect,

Right?

Like if the peace starts at home,

The peace will expand and it just uplifts the world from there.

And then that child also understands this connection that maybe we didn't even get,

You know?

And now we're able to,

So I love to talk with people about how,

You know,

Just because you didn't learn it or receive it yourself growing up doesn't mean that is your story for life.

Like as soon as you're adult,

It is up to you to learn those skills and,

You know,

Just like take in the behaviors and learn them because you can learn them to create the life and the relationships that you want,

You know,

As you have parents or as you couple up and all of these things or have children,

Not parents,

But do you know what I mean?

Yeah.

Yes.

I mean,

It's absolutely true.

I completely like revamped my mindset.

I completely changed my connections with my family,

With my father,

With my brothers.

Human design,

We didn't talk about a lot because like that came in to even further help me understand the ways in which we connected.

I love that.

I did want to bring that up in a second,

But first I want you,

If you could define what unconditional love means to you.

Unconditional love to me is honoring and loving a person for who they are in all their ways.

Different than them staying in your life.

So I think that you can unconditionally love people and understand that you're in different places in your life or you're on different paths.

But to me,

Unconditional love is nonjudgmental,

Appreciating,

We're all doing our best,

That we're all here on our journey and our past trying to find ourselves.

Mm.

So then would it be fair to say,

If you are unconditionally loving someone,

Even if they're not a part of your life right now,

That you have these two different paths,

But your path isn't carrying resentment and anger towards them.

It's just wanting their own happiness and you've done the work or you are continuously doing the work of like,

Forgiving any hurts that have happened and moving through it and just like sending them happiness and wanting them happiness instead of wanting them to suffer.

Absolutely.

I unconditionally love everyone.

I unconditionally love everyone,

But there are conditions to people being in my life and in my inner circle and that has to do with boundaries then.

I love that,

Cassie.

That's so well said that I love people unconditionally,

But there's conditions to being in my life because I think some to me at times,

People make that so black and white.

Well,

Then if you unconditionally love everybody,

Then you have to forgive everybody.

Or if you forgive somebody,

That means they have to be a part of your life when it's really,

I can forgive somebody and know that it's actually more harmful than to have an active role in my life.

So I need to protect myself too,

But not carry those heavy emotions that are holding me down.

Yeah,

Absolutely.

I have a firm policy that I'm always willing to have a conversation because my unconditional love also comes with the notion that I believe people can grow.

I love that.

I love it.

So what would you say is the hardest part to get parents on board with when it comes to playful parenting?

I think thinking that it will work.

Society has a so structured that like kids need rules and boundaries and regulations,

And they do need those things,

But it doesn't have to be so rigid.

And so I think parents coming around to the concept that somehow being silly and playful when their kids aren't listening is actually gonna work.

I got you.

Okay,

So then like when they want it,

They're like hesitant to like,

Wait a second,

No,

No,

That's not gonna work.

And then you're like,

Just try it.

Come on,

Let's work on this.

Let's experiment.

Find what playfulness works with your kid.

And then once they try it and they see it work,

What do you notice shift in them?

Their confidence.

So I think that's one of the hardest things I've seen for parents is like when you can't control your kids,

So to speak,

When you can't get them to do what you want them to do.

And so all of a sudden,

When you find this way,

You realize it's through sheer silliness and playfulness that you suddenly have control over your kids,

Over your family,

Over what's happening.

You can hand me all the kids in the world.

I don't get worried about it anymore.

Someone said,

I need you to watch this event.

And there's gonna be 20 kids,

Ages,

Infant through preteen and be like,

All right,

Let's do it.

Like,

I'm not concerned anymore because I've learned how to talk to kids and how that silliness is just so effective along with choices.

Yeah,

And I bet that there is even like a bonus that is unexpected for the parent is like when they're feeling so frustrated or mad because the kid isn't doing,

Because I've found it's my own thing like with parenting and talking with my friends,

It's like,

You get really mad when your child isn't doing what you want them to do.

And you're like,

Why won't you just do this?

It'd be so easy.

