Bending Reality With Steve Martile

I had an interesting chat with Steve Martile - a marketing consultant, life coach and self-help teacher who runs freedomeducation.ca. We talk about powerful mental tools and strategies you need to stay calm and focused as you're trying to manifest positive things while being stuck in stressful or hopeless situations.

Transcript

So you've told me a little bit about yourself and what you do.

Okay so I come up,

I got a long story because I started as a mechanical engineer then became a life coach and today what I'm doing is two things.

I work with individuals to help them through a 90 day jumpstart program using LinkedIn social to generate business to business leads and number two,

My company delivers social media for construction companies,

Concrete companies,

HVAC companies,

All kinds of crazy stuff and also helping with recruitment as well.

So that's the long answer but yeah that's what I do.

That's a pretty interesting path.

So how did you go from engineering to life coaching because you don't really expect the same personality that does engineering to be like okay now I'm gonna go and be a life coach.

Yeah so I've had a couple key defining moments on my journey and they always came with a lot of pain and one of them was when I was working in Toronto as an engineer.

I'd been working for I don't know want to say eight or nine years at that point and I remember my wife and I were driving home because we're both originally from this smaller area this small town about a hundred thousand people and we were in Toronto and I said I just feel depressed and she goes is it me and I said no it's not you I said it's the work I'm doing and so kind of went on a bit of a soul searching and just kind of like okay well how do I bring meaning back to my life.

I felt like everything was just like kind of structured and mechanical and just kind of doing I was doing the things that my parents you know my mom was always like say you know like be a good person I was doing that but I felt unfulfilled I felt empty I felt like this hole in my chest and so I started filling it with things I started filling it with cars I started filling it with alcohol I started just trying to fill it yeah and never seemed to work yeah then what happened was at that moment I decided okay well I've got to do something completely different so I started exploring a bit I started kind of opening up my mind to like things that have been sort of coming to me before and ideas you know just seeing like a book or something and I just like I'm gonna open myself up to this so I started to be very receptive and I think that's a key state to new information and one of the first books I read was Think and Grow Rich then Tony Robbins Unlimited Power and that really kind of was like oh I'm like this is this is more me you know I want to empower people I want to feel empowered myself I want to be responsible for my own happiness so I took a couple courses in self-development this is back in 2006 okay and I remember my best man said after I'd gone through this kind of six-week transformation he goes you're like a totally different person really yeah like you were just happier you were totally happier yeah yeah and that's why I'm doing what I'm doing now so I was kind of like it started there I got into coaching and when I started to coach for free in the beginning I think that's every coach starts when I was doing it I was like this is better than breathing right like this is giving me life yeah so when I was doing it I was like okay this is this is my thing and then you know fast forward a couple years it took me a while to kind of transition that had a couple failed business start but more than a couple failed business startups because I didn't have the experience and because honestly I didn't have the right psychology behind I wasn't thinking like an entrepreneur and so fast forward I started to do these things that were very me but what does that mean you weren't thinking like an entrepreneur I'll give you a great example so I was talking to a client two weeks ago and this guy does I won't mention his name but he does cyber security which is super hot right now and the way he was what he was he's been doing is he charges out his time to work with these companies on an hourly rate and he gets paid well but he has to keep working to make money and I said to him here's a here's a way to think about consulting or like business consulting is like you come in and you do your hourly rate and you charge a client and you deliver on a project that's fine I'm saying I'm not saying not to do that keep money coming in take care of your family do that but at some point the product's going to come to an end and instead of like soliciting yourself out for other projects look for the thing that the company needs to do over and over and over again that they can hire your team through your company to deliver on like a high margin meaning like high profit but like super high value to them but not using your hourly rate so you can still work on projects but then still charge for your company so now you're getting from both so that's what I mean he wasn't thinking about that he's thinking well I can only deliver value through the hourly rate no no you can actually have your company you can do this in a job I never did it but you can do it as a contractor where you're like contracted to do projects and this is super I think relatable for people now not a lot of people want to commit to a company for 30 years like you did you know 20 30 years ago in the 80s and 70s 80s it's like I want to work and try something out and see if it works out so do project work do an hourly rate screw the pension and all the long-term benefits just do a higher rate work for that company create tons of value and then look for opportunities for your company to deliver on something where you can hire labor and people to deliver that and then get the margins from that and then keep working with them and deliver more projects it's super smart but it's also not where a lot of people go when they think of I'm gonna do contract work does that answer the question yeah absolutely yeah and I feel like that's just where a lot of people just don't go like a lot of people just don't think in that realm so yeah yeah continue yeah yeah so so that was my that that was like the beginning of my journey and then you know it's funny right we always come back to the I always kept getting grat and it's these subtle subtle subtle nuances these subtle feelings these subtle thoughts I would get and that's why I meditate and been doing it for over 10 years now every day I probably missed I mean this year I probably missed because it's only like March but I probably missed a handful of days but I'm pretty consistent and the reason is because I it gets you in touch with the subtle world Deepak Chopra calls it the subtle world right and the subtle world is those subtle feelings those subtle nuances and so what happened is I started to gravitate back to content creation because that's kind of you know when I was seven eight nine years old I used to I used to draw a lot and I used to write a lot of poetry and birthday cards just for fun it wasn't like I had I felt like I needed to do it I'm like I want to do this right and so that's where the writing started to come from right and then I kind of gravitated back to that because I honestly believe you are who you are and you can't physically change that like if you want to be very successful in one business and that's not how you are you you won't do it but you got to find something that works for who you are and that to me that internal invisible that you know that effortless substance that kind of is coursing through all our veins and that it helps us create that doesn't change the physical aspects in the material world might change but that part doesn't change and so when you get in touch with that through that subtle connection then it's like oh well this is a better business model for me and so that's why I'm doing what I'm doing today because I live and breathe content all the time and I love it and I love it for my clients because I get excited for them because they might not be the most savvy at that and when I started doing the content creation it's sort of like I was looking at it like oh I could be like really good at this I could be you know number one in a category in this because this is who I am I'm not trying to be number one in a category that's not defined by who I am.

