Practice Detachment For Personal Power And Inner Peace

Why do the relationships and situations that once brought you pleasure and joy become the source of misery and suffering? The yogic teaching I’m going to share here works well with those relationships and situations that bring repetitive drama into your life and rarely any contentment or satisfaction. It also works to take the healthy aspects of your life to a whole new level of fulfillment. When we face challenges in relationships, consider that our problem might well lie in our attachments to people and situations. And the solution might well be found in the power of detachment. I’ll share with you why detachment is a superpower and why mastering the art of detachment can profoundly shift your relationships for the better with just about anything and anyone.

Transcript

The relationships and situations that once brought you pleasure and joy,

Why do the same situations or relationships become the source of misery and suffering?

I'm not going to dwell on the specific situations or relationships in this podcast,

But suffice it to say that the yogic teaching I'm about to share works well with those relationships and situations that bring repetitive drama into your life and rarely any contentment or satisfaction.

It also works to take the healthy aspects of your life to a whole new level of fulfillment.

Welcome to the Self Discovery Podcast.

On this podcast,

We talk about topics that enable you to live life being your greatest self.

We bring together modern scientific findings and ancient philosophies.

We share inspiration,

Insights,

And tools for elevating emotional intelligence,

Empowering inner growth,

And enabling your personal transformation.

I'm your host,

Smita Joshi.

I'm an avid yogi and a yoga teacher,

A high performance and transformation coach.

I'm also the author of the Amazon bestseller,

The Karma and Diamonds Trilogy,

A journey of self-discovery across continents and lifetimes.

Welcome to the podcast.

When we face challenges in relationships,

Consider that our problem might well lie in our attachments to people and situations.

And the solution might well be found in one of the most powerful things that I've learned from my 35 years of yoga,

Meditation,

And personal development,

The power of detachment.

In this podcast,

I'll share with you why detachment is a superpower and why mastering the art of detachment can profoundly shift your relationships for the better with just about anything or anyone.

We'll look at exactly what attachment is,

The four types of attachment styles,

What detachment is and what it's not,

And just what happens when you live with detachment.

So what is attachment?

Let's look at attachment by way of a scientifically validated theory.

John Bowlby,

A British psychologist,

Developed the attachment theory in the 1950s at the Tavistock Institute in London.

His colleague Mary Ainsworth helped him to develop the theory.

According to the attachment theory,

Humans have an innate drive to connect with others.

Bowlby defined attachment as a deep and enduring emotional bond that connects one person to another person across time and space.

Mary Ainsworth identified three main types of attachment.

Secure,

Insecure-anxious-ambivalent,

Insecure-avoidant.

As understanding has evolved,

A fourth type has emerged called insecure-disorganized.

The study found that the attachment styles that we develop in childhood continue into adulthood,

Affecting our partner selection and how we conduct ourselves in romantic relationships.

The four attachment types go something like this.

The person with a secure attachment style had a warm and loving bond with their parent and so developed the ability to form healthy relationships with those around them.

People who develop the avoidant style often didn't feel seen in their childhood and learned to accept that their emotional needs are likely to remain unmet.

They grew up feeling unloved and insignificant.

They often struggle with expressing their feelings,

Find it hard to understand emotions and react defensively.

As adults,

They tend to avoid intimate relationships.

Secure-avoidant types avoid intimate relationships.

The anxious-ambivalent style fears being abandoned and also fears the loss of connection.

They distrusted their caregivers in childhood and so grow up anxious and uncertain about their environment.

They seek constant validation and look for ways to avoid being abandoned.

Anxious-ambivalent types often feel unloved and are more likely to become needy and emotionally dependent.

A combination of anxious and avoidant attachment is known as disorganized attachment.

Having difficult relationships with their caregivers,

These children are unpredictable and even in adulthood,

They're known to blow up with anger and rage.

As adults,

They avoid intimacy and have difficulties controlling their emotions.

Does that mean that if we grew up in dysfunctional households,

We're doomed to fail in life?

Definitely not.

While the past participates in how we relate to life in the present,

The past certainly does not have to dictate how we shape our future.

In my own journey of healing the impact from my past challenges,

One of the things that's become clear is that regardless of attachment styles,

It's the subconscious entanglement of attachment to people,

Things and situations that is at the root of disappointment and emotional pain.

The solution to the problem that attachment creates in our lives can be found not in science but in India's philosophical teachings.

The Sanskrit word Upadana is used in relationship to attachment.

Upadana means fuel or material cause.

So consider that attachment is the fuel that energizes relationships and the situations that we find ourselves intricately connected to.

When our attachment comes in healthy doses,

Our relationships work.