And so then you have this frustration come up in you and you're like,

Oh my gosh,

And then you feel bad that you felt frustrated and da,

Da,

Da,

Da,

Da.

So I wonder if when parents start doing this playfulness,

They find that that anger and that frustration shifts in them and they find like,

Wow,

I am feeling way less stress.

I'm enjoying parenting more.

I'm enjoying doing these activities that used to stress me out with my kiddo.

And now I find myself,

Just can't wait to do it and can't wait for them to get home from school so we can connect and work on these things.

I don't know,

Do you think that's like a bonus that they don't expect to happen that happens?

I think,

Yeah,

I think they hope it'll happen,

But I think it's a bonus the degree at which it happens.

Just like how excited they are,

Right?

When you start setting up little scenes,

You are so excited to get your kid home from school and just sit around and wait for them to discover this little thing you set up for them,

Right?

And so instead of anxiety,

You have this like joyful anticipation.

I love that joyful anticipation.

That's so good.

Okay,

So you've also talked about,

You've mentioned human design and I know this is something else that you do with people and I know it's like really deep to dive into.

So maybe sometime we can have you on again and we'll talk just about human design.

But I'm curious for people who already know about human design or they're thinking about,

Well,

I've done it with myself or I've heard my friend did it.

How do you think human design can help a parent connect with their child more?

Every way,

Every way imaginable.

When you,

We have this energetic blueprint of who you are and who your child is.

So things like ADD,

All of a sudden you look at your kid's chart and you see they have an open head center.

And so really what's happening is they're just overwhelmed from all the people around them.

You stick that kid in a quiet room and they can complete their work.

And then when you come into the energy types and intuition,

I mean,

Being able to raise your child authentically knowing how to make decisions for them,

Because what if you're telling your child to go with their gut,

But really they should be sleeping on it.

And then they start being raised really unsure in their decision-making.

And so all of a sudden,

How do you put this?

Can I,

I wanna say some of the terms,

But I know some people might not use them,

But there's an energy type called a generator.

They have this sacral authority.

All can be boiled down into they think in yes and no.

They have this gut answer.

So if you know that's your child and it's lunchtime,

Instead of what do you want for lunch?

You can just go through yes and no questions.

Would you like a sandwich?

Would you like tacos?

Would you like a salad?

All of a sudden,

As if kids eat those.

Yeah,

We're all serving our kids salads at lunch.

You know what I mean?

And it seems like more work where another parent would tell you,

Why are you asking them so many questions?

But all of a sudden your child gets to feel aligned in themselves because you're commuting with their energy.

And I was also gonna say,

The other thing is,

You can see why your child connects different with say different parents.

I get sometimes my clients say,

My kids are totally calm with their dad,

But the second I come in the room,

They're all over me.

They won't stop.

Well,

When I can look at their charts,

I can see the different energetic interplay happening.

That's really interesting.

And I could see,

So it's like basically giving you a blueprint of their,

Like what works for them on an individual basis.

And when parents put this into play,

Do they actually see that it like,

They're like,

Wow,

It's actually working.

It's true.

Yeah,

Yeah.

It's so exciting too,

Because you start to recognize the things in your child that you already saw before,

But now you kind of know why.

My friend's daughter is only,

She's like 18 months,

But I can see in a split,

Like micro expression when she feels recognized.

And it's so cute to get to see that and then point out to my friend,

Those moments in her daughter,

So that she starts to see and she starts to recognize her daughter more,

Because that's her daughter's energy type.

She's just sitting around waiting for an invitation.

That's really great.

So when you work with families on this,

Do you like break down like,

Okay,

So to the parent,

This is your energy type.

This is what your design is.

This is what your child's design is.

And this is how you guys will work best together.

Like this is what makes it flow.

And then this is where like kind of the obstacles are gonna come in.

Like if you're approaching a situation this way,

That's gonna be filling more frustration or more obstacles versus if you did it this way.

Yeah,

It gives me a really easy way to align things.

And so what I do with my clients long term is ultimately we create your family handbook.

Oh my gosh,

That's so cool.

Tell me more about that.

So we dive into what your family's values are,

Right?