So I stumbled upon you because I was just you know on Google one day putzing around like you do and I came across this is your website I believe the freedom education is that you?

Yeah.

So and I saw your bending reality thing and I've heard that phrase being like thrown around but I find it so fascinating so can you go into that a little bit?

Yeah so I think there's a couple caveats and assumptions you've got to make and one is is that you're not really in control of what happens outside of you because you're in control what happens on the inside of you.

What happens on the outside is always like a surprise and so I think that's the first kind of presumption or assumption you've got to make is that instead of like trying to get in a relationship with the person you think you need to be with let the universe decide that and focus on what it would feel like to be in that relationship even though they're not here now right?

So like I'll give you a good example so if you're really lonely right now and you're listening to this I would say fill yourself with abundance,

With expansion,

With ecstasy,

With those feelings now even though you're not feeling well now that being said you there might be some restriction preventing you from receiving the love,

The ecstasy,

The joy that you deserve.

Well I was just gonna say just to play devil's advocate here because like you know I've been listening to a lot of Joe Dispenza lately and you know and his whole thing is like you know you have to believe in your future more than you believe in your past right?

So you have to really put yourself in there and in the feeling state of it but what if you just can't feel it like what if you're like okay yeah this is kind of unbelievable like you know for example doing the loneliness thing I haven't dated anyone in you know X amount of years or X amount of months like I just I don't even remember what that feels like anymore like what do you do if you're in that situation because I feel like that's a kind of a very common situation that people find themselves in.

Yeah then what you've then what's important to recognize is that there's two of you so there's the observer and then there's the thinker right?

There's the observer and there's the feeler and those are two different aspects of yourself.

What I would say is start to nourish the connection with the observer with the person observing these thoughts and feelings and make that your priority and then all those feelings will come naturally to you.

And you do that through meditation right?

Meditation,

Yoga,

Walking in nature.

I don't know I have a dog right so I walk in nature like you just gotta walk.

I smell the smell see the things I'm just like hearing the birds or whatever and I'm like wow it just grounds you again right?

Meditation can do that as well and it can just be yoga.

And it's sometimes you know I go to the gym sometimes that's my yoga right?

