Free Yourself From Jealousy

Venerable Thubten Chodron gives a short talk and guides a meditation on how to overcome the jealous and competitive mind through the practice of rejoicing. By rejoicing in others' good qualities and opportunities, we gain greater peace of mind and a sense of contentment.

Transcript

So I always like to start things out with a little bit of a motivation.

So if we could just kind of lower your eyes for a minute,

Come to your breath.

And then let's think about why are we here?

Why did we choose to do this at this particular time?

What was our natural motivation,

Or spontaneous motivation for deciding to do this,

Spend this thirty minutes together?

And then whatever that motivation was,

Let's try and enlarge it and expand it so that it includes many sentient beings and it goes for a long time.

So let's think that we will listen and share together this evening so that we can learn how to identify our faults and also to learn how to remedy them,

How to counteract them using the methods that the Buddha taught.

And let's do this not simply for our own happiness,

But realizing that we live in an interdependent world and that what we think and say and do affects all other living beings in one way or another.

And let's have the motivation to learn and develop our mind so that we can be of greater and greater benefit to all living beings.

Even being able to attain high levels of the spiritual path,

Not simply for ourselves,

But really for the benefit of each and every living being.

And so with that kind of motivation,

Let's share together and meditate together this evening.

Okay,

So I thought to have the meditation this evening on jealousy and on its antidote rejoicing.

So this is a very uncomfortable topic,

But you know,

Dharma needs to be uncomfortable to our ego because if it isn't,

Then we're not going to change.

And so jealousy is a very unpleasant emotion when it arises in our mind.

It's an attitude and emotion,

A mental state that cannot bear to see the good qualities or the success or the good opportunities of others.

So although we often say,

May all sentient beings have happiness in its causes,

May the world live in peace,

May everybody be happy and well,

Except this one who got promoted when I should have,

That one who stole my boyfriend,

That one who gets more attention from the Dharma teacher than I get,

That one who my parents favor instead of me,

And on and on and on.

Somebody who has more money,

Who's better looking,

Who's more athletic,

You name whatever quality it is,

We can get jealous about it.

And then we just sit inside and then think of how can I destroy that other person's happiness?

Because I should have the happiness,

Not them.

Because I'm most important in the world and I deserve all the happiness,

Not that person.

So that mental state is incredibly painful and it really puts us at odds with other people,

Doesn't it?

Yeah.

Even if you go into work,

If you're jealous of somebody,

You can't look at that person our speech gets contorted.

If we go to a family dinner,

You know,

Whoa,

Jealousy can really come there.

I mean,

Who knows?

It's something to really deal with.

Now the antidote to jealousy is rejoicing,

Which is about the last thing we want to do when we're jealous,

Which is exactly why it's the antidote to jealousy.

Okay?

Because when you have a negative emotion,

The antidote has to be the opposite.

So jealousy wants to deprive somebody of their happiness and take it for ourselves.

Rejoicing wants to feel happy and share in somebody else's happiness.

To rejoice that somebody has this opportunity,

That they have the money or the looks or the attention or whatever it is.

And so to transform our mind,

Which is unhappy about others' success and good qualities,

Into a mind that is happy about their success and their good qualities.

And that mind does not want to compete with them.

Yeah.

So it's not,

Oh,

I rejoice that you have this,

But I'm going to get it next time.

I'm going to do better than you next time.

You know,

I'm glad you have it now,

But I'm going to get you.

Not like that,

But really sincerely rejoicing.

Yeah?

And sharing that happiness.

And they say that this is the lazy person's way to create a lot of merit and good karma.

Because if you rejoice at somebody's virtuous qualities,

Yeah,

Then you create the same merit that they do.

Yeah.

Of course,

If you rejoice at their non-virtuous qualities,

Then you know,

You're digging yourself into a hole there.

Yeah.

But you know,

It's an excellent kind of meditation to do.

Even when you're sick,

Yeah,

You can just lie in bed and rejoice at the goodness and wholesome activities and success and dharma well-being and all these kinds of things of all sorts of various people.

So if you really practice rejoicing well,

Your mind can be very happy and content and content with yourself without having to compete and get one up on somebody else.

So it really helps us develop self-acceptance as well.

Okay.

So let's try some rejoicing.

So during the meditation,

Lower your eyes.

Come back to your breath.

Let the mind settle.

And then begin with thinking of somebody that you're jealous of.

Imagine that person.

And take a minute or two to really be clear in your mind what it is that you're jealous of.

Yeah.

What is their happiness or opportunities or success that you can't bear?

It's just take a minute or two and research this in your own mind.