Which is so important.

And I think where we kind of get lost at sea sometimes,

Because you forget where you're actually heading.

But if you know what your values are,

And you instill those in your kids,

Then you're giving them like the boundaries and the map for making good choices.

And so you start,

You know,

If you value doing your best,

You value being kind to others and you value being kind to yourself.

So then in moments when situations come up with your child,

You know,

They're fighting with a friend or something comes up like,

Oh,

Well,

Are we being kind to others?

Instead of that's not very nice behavior,

You're just re,

What's the word?

You're just like re-instilling those values.

Yeah,

It's almost like you're using their,

Using their words,

Their values,

And you're matching with them.

Like you're talking their language in a sense,

Right?

Yeah,

And so we go through your values,

Your priorities.

And truthfully,

I even,

I do content calendars with my clients because the other thing is we forget,

Right,

This day to day work and school,

And we try to fit in dinners and socialize,

And instead actually sitting down and looking at the month to say,

What days are you gonna have one on one time with your child,

Each child if you have multiple,

Right?

Like what days are you gonna have self care?

Are you gonna have dates with your husband?

Are you gonna clean the house?

Are you gonna,

You know,

Like what activities and really diving into everything so that you don't get to the end of the summer and you're like,

We never even had a bonfire.

You know,

We get to end the fall and you're like,

We didn't even make it to the pumpkin patch.

But if you'd sat down at the beginning of October and just mapped it all out,

It makes it a lot easier and you're really just shifting things around in your calendar if you need to,

But it's in there.

Cassie,

I love that so much.

And I would bet any parent who's listening right now is like,

Holy cow,

That is genius,

And I'm gonna do that right now,

Like this weekend or today I'm gonna sit down with my family and I'm going to,

What did you call it,

A connection calendar?

Oh,

I don't even know.

Sometimes I call it a content calendar,

But people laugh because it sounds so businessy.

I'm like,

Well,

It's still,

It's your family.

Okay,

I thought you said content and then I was like,

No,

I must've misheard that.

Maybe she said connection.

Playing around with the term.

I love that though.

That is such a great idea because,

And I love also how you mentioned like one-on-one time with each child.

Can you share with me why that is so important?

I mean,

It's,

Yeah.

I wanna respond with,

It's so important.

They're each different and spending time individually with each child does two things.

One,

You get to know your connection and your relationship with that kid,

Because maybe you have different interests.

One child really loves music and that's where you connect and the other really loves cooking.

But if you're trying to cook with all of them,

Two things are happening.

One,

There's like different energetic interplay and if one doesn't wanna do it,

It's kind of bringing down the excitement.

And so that one-on-one time you get to know your child,

You get to dive into who they are and they also get to know you.

Because it's so important for our kids to also know us as more than just a parent that we are also people,

Right?

That's so much in parenting of coming forward and apologizing in moments.

And I'm so sorry,

I didn't mean to speak to you that way and no one should.

And so these one-on-one times you get to see your child,

You get to know their secrets and their dreams and just different things that come up that won't when you're in a group setting.

Oh my gosh,

I love that so much.

There's so much value in one-on-one time and I think sometimes when we get overwhelmed,

We forget to do it.

So I love your idea of the calendar and making time for it,

Like scheduling it in.

Plus I think that like indirectly shows the child how important they are to you because you're scheduling it in on your calendar,

Right?

Because they see you scheduling in all these other really important things that you can't miss.

And so if they become a part of that,

Like,

Oh,

This is really important to me that you and I have this time together.

It just like adds that like specialness and that love and that connection in them.

And then they even get,

You know,

They get excited.

They're looking forward to it as well and they know when it's coming.

And would you say that during this time,

It's also an opportunity to invite in that playfulness of you because you're like leaving out the lectures and the,

You know,

Okay,

This is a time to like talk to them about how they needed to clean their room more.

Cause it's not about that.

It's about just connecting with them.

And then you can start experimenting with your own way of being playful with that child.

Yeah,

Yeah.

And I think you make a really good point that it's really important to honor that time and what it's for and that it is for connection.