The Rock he was like I listen to on Oprah and he was talking that's his yoga and I'm like yeah so it's different for everyone so maybe you got to get physical maybe you can just do meditation maybe you've got to walk in nature maybe you got to whatever it is for you that will help you ground and get back to center and notice that the real you is the observer to this physical material feeling thinking person and nourish that connection because when you nourish that connection you're gonna what will happen is you'll get spontaneous feelings of joy and happiness and that's very attractive to other people.

Does that make sense?

Yeah yeah yeah it's interesting though to think that you know just sitting there and observing yourself and observing your thoughts can lead to joyful experiences or joyful emotions.

I think that you know again like I have a couple of friends who are like oh you know I'm stressed out about this I'm stressed out about that and I try to tell them the same thing I'm like well you just you have to put yourself in the feeling place of it because for example if you're stressed out about money and you're not in the feeling place of like having abundance you're not going to be attracting that to yourself and their response is like well it's always hard to do that when you're worried about paying the bills or you know and it is it's it's really a lesson in learning how to control your emotions and that's not really easy sometimes especially when you're under stress or you're under duress about something.

You mentioned a good point Maria so and when it comes to money I personally this is just my experience getting in the feeling state and knowing that it's coming like it's already here so you can kind of you know that's one aspect of the subtle world.

Now if you have a chronic condition of worrying about money and it's probably been around a long long long long long time like it was for me at some point as you are practicing being the noticer that pattern is going to break up and dissolve and then it disappears forever like it did for me.

So you were worried about money and you started meditating and you started noticing your anxieties and your patterns around money and because of that observation it dissipated?

