Ai Tai To The Ugly Man

A two-thousand-year-old story by Daoist master Chuang Tzu of how an exceedingly ugly man turns out to be a wise counselor to the Duke of Lu... A meditation on how one's outer form does not always show who we are inside...one of my favorite stories from ancient Daoism!

Transcript

So this is another ancient story from the Zhuangzi and again I'm doing my interpretation of the story.

So I've added some stuff and kind of expanded on it and I call it Ai Tai To,

The ugly man.

Ai Tai To was an ugly man,

That is true.

As a matter of fact he was more than ugly,

He was monstrous.

His head was huge with thick black eyebrows that almost but not quite met in the middle.

His brow likewise was thick and stuck out from his forehead like a cliff.

His nose was crooked as were most of his teeth.

His whole body seemed twisted and stumpy like an old tree trunk.

His hands were huge with thick hairy knuckles and blunt fingers like shovels.

All in all he was a most ugly man.

And yet,

Ai Tai To had many friends it seemed.

When I arrived at his village all I had to do is speak his name and the faces of the villagers would light up.

Ah,

Tai Tai To,

Yes he lives here among us and most fortunate are we,

A greater friend and neighbor a man could never have.

And most amazingly when I would ask of some comely maiden she would blush,

Cast down her eyes and say,

Ah yes,

Ai Tai To,

Such a man.

With such admiration and longing in her voice that I nearly fell off my horse with amazement.

Is this the ugly man that I have been searching for I wondered?

How could this be?

I had expected people to shudder at his name.

I'd certainly expected young maidens to shrink with revulsion at the very thought of him yet here they were acting as if he were a prized catch.

When my counselors had told me about this man they intimated that perhaps he could be useful to me in court.

As Duke of Lü I had need of such men.

Men who could give me useful and sage advice.

It is not easy being a ruler.

When the great sage Gong Fu Tzu,

Confucius said,

The people are like grass,

The ruler is like the wind.

I do not think he knew then just how difficult it is to be the wind.

Push too far and people rebel.

Lives are lost,

Crops are destroyed,

Soldiers are called out and much money is lost in quelling the rebellion.

On the other hand,

Be too easy on them and the people will not work,

Will not produce,

Will not cooperate with the tax collectors and again revenue is lost.

My kingdom is small.

I have alliances to keep up with my more formidable neighbors.

Expensive alliances.

I am but a small frog in a large pond and I'm surrounded by large carnivorous beasts.

I must constantly placate,

Supplicate and yet not appear too weak lest I be eaten up in one gulp.

Yes,

I have need of good counselors.

Men who have vision,

Insight and the ability to see into the future.

The great sage has given us much direction from the past.

If we only pay attention to the rights and relationships between classes of men,

We will prosper.

Yet it is not always enough to see into the past.

Sometimes it is imperative to be able to see into the future.

I did not tell him my true name at once but told him that a friend in the capital had recommended him as a good person to meet in this area and since I was a stranger here on business I'd sought him out.

I do not think that he believed me even then but he pretended to and taking my hand led me into his house.

Once inside the door I could see that although it looked very humble indeed from the outside,

It had a kind of rough elegance on the inside.

Everything was clean from the floor to the ceiling,

Much more so than I was used to seeing in this rustic villages.

There were tools,

He was a carpenter by trade,

Lined up tidily on shelves that he himself had constructed,

Simple and sturdy.

A small fire was snapping happily in the fire pit and a rice pot was bubbling away.

He led me then over to the fire and sat me down in the seat of honor and pressed the bowl of rice upon me.

I had not eaten since leaving the capital,

Not wanting to arrive too late in the day and so was very hungry indeed.

He crumbled a bit of salt,

Poor villagers received very little of this precious ingredient,

Into my rice and added a few shreds of wild onion.

I do not know why but the taste of that simple bowl of rice has remained with me to this day.

Having lived all my life in the capital and most of it at court,

I had of course eaten many wonderful and exquisite meals,

But sitting at the fireside with this strange and wonderfully ugly man and eating this simple meal has been one of the most unforgettable experiences of my life.

We spoke very little that first night.

We simply sat by the fire eating and later drinking a very strong rice wine that I Taito brewed himself,

Nodding to each other now and again.

For some reason I did not feel the need to speak much with this man.

I felt comfortable just being there,

Eating and drinking and watching the strange shapes that the firelight made on the walls of his humble hut.

Eventually my eyelids growing heavier and heavier,

I felt myself being led to a pallet in the corner of the room and lying heavily upon it I fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.

In the morning when I woke up,

I Taito was sitting at the small fire just as he had the night before.

I went over to him and sitting beside him began to tell him of myself.

I held nothing back.

I told him who I really was and what kind of problems I had and what kind of help I was seeking.

I spoke for a very long time and all the while I Taito said very little.

Every once in a while he would speak a word or two,

Gently pointing out some new approach to a problem that I had not considered.