It's not,

You know,

A parent teacher conference where you're telling your child all the things they need to be doing better.

I love that.

I love that.

Like I get it.

I hear this.

Yeah.

But something also that you said that I realize and think isn't really talks about,

There's,

You know,

A lot of like shame that comes up in the parenting world and parents won't say it.

But the other thing I think is sometimes parents don't wanna hang out with their kid.

You tell them to spend one-on-one time,

But that kid hasn't received so much attention or is so out of alignment misbehaving that the parent's like,

I don't wanna hang out with them.

They think it's gonna be miserable and awful and their kid's gonna be needy,

You know?

And the truth of it is,

If that is where the relationship has happened,

Like that's why those things need to be done the most.

And the kid,

Your child like might be really needy at first because they are just,

Their cup has been empty and they're so excited to have it filled.

But little by little,

As you do that and you actually give the attention,

They need less.

Like they're more apt to go play independently and on their own and not just be all over you.

Cause you actually gave them the quality time,

The quality focus to fill their cup.

That is such a good point.

I think the other side of that too,

Is either the child can feel really needy and like,

Just like desperate,

Right?

They're like dehydrated from love,

Right?

They just are like,

We wanna soak it all in.

Or it's like,

They're like standoffish,

No,

No,

I don't wanna go with you.

Or like the first couple of times they're like,

Oh,

When are we done,

Right?

Like,

Can we get this over with?

Like,

I need to go hang out with my friends or something.

You know,

If they're a little bit older or even if they're little,

They could be like,

I hate you.

I don't wanna hang out with you.

And I think that's also what you're saying is a sign of like,

They haven't been getting that part of their cup filled.

And so that also to me is a signal,

Like they don't believe you.

They don't know that this is the,

So it's like time for the parent to step up and do the work and show like,

No,

This is a thing now.

This is now part of our life and this is gonna be happening and I do love you and I wanna have fun with you and I want to get to know you.

And so it's like,

You gotta put in that work.

You know,

If it's not easy,

It doesn't mean don't do it.

It just means you gotta find a different way and you gotta push through that uncomfortableness to create this bond that both of you want.

Yeah,

Yeah.

But I'm gonna call it lean past instead of push through because it can like allowing ourselves,

Right?

That's so important,

Like the words that we use.

I like that.

Tell me why lean past.

Cause I mean,

You lean past,

You're almost trust falling into it.

Like it can still be scary or unsure,

But you're just deciding to kind of lean into it and almost allow it to comfort you or embrace you and have it come where pushing past just seems so aggressive.

Like there's the obstacles that are gonna be in my way.

That's really what it,

Like I can lean past,

I can lean through fog,

Right?

Like that clarity there,

I can't see where push past feels like I'm pushing through a brick wall.

Ooh,

I like that.

I like that.

Thank you.

I'm gonna now change that from pushing past to leaning past.

Lean past.

Yeah,

Lean into,

Lean past,

Whatever it is.

I like that.

Okay,

So was there something else you wanted to add?

Oh yeah.

And so the other thing is thinking that it'll take a long time cause it really doesn't.

Once you commit and decide that you're gonna change how you interact with your child,

How you approach things,

It happens really quickly.

I worked with a family.

They had four kids,

Four and under.

It was absolute chaos when I started.

I mean,

These kids are biting,

Hitting,

Screaming,

Scratching,

It is just a toddler thunderdome.

And within a month of me coming in and adding and least playfulness,

Teaching them the ways to get what they want.

So it was little things instead of the four year old would yell at me to go away.

And so I would stay very calm and I would let him know,

Okay,

If you would like me to go,

We say,

I need some space.

And I would just keep modeling that until he said it.

Even if it was angry,

I need some space.

I gave it to him and just walked away and would give it,

Oh,

Thank you.

Thank you so nicely for letting me know you needed space.

Okay,

I'll leave you alone now.

Within a month,

I had all four boys,

Like hand in hand walking down the street.

I knew no one was running off into traffic that everyone was gonna listen all within a month with toddlers.

And so it really like when you commit and you just decide to come at it with love and to realize like,

Kids don't have malice.

