Getting Help To Move Forward

For those of us who may need help getting back on our feet - post-Covid, mid-war - Jaime Mann a women's coach in Canada - pops in with advice. We all need a little direction sometimes. Do whatever it is you need to get your health and happiness back. The Japanese proverb says Fall down 7 times, get up 8. But I say - don't rush. The stars may have a message too. And join me on the 40-day challenge to work with your Spring intentions. Thanks for listening. Kc

Transcript

This is Shine On,

The health and happiness show with new episodes every week on how to live well.

Shine On is heard all over the world as a podcast,

But it's heard first on the radio in New York's Hudson Valley.

Hi,

It's Casey.

Thank you so much for tuning in to Shine On.

I cannot guarantee that this week's show will be any more uplifting than last week's,

But I'll try.

I'm sticking with the topic of what I feel seems to be a widespread fog among people,

And if you're not in the fog,

God bless,

That's wonderful.

Shine your light bright so the others,

Myself included,

Can find our way out.

This week I got my Shirley Graham.

Shirley MacLaine,

The actress involved in all things spiritual and supernatural,

I might add.

She sends out her Shirley Graham every couple of months,

And the words she started her newsletter with really sum things up for me.

She wrote,

Between COVID and all of its various mutations,

Inflation,

War,

And its horrendously inhumane consequences,

Isolation,

And the stressors of everyday life,

Most of us are exhausted mentally,

Emotionally,

And spiritually.

All of the events we have faced are beyond our control,

Yet it affects and in some cases controls our lives,

Leaving us drained and frustrated.

Shirley says,

Even though many of us believed the world was past the need for territorial supremacy,

We are witnessing the horrors of this type of conflict instigated by one person.

I suppose we needed a refresher course in this type of tyranny,

So the next time it raises up,

We recognize it for what it is.

Shirley says,

For many of us,

This is quite a lesson in control,

Which is an illusion.

It's also a lesson we can draw on as individuals and communities,

And a reminder that each one of us makes a difference in this world.

We can be an encouraging light of education,

Or we can be a teacher of what not to be by employing the darker side of ourselves.

The best we can do for our loved ones,

Friends,

Neighbors,

And especially ourselves,

Is to delve into the deeper inner work of balance,

Calm,

And peace.

That's the opening to Shirley MacLaine's Shirley Graham for March and April.

I'm sure you could Google,

Find her website,

And maybe this newsletter as well.

It goes on for many pages,

Talking about things going on around the world and things going on in space and daffodils.

She is one interesting lady.

But I thought those opening three paragraphs really summed up what I was trying to make sense of last week,

And that is,

You know,

I just can't get going.

I'm doing a little better.

The warmer weather helps.

Time in nature helps.

Time with the pets help.

And what really helped too was last week,

A couple of people reached out like,

Hey,

I heard your show,

And hey,

Me too.

So thank you for that.

And I also got a call from Jamie Mann.

And Jamie says,

Listen,

I want to be on your show.

And I thought,

I could really use a show this week.

So tell me about yourself,

Jamie.

My background is business and psychology.

So I decided to,

You know,

Use both of those skills to work with women as far as trying to reach for more and push possibility and living a life that,

You know,

Lights you up.

Beautiful.

Now,

What are your feelings about mental health diagnoses?

And I know you come from a particular angle here.

Based on my own experience,

I feel very strongly that,

You know,

Although we're talking about mental health,

Depression and anxiety a lot more,

Thankfully,

It still results in a lot of people kind of feeling like they're lesser than or they're broken,

Like this is something that's really going to,

It's like a chain around your neck that's weighing you down.

And there's so many things we can do for ourselves to really kind of let go of that heaviness and really grow into and expand into the person we were meant to be.

All right.

Do you think that people don't go to a doctor or a therapist because they don't want to be diagnosed?

Do you think there's that much stigma around it?

I definitely think that it's something that has a lot of fear for people.

As women,

I think we are kind of,

You know,

Very many of us are perfectionists.

We don't want to ask for help because somehow we make that mean that we're not good enough.

Right.

