Cultivating Kindness And Gratitude

Venerable Thubten Chodron leads a guided meditation on appreciating the kindness of others and cultivating a sense of gratitude. She begins with a short meditation on the breath to calm the mind, before leading an analytical meditation to contemplate the kindness of friends, strangers, family, and people whom we find difficult.

Please note: this is a live recording so audio quality may be compromised.

Transcript

So let's begin meditation by focusing on our breath and letting the mind settle down.

So breathe normally and naturally,

Don't force your breath or deep breathe.

Just let your breathing pattern be what it is,

But observe it.

Be aware of the in-breaths and out-breaths.

So you can focus at the belly and be aware of the rise and fall of your belly as you inhale and exhale.

Or focus on the upper lip,

Nostrils,

And be aware of the breath as it passes by those areas.

Distractions come.

Just note them,

But don't make a story about them.

Don't follow them.

Don't get mad at yourself for having them.

Simply note them and then return your mindfulness to the breath.

So while you're observing your breath,

You can also be aware of how it connects you to the rest of the universe.

And you can also be aware of how it's changing in every moment.

It's transient nature.

So by focusing on one object,

In this case the breath,

Then the mind settles down.

That's it.

Good point.

So now we're going to meditate on kindness,

The kindness of others.

And the purpose of this meditation is to realize that we've been the recipient of a tremendous amount of kindness from other living beings.

And by understanding this,

Then naturally we will feel gratitude towards others and we will want to repay their kindness and have an attitude of loving kindness towards them in return.

So when we do this meditation,

The point isn't,

Did others have the intention to benefit us?

The point is that regardless of their intention,

We experience benefits from their actions.

In other words,

The bottom line is that in one way or another,

Their actions have helped us and benefited us.

So when we meditate on kindness and you feel gratitude towards other living beings,

Let your heart open and just feel the gratitude.

Don't feel feelings of obligation towards them or discomfort like you weren't worthy to receive the kindness.

Simply let your heart open and receive the kindness that others have extended to you throughout your life.

So we'll begin with thinking of the kindness from our friends.

And so our friends have helped us in so many ways.

Maybe they help us moving house,

They help us when we're sick,

They encourage us in our projects and listen to us when we have something we want to talk over with them in private.

When we're troubled,

They give us good advice and support.

So spend a moment or two contemplating the kindness you've received from your friends.

As you do this,

Don't let an attitude of attachment or clinging arise towards them.

Simply accept the kindness and let it be.

By making some examples from your own life,

Reflect for a minute or two on the kindness that you've received from your friends and from others who are dear to you.

So our friends encourage us when we're feeling down,

When they point out our faults or our problems,

They do so with understanding and kindness so that we can correct them.

They do many small favors for us in our life and just make our life easier.

And they're fun to be with.

They bring out our good side,

Our fun side and our thoughtful side.

And we're able to share a lot with them and really trust them.

So let's appreciate our friends and not take them for granted and really feel ourselves as the recipient of their kindness and support.

And let our heart open with feelings of gratitude and affection towards them.

Now we consider the kindness of strangers.

So here think about all the people that you don't know but whose efforts enable you to live and to be happy.

So think of all the people and the animals that go into growing our food,

Transporting our food,

Packaging it,

Selling it.

Think of the people who work in the mines and in the iron and steel factories,

Those who produce trucks and trains and planes,

All the vehicles that we depend on to go somewhere,

All the vehicles that transport the food that we eat.

Think of all the people who build the roads that we drive on,

Who work in the middle of the night to repair them.

People who work at the public utilities board so that we have gas and electricity and water,

Things that we so often take for granted.

But we wouldn't have any of these things if it weren't for the work and effort of so many people who we don't even know.

Think of the people who work at the phone company,

People who made your hand phones,

The people who work in the government offices,

Who answer phones at the airlines.

Think of the doctors and the teachers,

All the people that we go to see when we need help.

These are real life people with feelings who want to be happy and don't want to suffer and who do so much for us and our lives are so intertwined and dependent on this that we could barely survive without their help.

And this pertains to people not only in our own country but also internationally.

We don't know the people who made our house,

Where we live,

The flat where we live,

The electricians and architects,

Contractors,

Carpenters,

Engineers,

Construction workers.

So many people who make our home and make the office or factory we work in,

The theaters we go to,

The restaurants we enjoy.

