Compassion For Our Enemies

Venerable Sangye Khadro leads a meditation on cultivating compassion for those who harm us or hold different views from us. After all, no one wakes up thinking, "What a lovely day, let's go hurt someone." By cultivating compassion for our enemies, we release ourselves and them from the prison of anger.

Transcript

Before we do the meditation,

We'll make sure we have a positive motivation,

So I'll lead a little guided meditation on that,

To have a good motivation for engaging in what we're doing today,

And then we'll do the meditation.

So whatever we do,

It's good to try to have a positive motivation,

An altruistic motivation,

Which means the wish to benefit others as much as we can,

And even if we're not able to benefit them,

At least try not to harm them.

And on top of that,

If we've heard about awakening,

The state of Buddha,

Buddhahood,

And that we have the ability,

The potential to attain that state,

And feel inspired by that,

We feel,

Yeah,

That's what I would like to do,

Then we can bring that into our motivation as well.

However,

Attaining Buddhahood isn't just for ourselves.

Of course,

We will benefit if we become Buddhas,

We'll be free of all suffering,

And all our good qualities and happiness and joy will be at the highest possible level.

But the real purpose of becoming a Buddha is so that we can benefit others,

And help them be free of suffering and the causes of suffering,

Like the afflictions in the mind and karma and so on,

And help them actualize their potential,

Because everybody is a potential Buddha,

Everyone has the ability to become a Buddha.

So the real purpose of oneself becoming a Buddha is to help everybody else do the same.

So if you've heard about that and you feel comfortable with it and you can bring that into your mind as your motivation for what we're doing here this morning,

Then that's really excellent.

If you're not so familiar with the idea of becoming a Buddha,

Or you're not quite sure if that's what you can do or what you want to do,

That's fine.

It usually takes a while before we do get familiar with that.

So you don't have to think that is your reason,

That's your motivation,

But try to at least have some sense of wanting to benefit others.

For example,

You could think,

I'm here participating in this session,

Session of meditation and teaching because I want to help others.

I want to do good for the world,

For other people and other beings.

So I want to learn things that will enable me to be more helpful to others,

To benefit the world.

So you can do that in your own words,

But bring into your mind some sense of wanting to do good,

Wanting to help,

Wanting to be of benefit.

And think that that's your reason,

Your motivation for being here and participating in this session.

So with the meditation period,

We'll spend the first 15 minutes or so just sitting quietly and you can use the breath to focus your mind and bring your mind back to the breath when it wanders away.

So in this way training the mind to be more focused and calm,

Concentrated.

But before we begin that,

Let's check our position of sitting,

Sitting position and try to make sure we're in a good position but also relaxed.

So when we meditate,

The most important thing is keeping our back straight because that enables the mind to be most clear and focused,

Concentrated.

So unless you have some injury or disability that prevents you from having a straight back,

Then try to sit up straight.

If you're sitting in a chair,

Have your feet flat on the floor.

If you're sitting cross-legged,

Just have your legs crossed in whatever way is most comfortable for you so you don't have to move too much during this meditation time.

And you can have your eyes closed all the way or left open a little bit,

Looking down.

That way there's some light coming into your eyes which can help you to stay awake,

Not fall asleep.

So let your body relax in this position.

Let your shoulders relax,

Your back,

Your torso,

All the internal organs,

Muscles.

So if there is any tension anywhere in your body,

You can imagine it melting and flowing away,

Flowing out of you,

Sinking into the ground below.

And check your breathing.

When we meditate,

The ideal way of breathing is through the nose rather than the mouth unless your nose is blocked up and of course you have to breathe through your mouth,

But better to breathe through the nostrils so your mouth can be closed,

Tip of the tongue touching the roof of the mouth behind the upper teeth.

That reduces the flow of saliva they need to swallow.

Let your breathing be a natural rhythm,

Don't try to control or manipulate your breathing,

But allow your body to breathe as it naturally does.

I mean sometimes the breaths might be deeper and longer,

Your body just needs to bring in more air and that's fine.

Sometimes the breaths might be shorter and slower and that's fine too.

So just allow the body to breathe as it needs to.

And then with your mind,

With your awareness,

Pay attention or be aware of the breath as it's coming in and going out.

There's several ways of doing that.

One is to be aware of the sensations around the nostrils or on the upper lip where the breath is coming in and going out of the body.

Another way people use is the movement of the abdomen in and out.

There's a gentle movement in and out with each breath.

So you can find your own way of watching the breath,

Whatever works best for you,

Wherever you can feel it most easily,

Comfortably.

But the important thing is to stay with the breath,

Which is of course hard to do because by nature our mind is always jumping here and there from one thought to another,

Past,

The future,

Other places,

People,

Problems,

Plans.

So these kind of thoughts will most probably come up in your mind as you're trying to watch your breath,

So don't be surprised or upset about that.

Just know that it's natural.

But the thing to do is notice that the thoughts are there,

But then don't follow them,

Don't get caught up in them,

Carried away by them.

Instead,

Just let them go and come back to the breath.

