Meditation On Weathering The Storm With Constant Compassion

Join Venerable Sangye Khadro in a meditation on understanding others who may be distrustful or have fear of compassion, inspired by the book “An Open-Hearted Life.”

Many of us have had the experience of trying to help a person or animal who did not respond to our gesture in the way we expected. The person or animal receiving help may have even seemed timid or fearful. Utilizing understanding, patience and consistent compassion, we can connect with those experiencing fear when they are ready.

Note: This meditation is from a monthly event called Sharing the Dharma Day.

Transcript

So welcome,

Everyone.

There'll be a period of silent meditation.

I'll give some instruction on basic breathing meditation,

Meditation on the breath.

And then we can do that for about 10 minutes.

Then there'll be a guided meditation.

This is a kind of practice we do in the Tibetan tradition of reflection or contemplation on different topics from the teachings.

And the theme today will be the theme of last month's Sharing the Dharma talk,

The talk that Venerable Chodron gave,

Which was,

She's going through this book called An Open-Hearted Life.

Anyway,

It's all about compassion.

And it was written by Venerable Chodron along with a Western psychologist,

Russell Colts.

And so the theme for last month's talk was fear of compassion.

So this is something we ourselves may sometimes experience,

But it may also be experienced by people we are trying to help.

For example,

If you're a teacher,

Your students may have this.

If you're a therapist,

A counselor,

Then you may notice it in your patients.

So fear of compassion can happen if somebody has had a bad experience in the past where they opened up to and were close to somebody that they trusted and then they were hurt.

So when we are hurt by someone that we trust,

That can cause us to close down and find it difficult to feel open and trusting of anyone else.

So due to fear of compassion,

Then it may be difficult for us to help people that we want to help.

We can also see it in animals.

We have a lot of wild animals in this area.

As Buddhists,

We don't kill,

And we have compassion for all living beings,

So we try to help them,

We try to give them food and so on,

But we can see that they're very fearful of us.

And this is because of unpleasant encounters with other human beings in the past who may have tried to harm them.

So when we do experience this,

When we do encounter this with people or beings that we're trying to help,

It can be quite challenging.

It's like we want to help them,

But they are afraid of us,

And so that becomes an obstacle to being able to help them.

So there are things we can do about this,

Things we can do,

Like qualities we can bring to this kind of situation,

Like patience,

But also understanding where the other person is at,

And then just having more compassion.

So these are qualities that can help us in those kinds of situations.

So we'll do a reflection on that particular theme,

How to deal with fear of compassion,

How to overcome it in ourselves,

But also in others.

Okay,

Let's start by making ourselves comfortable.

So sit in a position that is both comfortable but also conducive for meditation.

So that means trying to sit with your back straight,

If that's possible,

But at the same time,

Let your shoulders relax and let the whole of your body relax.

If there's tension anywhere in your body,

Imagine it melting and flowing out of you,

Sinking into the earth below,

Leaving your body as light,

Relaxed,

And free of tension as possible.

And let your breathing be natural.

Don't try to control your breathing or force yourself to breathe in some different way.

Our bodies know how to breathe on their own,

So just let go of any sense of controlling and let your body breathe as it normally does,

As it needs to,

And let your mind relax.

There may be thoughts in your mind left over from what you were doing earlier today or yesterday or any time in the past,

So let go of all thoughts of the past.

The past is over and it's not going to happen again,

So we can just let it go,

Put it aside.

And also let go of any thoughts of the future,

What you're going to do later today,

Tonight,

Tomorrow,

Next week,

And so on.

We don't know what's going to happen in the future.

We do sometimes need to make plans and think about the future,

But not all the time,

Especially when we're trying to meditate.

Best to keep our mind right here in the present,

Present moment and present place.

Put aside all thoughts of the past and the future and just be in the present.

And you can think about how fortunate we are just to be alive.

And it's a beautiful day,

The sun is shining,

It's a peaceful place,

There's nothing around us right now to be afraid of,

To be worried about,

So try to have a feeling of being safe here,

Safe and comfortable amongst kind people,

Friendly people,

People who care about you and aren't going to hurt you.

And in our tradition,

We also try to generate a positive motivation for the things that we do,

Especially when it comes to spiritual things like meditation,

Listening to teachings,

Studying,

And so on.

So the best motivation we could have is altruism.

We,

Which means caring about others,

Wanting to help others as much as we can,

Help them be free of their problems,

Their pain,

Help them to have greater happiness and peace.

So you could think,

For example,

That you're here doing this meditation so that you can become more beneficial for others,

More helpful for others,

Have greater knowledge and skills you can bring to your relationships with others,

Your interactions with others,

So you can be a better person and be able to help them be happy and peaceful and help them overcome their problems.

So just take a few moments to bring into your mind some kind of thought like that,

Like,

May this meditation help me to help others and make the world a better place.

So then we'll have about 10 minutes of silence.

If you already know a meditation practice that you would like to do,

Feel free to do that.

And if you're new to meditation,

Then a relatively easy practice is meditation on the breathing.

So this means just letting your breath flow in and out in a natural way,

Not trying to control it or interfere with it,

But then putting your mind on the breathing,

Meaning paying attention to the breath coming in and going out.

So you use the breath as a focal object,

An object to focus on.

And one way you can do that is to count your breaths.