And yet if we see these people on the street we don't know who they are even to say thank you.

They may have opposite political opinions than we do but still we've benefited so much from their lives and from their energy and their work.

It doesn't matter whether they had us in mind particularly when they did their work but the bottom line is that they worked hard and we're receiving the benefit from it.

Think of the people who collect the trash,

The janitors who clean the buildings that you live and work in.

Think of all the people in other countries who make the goods that we use.

They make our clothes,

They make parts of the computers we use,

Parts of the vehicles that we use.

So what are their living conditions?

Are they paid adequately?

Do they have safe conditions to work?

What pain and happiness do they have?

And do we appreciate them when we use the things that they've made with so much effort?

Because without their efforts and their actions we wouldn't have the things that we use in our daily life.

So take many examples from your life and think about this.

Or also take one object in the room where you are and trace back how many living beings were involved in its existence.

How many living beings have we received kindness from?

And again let your heart open in a feeling of gratitude and affection for those beings.

They aren't just impersonal numbers.

They're living beings with feelings,

One happiness who don't want suffering.

Even though we don't know them,

That doesn't mean we shouldn't care about them.

Because our lives are intricately intertwined and dependent with theirs.

So feel their kindness.

Sadhu.

Now,

Think specifically about the kindness of your family.

The fact that as infants we couldn't take care of ourselves,

We couldn't feed or clothe ourselves,

We couldn't even roll over in bed or cover ourselves when we were cold or take the cover off when we were hot.

We're completely dependent on other living beings and they came through for us and took care of us and the proof of that is that we're alive.

If they hadn't taken care of us,

We would have died as infants or toddlers.

So sometimes our parents are the direct caregivers.

Sometimes our parents,

Due to circumstances in their own lives,

Couldn't take care of us.

So they arranged for other people to take care of us.

They wanted us to live,

Even though they couldn't be the ones who helped us at that time in their lives.

So we've received benefit from all those other adults or relatives who may have taken care of us when we were very young.

So think of what you must have been like as an infant,

Even though most of us can't remember that.

All the people who fed us,

Who changed our diapers,

Who picked us up and cuddled us when we cried.

All the times they had to rescue us when we almost fell down a flight of stairs or fell off the edge of the bed or choked on something that we put in our mouths.

Those of you who are parents now know how much it takes to take care of infants and toddlers.

And then think that you've been the recipient of exactly that same care.

Caregivers protected us during that time when we couldn't protect or even take care of ourselves.

And they did so with love,

Whether they were our relatives or other caregivers.

Our parents and caregivers taught us to speak.

We take speaking so much for granted,

But we only have that ability because others taught us.

They were involved in our education,

Sending us to school,

Reminding us to do our homework,

Even when we didn't want to.

Think of our teachers who taught us to read and write,

Again,

Skills that we use on a daily basis.

But we hardly ever think that we have those skills because others taught us.

Caring caregivers were a little bit proud of our knowledge or our abilities,

But actually our knowledge all comes from other people.

Our abilities came because other people taught us how to use them and encouraged us to use them.

So whatever we may tend to feel a little bit conceited as adults,

Actually it depends on the kindness of others.

And it's important that we remember that.

There may have been things that happened in our family that were unpleasant or things that happened in the school system that were not helpful to us.

But we have to remember that the people in our families and in the schools were doing the best they could given the situation they were in.

We may have wanted them to be different,

But they were struggling with their own situation and they really did the best they could.

So we have to appreciate that.

And also appreciate that when we were children we may not have been the easiest people to be with.

We may not have been the most cooperative living beings around.

So our parents and teachers had to discipline us.

They had to teach us manners,

Teach us how to get along with other beings.

And even though we didn't like the discipline,

Somehow it taught us how to function with other people in society and the importance of being aware of and sensitive to others' needs and concerns.

So we learned this from our parents,

Our family,

Our teachers.

And despite whatever painful things may have happened in our childhood or things that did not go well,

The fact still remains that we received tremendous kindness from others.

So let's open our hearts and feel that gratitude and affection for them in return.

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And then let's contemplate the benefit we've received even from the people who have harmed us,

The people who threaten us,

The people who we feel insecure around,

The people we're jealous of.

And at first we may think those people have harmed me,

They couldn't have benefited me.

But if you look at the relationship and the situation in a different way,

We see that despite the difficulties we've experienced with them and the harm we've received,

We have all grown inside due to that.

