34. Think Better: How To Change Negative Thought Patterns

In this episode of Spiritually Hungry, Monica and Michael examine the way we think, which can often be self-defeating despite our potential to do great things and having much to be grateful for. Tune in as they explore tools for letting go of negativity while building positive thinking that leads us to living the kind of life we truly want to live.

Transcript

There is something that is happening scientifically, Psychologically of why we stay in a loop, Like a negative loop. And I think once you have that information, Then of course it's up to you to change your consciousness. You have free will. You can change a thought. A thought is just a thought and it absolutely can be changed. There is an infinite amount more to see and to know that exists. And therefore to make negative assumptions and negative judgments about what I am experiencing is really silly. Truly by challenging the negative thought or the negative force, That is the evolution of you, Right? That is actually how a person goes from one level of consciousness to a higher level of consciousness. The mind will not stay idle. It is either actively filled by each one of us with positive thoughts, With wisdom, With love, With appreciation, Or left alone. It is the fertile ground for all kinds of what I call thoughts of silliness, Right? That negativity bias and the negative thought patterns. Welcome to Spiritually Hungry Podcast episode 34. Yay. We're going to speak about negative thoughts today. Are you thinking and feeling positive? Thinking and feeling very positive. Awesome. And as I was thinking about this episode, Which I think is again so important for all of us, That really it's all around the stories that we tell ourselves, Which are often negative and more often than that, They're not even true. Correct. It's interesting because we are by nature storytellers, Right? We learn that way. We pay attention and that's why the false stories are so dangerous. Too often I hear people say, If I could only go back to my childhood or to high school or college, I would have appreciated all the opportunities that I had. I would have chosen to do things differently or I wouldn't have been in such a rush to grow up, Right? It would have really savored those experiences, Those moments. And of course, They only see the potential positive 100% that would have happened from those decisions. A thousand percent. It's a vicious cycle because in 10 years from now, You might have wished that you spent this day, This time and your energy differently than you are, Right? And I think if you look back at any stage of your life, In your 30s, You probably want to go back to your 20s, Right? And you think, Oh, If I only had that awareness, That appreciation, Then I would be positive. Then I would be thinking differently and therefore acting differently. The real danger here is that it takes the focus off of this day. If you're living in the past or you're living and waiting for something to happen in the future, You can waste your whole life like that, Which is a really scary and sobering thought. And I think the other thing is, To your point about stories, I think often the story that people have the most is the story of victimization. And so we are then met with stories of regret and we're burdened by those feelings and that can really plague us throughout life. And I love this movie actually. As I was thinking about this, I think often people wish to erase parts of their past, Especially the most painful times. And it reminds me of that film, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Did you see that? I haven't seen it. Should I see it? Yeah, I haven't seen it for a really, Really long time. I don't think I appreciated it so much then. I think that I do more so now. And basically the storyline is that it's a couple that was in love and they had a really bad breakup and she went to this clinic that could erase all of her memories, The ones she wanted to erase, The painful ones. So she basically erased the relationship and then he discovers that she did that and he goes out to do the same thing. And then they realize that that's not, You know, Anyway, The story then takes place. But I think it's really interesting. Maybe just for my own, Is it end happening? Yes. Okay. Okay. So let's watch it. But then I thought about that, Right? I think that many people go through life wishing they could erase the most painful, Hardest, Difficult times of their lives when in fact we know, Right, That those are the opportunities for real growth, Real happiness, Real freedom. But to do that, The first thing is to first not want to erase anything. And second, Call yourself out on the lies that you tell yourself. Yes. And the reality is that almost every single truly positive thing that has happened to us has been in some way an effect of something negative, Sometimes great things or something small things. That's actually the way the system works. Well, Because every experience molds us and shapes us. And I often speak about Josh and I will always speak about his thing about that when I was working out this morning because I know I talk about him a lot, But he continues to teach me and amaze me. I mean, Just, You know, He came home from school today and without fail, He does this every day. How was your day, Mom? How was your day? Like to every single person, To everybody. I mean, Even like the fish tank person, You know? And he doesn't even care if you ask him back for the most part. He's not waiting for that. He genuinely is just being thoughtful and considerate. Anyway, He really moves me and teaches me. But my point in this scenario is that if I hadn't, If I had had that, And by the way, Initially I did write the story that I told myself when I gave birth to him was that I somehow deserve this to parent a child that I don't know if I'll ever understand if, You know, Quite honestly terrified me. And instead I chose to have a different thought. But imagine what my life, Our lives would look like today had I stayed with that thought that it was somehow a punishment or I had a lesson to learn. I wasn't as deserving as other mothers. I would be a miserable human being. So would you, By the way, Just being married today. I'm not sure about that. But that's true because what you're saying is, And it's also very important to realize