And then we're gonna set out for the whiskey.

And then go through one by one the different things that you're jealous about regarding that one person.

And with each one of them really say to yourself,

I'm so happy that that person has that quality.

Or I'm so happy that they have that opportunity.

Or how wonderful that they are successful or virtuous or whatever it is.

So have a few minutes of silence and you know really think one by one of the different things that you're jealous of regarding that person.

And with each one,

You know,

Try and think and feel happiness that that person has that opportunity.

Don't let your mind get into the story about how they have it and it's unfair.

Stop that story and just think how wonderful it is,

How happy they must be,

How good it is for the world,

How others benefit from whatever quality or opportunity they have.

Let's do that right now.

Your mind starts picking faults with the other person,

Saying,

Yes I'm happy but they also do.

X,

Y,

And Z.

Shift your mind away from that disturbing thought and tell yourself that I'm just thinking right now about the benefit of that and how wonderful it is that they have that quality or whatever it is.

And so explain it to yourself why that's wonderful and really let your mind be happy.

If your mind starts to compete with the other person,

Saying,

Yes they have that but I do this and that better,

Again shift your mind away from that kind of thought and just focus on the goodness of what that person is doing and feel happy about it.

You then also consider the suffering of the person that you're jealous of.

Now sometimes the very thing that you're jealous about that you wish you had,

In addition to them benefiting from it,

It also brings them certain problems and there are certain disadvantages.

And also in other areas of their life this person certainly has some suffering and difficulties.

So also see that person as another person who's just like you,

Stuck in cyclic existence,

Wanting to be happy,

Not wanting to suffer,

And also cultivate some compassion for them and a real wish that they be free from all the difficulties of cyclic existence,

Even though they've been successful in it,

Still they're exposed to all the difficulties and problems in cyclic existence.

So with a compassionate mind wish them to be free of those.

You you you So let's sit and just rejoice that we spent a half an hour doing something that's very positive,

That we spent a half an hour putting our mind in a good direction and rejoice at the good energy we created,

That everybody who's meditating together with us created,

And let's even rejoice at all the goodness in the world today,

All the people who helped other people or who helped animals.

So just let your heart fill with this kind of rejoicing at the goodness and then let's share all that good energy,

That positive potential.

Let's share it with all living beings.

You can even imagine it as like a light at your heart that radiates out and touches all living beings and pacifies their mind and fills them with satisfaction and fulfillment.

You

Reviews

Wow!! The moment you quoted Metta and then said “”EXCEPT” for this person & that person, that was powerful!!!

i laughed and cried both at the same time. thank you! ❤️

This brought me to tears. Thank you.

Hard but necessary work. Thanks for making this wisdom available as practical exercises

Amazing guidance, meditation, silence and help when dealing with jealousy.

The value in this cannot be described with human language.

🕊️♾️☯️

Honest. Tough. Inspirational. Challenging. Freeing. Thank you from my grateful heart. 🙏🏻

Thanks- this is just what I needed today. I kept feeding my jealousy of a friend. And the toxicity was building and growing inside me. Flipping it around and rejoicing gave me a new healthier perspective. And all that negativity went away.

So beautiful. As I sat here completly enveloped in jealousy and not believing I could be brought out of it…you surprised me. Thank you for your eye opening words ❤️

so precious 🙏✨🙏
...will need a lot of practice for this ;)

Wonderful! Your sincere and honest talk at the beginning was great to get me in the proper mindset. Then in your meditation you allowed for the healing, but with moments of gentle redirection. Thank you 🙏🏼

Difficult. Needs some practice. Felt better though afterwards.

So beautiful and helpful! Thank you!

Really enjoyed this reminder 💕 The ego loves trying to turn on jealousy, but constantly being aware of this & transforming into rejoicing is a much more productive way of channeling our energy ✨ Thank you for this 🙏🏽

Wonderful. This was exactly what I needed. 🙏 thank you 🙏

Lovely, well-founded Dharma teaching

This helped ease my heart today. Many thanks!

thank you very much for shedding light on a shadow of mine I had not yet addressed.

I was dealing with a strong feeling about jealousy and this feeling was taking over me. Without knowing exactly what to do I am started this meditation and felt healed and back to my nature. Thank you 🙏 powerful meditation ♥️ yet simple, humble and human ❣️

Lovely thank you

Jealousy is such a gross feeling, like an imposter. This grounded me and got me thinking in the right way. I feel super calm and so strong. Acceptance and happiness squashed that awful stomach churning jealousy feeling, so well. I can see myself having to come back to this... multiple times!