Yeah the illusion of truth right or not the illusion of truth the what's it called the illusion of freedom the double slit experiment right that scientific experience where it's like you're observing the electrons and then they change their behavior that's exactly what it is if you want to change chronic feelings inside especially worry you got to be the observer to them and what meditation does is when something comes up where maybe you get a bill or you see something your credit card you didn't expect like five thousand dollars in your life why and the worry comes up that's when you want to breathe notice and become the observer because it's a it's the feeling coming through the patterns coming through you but you're not letting go if you can let go what will happen is what's on the other side of that is everything you always wanted happiness joy peace and what do you mean letting go like just noticing the feelings inside okay so if you become the observer to the feelings then you notice that they're coming up around money or in this case worry which again which is a pattern that I had for I don't know if I took it from a previous lifetime but it was massive because you can remember I'm working as an engineer making good money yeah I would I'd be worried all the time right it was just a chronic feeling that I had for such a long time so by noticing it it's coming it the feelings coming up allow it yourself to feel it don't push it down don't ignore it and go like I gotta focus on positive stuff actually feel it get present to it and what will happen is you will let go of it it will dissipate it will dissolve and on the other side of that without even trying to think of joy or ecstasy or happiness you will feel peace you will feel all those things it's like it's a natural state so that's one part of the money thing now the other thing that I find really powerful is that regardless if you feel the worry or not and you know you're going through the pattern of noticing this feeling it can be very spontaneous where it's like you just notice it and it's gone but for a lot of people it's going to be like multiple repetitions of this process of observing what's happening inside of you which it was it was for me it was years then at some point I spontaneously let it go and this was a process over time but in the meantime what was I doing I was getting busy creating value for other people so that money can come to me I can't just feel it expect it to come to me what will amplify that feeling more than anything else is if you take action and create value for other people especially and this is like really important is that if you're in a job right now you have a pattern of worrying about money you created this career where now money is showing up to you but it's in scarcity I'm not saying stop doing that what I'm saying is during the day when you're at your job contractor whatever you're doing look for opportunities that inspire you to help the company create more value do it outside of your job description you got your job description you got your tasks do those things be responsible what I'm saying is at lunch after work in the evenings the things that kind of inspire the things that make you really happy to do look for ways to do that for the companies that creates value for them and then say hey by the way I have this company I started did you guys want to hire us to do that while I'm doing this job oh okay so that's where you can get creative and look for ways to help the company because these companies some of these companies have so much money they don't even know what to do with it I know they don't even think of San Francisco and like the you know the heart of the tech world and it's ridiculous out here like the oculence is just insane with these companies right yeah it's really interesting because I think that like the whole idea of paying attention to how you're feeling right which is so counterintuitive to what we want to do because like you were saying before you were in this position where you felt miserable and you did everything to fill that void right alcohol whatever and I think that's very human I think that that's something that a lot of us want to do because we want to avoid the negative feelings and then you see movies like The Secret which are great movies and I think the philosophy is really good but it's all about having positive feelings and having positive thoughts and you can't get there until you really release those negative emotions first and that's the part that they skip and I think that that's the part that people have a really hard time with because you know it's like your bills are late and your rent is due and you don't know how you're gonna pay it and you're freaking out about money and you you just watch this movie that told you to think positive but how are you gonna do that when you're in this state so you're just trying to avoid avoid avoid and we fill that with tv alcohol drugs obsessive relationships whatever we can think of to sort of fill that void so I want to comment on that like those let's say you're freaking out about your bills you've got credit card payments or you've got whatever interest payments what I would say to you is and I'm gonna save a grain of salt like so what so those payments are gonna still keep coming out and just imagine that you know credit card interest alone is a thousand dollars a month for the next 12 months if you can come to terms with that and accept that's where you are and it might take you a while to get out just accept it be total in acceptance of that is your scenario I accept I'm not with anyone right now I accept I'm paying more than see when you do that it kind of dissolves it takes the pressure off and then you can be like okay now I will go back to you know maybe some affirmations I am joy I am peace I'm abundance I am joy and be like a parrot I'm joy I'm peace I'm abundance oh but the bills it's write it down look at okay I got 12 months of payments I'm totally behind and everything the bank loves you like you're just it's so big deal and then be like okay well look what kind of what's the minimum amount I can pay to get back on track over the next year put a plan together that might dissolve and give you a bit of like sense of like peace be like okay at least I got a plan if more money comes in then I can do more with it but at least I got a plan write out get a journal write down what your plan is to pay back the bank or whoever you owe the money to I got to pay my sister-in-law whoever I owe money to okay that's that's set aside now go back to okay I feel I am I'm peaceful I'm joy and abundant and then look to create value because now you don't have that distraction it's taken care of you settled it okay now I'm gonna go ahead and I'll be like okay how can they create value for the company I'm working at now what do I love to do now and then look for ways to do that outside of your job yeah because I think that that's a really important piece because it's I think for most of us it's baby steps to manifestation right like you have to so if you're really feeling anxiety about something you really have to take care of that before you could move on to the next step for most people unless you're a Joe Dispenza or whatever so okay so back to bending reality because this really fascinates okay okay okay so okay so I think the first assumption that we talked about is that you got to assume that you're not in control of the material world anything external to what's inside of your thoughts and your feelings and your emotions you don't control so you have control of that and you control