when we talk about, And hopefully we'll have the opportunity to share a few tools that every one of us can use to diminish those negative stories that we make up is that it's not just the initial story. It's that we then keep building upon that and building upon that. I mean, Unfortunately- The plot lines get even. We've had the opportunity to meet people who it's, You know, If we only told ourselves one lie, You know, That's bad, But not terrible. But the worst part is that on every lie that we've told ourselves, We've built a whole story on it. And I do want to go into a whole bunch of tools and I'm really excited about that. But before we do that, I think that it would be really important to discuss why our brains work the way they do and how they do and why we create some of these narratives. Because I think that it's going to, First of all, Take this pressure off of us. Like, Oh, You know, I'm just not as positive as the person next to me or being really hard on ourselves. There is something that is happening scientifically, Psychologically of why we stay in a loop, Like a negative loop. And I think once you have that information, Then of course it's up to you to change your consciousness, You have free will, You can change a thought, A thought is just a thought and it absolutely can be changed. And before you start that, One thing I'd like all of our listeners to know, And I strongly believe this and through both our spiritual practice and study, We are meant to and can get to a place where the majority of our daily thoughts are positive. I mean, I'm sure for many of our listeners, That's a concept that's beyond them, But it's an absolute both ability that we have, That you have every single one of the listeners has. And really, If you do, I believe, Strongly believe, If you do spiritual work and you really do this introspection and use the tools that hopefully we'll touch upon some of them, You can get to a place where the stories you're telling yourself and the majority of the thoughts that you're having are positive ones. And that is transformational. Completely. I mean, Let's be honest, When we first got married, I think that the places I went to, Oh, The places we go, Right? That's another very. . . Somebody should write that Dr. Seuss. Those are terrible places you know in your mind. Maybe I'll write a variation of that. My thoughts were dark and I think that a lot of it, It's the environment I grew up in, But also I saw a lot of scary things and it was just the way that I could control it was actually holding onto these negative thoughts. If I was aware of them, Then I'm somehow protected from that actually affecting me. When we got married, And I've talked about this, Your happiness baseline is naturally more is higher than mine and it's beautiful. I think by being married to you, I've been able to, By choice and by work, Raise mine. And I just want to reaffirm what you're saying, A thousand percent, You can change your thoughts and you can live a very different reality. So, I thought this was really interesting to differentiate the difference between self-defeating beliefs versus negative thinking patterns. So, Again, Self-defeating beliefs. Right. So, Unlike self-defeating beliefs, Negative thinking patterns are not always with you. I thought this was really interesting. Rather, They only surface when you are faced with an issue. It's also known as cognitive distortions. These negative thoughts come to mind during times of stress and reinforce your self-defeating beliefs. So, The self-defeating belief is there. Always. Right. We have those beliefs. And what was the second category? And the cognitive distortions, The negative thinking patterns come to your mind during times of stress to reinforce what you believe. Interesting. Which is why, Right, Let's say with you, When you are stressed, You're not having, For the most part, You don't go to the negative. Right. And your belief system is pretty positive anyway. So, You don't actually get to this mental loop. But for most of us, This is how it is. Cognitive distortions are simply ways that our mind convinces us of something that really isn't true. And it's helpful to know this because this is how you can really shift your consciousness. Your brain's priority is your survival, Not your happiness. So, It was actually an evolutionary advantage that helped our ancestors survive by avoiding danger, Which was to remember the bad things that ever happened to us. Right. This negativity bias is still active in your brain today and can get in the way of your happiness, Up your stress and worry levels and damage your brain and health. Right. So, Each of us experience the world uniquely because our brains add their own subjective tint, Meaning every experience we've ever had, Painful or otherwise, It now feeds already this situation, Right? This memories, These memories we hold onto. Now, Every experience we have is going to make it a different color. Some people will be more black, Some will be red, Some will be yellow, Right? Depending on your life experiences and how you derive meaning and purpose from the things that have happened to you. Interesting. So, That's a very important, I think, First step of understanding for all of our listeners that all of us are innately, And I think maybe we'll get to the spiritual reasons for this, But innately wired to have a negativity bias and negativity bias memory rather than both seeing the present, The positive, And certainly as we look back at our history, We are hard wired to remember the bad things and maybe sometimes the bad things even worse. And it protected us then. Right. We're not living in that time. It reminds me of that line in Pretty Woman when Julia Roberts says, The bad things are easier to remember, Right? Because she remembered every bad thing that happened to her and that then informed how she felt about herself and created her belief systems. Remember that scene? I love that. But I think that that's what we often do, Right? So, Knowing this and knowing that we don't have to hold onto it in that same way because we're not going to. . . We're not at the same risk in those ways as we were. We can choose to learn from these experiences while we'll still remember them, But use them in a different way. And I think that it's also important to realize that unless you are actively fighting this nature that