Anything coming out of them is a misbehavior.

Is them a need that's unmet.

And things just flip around really quickly.

And I think that can be a notion too that parents think like,

Oh,

Well,

That's gonna take forever.

And it doesn't.

I love that.

That's a solid point.

And even if a month feels like a long time,

It's worth it.

It's worth it to lean past that discomfort to get to where you want to go because as much as you want that connection,

Your child does too.

I know when I used to do therapy,

Every single kid that would come in,

When I would talk to them one on one and I would say,

It didn't matter what,

How old they were.

And when we would talk and I would ask them,

Kind of their view and always every single one of them would always say,

I just want more time with my parents.

I want my parents to spend time with me to be interested in my stuff,

What I'm doing.

You know,

Like they wanted that connection,

Even if they acted like they didn't and they acted like they were so annoyed that their parent even existed.

They really,

Really wanted that time with them and to build that relationship.

And I would have people share how some of their most amazing connections,

Like moments where the one-on-one time,

Like you had talked about putting that in,

Or one,

I remember one kid would tell me,

His parent woke him up and would say,

Hey,

Come down and have hot chocolate with me,

When everyone else was sleeping.

And they just sat around and had hot chocolate and like talked a little bit or played a game or talked about music or something.

And they were like,

I will remember that for the rest of my life.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I love that you bring,

So that's like a big point of the calendar because at the end of the day,

One of the first questions I like to ask parents is what memories do you want your kids to have?

Because we can all think back to our childhood of good and bad things.

And that's where we have to remember,

We all remember something mean said to us that set our self-confidence or our image of ourselves.

And we also remember the fun things that were done with us.

And so tapping into what do you want your kids to remember?

I love that.

I love that,

Cassie.

And so how do you work with parents?

If like a parent wanted to work with you,

How do they do that?

Like what kind of services do you provide?

Yeah.

So I offer,

I have two programs depending on where a parent's at.

One is a VIP day with support,

With 30 days of support.

And so that VIP day is where we knock out the parent handbook.

Because that like,

That's your framework for your family,

Knowing your values,

Knowing your priorities,

Right?

Priorities is a big one.

That way when things come up,

You check in with your priorities,

Even for that month,

You can change your priorities monthly.

But saying,

Does this align?

And so in that VIP day,

We knock all that out.

But the playful parenting,

Sometimes you need ideas.

Sometimes behaviors come up,

Like what,

I don't know what choices to give my child to do choices.

And so there's 30 days of support that they can send me voice messages and get those resources.

That's awesome.

Yeah.

Okay,

So now I just have some kind of questions that I ask everybody who comes on.

So I'm curious if you can share what has helped you lean past your own fear or your own self doubt when it comes to going after,

Even creating this business and helping parents or just any dream or goal that you have in life.

How do you like just not listen to that self doubt?

What do you do instead?

I think it comes back to almost the quote that came up this week.

You know,

That has been a great tool that I said at the beginning,

Like remembering that I'm more interested in achieving my goals and desires.

I lived so much of my life out of alignment,

Not putting my voice out there,

Not trying to make these changes.

And I know what my life felt like like that.

And so now I've started to realize that when that self doubt comes in,

I guess I remember how I used to feel.

And I ask if I wanna let that run my life.

There's a book called Big Magic and I love a concept from it.

And she talks about how fear gets to come.

Fear comes in the cart,

Fear saves us,

Right?

Fear is there to protect us.

It keeps you from touching the hot stove,

Falling off a cliff,

Walking into traffic,

But fear doesn't dry,

Fear sits in the backseat.

So when that self doubt comes in,

I almost try to not even identify it with being myself.

Like I allow it to be fear's voice and I tap into my higher self.

I play out the fear fully.

And then decide if I'm actually scared of that,

Right?

We say we're scared of jumping off a cliff.

No one's scared of jumping off a cliff.

You're scared of what will happen when you hit the ground.

That is a really,

Really good point.

Yeah,

Like you're scared of what if this doesn't go right?

What if I land wrong?

Like all the what ifs that could happen.

So Cassie,

You're saying you'll play out the what if.