what you do about it right you have a willpower to take action and do the things you need to do so with the seven day manifestation experiment for example right which is a video that I put out I think 2013 I was like what's a simple easy way to show people how to manifest and it was very it was very simple there's three steps it was my first this suck pick three things that you want to manifest over the next week one of them being money and it's got to be believable to you that's number two it's got to be like an eight to ten scale and then just go inside for five minutes every day and feels if you already have it and then forget about it don't try to like do something about it like okay I got this goal just forget about it just go back to a state of being a piece of being ecstasy and throughout the day just nurse that connection with that observer and then the obvious things will show up so I think it's more about internal control of your desires and your feelings and then what happens is the universe aligns with that and a lot of cases what you think you want that person that car that hosts that job universe will give you something 10 times better but you want to be in a state of ecstasy to attract it I don't know if that helps it does help it does help I just I think I find it so fascinating this whole idea of the your external environment being a projection of what's going on internally you know and so in order to really to really really improve your life and this is really hard to get when everything is falling apart and that's kind of who I want to do this podcast for for people who are like super stressed out and their lives are falling apart but like the whole idea of like if you can just work on yourself because you can try externally to put out fires but the problem is is that once you put out one fire you're gonna find another fire just like that you're sort of just gonna be living in this like loop of patterns so like the idea of manifesting so you you know you wake up in the morning you say okay I'm gonna sit on my Seza bench or whatever for like 20 minutes and I am just going to when you think about what you want do you think about the process of getting what you want like where do you start on that yeah so you know one of the things that works for me is that I always think about what am I doing to create value for client right and like how amazing the experience would be for them it's not even about me and then because of that the reaction to that is money coming as revenue to our company right because I'm focused so much on like creating so much like I want the most amazing experience for them now if you can't feel that you want the most experience amazing experience for your clients or for your for your manager or for the person you work for then I would say that you've got some internal resistance to that process because or you need to really think about what makes you happy and get out of that job and then do something that you can be happy doing all the time even if it's less money in the beginning so you know the most important thing you can do is like you get to the end of your life let's say you build a company and it's doing a hundred million dollars a year but you're super stressed you're divorced and you're unhappy what the fuck was the point right what was the point right right however if you get to the end of your life and you're like okay I'm really happy which is the really only marker that you need I'm really happy where I'm at you're gonna be happy in your relationships you're gonna be happy with the work that you do you're gonna be happy with anyone that you're with because you're you're in a state of bliss and the result of that is gonna be work that you love to do you're gonna spend more time working with your clients or working in your job and you're gonna get the promotions and you're gonna get the money because you just love freaking doing it you would do it for free that's how you know you're in the right career so I think the question is more about like on the job side of things it's like if you could just really really hone in on what makes you happy and then just block out and if you ask if you watch any sort of spiritual leader or guru talk about manifestation at the highest level they will all say the same thing do the thing that makes you happy connect back to the seven-year-old or the five-year-old the six-year-old if it's funny because you know for some people it's like well from seven to eight I got bullied and it was crappy okay what was it like before that when you're six oh it's great okay go there right go back to when you're five or six what did you do what were the things that you did that make you happy those are the things that would make you happy in a job today but because we spend so much time and I'm gonna say 99% of our waking time during the day bringing in perceived stimuli and then making choices about that based on what's coming from the outside we're making choices that don't make us happy we're making choices that make we think will make us happy when what I'm saying is yeah oh go ahead go back to that five six-year-old and in the beginning for me and even now I spend a lot of time where I'm like okay I need time away from people yeah right I'll spend a day two three days because I need to I need to cultivate an internal vision for myself and then I can go back out in the world and share it you need to reach yeah yeah so so so whatever makes you happy when you were that age it doesn't change when you're 42 I'm 42 now 42 or 82 or 102 it doesn't change it's the same thing so those are the things that I would pursue because this whole manifesting thing gets so much easier when you're doing the things that make you happy yeah I mean I think the biggest challenge for people is to reprogram themselves right because it's like I know like you know my parents were from Greece and like I call it like the immigrant mentality where it's like you know like when I was a kid I was really into art I was really into all of that stuff and their whole thing was like you got to go into science you got to go into math you got and for the longest time I thought it was oh I have to have a quote unquote respectable job even though that doesn't feel like something that makes me happy and once I finally let that go but it took years and years of unlearning that program you know I mean and to no one's fault because that was what they knew you know and so I think it's I think that's the biggest challenge for people is like how do you reprogram your mind and and I think you really hit the nail on the head it's like you have to just pay attention and you have to notice when these thoughts come up yeah which again comes back to nourishing that connection with the awareness with that observer because that's where if you want to you will be the smartest that you've ever been when you're noticing what's happening inside that's where you'll be the most intelligent not when you're thinking thoughts when you're noticing what you're thinking because that's when you're like oh I caught it and you were going to go in one direction and try something and then you realize it was this thing over here that made you happy and you it was just like a split second and you caught it and then you kind of just you gave that attention and energy and guess what happens it attracted more and you got more thoughts about it and then all of a sudden it's it's a spark it just goes yeah and I really believe that you get guided to I mean whatever you believe in if you believe that there's anything out in the ether or not but I know for me a couple