you have, You will both in the current reality see more negative than positive, Even if that's not the case. And as you look back at your life story, You will be remembering more of the negative than the positive, Even if that's not the case. So really what we're saying is there's a call to every one of our listeners to realize that unless you are actively going against this negativity bias that we all have and we're born with, You're going to both, Again, Stay in the state where you see a lot of negativity in your current reality and also as you look back in your history, You'll be remembering so much of negativity, Even if that's not the case. Right. So again, It's the brain's job to hold onto these memories to protect us. And it really lies just below the conscious level. It's like an awareness. It's not something that we're fully aware of that's happening. It's underneath. No, I mean, I think if you ask most people, Do you see reality? Right? They would say, Yeah, Of course. I mean, I see positive, I see negative. I'm an objective viewer of my life. But what science tells us is that that's absolutely not the case, That we are actually a negative viewer of our lives, Of our current and past. And the story that I often share in relation to maybe clarify the evolutionary sources of this is that, For instance, If you were a hunter gatherer and there were four caves and in one of them there was food and in three of them there were bears, It was much more important for you to remember which one had the bears because they would kill you. But if you didn't remember where the food was, Good, You'll find it somewhere else. So remembering, Again, The dangers and therefore the negative things were of utmost important for evolutionary reasons. And that, Unfortunately, To some degree is why this is the state every single one of us accepted. That's where we are, Unless we are proactive. I think this is where, Again, The spiritual practice and spiritual study takes us in a different direction, But naturally that's where we are. But it's interesting because we're speaking about the mind, Right? We're speaking about the brain, We're speaking about consciousness, Right? So the consciousness is actually what we can affect and what we can change. But it's all up here. And I really love this as well. In India, When training elephants, Handlers begin by chaining one of the elephant's legs to a tree. And over time, They gradually decrease the size of the chain until all it takes is a flimsy string to hold the elephant. It's not the string that restrains the massive animal, It's his mind. Your mind limits you in the same way. It can pick apart and criticize every move while holding onto this evidence it has, Right, To prove that this is something that is true, Although it's not. And your mind basically can keep you stuck and hold you back just like the string does for an elephant. And by the way, That's the second part. I really want to underscore what you just said. I can speak for myself and for you and for every single one of our listeners for the most part. Every single one of us is being held back because of negative beliefs, False fears, And so on, That as the elephant being held back by nothing, Our mind is holding us back from greater things than we're currently experiencing. So I'd like to, As we think about where we are, Most of us, To some degree, All of us, I think it's really important to realize the shift in thought patterns and what it entails. And I see really two parts to it. First, Appreciating the fact, Because I think this is one of the biggest pitfalls, We do not have a perspective on what we see or don't see. We for the most part believe that we are both seeing reality and seeing all of reality. And in order to begin to shift from negative beliefs and negative thought patterns, It's important to diminish our certainty in our vision, Right? Because if I don't first accept that my vision is imperfect, As a matter of fact, I am seeing a tiny fraction, Forget about spiritual reality, A physical reality, Then I think it'll be much more difficult to break the negative thought patterns. But if you really get to a place where you really, And this is one of the things that I know works for me, The reason why it often, We have this conversation, People often ask me, Why did this happen, Right? We'd be at positive or negative, Often on the negative. And my immediate thought always is, I'm not smart enough to know why it happened, Right? I do have an innate belief that ultimately it's for my benefit, But I'm not stupid enough to actually think that I either see everything or can understand everything. So I'd like to share, It's a little bit, Again, Lengthy quotes from one of my more favorite books. It's a great book and I've spoken about it before, And I do strongly recommend our listeners who are interested certainly in spirituality, More importantly, Spirituality and its connection to science to read this book. It's called Fundamentals, 10 Keys to Reality by Frank Wilczek. And I'll read here just three quotes, Not in order, But it's from the preface to the book. So first he says, Our unaided perception brings in only a few slivers of the reality that scientific investigation reveals. So even on the most basic fundamental physical view, We only see a tiny fraction of physical reality. Consider, For example, Vision. Our sense of vision is our widest and most important portal to the external world, But it leaves so much unseen. Telescopes and microscopes reveal vast treasure troves of information encoded in light that ordinarily come in our eyes unrecognized. Moreover, Our vision is limited to one octave, The span of visible light. From an infinite keyboard of electromagnetic radiation, Which runs from radio waves to microwaves to infrared on one side, And from ultraviolet to x-rays and gamma rays on the other. And even within our one octave, Our color vision is blurry. While our senses fail to perceive many aspects of reality, Our minds allow us to transcend our natural limits. It is a great continuing adventure to widen the doors of perception. And I think that's a very important place to start because I really see this as, And Fred Wilczek speaks about this being born again, Again, Not in a sort of a religious sense, But really, And again, There's obviously, And maybe one of our listeners will decide how far they want to take