But when we're unconscious of the impact that our attachment has on individuals and life situations,

Then there's a chance that it becomes an unhealthy clinging,

Even a toxic craving.

And because it's happening outside of your conscious awareness,

You may not even identify it as clinging or craving.

This is because attachment creates expectation.

And expectation arises from what the ancient Indian seers called Maya.

And with Maya,

Nothing is as it seems,

Say the ancient Indian Upanishads.

Maya,

They say,

Clouds your view by getting you thoroughly identified and entangled with the complexities of the mind and body,

So much so that you can't see beyond the entanglement of your attachments.

What you see may appear utterly real,

But given your veiled view,

You're not able to see the full picture.

So from inside the snare of Maya,

Enmeshed in expectations of others or from situations,

It's all well and good while our expectations are being fulfilled,

But when they're not,

We experience disappointment,

Anger,

Resentment and sadness.

We're disillusioned.

We're disenchanted.

And that's what Maya ultimately does for you.

That's also the trouble with attachment.

In ancient Indian teachings,

Such as the Bhagavad Purana,

Attachment is said to be the source of our suffering,

And it also tells us that it's our suffering that prevents us from experiencing nirrāṇa or nirrāṇa,

Nirrāṇa meaning inner freedom,

The highest state of happiness.

So what's the solution?

Several of the ancient Indian texts,

Including the Bhagavad Gita,

Tell us about the power of living life with detachment.

But the word detachment is often misunderstood,

Conjuring up images of being aloof from others,

Of avoiding people and situations.

And yet,

That's not what detachment is.

It also doesn't mean having to be emotionless.

It doesn't mean withdrawing from the world.

It doesn't even mean being without desires.

Sometimes people misunderstand detachment to mean shunning responsibility,

Shunning relationships,

Family and friends.

It's not that either.

It's also not about being apathetic to the plight of others.

So those are all misconceptions about detachment.

What then is detachment?

The best explanation I have of detachment is that detachment is the art of letting go.

Detachment is letting go of trying to overly control people and situations and force outcomes.

Rather than killing off your emotions,

Paradoxically,

Detachment puts you in charge of your emotions.

The difference is that when you're striving to be in control,

You're exerting force.

Whereas when you're in charge of your emotions,

You're able to exercise choice.

You're also able to create freedom for others to choose whatever serves them best,

Without any emotional repercussions between you.

So what happens when you practice detachment?

My books,

The Karma and Diamonds Trilogy,

Are in essence a journey of how to sift the gold from our difficult past experiences by identifying less and less with those challenging influences that have shaped us,

So that we can experience the freedom within of our true inner being.

Freedom from being stuck in the past.

Freedom from being defined by the impact of situations that were not in your control.

I've found that the more detached I become from people and situations,

The more objective I'm able to be,

And the more effectively I can navigate life's challenges.

Even when it comes to healthy and loving relationships,

Continually letting go of expectations and practicing detachment creates the space and freedom for genuine love and intimacy.

Rather than being aloof,

The practice of detachment allows the deeper connection within to your own self and also with others.

The more detachment you bring,

The less mental and emotional clutter you carry around,

And the lighter you become.

This is a lightness that opens you to flashes of new awareness,

Higher awareness.

You become more palpably aware of yourself as the observer,

The conscious being hanging out just behind the veil of thoughts,

Feelings,

Emotions,

And so on.

So detachment is an effective means of getting in touch with that wise,

Conscious part of you,

Atman,

That is beyond the drama and machinations of life.

You could say that all difficult relationships and situations are merely a medium through which to realise that we need not continue being a reflection of our familiar but limiting and even debilitating past.

The more we can keep letting go of whatever we've held to be the absolute truth,

The more lightness of being and inner peace can show up.

The Vedas tell us that the higher purpose of human life is to live fully in the world while at the same time identify less and less with the manifested world,

Even with our own humanity.

Detachment is what makes this possible.

It's a means by which you can increasingly align with who you are as consciousness.

The consciousness untainted by your past experiences so that you can manifest a future that is truly fulfilling.

So in a nutshell,

Practising the art of letting go of whatever limits us gives us a pathway to fulfilling on what's possible for us.

In a future podcast,

We'll look at how to detach.

If you got value from this podcast,

You might also enjoy my podcast about how to get clear about core values.

Thank you for listening to this podcast today and if you've enjoyed it,

Please do give us a high rating and review on whichever platform you're listening from.

Do check out the Amazon bestseller,

The Karma and Diamonds Trilogy,

Also available through my website smithajoshi.

Com,

Where you'll also find excellent guided meditations and free gifts to download.

I'd love for you to follow me on Instagram at smithajoshi108.

On YouTube,

You'll find me on the self-discovery channel Smitha Joshi.