of weeks ago I had to make a really hard decision and it was it was really scary to make the decision that I made but I was like all right I'm gonna make this decision I'm not gonna stress about this anymore I'm not gonna give myself anxiety it's done I made this and sure enough like after that like that day like three really random crazy events that I didn't expect to happen just sort of happened that was sort of like a message of like whatever happens you're gonna be taken care of so it's kind of interesting to like pay attention to your thoughts but also like pay attention to what happens on the outside when you finally make that decision yeah exactly and I'll add one more thing because I think this is I think I was watching a video yesterday I thought oh that's so good and it's such a simple thing if you write down every day and I do this if you write down a list of things you want to do every day you're like okay these are the things I want to accomplish for the day I'd start with like three things I wouldn't make it like ten things because you won't get it all done and then you'll still sabotage so you start with three things because it's like it's it's easy enough where you're like okay I can accomplish those three things and you do that every day for like 30 60 90 days what's going to happen is you're going to naturally feel good about yourself and feel that you're worth more because you're doing what you said you would do you're keeping your promises yeah so this is a free programming right so you're reprogramming yourself you're keeping your promises you're feeling good about yourself you're going to want a job or a client that pays you more and you've probably never thought of it before but there are plenty of people that will pay you more if you feel you are deserving of it and that's the one of the best ways to become deserving of more money is to just every day just write down three things you want to accomplish through whatever things you want to accomplish I want to write a blog post I want to post a youtube video I want to talk to my employer about whatever uh a raise or performance review you write down what they are for you you know it's important to you and then you write down those three things the night before and then you do them the next day even if you don't feel like doing them you surrender you'd be like I'm doing it and what happens is 30 60 90 days out you're just like damn I'm awesome right I'm so awesome yeah and I I want and then guess what happens you attract people that see your awesomeness they see your value so that's how that's attraction at the ultimate level if you want to attract more value and create more value for people it's like you got to honor the value yourself by just doing that simple test that simple experiment day to day to day and that's really key because I hear that a lot it's just creating value like constantly creating value and I think that that is something that people tend to miss a lot I mean I know that I've been in those phases of my life where I'm like I am so stressed out I can't even think about creating value for anybody else you know but it's like really getting beyond that point and sort of realizing it's not really about the money it's not really about having this person in your life it's all just kind of an illusion it's more about the feeling that you get when that happens you know just feeling good and once you start doing things and adding value in other people's life it's that feeling you get that feeling so is there a way to quickly manifest like what if you're like I want to manifest ten thousand dollars in two days comes down to your belief mmm interesting right so I mean if you believe that you can like I'll give you a great example so in the last month I signed two clients for almost like both together like seventy thousand dollars so for me to do that in the next two weeks that's an eight out of ten for me right but if you would ask me a year ago that would have been like zero out of ten okay right I could have signed a six or nine thousand dollar client that would be a seven eight or ten so I worked my way up and for a long time I was selling ebooks and I was also selling a sixteen hundred dollar course and I got good at that what happened is I decided at one point this is a few years back I'm gonna go to something that's worth five thousand dollars and I thought it was gonna be easy and I was wrong because my belief systems okay it didn't support my belief systems did not support a five that there was a lot of negative stuff going on when I thought about that what if someone asked for a refund what am I gonna deliver to them what if I don't get them results there was a lot of risk to me so I had to go through sign my first client go through the experience lose some money get another client keep the money get another client negotiate you know like maybe we're gonna pay a little less until I felt worthy of that money and then once it was like at the point where it's like okay now I can go to like five thousand six thousand ten thousand eighty thousand no sweat man easy now because of thousands and thousands and thousands of actions and feelings and thoughts that I had so you're gonna have come to a moment in time five six seven eight nine ten years from now we're gonna be like I want to manifest ten thousand dollars and it's gonna be a cinch just be patient and keep focusing on changing your internal state your energy and eventually you get to a point where you have beliefs to support that and it will be easy for you so I hear what you're saying about you have to go through the process and you have to you know so you your first client you got them and you lost money and then you went to your second client and you sort of built from there but so like if you're an independent contractor let's say and you don't believe in your value like you constantly feel like you're overcharging your clients or you're not charging them for hours of work because you know you're worried like maybe you're not worthy of that or whatever whatever is holding you back in your mind as you experience that kind of rejection because you will experience that kind of rejection if you don't feel like you're worthy of getting it how do you take that experience of rejection and become build from it become more confident so that when you go on to the next client you're like okay I've already experienced this but now I'm a little more confident with this one do you see what I'm saying does that make sense yeah so two things so one is you can and you what you were explaining Maria like you can see that this rejection that's coming in the future is self-created right right right right because it's like oh I'm charging too much oh you know it's I'm overcharging the client so what I would say to that is because I went through it and then there's like oh here's your money back yeah yeah so so part of it is like attracting the right client that you can deliver the value to it's not it's not like if someone just gives me money I can I can deliver no it doesn't work that way and you can it's easier to deliver the clients that you can create the most value and so maybe this is a contrast experience for you where it's like you're gonna get clients where you're not able to deliver as much value or and you're gonna get contrast and then be like okay well who could I deliver more value for right and then it's like oh this person oh it's so much easier to deliver so much more value for them I feel like they're getting the deal as opposed to me like I'm not charging enough that's how I feel about my clients but how do you flip