this, Especially if you're a plague, Any one of our listeners is plagued often, And I think many of us are often plagued with negative thoughts, Negative thought patterns. This is not something that is fixed by listening to one podcast or even saying, Okay, I'm going to stop. This is a famous Bob Newhart episode where somebody comes to him with a problem and he just starts yelling at them, Stop it. That's sometimes good advice, But the reality is that this is so fundamental. And as we said before, Evolutionarily fundamental to who we are, That you really have to take this as a life's work. And it begins, I think first with realizing how limited your current vision even into the physical reality is. So if you're seeing so little of reality, How silly would it be to make judgments about it? It's hard to grasp even what you're saying because when you talk about sight, You're so sure I see everything in this room. I know what you're saying is true. I understand that. I understand it, But it can't conceptualize it. Well, The reality is you are seeing definitely less, Not only less, You are seeing less than 50% of what's in this room by far. Yeah, That's the part that's- Now, We, And I hopefully have the opportunity to speak about this on a spiritual level as well, But on a physical, When you realize you're first, You're looking in this room or wherever any of our listeners are, You are seeing a lot less than the majority of the physical matter that is there. I always thought about spiritually what we can't see. There's so many, I mean, I'm aware of that, Which I'd love for you to share your thoughts on that, But physically, We're just so sure of what we see because we see a lot. And that's one of our greatest pitfalls is that we think we see and therefore we can judge and therefore we can be negative about it. And that's why I think the humility- Yeah, That gives us permission to be negative. Yeah, Right. If you think you see, Right? But if you realize you're seeing such a tiny, Tiny fraction of physical reality, What are you jumping to conclusions about? What are you deciding about? What are you being negative about? Especially again, And this is part of the spiritual view of it, Which is that there actually is a benevolent force, A positive force that actually permeates everything. But the first step I think is break down the ego thought that I am seeing everything. I'm not even seeing a fraction of it. I'm not even seeing a fraction of it. And then, Because again, I strongly believe that what we need to be doing, If we are to break away completely from negative thought patterns is, And the negative stories that we tell ourselves is to really rethink the way we think. It begins with a diminishment first, The humility I do not see, Even physical reality. Then he goes on a little bit further and says, And I really love this, Babies construct a world model that accounts for what they experience within the bounds of their perception and environment. For practical purposes, That's the right plan to cope with the everyday world. It is efficient and reasonable when we are children to take lessons from the everyday world. But modern science reveals a physical world very different from the model we construct as babies. If we once again open ourselves up to the world, Curious and without preconceptions, If we allow ourselves to be born again, We come to understand the world differently. I love that. Now again, So I know many of our listeners come from a spiritual perspective, But I think it's often very empowering to realize that this is what science is saying as well. Science is saying that you cannot have a true perception of reality with the way you have been thinking and seeing up until now. You literally, And again, It's really beautiful that he uses, Again, This is a Nobel prize winning physicist who says that in order to perceive reality, You have to be born again as an individual and really push aside the thought patterns that you grew up with. You think you know, You think you see. That you think you know and you think you see. I'll just read one- Like if the baby's in a room and they're looking around, They're actually prepared to discover something new all the time. They're curious by every sound, By every movement. They don't even know what it is and they don't assume to know. They just want to discover. We as adults, We approach life completely opposite. Yeah. And it reminds me of a parable which is often used, Which I think is very powerful about a worm in the middle of a rotten apple. The worm wakes up in the morning. He's born into this rotten apple. So in his mind, Worms have this capacity to think. He's saying, What a dark and rotten, Ugly world I am born into. Right. It's cold, It's mushy and every day, Right? He eats a little bit of the apple, But he's still in the core of the apple. So he just knows mush, Darkness and smell. Until one day he breaks through the shell of the apple and he sees, Oh my God, There's this whole world that he didn't know existed. And every single one of us in this way, I think is one of the inspirations that really pushes me forward all the time is the fact that no matter how much wisdom, Whatever you want to call it, One has, You realize, And this is the beauty of life, That there is an infinite amount more to see and to know that exists. And therefore to make negative assumptions and negative judgments about what I am experiencing is really silly. I am experiencing such a small part of what actually is, Not just out there in the world, But even inside here in my own life. And by the way, Not just what you're experiencing, But what you think about yourself. If we know that we are unmet potential, That's what a soul is, Right? We come like a slab of clay and it's up to us through life to form and to mold whatever we envision ourselves to be, Right? And most people though, Even if they have, Let's say a beautiful vision for themselves, They're so stuck in how they don't have the right tools and they don't have any experience and they don't know how to create and they don't know how to mold and don't know how to shape that they just stay with the slab of clay. It's crazy when you think of it that way. Not just how you experience life, But how you view yourself. Absolutely. Absolutely. And again, One of the examples I hope I'm quoting properly is that we have more neurons in our brain