We're going to talk about immeasurable equanimity today,
And I want to guide you through a little meditation so you can see how the lack of equanimity occurs in your mind.
And here,
The equanimity we're looking at is to see friends and enemies as equal,
In wanting happiness and not wanting suffering.
And I always like to include strangers as well,
Because we tend to have attachment to friends,
Apathy to strangers,
And animosity towards enemies.
And here,
Enemies just means somebody you don't get along with,
Yeah,
Somebody you don't like,
Somebody who threatens you,
Who you don't feel comfortable around.
Okay,
So come back to your breath for a moment,
Let the mind settle.
Now,
Think of three specific people.
Somebody who is a very dear one to you,
It could be a friend or a relative,
Somebody that you want to be around.
The second person is a stranger,
Could be somebody at the grocery store,
Somebody you pass by on the street.
And the third person is somebody you don't get along with,
Who you don't like.
So,
Come back to the friend,
The person that you're very attached to,
And just ask yourself,
Why am I so attached to that person?
What is it that makes me attached to them?
There's no right or wrong answer,
Just ask yourself that question and see what your mind responds.
Now,
Look at the stranger and ask yourself,
Why don't I care about this person?
Why am I apathetic towards them and their experiences?
And then look at the enemy,
The person you don't like,
And again ask yourself,
Why do I have so much anger,
Resentment,
Jealousy,
Negative feelings towards that person?
Again,
There's no right or wrong answer,
Just see what your mind responds.
Okay,
So come out of your meditation.
Now,
Let's reflect on the answers that your mind responded to those questions.
So,
Why are you attached to your friends?
It usually has something to do with,
They're nice to me,
We have similar values,
We get along well,
They give me presents,
They take my side when there's conflicts,
We have the same opinions about things,
Right?
Okay,
Then look at the stranger.
Why don't we care about that person?
Well,
We don't know them,
They don't affect us one way or the other,
They don't help us,
They don't harm us,
They're just in the streets,
In the way,
And we have to navigate ourselves around them.
But other than that,
We don't really care much because they don't affect us.
Okay,
Then if we look at the person we don't get along with,
Why don't we like them?
They're bossy,
They criticize me,
They point out my mistakes,
They interrupt me when I'm speaking,
They don't agree with my ideas,
Yeah,
They get in the way of me getting what I want,
Basically.
Right?
Okay,
Now,
When you look over those three answers to three different questions,
What word or words do you keep hearing again and again?
You got it,
It's me and I.
Okay,
So what makes somebody a friend,
Enemy,
Or stranger?
It has to do with how they affect me.
Yeah,
And I think that if they affect me well,
Then they,
From their side,
Are a good person.
Like,
It has nothing to do with me,
My opinion,
But if they're good to me,
They must be a good person.
If they don't influence me one way or another,
Then they're a neutral person from their side,
Not because of my mind.
And if I don't like them,
That's because they're an awful person.
Again,
They have awful qualities from their own side.
Hmm,
How interesting.
Now,
We're evaluating everybody in terms of me,
I,
My,
And mine.
Yeah,
Why?
Because just coincidentally,
I happen to be the center of the universe,
And the most important one.
And I know all the criteria for who is a good person,
Who is a neutral person,
And who is an awful jerk.
Okay,
Now,
That sounds really great on the surface of things,
Right?
But let's scratch the surface a little bit.
So,
If somebody has a really good quality,
Let's say they're very generous,
Yeah,
And they're generous to me,
Then they are a good person,
Right?
If they're generous to somebody I don't like and I don't approve of,
Are they still a good person?
If they're helping my enemy,
No,
They are no longer a good person.
They are going into the enemy category,
Even though when they show that quality of generosity to me,
They're a good person.
But when they show that same quality to somebody I don't like,
Then they're bad,
Right?
Okay,
Now,
How about somebody who you absolutely don't like,
You can't stand,
But you meet them when in a totally different situation.
Let's say you're traveling in a foreign country and you bump into that person.
You don't know the language of that country,
But let's say your enemy does.
Would you maybe want to travel with that enemy,
Yeah,
Or tag along with them or make friends with them because they know the language and they can help look after your luggage and you can help look after their luggage?
Yeah,
You might change your feelings about them.
So that enemy,
The person you don't like,
Who you thought was a horrible person from their own side,
Now becomes a good person because they can help you.
And the person that you loved,
Who you thought was wonderful,
When they help your enemy or somebody else who interferes with your happiness,
Then they become an awful person.
And the neutral person can become a friend or can become an enemy at any moment depending on how they affect us.
Does something seem a little bit fishy?
Yeah,
Like,
Uh,
I keep thinking people have good,
Bad,
Or neutral qualities from their side,
But that's not actually it.
It depends on how they relate to me,
Center of the universe.
Okay,
So is that fair?
Is that a fair way to evaluate other people just on the basis of how they relate to me?
That's not very fair,
Is it?
Yeah,
Because one person can have both good qualities and not so desirable qualities,
And everybody is actually kind of equal in that respect,
Aren't they?
Except the Aryabodhisattvas and the Buddhas.
But the rest of us ordinary beings,
Yeah,
How we act towards somebody is dependent on our mood and whether they help or harm us,
And how they treat us is dependent on their mood and whether we help or harm them.
So everything is very,
Very subjective,
Isn't it?
Yeah,
But we don't realize that all of this is subjective.
Instead,
We think that people are good or bad from their own side,
But they aren't.
Yeah,
And so the person we think is great can become an enemy.
The person we think is an enemy in a different circumstance becomes a friend.
Both a friend and an enemy can become strangers.
We lose touch with them over time.
Similarly,
Strangers,
When we encounter them in one situation,
They can become a friend or they may become an enemy over little things.
But again,
All these things are just subjective,
Yeah,
And that we see it's not very fair to think that somebody is a great person or a horrible person just on the basis of how they treat us,
Yeah,
Because other people see good qualities in the person we don't like,
And other people see bad qualities in the person we think is fantastic.
So our conclusion is,
What is the use of dividing people into friends,
Enemies,
And strangers?
Why not have an open-hearted attitude that,
You know,
Cares about everybody?
So try that on,
Yeah,
And whenever you look at anybody,
Instead of thinking they're good,
Bad,
Attractive,
Unattractive,
Neutral,
These kinds of judgments,
Just think this is somebody who wants happiness and doesn't want suffering.
They're all equal in that way.
Okay?
So,
Happy equanimity.