that you just practice you just practice thinking that you do the affirmations in the mirror how do you how do you flip from saying I'm not worthy I'm not gonna charge for these hours to they are getting such a good deal with me it's basically like I'm paying them like how do you switch that mentality so the confidence right where does that come from yeah Jerry Seinfeld I don't know if you've watched his the comedians and key media yeah I watched one with Jim Carrey it was having coffee and whatever yeah comedians driving and having coffee or something yeah yeah so in cars having coffee so he says you fake it yeah and and he's cut he's right right it's like you are confident that it's all gonna work out you you know you are sure that it's gonna be in the best interest of the client so that comes back to that connection to the awareness it's like if you're aware and that stuff comes up just breathe through it and notice it it's probably a latent fear that you have about something if it's worry or it's like just breathe through and notice it and just keep doing that if it takes 15 minutes 30 minutes and need to sit there and breathe and notice it or go for a run and notice it and breathe through it and you start to get chest pain and you're just like oh because it's his body feelings right just breathe and notice it guess what happens after a while if you keep running or whatever it is it goes away it's gonna dissipate oh okay what was I really worried about oh I won't worry about anything oh okay business as usual then go back to you know visualizing and feeling as if it's fantastic and working out you got to notice when you're getting body feelings from your past coming up because you know we're all trying to expand and grow right our we're trying to expand and grow our presence and so as we're doing that you're gonna come up against old patterns and those are gonna come through you and filter through his body feelings mostly fear as it comes up it might manifest into like a skin rash or it might come up as a headache or for me I used to get it's been so long since I had it I forgot what it's called when you get the you get your your basically vertigo that's what it is yeah you guys to get all the time imbalanced right I was totally imbalanced because I was afraid to really do what I wanted to do and then when I started doing it and I'm happy the fear subsided it's like this is great this is so much fun so I don't know if I answered your question but that's that's kind of how I would look at it is there anything else you want to add to that you know what if you're like listening to this still and you're like okay what's a good thing to do next is an action step of course you can go to freedom education dot ca that's the blog where I've got a lot of content there I got a YouTube channel as well but what I would say is grab a piece of paper none of people not a people do this grab a notepad and a pen and write down three things you're going to do as a result of listening to this three actions you want to take that will help you accomplish something that will get you closer to your dream something small that's something that's take hours 30 minutes 15 minutes it might even freak you out to do it but I'm gonna say do it anyways and then continue that practice for the next 30 days and notice if you feel that you have more confidence and higher self-esteem if you do keep going the rest of 2020 keep going do it all year that's it that's excellent advice I love that I mean I think too that just to add to that a little bit it's also like you really need to be clear on what you want because I think a lot of times we're like oh I want something better I'm not happy at my job I'm not having my relationship and it's like well what do you want it's like I don't know I just I just know it's not this you know and it's like it's sort of that thing where you're like what do you want to do today I don't know what do you want to do today and then you make a bunch of suggestions and the person's like no I'm not into it I'm not into this or whatever so it's like I think really it's I love that take three action steps to get you to your goal but be really clear on your goal and I think also be clear on the why right why do you know why do you want money you want the financial freedom why do you want this new relationship so yeah I think and I'll add one more thing Maria so and if you're like okay I wrote down my three things I'm ready to take action I'm gonna do it in the next 24 hours and then you don't do it don't beat yourself up for it yeah because you know what sometimes you don't have the fire the desire is not there you're not in enough pain yet to do something about it you might need to go through more pain until you're ready to do something about it that's been my experience is like as soon as the pain gets high enough I'm just like okay now is the time to go we're gonna do this I'm freaking out about it but the pain having the pain of not getting what you want or having the pain of not fulfilling your potential is bigger and more amplified than the fear and now you're ready to go yeah it's really interesting that whole idea of like I really want this I really want this but I'm procrastinating because I'm comfortable right I may not be happy but I'm comfortable and you just you have to keep going until you're completely uncomfortable right like maybe it's you lose that job or maybe you know whatever and then you get to that point you're like oh crap now I actually have to do something about this and that's what lights the fire underneath you so yeah that's a really good point I mean I wish it wasn't like that honestly like I wish you're like okay well I'm comfortable and I'm pretty good right now so I'm just gonna start the process of doing this now but unfortunately and me included that's usually like not the case for most people so yeah yeah and it you know it's interesting the timing of this conversation because I've already talked to two people in the last week that are like three now actually now that I think about it that are like on shaky ground with their jobs have high blood pressure and it's like it's time to change like now is the time to do it not later go are they motivated to do it now or are they still waiting it's still waiting yeah still waiting well out of the three one is not one's ready to go yeah yeah and it's when they're ready I'm like I can't do it for you well that's just as I mean I remember periods in my life where it's like okay this is falling apart Maria are you ready to do this now it's like no not yet I'm still comfortable I still want to just wrap myself up in a blanket and watch my stories or whatever it is like just not deal with life and then it's like you know sometimes it just takes everything truly falling apart before you get to that point so hopefully if you're listening to this you're not gonna let it get to that point yeah and if there's a and here's a bit of perspective for you if you are in that place is that fall in love with your growth as opposed to your comfort fall in love with your growth like really really fall in love with your growth like if you want to manifest a money a car relationship go work out you're like what does have to do with anything you're growing and focus on like if you're a runner and you love to run or you do yoga I'm gonna go to the 60-minute class or the 30-minute class next time I'm gonna go to the 60-minute class then I'm gonna do the 90-minute hot yoga like really test yourself and say what the hell does have to do with money or anything you're growing that's the whole point and remember t.