than stars in the universe. And one of the- In our brain and in our gut, In fact. And one of the things we should probably do another episode on that really appreciating what not who we are, That's what is important, But even what we are. But again, I really hope that we're inspiring our listeners to rethink how they think and to really let go of the ego thought, I see everything, We don't see a part of it. And the silliness therefore of making judgments about what we're experiencing certainly as being negative. So I'll just read one more section. I just want to add to that. I think that a way to actually do that is to be awake enough to see everything. And not just awake in the sense of the opposite of being asleep, But to be awakened. To be aware, To be alert. So these are questions, I think there's three of them for greater wakefulness. One, Do I need to change paths? So if you have a negative thought, If you simply ask yourself, Because why are the negative thoughts there? They actually are there for a reason, Besides we know what we just discussed and how we're hardwired for that. But when we have negative thoughts daily, What is the opportunity there? So if you ask yourself the question, Do I need to change paths? Let's say, Is it in work or health or habits or relationships? Just simply asking yourself a question in that way is going to lead to some kind of solution or a change. The other question is what areas of my life are on autopilot? Parenting or friendship perhaps. Because many people go. . . If you don't stop to actually challenge the negative thought by asking questions, You can stay in that loop forever. And the last question is, What am I becoming more of? Are those things what I would want to become more of? So all those thoughts that you have, Is that who you want to become? Because the more you think that thought, That really is who you will be. Great. So I really think that idea of being awake, Awakened. Reborn right? Or reborn. So the last quote here from, Again, I strongly recommend, Although our listeners really take the time to read through this, But in our rush to make sense of things as infants, We learn to misunderstand the world and ourselves. How beautiful is that? In our rush to make sense of things as infants, We learn to misunderstand the world and ourselves. So- Well, Just as infants that we do this for the rest of our lives. Unfortunately. But the reality is that we have misunderstood our world and we continue to misunderstand ourselves. There's a lot to unlearn as well as a lot to learn on the voyage to deep understanding. The process of being born again, Again, In my mind, This is how we think how you think, Can be disorienting. But like a roller coaster ride, It can also be exhilarating. And it brings this gift to those who are born again in the way of science. The world comes to seem fresh, Lucid, And wonderfully abundant. And that's a very important word because one of the effects of our often constant negative thoughts and negative thought processes like that story of the worm is that we stay so small, Even though we're not. We are abundant and our world is abundant. But one of the effects of a negative thought pattern or a negative loop is that we stay small when in reality we and the world around us is abundant. They come to live out William Blake's vision. And I love this, I'm sure many of our listeners know this poem, But just a part of it, To see a world in a grain of sand and a heaven in a wildflower, Hold infinity in the palm of your hand and eternity in an hour. And that's really what the other side of negative thoughts is. And when you realize, I think we spoke before that part of the way to break free of negative thought patterns is by awakening some humility about what we're seeing and therefore how silly it would be for us to be making judgments. The second part is the understanding that unless we retrain how we think and really take the opportunity to remove negative thoughts, We will remain in the sense of darkness, In the sense of lack, Not really accepting reality. That we and the world around us is filled, Filled with abundance. And do you want to share with us? I wanted to just touch upon what I think is also the spiritual part of this, Which is also important and very much dovetails with everything we said until now. And that is that we spoke about the evolutionary reality of our negativity bias, But spiritually as well, There is a force that unless overcome will naturally enable us, Almost force us, Compel us into thinking negatively. And one of the most- We'll unpack that. Yeah. So we come into this world to choose, Right? To choose, To choose growth, To choose goodness, To choose blessings. That's our free will. Our free will. And to allow for free will, We are also given this negative inclination as it's called in the ancient texts. And that is the force to see negative, Even whether it's there or not there, To see ourselves as negative, Be that true or false. So we are naturally, It's not- So why would we see ourselves negatively? Because there's this force inside our mind, Inside ourselves that pulls us in that direction. So you can't, Without any change or movement, We will as human beings, Because of this innate spiritual force, As well as the innate evolutionary force, Wind up seeing ourselves, Our world, Our life, Our life story is negative. That is- For the purpose of- Well, For the purpose of fighting against it. Right? So that's the- So when you fight against it, What do you earn? You earn the ability to see things as positive. You earn the ability to have positive thoughts and therefore positive view of your life, Of your experience, Of the world around you, Of yourself. Well, Truly by challenging the negative thought or the negative force, That is the evolution of you, Right? That is actually how a person goes from one level of consciousness to a higher level of consciousness. Right. And there's two, I would say quick tools, But profound tools, Right? So what feeds, And I would say on a spiritual level, What feeds the negative thoughts? Well, It's very simple. If you're thinking negatively about somebody else, Right? Hatred, Anger, Jealousy, That thought is an energy. And that thought does not, And we've spoken about this before, When you have a negative thought, That's not something that's here and gone. That energy remains. So if you ask