You'll play out,

Like you'll take yourself down that path and be like,

Okay,

So if this could be the end result,

Could be,

It's not the end result,

Right?

And you're like,

Hmm,

Nope,

My goal is more important.

I'm gonna do it.

It's okay if that happens along the way.

Yeah,

I play out like what is the worst case scenario for me?

Like in my opinion,

What is the worst case scenario?

And then I check in and I use that with everything I do.

And then I check in with is it still worth it?

Do I still wanna do it?

And do you find that you often are like,

Yes,

It's still worth it.

Yeah,

And sometimes I'm not and it's a really beautiful thing.

And that's where I see myself honoring my personal boundaries.

I love that.

Because it's okay to pivot.

Like sometimes if,

You know,

Like we don't,

I think there's a difference between pivoting and giving up on yourself.

So,

And I think- I agree.

Yeah,

And how you're sharing your kind of method kind of highlights that.

Because,

Yeah,

I think there's a lot to that.

So thanks for sharing that.

I think that's something actionable that people can do and apply to their own situation.

And know that you have permission to pivot.

It's okay.

You can change your mind.

And it's something to teach our kids too,

Right?

These are the stories we're deconditioning from that we were sold as children.

Yes.

You wanna take piano lessons for a month?

Cool.

Okay,

Now you wanna do soccer?

Okay.

You know,

We're checking it.

Do you really wanna change?

Is it because you're interested in something else or is it because you think you're not good enough for this?

Tell me a little bit more about that.

With kids or with people?

With adults.

Whichever you wanna speak on.

I like speaking about kids because I think sometimes it helps us understand where our stories come from,

That inner child.

Perfect.

And so,

So often,

You know,

A kid begs and begs and begs and begs and begs,

They wanna do baseball.

So finally you sign them up for baseball and you get them all their gear and you're driving them to practices and games.

And halfway through the season,

They don't really like waking up on Saturdays.

They're exhausted from school.

They don't really like to practice.

It's not what they thought it would be.

And they don't wanna do it anymore.

And as parents,

We tell them,

No,

You committed.

You wanted to do this,

So now you're gonna finish it.

And so we grow up thinking that,

Like,

Because we started something,

We have to finish it,

But we're not all designed to even finish things.

That even like plays into your human design type.

Like several types are just here to try on different things.

Like there's different aspects that people just have to experience it.

I can say that I wanna go be a chef,

But for me,

Until I'm actually in a kitchen trying it on,

I won't know if it's for me or not.

Yeah,

And so how would a parent determine if it's,

Because it's not a good fit for them and they actually just don't like it.

It's not bringing them any joy and it's something they dread versus,

It's because they do actually want to,

They just don't feel good enough,

So they wanna quit.

Conversations,

Connections,

Right?

That's where like that one-on-one time comes in so handy because they know that they can come to you and it feels good.

And so then you can sit down and say,

Okay,

You could,

Yeah,

You could even say,

Okay,

I understand you wanna stop baseball.

Let's talk about it and see if we think that's the right choice.

Not blatantly like no,

Make your case for why,

But actually diving into the problem with the child to help them bring it to light.

Because again,

Even as adults,

Sometimes we need someone.

We need a healer or a great friend to help us actually get to what's actually underlying.

So the having conversation,

Like do you feel good at practice?

Are you too tired?

Would you,

Do we need to cancel something else?

Just kind of giving the child options to see if they still land and I don't wanna do this.

And that's also where knowing their authority from human design helps.

I love that and I also just love having like how you're like conversation because that's how you're gonna find out and asking them questions because what if it is just a simple solution?

They're just like,

I don't know,

Like my underwear feel weird under my things or something.

And then you're like,

Okay,

We could get you underwear.

And then they're like,

Oh,

Cool,

I don't have to quit now.

Versus just if you go straight to,

No,

You committed,

You're staying in and then they're like,

Versus having that conversation and just being like,

Now what if it is the child does feel,

I'm sorry,

We went way off on like that.

Typical questions asking them.

But we'll finish with those.

But first,

So what if somebody does find that their child just doesn't feel good enough?