R.

Vector always said the way you do anything is the way you do everything so focus and fall in love with growth and you'll be good that's really really good advice yeah and I think that's part of that like growth is what makes you grow is the discomfort of it right like really embracing that feeling I mean yesterday I'll tell you a story I was doing really well and I was going to yoga every day for January and half of February because that was my resolution I'm like I'm gonna get healthier I'm gonna go to the gym and then I just kind of dropped off because I got so busy with just work stuff and just life stuff and I dropped off and so yesterday was my first day back and it was like I hadn't been to yoga class in four years I was I felt like I was so out of shape I felt so uncomfortable and halfway through the class I'm like I just want to give up like I don't like being this uncomfortable you know and it and at that point I was like okay just really feel this feeling and just be with it and just know you're just gonna be in this class for another half hour like you can't leave in the middle class so just like really really trying to embrace that because I know I just feel like it's just the human condition to just when something feels icky to just run away from it but I think it's like really important to emphasize that if it feels bad it's not gonna kill you you know and it's okay to feel good yeah it's okay it's totally okay it's totally okay yeah no a fantastic and like you know you're doing the yoga or whatever it is you're doing and you're looking at other people what they're doing never compare yourself to other people compare yourself to your previous self like how did you do last month when you went to yoga how did you do last week and say oh I didn't go well good for you you went today you know what I mean so you're yeah you're one up and it's like focus on comparing yourself to your previous self that's all you want to do and if you see wow I lifted that much more weight I ran a little bit further I did that pose that was the hardest pose to do in the hot steaming yoga you know like good for you that's something to be proud of and Amazon's Jeff Bezos remember someone said you know how important is appreciation in your daily ritual and he said it's not as important as being proud because if I'm proud of something I'm gonna take action on it and I thought that was brilliant so that's the other thing is that your growth should be something that you're proud of if you fall in love with your growth thank you see thanks for your time today I know we went over but thanks for hanging out with me and talking to me and yeah you're welcome so much fun.