yourself, What is the fuel that fuels my negative thought loop? It's all the negative thoughts that you have about yourself, About other people, Right? How many times do we allow, Throughout the day, Right? Unfortunately, Right? It is our nature, Which we have to fight to see, Oh, This person's negative and that person's negative, And this person's a terrible person and so on and so forth. But when you realize that part of this work is to starve our negative thoughts, Right? So if you can push against, Next time today, Every one of our listeners, From the moment you listen to this podcast, Up for the next 24 hours, You're going to have many negative thoughts about other people pop into your mind. But let's just break this down for our listeners for a second. Why isn't it that people come in the world and they're given more of a headstart instead of having this force that they have to fight against and then earn? And by the way, For most of our listeners, It's a force they're even unaware that it exists, Right? Well, They see it in action, But unaware that it's- That's something that controls them. Right. So why? Why are we not given a headstart? Because we're meant to earn. Why? Well- I know. I know. I'm taking you down the rabbit's hole, But I do think it's important to give some context because if not, It just doesn't make sense. Right. Right. So the idea is that if we would not earn our blessings, Our growth, Then we would never actually be satisfied by them. We are innately made up of the stuff that needs to earn in order to be able to enjoy truly what we receive. And therefore, This is part of our battle. Part of our human battle is against this innate negative inclination to think negatively about ourselves and to think negatively about others. And by fighting that force, That is a big part of earning, Earning our growth, Our blessings, Our light, And our life. So- That wasn't so hard, Was it? No, It wasn't so hard. And we can talk about that for a long time. But I think it's really important because this is something very practical. Every one of our listeners can start this right away. So you're thinking about your cousin, Right? And you have a really nasty thought about them, Or you think they did something really bad, Right? Whatever that is. Out of self-interest, You say to yourself, If I allow my mind to think negatively about other people, Then I am creating the fuel for my own negative thoughts about myself and my own negative thoughts about my life. Now, Don't I, As we said in the beginning of the podcast, Want to be in a place where my view or my thoughts about myself, About my experience, About my life is positive. I want that. I mean, Can you imagine what life is like if you are able, 100% of the time, Only be thinking positive no matter what happens, Right? That's freedom, Right? That's amazing. I think very few people though connect the idea that the way they view other people and the thoughts that they have about them that are negative actually explain and are the reason for the chaos and the lack they feel in their own lives. Right. Okay. But that's the reality. And what I would say is test this. Test this and you will see that as you fight to limit your own negative thoughts about people, You will see that the fuel that generates the negative thoughts about the way you view what is happening in your life, The way you view yourself become more and more diminished because they do not have the fuel to propel them forward. So two things. So first of all, Test this. Test this, You will see. The other side, Because the other side, You could want to have positive thoughts. You could want not to be upset every day. You could want not to be sad every day. But if you're still fueling that, What we call negative inclination through negative thoughts about other people, Through negative thoughts, You are creating the fuel that will forever generate your own negative thoughts about yourself, About your experience. That's the first rule. I find that a lot with judgment. You know, Often people don't like to be judged and then they're judging other people, But mostly they're so harshly judging themselves. And the thing that they don't want to happen to them is what they're busy doing to other people. And so then it creates, I mean, That is the negative loop, Which then becomes something that just stays in our mind and we ruminate about it over and over and over again. Things that happened to us that shouldn't have happened and things we wanted to happen that didn't happen and we stay in that space. Yeah, So that's the first thing I would say, Starve your negative thought patterns by limiting to the degree that you can and we can the way the negative thoughts that you develop towards other people. Certainly if you can, The negative thoughts you have about yourself, Because those negative thoughts are the fuel that will continue to fuel the negative thought patterns that you have, Number one. Number two, And this is a Kabbalistic tool as well, The Kabbalists teach that when the mind is empty, Not being used in a positive way, It becomes much more susceptible to negative thoughts. I love that. And they actually, They refer to it as a Ruach Stut or a spirit of stupidity, Of nonsense. One of the reasons it's so important to listen to this podcast. One of the reasons it's so important to be studying wisdom is because if you leave your mind vacant- Other things are going to occupy it. And those other things are not positive. And amongst the many benefits of really pushing yourself and when I say spiritual wisdom, I mean spiritual wisdom or even if those of you who are inclined towards the sciences- I love this. These are important, But you have to realize, And this is the fact that, And this is again something that the ancient sages wrote about thousands of years ago. If you do not actively fill your mind with wisdom, You are absolutely leaving it as a fertile ground for negative thoughts. It's terrifying, Isn't it? Well, Terrifying and hopefully inspiring. Inspiring. But you know, It's interesting. It reminds me of prayer, Right? When people use their mouths for things that are negative, Speaking badly about others or cursing others or whatever it is. So clearly, Right through that action of speech, You're drawing down that energy versus if you use your mouth for prayer or words of kindness, Connection, Right? Then