If we look back on some of the painful episodes in our life,

We see that we did come out of them stronger.

We developed our own internal resources.

Or sometimes those situations shook us up and challenged us to come out of our complacency and to grow and to become more mature,

Even though that process may have been painful at the time,

Difficult at the time,

Even though we may have felt that we weren't ready for it yet.

Still,

We grew,

We learned,

We developed.

We found resources in ourselves that we didn't know existed.

We found resources in the communities around us that we weren't aware of before.

So in that way we can also feel gratitude toward some of the people who harmed us because we wouldn't have the inner strength and the knowledge that we have today had we not gone through those difficult experiences.

So feel their kindness in giving us those opportunities to grow.

Have some gratitude towards them.

And remember that it wasn't like we were the only ones who were suffering during those interactions.

They also suffered.

So if we can appreciate our own internal strength and resources,

Then we can also appreciate the people who caused those good qualities to develop and we can feel gratitude towards them.

So again it's important to understand that people don't have to wish us well or think specifically of benefiting us for us to receive benefit from them and to feel gratitude and affection for them.

The people who harmed us,

Who made us feel threatened,

Who disapproved of us,

And made us feel insecure,

All these people also gave us the opportunity to practice patience and fortitude.

Fortitude is an important quality to develop on the Bodhisattva path and we can't practice it with the people who are kind to us.

We can only practice patience and fortitude with the people who threaten us,

The people who disapprove of us or who we disapprove of,

The people who harmed us or who we think will harm us.

So this development of patience and fortitude,

Very essential qualities for spiritual practice,

This arises on the basis of those people who have disturbed us.

So again we have benefited from them because without them we couldn't have developed these qualities that are so important on the Bodhisattva path.

So let's let ourselves feel a sense of gratitude towards the people we don't get along with very well because they've enabled us,

They've challenged us to grow and develop new resources,

Talents and skills.

Thank you God.

So in this way let your mind rest in the feelings of gratitude and affection,

Wishing them well and return.

So just let your mind abide in that feeling.

Let your mind become stable in the feeling of gratitude,

Appreciation,

Affection.

Keep the mind focused on that feeling without letting it get distracted towards other things.

Then to conclude your meditation,

Rejoice at all the positive energy,

The merit,

The good karma,

The great potential that you've accumulated through your meditation,

Through expanding your mind and expanding your heart.

So you can visualize all that good energy as a light in the center of your chest,

Your heart center,

And send that light out to all the living beings and think that as it touches them it eliminates their physical,

Mental,

And spiritual suffering and endows them with the love,

Compassion,

And wisdom of a fully awakened one.

Reviews

Dear respected teacher 🙏 Wonderful contemplations, your guidance was excellent in helping to visualise the many conditions that brought a benefit to my lifestyle before and now. Thank you and may you ever be well

This is amazing, to be able to feel gratitude not only to our friends, families, strangers but even to our enemies. 5 years ago I would not have thought that it is possible. Fortitude has come a few times for me these years, so I know I have to work on it. Thank you!!

A wonderful look at the many, many people whose kindness and actions have a great affect on our lives.
Thank you.

Thankyou for this wonderful meditation session.
I'm grateful for you to make me feel this way!
Thanks a lot!

Heartfelt gratitude for you.

I have gratitude for you, Teacher, and for this lovely meditation.

Gracious reminder of all known & unknown, who help us in our lives.
Reciprocity.

Lovely build-up, and strongly rooted in both western and eastern cultures. Very nice pace and naturally brought about. Sincere.

Beautiful, thank you so much for this practice today. I know I will return to it again and again!! 🙏🏼💗Boundless Metta💗

I don’t think anyone could not feel gratitude after this meditation

Excellent meditation to realize that there is so much to be grateful for and gratitude opens the heart.
Thank you 🙏🏼

Expanded my gratitude immensely.

A beautiful guided reflection and cultivation of gratitude. Thank you.

Thank you. I am filled with gratitude and especially to the people I thought had harmed but have actually benefited me.

Thank you soooo very much. Just what I needed today - this moment.

Wonderful version of a metta practice

Pema Chodron is one of my treasured teachers. Much love, respect and gratitude Ani-la.

very powerful. uplifting

Thanks so much to share with all of us this so beautiful meditation practice .

Thank you for your loving meditation. Namaste.