Once or twice he even laughed,

Mostly when I was in my deepest despair.

Strangely though I was not offended by this.

His comments always struck me as inherently wise,

Yet very simple.

I could see then that he was no ordinary man.

Even if his exceedingly ugly features would be out of place in the elegant court surroundings I was used to,

I knew that to have him there would make my life so much easier and richer.

He had a way of listening to what I had to say with absolutely no judgment.

He just soaked up what I was saying and then reflected it back to me like a mirror.

I saw then that many of my deepest fears were really of little importance.

His solutions,

Given in the fewest words possible,

Appeared so simple and so obvious that it seems as though I had thought of them by myself.

Later on of course I learned that he had spent years studying with various Taoist sages,

But back then I knew nothing about Taoist sages.

But after spending that morning with him I knew that I needed this man by my side.

I invited him,

I entreated him,

I practically begged him to leave his little back-country village and travel with me to the court where he would live in a great house and have servants,

Fine food and clothes.

He of course refused.

At the time I did not understand this.

I thought him merely perverse or prideful or perhaps a bit frightened of the big city.

But however much I offered to reward him,

I Tai To made it very clear to me that he had no interest in living in the capital.

He liked living in a small village where he knew everyone and everyone knew him.

Perhaps he was a bit shy about his strange looks and how they would be received by the sophisticates in the capital.

But I now know that he had a strong aversion to what he considered the artificial court life.

Later on he would explain to me that living in this simple fashion allowed him to feel closer to Tao in all its manifest and unmanifest glory.

His teachers,

Simple rough men and women he had met in the mountains,

Where he had gone to gather wood to work into furniture,

Had shared much of their wisdom with him when he was young and impressionable and he had never forgotten it.

Be like water,

They told him.

Water takes whatever shape it finds itself in.

It does not judge,

It does not complain,

It does not try to change things.

It is the source of patience.

Given time it can wear away stone.

Be like water.

And further,

Be like the young plants,

Pliant and supple,

Plants as they grow old,

Stiffen and become brittle and easily broken.

Be like plants.

And still further,

Be like a simple block of wood.

Remember when you search the forest for the right wood to build your furniture,

How you look for certain qualities and characteristics.

You look for the shape of the piece you're going to build as if it was already in the wood itself.

You too are a simple block of wood with all your ineffable qualities and characteristics waiting there to be freed by your own spiritual practice.

Be simple and natural like a block of wood.

They told him these things and they showed him the simple yet profound writings of their teacher,

Lao Tzu,

The revealer of the way,

Who had once been the royal archivist in charge of the Imperial Library,

Who had sickened of a corrupt and cruel society and so had left for the far-off wilderness,

Never to be seen again.

But before he went away,

He had left a small book of some of his teachings,

Called the Tao Te Ching,

To be shared with others,

Those who wanted to rule a country and those who wanted to rule themselves.

Ai Taito was strong and robust even by country standards.

How he could maintain his health so well with the simple food of the country and his own often back-breaking labor,

I did not understand.

I,

Who had lived all my life at court,

Could barely keep up with him when we went on a walk later that day.

He stopped and showed me how to breathe from my heels.

He told me that if men only knew how to breathe properly,

Many of the diseases that laid waste to us could easily be avoided.

I watched him as he moved among the trees,

Often reaching out and caressing a certain one.

He would even murmur things to them as if they were old friends.

I saw,

Too,

How he moved like an animal there in the forest,

Not like a clumsy,

Noisy man as I did.

I saw that he was at home there,

Not as a man,

But as a part of the forest itself.

When we returned to his hut,

I again entreated him to come with me,

But again he refused.

Finally,

Taking pity on me,

I believe,

He said that he would come when winter arrived,

Since he would no longer be able to move through the forest as he liked anyway,

With the snow and the cold.

I rejoiced then and thanked him.

I would have given him gold right then,

But he refused it,

Saying he had not yet earned it.

I should wait until he came to me and then see if he was worth anything at all.

I waited the rest of that year impatiently.

I had arranged to obtain a copy of the book by Lao Tzu that I Tai To has shown me,

But I had much trouble in understanding it.

It seemed to be written in such a simple yet obtuse fashion that I could make very little sense of it.

I knew that there was something there for me,

But I could not find it.

I know now that it was my own mind that got in my way.

If I had been able to relax and just listen to the sage's words with my shen,

Or spirit,

Mind,

I would have understood all that was there,

Just as I Tai To had.

But this I did not learn until much later,

After I Tai To had left me,

And it was too late.

Finally the day came when one of my guards announced that a very ugly and rude man had arrived,

Asking to see me.

He had,

Of course,

Driven him away immediately.

Beside myself,

I pushed him aside and ran out of the palace,

Searching for my friend.

I found him in the marketplace,

Sitting with the craftspeople,

Comparing notes on woodworking and drinking wine.

I led him back to my palace,

In front of my dumbfounded guards,

And into my inner chamber.