you're manifesting that as well to come into your life. So it's the same thing here with thoughts. And again, I think this is such an important point and I really hope that our listeners take this to heart because this isn't simply about, You know, I'm going to study wisdom because I enjoy it. It's actually an imperative. You have to realize that unless you are actively- And live it is what it is. Well, I would say even at the most basic level, Actively pursue wisdom. Make sure every single day you're studying something important because that fills the mind and the more you allow your mind to ruminate on important positive things. By the way, Ruminate on appreciation. We've spoken about this before. Ruminate about how much you love somebody. All those things are important. The mind will not stay idle. It is either actively filled by each one of us with positive thoughts, With wisdom, With love, With appreciation or left alone. It is the fertile ground for all kinds of what are called thoughts of silliness, Right? That negativity bias and the negative thought patterns. So if you're any one of our listeners and every one of our listeners, I'm sure at times has been in a situation where they are in a negative thought pattern. The first thing we said is just starve it of its fuel. Limit to the degree you can. Negative thoughts about others. The second, Which is so important, Is fill it with wisdom. Fill it with love. Fill it with appreciation. Fill the mind. Do not allow it to remain empty because a vacant mind is a fertile ground for the thoughts of silliness or the negative thought patterns. I love that. So we've talked about science, Right? We've talked about spirit. I'd like to talk about physically what happens also when we think negatively. This really inspired me. When I studied this a little while ago, I called a few people. I'm like, This is what's happening to you. Well, It's only people I'm really, Really close to. We all know that shutting down the voice isn't simple or easy as we've just discussed. It's hard to push the thoughts away. But science now tells us that our thought patterns inform more than just our daily decisions and how we live life. It actually affects our health and our lifespan. So it comes down to telomeres. Have you heard of those? And it's basically repeating segments of non-coding DNA that exists at the end of our chromosomes. They do very important things like make sure genetic material doesn't unravel. And most importantly, They shorten with each cell division determining how fast the cell ages. When they become too short, They stop dividing altogether. They are not responsible for our overall aging process, But they are a huge contributor to what makes us get old. So now I think people are really paying attention. And not just that, This is what I thought was the most powerful. They're actually listening to us. They listen to the thoughts that you think, The way you eat, How you feel about what you eat and everything that you do for that matter. They take direction from your dominant thought. Okay. So this is really, Really powerful. A shift from negative thinking to positive thinking can quite literally halt your aging process. So younger already. So then the rub said this always, Right? Consciousness is everything. What you think turns into what you do. And based on the science, It also determines how quickly you're aging. And there are three different things that harm our telomeres mostly. One is cynical hostility. I know it sounds good, Right? Well, You never looked at it twice. So it's defined as high anger. It's frequent thoughts that others can't be trusted. So it's not just that you're angry, But it's that you are full of rage, That that person cut you off. That they stole your time and you can't get past that. They disrespected you. And they found at the university of college, London, That people who have cynical hostility tend to have higher rates of cardiovascular metabolic disease, But they also have shortened telomeres. Interesting. Interesting. The other one is ruminating, Which we just spoke about. So when the stranger's rude to you, Of course it's jarring. We've all had experiences like that. I recall one not that long ago in an ice cream store. And usually you get over it after an hour. You could probably come home. You share with your family. You laugh about it. You might joke about it. But ruminating is you can't get past what happened. You think about it over and over again, That interaction, And you draw conclusions and it just brings more negativity to you. And again, Here we know that this affects our heart rate, Our blood pressure, And our vagus nerve, Which is responsible for calming us down and our digestion and a whole array of things. And the last is a pessimistic attitude. And all of these sound so unpleasant, But if you think about it in your day, How do you spend time in this space? So they also found, This is a newer study, But it was from the Harvard School of Public Health that people who scored high on pessimism inventories had shorter telomeres. That's very niche. Like the clinical- No, No, The contradiction of scoring high on- I was a pessimistic. He's, Yeah. So I just think that's so powerful because if you find yourself in any of those loops, You're basically cutting your life short. And not just that, You do it every day, Spiritually speaking, Because you're not even enjoying life. That's the other punishment. Some people live a long life, But they hate every moment of it or they're waiting for time to pass by. And other people, They want to live, But then they indulge in this kind of thinking and behavior and they're shortening their lifespan. Hopefully if we haven't, Up until this point, Inspired our listeners- We've given you a lot of proof. I mean, That's, Like you said, There's so many reasons to be inspired to actively push towards the transformation of negative thought patterns. And like we said in the beginning, I think this is maybe where we leave our listeners off with it, Is that every single one of us is meant to and can live a life with a majority of our thoughts about what is happening to us, About who we are, About our past is overwhelmingly positive. And again, As you said, Physically, It'll be better for us, Spiritually better for us, Mentally better for us, But most importantly, It is actually the life we're meant to be