Thoughts are like clouds in the sky.

They're not permanent.

They come and go by themselves.

We don't even have to push them away.

So if you just don't get caught up in them and give them fuel,

Give them energy,

They will just go away,

Pass by themselves.

Just notice the thoughts,

Let them go,

And keep coming back to the breath.

And know that they're all,

Keeping everyone in their range in the body are almost your.

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Just observe what kind of thoughts and feelings arise in your mind.

But try not to get caught up in the story,

The narrative that your mind has about this person.

Like,

Oh,

What did they do to you or to other people you care about,

What kind of attitudes they have,

And so on.

That whole narrative.

Instead,

Take a step back from your thoughts and feelings so that you can observe them objectively.

And just check what is your mind saying about this person.

For example,

Does your mind blame this person for your feelings of unhappiness and discomfort?

Does it say,

Oh,

If only that person wasn't there and if only they weren't doing what they were doing,

Everything would be okay.

I would be happy,

Peaceful,

Comfortable.

I wouldn't have these bad feelings.

These bad feelings in my mind are their fault.

They make me feel this way.

Just check if that's the way you see this person and the thoughts and feelings you have towards them.

And if that was the case,

Everyone else would feel the same way you do.

Everyone would be unhappy and uncomfortable with this person.

But if you pay attention,

You might notice that there are people who like this person,

Who seem to be happy and comfortable in their presence and don't feel the same way you do.

So that means it's got something to do with our mind,

What happens inside of our own mind.

So when we do have negative thoughts and feelings towards another person,

That makes it very hard to have positive thoughts and feelings like loving-kindness and compassion,

Friendliness,

The wish to help them if they need help.

So if we do want to have those positive feelings,

We need to deal with the negative ones.

They're in the way.

They're like blocking,

Hindering the positive feelings.

So just ask yourself if that's something you would like to do.

Would you like to work on your mind so that you're free of those negative thoughts and feelings and there's space in your mind to have positive thoughts and feelings so you actually feel comfortable with this person and like this person?

Let's look at some ways we can try to work on that.

First of all,

Contemplate that this person is basically just like you.

It's another human being with a body and a mind,

Thoughts and feelings.

And deep down inside,

They have the wish to be happy,

To have peace,

Satisfaction,

To fulfill their needs and wishes,

And they wish not to suffer,

Not to have any problems or difficulties.

So just as you feel that way and everyone,

Every being feels that way,

The same is true for this person.

And that wish in their mind is probably what drives everything they do.

Their behavior,

Their attitudes,

Their way of talking and so on is just their own way of trying to find happiness and trying to avoid problems as they understand it.

So even if what they're doing,

The way they're behaving seems bizarre or downright wrong to us,

They probably have their own reasons for behaving that way.

It arises according to the conditioning that they've experienced in their life,

With their parents,

Their family,

Their schooling,

The experiences they've had,

Interactions with other people.

So there have been many,

Many causes and conditions affecting them leading them to be the way they are.

They might even believe that what they're doing is the right thing and not recognize that they may be creating suffering for themselves and for others.

And here we can contemplate the Buddhist explanation of samsara,

How all of us are in this very imperfect situation of samsara,

A cyclic existence due to karma created in past lives and due to afflictives,

Thoughts and emotions in our mind,

Especially ignorance about the true nature of things,

Greed or attachment,

Craving,

Anger,

Hatred,

Irritation.

So we have all these factors within us,

Karma and afflictions,

That we have no choice over,

No control over.

They are driving us.

As long as they are in our mind,

Then we're confused and we often head in the wrong direction towards more suffering rather than towards genuine peace and happiness.

Just check if that might be the case with this person.

But this doesn't mean condoning the person's behavior.

If they are doing things that are harmful,

We can certainly take a stand on that.

But it's better to mentally separate the person and their behavior and attitudes and we can blame harmful behavior and attitudes but still have an open heart towards the person,

Not condemn them.

So as Mother Teresa put it so simply and beautifully,

There are no bad people.

There are only good people who do bad things.

So after contemplating these ideas,

See if your mind might be softer,

More open,

More ready to try feeling compassion for the person.

So understand they're not really happy and everything going well in their life.

They have suffering,

They have problems,

Physical and mental,

Emotional,

Relationship problems.

And there could be a lot of confusion in their minds.

So now try saying to yourself how nice it would be,

How wonderful it would be,

If this person and everyone else could be free of all these different kinds of problems,

Physical suffering,

Mental suffering.

Just say that to yourself and you can use your own words,

Words that feel right to you,

But just repeat several times some kind of phrase about wishing this person to be free of their suffering and their problems.

And then see if you can open your heart and feel that way about everyone else,

All beings,

Human and non-human,

May they all be free of their suffering and problems.

Let's just do a mental dedication of the positive energy,

The merit,

From doing this meditation.

So by this merit,

May it help us get closer to enlightenment,

Buddhahood,

With all the qualities of a Buddha so that we can fulfill what we just wished for,

Helping all sentient beings be free of suffering and the causes of suffering.

Thank you.

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