There I prostrated myself at his feet,

Though he immediately drew me up.

I had been having much trouble with my rapacious neighbors and had great need of his counsel.

He was able to help me then.

He gave me good and useful advice,

Cutting through all the usual layers of false diplomacy and erroneous truths.

I followed it and prospered.

Every day I Tai To would sit with me and give advice on the ruling of my kingdom,

Often quoting from Lao Tzu's work.

Rule a kingdom as if cooking a small fish,

He once told me.

If you interfere with it too much while cooking,

It will fall apart and be inedible.

In the evening,

He would sit with me and help to calm my mind and train my breathing.

We would sit for hours,

Exploring deeply the wonders of the inner world of Tao.

He became my confidant,

My teacher,

My counselor,

And the best friend I ever had.

At first,

No one else in the palace trusted him.

With his strange and even hideous looks,

They were sure that he was evil.

But gradually,

They came under his spell,

Just as I had,

Just as the villagers in his own home had.

Even my ladies-in-waiting,

Instead of shrinking back in revulsion,

Began to ask about him wistfully,

And I found myself becoming a little jealous of him.

How he managed this transformational people's regard of him I never truly understood.

Of course,

To me,

He was useful and wise.

He knew the ways of the human heart better than any man or woman I had ever known.

Often,

It seemed that he was even able to use his ugliness to his own favor.

Perhaps,

If he had been as handsome as he was wise,

He would have become,

Like most other men,

Crafty and selfish.

Perhaps his suffering,

As I am sure he must have suffered growing up with that face,

Had taught him something about the human condition that others did not know.

All I know is that after the initial shock of seeing him for the first time,

People relaxed and were able to open themselves to him,

Where they were unable to others,

Even me.

Often,

I found him giving counsel or advice to various members of my court.

He would accept no reward from them,

Saying he was being generously paid by me already and had no use for more gold.

There was no place to spend gold in the forest.

Eventually,

I began to rely upon him so greatly that one night I awoke with the idea that he,

I Taito,

Should be the ruler of my kingdom instead of me.

I was overjoyed and humbled by this idea.

I ran to him in the morning and joyously told him of my plan.

I would hand over the reins of the state to him.

I would remain,

Of course,

In the court,

But only as a sort of regent or second in command.

I had expected him to share this vision with me and be as happy as I was.

I was wrong.

His face clouded over as soon as I told him of my plans.

For the first time I saw him as truly ugly.

His features grew dark and bunched together.

I was afraid he was becoming angry.

I stopped speaking and watched him struggle with himself for a few moments.

Then he began breathing deeply,

His face unclenched,

And he looked again as my wise counselor and friend.

I must think about this,

He told me and turned away.

Please,

Let me alone to think about this thing.

I went away and stayed away for the whole day.

Of course I thought he's overwhelmed with my idea.

After all,

He's a simple rustic peasant.

The thought of being a ruler is a very difficult thing for him to accept right away.

I would wait until morning and approach him again.

But when I went to his chambers in the morning,

I found that he was gone.

He had left in the night and no one had seen him go.

I searched frantically for him throughout the whole town,

But he was not to be found.

I even traveled again to his far off village,

But no one there had seen him either.

Now,

Years later,

I think I have begun to understand a little of why I,

Taito,

Did not accept my offer and allow me to step down in his place.

At first I thought it was he was frightened of so great a responsibility.

But then I realized he was not frightened by anything.

I thought back to the first night that he had spent here in the palace,

How he had paced the floor of his splendid chambers like a wild animal,

And I thought then he would bolt and return to the forest.

I asked him what was wrong.

Were his quarters not comfortable enough?

This is a trap,

He had answered,

Looking for a moment like a great bear.

My friend,

You have trapped me here,

And I do not know if I will be able to escape.

I had stood dumbfounded by this.

Why would you want to escape from here,

I had asked,

Looking around at the sumptuous surroundings.

Because I will lose myself in here with all these comforts.

I will lose my sense of the way and become lost in the world of dust and duty,

He said.

I assured him he would be able to leave whenever he wanted.

He seemed to calm down then,

And as the days passed,

I thought that he had become more accustomed to his rich surroundings,

But he had not.

He knew as soon as I offered to step down and give my throne to him that if he had accepted,

He would be lost forever,

Just as I was.

I knew that he had struggled with his sense of duty and obligation and even friendship for me,

But at the end,

He had chosen to be true to himself,

And for that I was and am glad.

Often I think of my ugly friend as I grow ever older here in my palace.

I think that I am a slighter better ruler than I was before,

Thanks to him.

I often spend whole nights puzzling over passages of Lao Tzu's work,

And the older I get,

The more I think I understand.

It is at times when I am feeling tired and feeble-minded that I think I understand the most.

I can often see my old friend's face then with its ugly contours,

And I am grateful indeed for having known him,

But eternally sad that he had to go away.