living. But by the way, I think that people can only really do that if they go back and it's never too late to do this and they look at every life changing moment, The painful ones, And they go and they challenge it. What did I learn from it? What can I learn from it? Let's say you haven't done that yet, Right? Because I can look back at every perceived negative thing that's ever happened to me. I wouldn't change again, I think, Just like the movie, Eternal sunshine for a spotless mind. I would never want to erase anything because I've learned something so fundamental, Grown, Changed from all of those experiences, More than all of the joys in my life, Quite honestly. So I think that for everybody, If you go back to those places in your life that are dark and that are painful and that maybe you keep thinking about over and over again and really stop and say, Okay, How can I learn from this? How can this be used to help me grow, Change, See life differently? And if you do, You can leave the pain behind and really come to appreciate having had that moment or that experience. Absolutely. And so beautiful. And what's interesting, Was there something else you wanted to add? Not right now. No, Because we're at the end. Okay, Go ahead. Was there something you wanted to add? No. Want to save it for another time? Sure. What I was going to say, It's so beautiful because one of the things that inspires myself and Monica is that our listeners send in stories. And what's amazing is that even those letter I'm about to read is about a different episode. It's exactly what you just said and exactly almost everything we've been talking about until now. So the beauty of that, The way it comes together. So this is a letter from one of our listeners, Ali, And I'll read most of it. Hello, Eminem. I like people calling us Eminem now. We do. Mostly people who know us call us that. That's cute. That's our new- Hello, Eminem. First of all, I hope you are fine, Happy and healthy. I wanted to share something that has to do with the episode you did on time, Right? Some time ago we did that episode and being able to go back to those days that are still there. I finally learned that until now I did not trust and know that the creator was with me at all the time. I did have faith, But needless to say that has not been enough for me during difficult times. Consequently, My ego convinced me that I should seek safety in people and finances. An idea that feels so unconsciously imprinted in my existence that it has colored my perception of happiness and most of my decisions in life. A few nights ago, I took the car and drove around the city looking for a place to buy some soda and wine. That's an interesting combination. Yes. As I went further away from my home, I realized that I was on the route that I usually took to work. As I saw the familiar street signs in the trees, I started saying out loud every emotion that came into my mind. Without judging myself, Just admitting how that memory and everything related to it made me feel. Immediately, I recognized stress, Sadness for separating from my children every day and other emotions. Curiously, The route that I took brought me to meaningful spots for my life. My childhood home, My teenage favorite spots, Places that I visited with boyfriends, The place where I got married, My divorce lawyer's office, Places with very dark memories and also some others with happy ones. As I arrived home, I sat in the car, Closed my eyes and looked over every memory and feeling that I just revived. I told myself, Well, Ale, Now know that in every moment the light was with you equally. You were loved unconditionally, Accompanied and supported and every person was a messenger for the light and every situation had undoubtedly the light behind it to help you connect with the fact that you and your connection to the light is your own source of power and together you are very powerful. You are match made in heaven, Literally. That night before going to sleep, I had a chat with myself on every memory. As I felt bad feelings dissipate, I could see all the other outcomes I could have lived if only I did not act out of fear. It was slightly painful but a powerful lesson and a liberating experience. Thank you for sharing light to enlighten the roads our souls have to walk through. Love, Ale. That's so beautiful. By the way, I'm so inspired. Our listeners are so soulful and eloquent and in touch with their. . . They're really doing the work. I really love that. Yes. It's beautiful. Really, Really beautiful. Not much I can add to that except to say thank you for sharing that with us. You fit right in. It's funny. Exactly. Everything we spoke about until now. Do what she is doing. Well, Most importantly, Send us your stories. And your journey, Your process. We're all in the same path. It is so inspiring. Again, It's inspiring for Monica and myself and I know for a fact inspiring for our listeners. If you want to share just to show us appreciation, Great. If you want to share to inspire others, Please do that. So as always. . . Or even to further your own journey. I think it's really important to be able to express where you are and to be an active participant in your life. And by writing to us and then we share it with so many people around the world, Of course, There's energy there and it's going to propel you to grow faster and feel more supported in the process. Absolutely. So please make sure every one of our listeners that has any type of inspiration, Story, Questions, Sharing that you want to do with us, With our listeners, Email Monica and Michael, Anddmichaelatkabala. Com, K-A-B-B-A-L-A-H. Com. Please again, Like I said, If you get anything out of this podcast and you want to give back, One of the ways to give back is by sharing your story with us so we can share it with our listeners and again, Continue the loop of inspiration. Again, Really these stories really are both inspirational for Monica and myself and also for our listeners. Make sure you go to Apple Podcasts, Give five star, Write reviews, Share it with your friends and family. We do this because it inspires you and if you want to give back in any way, The best way to do it is by sharing this with others, Making sure others have access to it. I hope you enjoy this podcast as much as we enjoyed recording it and really look forward to sharing with you again next week. Bye.