So you say to yourself,

Breathing in,

Breathing out,

One,

Breathing in,

Breathing out,

Two,

And keep counting up to five,

Five breaths,

And then go back to one.

If you're more experienced with the practice,

You could go up to 10 and then start again at one.

So you keep counting in rounds of five or 10 breaths.

And anytime you notice that your mind has wandered away from the breath,

Then let go of whatever it is you were thinking about,

That other thought or sound that you hear,

To leave that aside and come back to the breath.

And even if you have to do this again and again,

Coming back to your breathing,

It's fine,

It's okay.

This is how we learn to keep our mind more focused,

More concentrated.

And if you notice a lot of thoughts in your mind,

Don't worry about that,

It's normal.

But thoughts are like clouds in the sky.

They're not solid,

They're not permanent,

They're not always there,

They come and go.

So we can learn to just notice thoughts,

Understand that they just come and go in our mind and let go of them without being bothered by them.

So see if you can do that and just keep bringing your awareness back to the breath again and again.

So then next we'll do an analytical meditation,

Or it could also be called reflection or contemplation.

And this involves thinking,

But focused thinking,

Not just letting our mind think about anything,

But we use our ability to think,

To reason,

To understand in order to help our mind see things in a more realistic way and in a more positive way,

Rather than being mistaken and deluded and confused.

So again,

The theme of this meditation is looking at fear of compassion,

Trying to understand what that is,

How it works,

And how we can bring wisdom to deal with this problem.

So see if you can recall a time when you tried to show kindness and compassion to another person or another being,

Like an animal,

And that other person or being responded with fear,

Suspicion,

Like they didn't trust you,

They didn't open up and be grateful for the help you were trying to give them,

And instead they seemed to be afraid and suspicious,

Mistrustful.

And maybe even aggressive,

They may have even responded with aggressiveness.

So see if you can recall such an experience that you had in the past.

And then look at how you felt when that happened,

When your attempts to reach out to and show kindness and compassion to this other person were met with fear and suspicion,

And maybe even aggressiveness.

So what happened in your mind in that situation?

For example,

Probably surprise,

And maybe you felt hurt,

Maybe you felt angry at the other for not responding in the way you wanted them to.

Just check what went on in your mind.

So if we do have any of those ways of responding,

Then if we're not careful,

This could lead us to giving up our wish to reach out and help this other person.

We might think,

Well,

I tried to help you,

But you didn't accept my help,

So forget it,

I'm not going to help you anymore.

So that wouldn't be ideal,

Because that isn't a very compassionate way of responding.

So it can be helpful to understand why we reacted that way.

It could be because we had expectations.

We expected the other person or being to show gratitude,

Appreciation,

Joy,

And affection towards us.

Those are reactions that are kind of very pleasing for us.

So we may have expected those reactions in the other person or being and when we didn't get them,

Then we may have felt this disappointment,

This unhappiness,

And maybe the wish to not try to help them anymore.

So just check if that's the case,

That maybe you had these expectations,

And when they weren't met,

Then you responded in that way.

It's also good to check,

Is it fair to have such expectations of someone you're trying to help?

Is it fair to expect that they respond in the way you want them to respond?

And maybe if you look behind such expectations,

You might find ego,

Self-centeredness,

Ego,

Self-centeredness,

And attachment,

Wanting a certain kind of response from others that makes you feel good.

So if you do notice the ego,

Self-centeredness,

Attachment involved,

It's normal,

Because we are ordinary beings who do still have those qualities.

It's hard to be free of them.

But ideally,

When we try to help others,

We do so with unselfish,

Unconditional love and compassion,

Really focused on the other person,

The other being,

And wanting what's best for them rather than getting something out of it for ourselves.

So let's see if we can bring wisdom to this situation.

So focus again on the other person or being,

And think about how if they show fear of compassion,

It could be because in the past they were hurt.

They were hurt by other people,

And so they're fearful of being hurt again if they open up and trust someone like yourself.

And this might be something you yourself experienced in the past.

See if you can remember if you were in an intimate relationship with someone,

You trusted someone,

And then that person hurt you,

And as a result of that,

You were afraid of opening up to and getting close to others,

Afraid that those people might hurt you as well.

So if you've had that kind of experience,

Then you can understand why this person or being you're trying to help is reacting that way.

They're just afraid.

They're trying to protect themselves from being hurt again.

And so the best way to help them in that situation is to be very patient and not try to push them to trust you before they're ready to.

Instead,

They need time.

They need time to learn that you do have good intentions,

That you only want to help them and don't want to harm them.

So that means you have to be consistent in your friendliness,

Kindness,

And compassion towards them and not become impatient with them.

So the book says we must be willing to patiently weather the storms,

The difficulties we encounter in trying to help this person,

And we need to send a constant message of compassion,

As if to say,

I am here for you.

You are worth caring about.

I will not hurt you.

I will wait patiently and will be here when you are ready.

So just for the last couple of minutes,

Contemplate these points and think about how you can bring them into your relationships and your interactions with others so that you can show consistency in your kindness and compassion that will help you win the trust of those who are afraid of compassion.

Reviews

What a profound practice, yet guided with simplicity and humility. Thank you 🙏
May you be happy and have the causes of happiness.
May you be free of suffering and its causes.