What is like a little tip you can give that parent?

So if they don't feel good enough,

Usually,

I mean,

One,

Helping their confidence.

Asking them what would help them.

But more than anything,

A lot of times,

The problem is inadequacy,

Breaking it down into little steps.

So if someone is doing a sport and they're feeling inadequate,

Then taking that time to practice,

All right,

Let's just practice hitting the ball with the bat this week.

That's all we're worried about doing and doing these little steps.

Inadequacy in the home can look like a child that has a messy room and it's like,

I can't.

Like,

I know you can clean this up.

Like,

I can't.

And so breaking it up into steps of,

Okay,

First,

Let's put away all the clothes.

Or let's put everything in a big pile or however it is,

Giving choices.

Do you wanna do this on your own or would you like some help?

Should we do this with music or should we do this with an audio book?

So letting your child see that there's so many different solutions that can come in and like you can break down the problem because they also then see that they have a teammate.

I love that.

And I love the examples that you come up with.

It sounds like you're really creative and that any parent that's working with you,

Especially when they're trying to tap into that playful side is like,

You are such an asset to them.

They're like,

Oh my gosh,

I would have never thought of that because when you get in this mode and you also as a parent,

Like,

I mean,

You don't get shamed as much in your life,

I think until you become a parent because everyone's coming at you with their expectations and you're just like,

Under this like stress all the time.

And so,

Oh man,

I just thought like,

You're so creative.

I'm so loving this conversation.

That's my voice support is my favorite because I get to do all of that,

That I can get these messages of like,

Help,

I'm having the trouble getting the kids out the door,

Or,

You know,

They argue every time at Target and just,

Oh,

We'll do this.

And then right there,

They just like have this solution.

And I love that.

And I love also that you're sitting there that your,

Like your solutions have the flexibility for each family to kind of experiment with to find what works for them.

So you're not coming in like rigid,

Like you have to do it this way.

It's like,

Let's try this and let's tweak it as we need to,

To make it fit your family.

Yeah,

I mean,

How ironic would that be if like my playful parenting had like a rigid structure to it.

This is how everyone needs to play,

How everyone needs to be silly.

That's a really good point,

That's hilarious.

Okay,

Cassie,

What is something that you think is underrated?

Play.

Play.

I genuinely do.

I mean,

I just,

When I remember to be playful in all ways,

Like life just feels better.

I can laugh at myself more.

Things don't bother me as much.

Like I think playfulness and silliness is just so underrated.

Hmm,

I love that,

That's so good.

And what is something you wish everyone knew?

That it's safe to be themselves in full expression.

That like you're loved and worthy for just being who you are.

Hmm,

Yeah,

You don't have to do anything grand,

Right?

You can just show up.

Yeah,

You don't have to pretend,

You don't have to be this body shape,

That body shape,

Fashion,

And talent,

Like all of those things,

Like just being you and who you are here to be in this life.

I love that.

And you already mentioned the book that inspired you,

Big Magic.

Is there another book that you would also add to that list?

I almost don't want to,

Because like that one is just such gold.

Okay,

Awesome.

And who's the author?

Elizabeth Gilbert.

So she wrote Eat,

Pray,

Love.

Okay,

I think this book has been mentioned a couple times.

Yes.

So it's definitely,

Okay,

Okay,

Universe,

I get it.

I will get this book,

I will read it.

It sounds phenomenal.

It's one of those books I read and wanted to get everyone copies for Christmas.

Oh,

Don't you love when you read a book like that and you're like,

Everyone is getting this.

Yes,

It's like an Oprah moment and you get one and you get one and you get one.

And do you have any like exciting projects you're working on?

Always.

I'm expanding out my VIP days into bigger containers.

So taking on families that just really want to next level things beyond getting past the misbehavior and survival into thriving.

Because I mean,

A six month container with me,

You're set up for so much of life that you've got your values down,

You have your mindset down,

You know how you're connecting with your kids,

You know how to schedule your months.

Because after six months of us doing that,

Like you start to find the routine and the habit.

I love that.

