Working With Anger & Developing Compassion

Venerable Thubten Chodron leads an analytic meditation on how to work with anger and cultivate compassion for those we find difficult, understanding that others would not cause us to suffer if they were not suffering themselves.

Transcript

This would be a meditation on working with anger and developing compassion.

Personally,

When they talk about this topic,

They recommend starting with developing love and compassion for people that you're not attached to,

Not angry with,

Who are not strangers,

But people who you respect and you wish something well for them.

But personally speaking,

I find it much more effective to start with the difficult people,

Maybe because I'm a difficult person too.

But I like to start meditating on forgiveness,

Fortitude to overcome anger and compassion to change my mind,

My attitude towards somebody.

I like to start with the people I have the most difficulty with because there the meditation really has a strong effect.

And you have to do it again and again and again.

It's not just a question of doing it once.

We have to do it many times.

Okay.

So come back to your breath for a moment or two,

Let the mind settle.

Then begin by thinking of somebody who you really don't like.

It could be somebody you know who has harmed you directly.

It could be somebody you don't know,

Maybe a politician or a CEO,

Or it could be somebody you met briefly,

Somebody you went for a job interview with who didn't hire you,

Somebody who charged you too much at a store.

Just think of somebody that really drives you crazy when you think of them.

So much so that when the image of their face comes to our mind or we hear their voice,

Oh,

The anger starts bubbling.

We may not express the anger,

Maybe inside,

But definitely the mind is upset.

Now think of,

Remember that the person who you're imagining right now in front of you who has harmed you so much or you disagree with so strongly,

Remember that they always haven't been who they are now.

In other words,

They were once a baby in this life.

So imagine that person when they were a baby,

And we always think babies are cute.

And we always just rejoice when babies smile,

When they take their first step,

When they say their first word.

And remember that that person that you can't stand was once an adorable baby.

Imagine them like that.

And then that baby grew up and had so many different experiences.

And they picked up certain ways of doing things,

Certain attitudes,

Certain behavior from their family and from the group they grew up in,

The community they grew up in,

Even from the country and the culture where they were raised.

So imagine being that person and think of what are the factors that you encountered as you were growing up that shaped you and how you believe,

How you think.

So remember that we are conditioned beings.

We are influenced by our family,

By our environment,

By our culture.

And so imagine being that person growing up in that family,

In that culture,

In that country,

In that group,

And how would you have learned to think?

What kind of personality characteristics would you have developed?

What kind of beliefs would you have if you had grown up as that person had grown up?

Just think about that.

So really see that person as somebody who's a conditioned being,

Conditioned by tendencies they brought in from the previous life,

Conditioned by how they grew up,

The environment they grew up in.

And when we understand all that conditioning,

We see that the way that person thinks,

The way they act is something conditioned.

It's not their essence.

It's not who they are.

And furthermore,

Just like us,

They think that their conceptions,

Their views,

Their emotions are the correct ones,

Are the right ones.

So they're just like us in that way,

Even though we may have different beliefs or views.

But the underlying thing of my vision of how the world is,

Is the best one.

That we share with them,

Even if our visions are different.

And recall too that that person may not even be aware of their own conditioning,

Aware of their own emotional patterns,

Aware of their own misconceptions,

Just as we very often are unaware of ours.

So that person is controlled by their ignorance,

Controlled by their distorted conceptions,

Controlled by their disturbing emotions,

With very little self-awareness.

And so naturally,

They do things that are harmful.

But beneath all of that,

They're just a living being who wants to be happy and not suffer.

That's the bottom line.

All this other stuff,

What they say,

What they do,

That's superficial.

See at the end of the day,

They're just a confused sentient being,

Just like us,

Who wants to be happy and doesn't want to suffer.

And in that way,

All of us are the same.

And we're all dealing with confused minds,

A confused world,

Just trying to be happy and not suffer.

So really let it sink into your heart that that's really what that other person is all about.

And in that way,

We're also very similar.

We can understand them.

Their wish for happiness and no suffering is something we can really identify with.

So contemplate that.

And as you do that,

Let the anger subside.

Let your judgments,

Your offense,

Your rage at the other person's actions or words,

Let all of that just subside.

Just get in touch with,

Yeah,

They just want to be happy and not suffer.

And in their confusion about how to do that,

They're doing things that are harmful.

So really contemplate that.

Let that sink in your heart.

And then let your heart really open in compassion for them.

Compassion is the wish that living beings be free of suffering and misery,

All unsatisfactory conditions.

So generate that wish for them that they may be free of that whole constellation of wrong views and ignorance and uncontrolled emotions and so on that are afflicting them.

Wish them to be free of that.

May they have a peaceful,

Content mind.

May they be free of their own tendencies to harm others or oppress others.

May they too develop love and compassion for others,

Just as we're trying to develop love and compassion for others.

Because that person really is an object of our compassion.

So extend your compassion towards them.

Forgive them for what they've done.

You don't need to forget it,

But you can forgive,

Which means that we stop being angry.

And instead,

Wish them well.

And well means that they are free from all that corrosive conditioning they received when they were young.

That they're free from ignorance,

From distorted conceptions,

From disturbing emotions.

And that they can develop their good qualities and use their good qualities to benefit the world.

May that come about for that person.

Maybe they're not all the same.

Maybe they're all different,

They're very different.

So for a moment,

Let's dedicate the merit that we created.

You can imagine that as the light at your heart and share the merit,

Share the influence of what we've done together today with all living beings in the universe.

You can think that that light radiates from your heart and touches all the living beings,

Bringing them freedom,

Bringing them peace.

So that may the fruits of our actions ripen in terms of the liberation and full awakening of each and every living being.

Then let us be the people of these Illinois Americans who cannot be isolated.

Reviews

Meditazione estremamente potente. Grazie ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

Thank you

Beautiful. What a great way to self reflect and at the same time have loving kindness towards others. She is so relatable

Beautiful

❣❣❣❣😊😊😍👍👍👍👍

Just what was needed.

Very good.

I love this💘 you had me smiling before the meditation actually started… “I like to start with the difficult people, maybe because I’m a difficult person too“

It lifted my anger immediately because aren’t we all difficulty in so many ways. So many wrong views and perceptions. So many veils of separation. Thank you so much for this profound message dear one💘 it truly helped and yes… veils will fall back before my eyes again so I’ll have to repeat this one more often but that’s just perfect. This will help time and time again🙏🏻

In a time where war is on the front of every newspaper, so many faces pop up that I can’t stand. I needed this.

I liked the unconventional path of leaning into the most difficult person in my life where anger continues to linger. It was extremely helpful 🙏🏻

Therapy for healing the soul

We started as cute babies 👶🏻
We all want the same things. This helps forgiveness come easily ☀️ 🙏🏻ty

I love to hear your lessons!

Brilliant

This really helped me shift my attitude and calm down so I could sleep. Very useful practice.

Just what I needed to hear. I knew I would feel better after hearing this. Thank you.

Thank you Venerable. Grateful for this practice and the opportunity to reflect in the grace of your wisdom. Sending good wishes.

Wow this is so simple and basic but such a valuable practice - thank you for delivering it in such a clear and practical way.

Thanks for posting. Needed.