And I did want to ask,

Is there any age that's too early to do like the human design and start getting into this playful parenting?

I don't think so.

No,

I don't think so at all.

Because even your infants,

If your child has an emotional wave and you're taking that in,

Like knowing that is such a beautiful gift to just honor that your baby may just be having a low instead of feeling like you're a bad mother,

Because you don't know what to do for your baby.

Which I mean,

Especially,

Actually I would say,

Yeah,

Especially young kids,

Because for moms,

For you to know your energy and how you're interacting with your child,

Like from a very young age,

Infancy is when it's the hardest and when playfulness comes in the most.

I love that.

And I've kind of,

Part of my philosophy is that if you put in this work when your kids are young and this understanding and you build this foundation when they're little,

As they age,

It just gets easier.

Because you've already done the work when they're three,

So when they're 14,

It's already done.

So then you're just continuing this connection that you've already created.

But it's not too late to build it either.

So if you're listening to kids for a few,

You can reshape that relationship back that way in their life.

Yes,

I honestly didn't have a great relationship with my father until I was about 13,

14.

And my dad and I were so close now.

He's such a big part of my support system,

All because we just decided to go in on it and find those disconnects.

Like he was willing,

I appreciate so much that my father was willing to show up when I'm this weird spiritual woman going through like healing and hypnosis and I'm talking about human design.

My dad has no idea about any of this,

You know?

But he was so willing to show up and be there for me.

And that's really all it takes.

I mean,

You could be 30 for like parents listening.

They can heal their relationships with their parents.

I love that,

I love that.

Oh,

That's so good.

And I think that's something that we forget to talk about because once we become adults,

Sometimes we can feel like we're abandoned by our parents and all of this stuff.

And you know what?

I bet if you even added in some playfulness there,

That could even help shift that relationship.

So I love it.

And Cassie,

How can people contact you?

It's a great question.

I think the best way is through Facebook.

Or my Instagram,

But Facebook is primarily where I work with clients because then they get those yummy voice messages and they're there to communicate with me.

I love that.

And how would they find you on Facebook?

Oh,

So my name on there is Cassandra Levine.

I'm sure it'll be spelled out in the information of this.

So they can look me up on there.

It's a picture of me in a tree.

Awesome.

And can you share your Instagram handle as well?

Yeah,

In my Instagram,

I'm on Instagram.

And my Instagram is Cass Elise,

C-A-S-S-E-L-Y-S-E.

And I love it because that is what my dad used to call me when I was in trouble.

Oh,

I love it.

Yeah,

I got this hybrid first name,

Middle name situation.

So I fully embraced that in my life.

I love it.

And last question,

What is a piece of advice that you've received that you often go to in the back of your mind?

Like in the back of your mind,

It's kind of just there waiting for you anytime you need it.

I'm safe,

I'm supported,

I choose to be here.

That's wonderful.

Cassie,

I have enjoyed this time with you so much.

I loved your tips.

I feel like I could talk to you for hours and hours and hours about all of this stuff.

It's so good.

And I think it's actually practical and people can start applying it today.

Do you know what I mean?

And you know what,

Parents?

If you're listening and you don't practice playfulness,

You're gonna feel weird,

You're gonna feel silly.

At first self-conscious,

You're gonna be like,

Oh my gosh,

What am I doing?

I look like a silly person right now.

And you're supposed to like,

If you're feeling awkward,

You know you're nailing it.

Like just lean into it and trust it because it is going to add so much goodness to your life.

And you're gonna think,

Why didn't I do this before?

But instead of staying there,

Just remind yourself,

I'm doing it now.

So Cassie,

Thank you so much for joining me today.

I loved this and I hope to stay connected with you.

And this was phenomenal.

Thank you.

Thank you,

Same.

This was so much fun.

Thanks for listening to today's episode.

Remember,

You're welcome to download,

Share and subscribe.

As always,

You can connect with me through Instagram at BeautifullyChanged or through my blog at BeautifullyChanged.

Com.

I'm sending so much love and positivity your way.

Remember,

You are enough,

The world needs you and you make a positive difference.

Now go out there and create your best life.

Bye.