And so if we ask for help,

It means we're failing.

And a lot of times that can be a bit too triggering for a lot of people.

And asking for help,

I mean,

We're only human.

We can't do everything on our own and whether you're going to a therapist or another professional like a coach,

I think that's one of the most important things you can do for yourself.

How do you feel about medication for mood disorders and things like that?

Yeah,

Medication is definitely an important part of a whole plan as far as treatment goes for a lot of people.

I've been myself,

I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety after I had my first child.

I guess it's almost 15 years ago,

No,

Actually more than that now.

And looking back,

I've suffered definitely with depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember.

Medication has been part of my treatment plan for ages.

And I think for some people that is extremely important and it might be important for the rest of your life.

I think the trick is to basically look at it like if I had high blood pressure or some other sort of challenge,

A health challenge,

Taking medication is not viewed the same way.

It's no big deal.

And I think there still is some heavy feelings around taking medication for mood disorders.

I'm hoping that the fact that people are talking about it more is really breaking down that kind of resistance around it.

Jamie,

You're supposed to know how old your oldest child is.

Oh my gosh,

You're right.

You're right,

Sister.

I know if I don't have their birth certificate in front of me,

I am lost,

Girl.

And I think moms out there can relate.

I'm just like everyone else out there.

Absolutely.

You know,

So here we are,

Here we are post-pandemic.

And I have to tell you,

Because I've shared,

I shared this with my audience last week.

I am coming out of like perhaps my world's greatest slump.

And I say coming out,

I'm not done.

You know,

I'm still like half my leg in the slump and the other leg is moving forward.

And for me,

A part of it is definitely re-emerging post-pandemic.

I'm just,

I feel like I have a hangover.

I feel like I've got whiplash.

I feel like I don't even know if I want to go out.

When I do go out,

I have anxiety.

Like I've got this whole host of crazy stuff going on.

And if I just had to sit on my couch,

Actually sitting is really too much for me.

My girlfriend,

Joey and I were saying lying down is it,

You know,

Lying down,

Holding up the phone,

Watching TikTok videos.

That's about as much effort as I can put into my life.

But people are saying like,

What,

What,

What,

What do we do now?

Right.

This is a thing,

Isn't it?

Right.

Yeah,

It is a thing.

And I just want to put out there immediately.

The pandemic is a thing.

We are all different people now.

I know some people who would have said,

You know,

Pre-pandemic,

Like I am an extrovert,

Right?

But now they're looking at their life going,

I don't actually know if I am.

Was I ever an extrovert or did the pandemic do something to me?

And I think we,

First of all,

Need to acknowledge that if we are feeling different,

That is perfectly reasonable.

It's perfectly okay.

And the second thing is if we are trying to go back to being exactly the way we were before,

It might not feel as kind of comforting as we were thinking it would.

And that's okay.

A lot of people are coming back into the world a bit bruised and a bit slow and are kind of judging themselves harshly.

And I think that we need to give ourselves the space and grace to like acknowledge how difficult it has been and to allow ourselves the self-compassion to kind of like let ourselves feel that.

It's different out there.

We can look at these different feelings we're having about re-emerging as an opportunity.

Like this is,

It's new and that's okay.

I just hope everybody's not feeling what I'm feeling.

I think of like kids in school and teachers and I just,

It's just so much.

I wish they would turn the malls like into just group therapy sessions where you could all just drive somewhere and get some help.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

You know,

I was at a women's conference yesterday and the,

You know,

Resounding kind of energy around it and the feelings were so varied.

How wonderful it is to connect with other people again,

How scary it is.

Yeah.

And just kind of being okay with that.

I think that this is a time where many people are thinking about reaching out for some sort of support,

Whether it's therapy,

Whether it's working with a coach or finding a mentor.

Just the process of making sense of things I think is a really important step we can all take to kind of,

You know,

Help ourselves along because it is different.

There is burnout.

There are all these feelings that,

You know,

You talked about on your last podcast.

Yeah.

Boundaries,

Right?

Like all of that stuff.

And you know what I'm scared about,

Jamie Mann,

As I just,

You know,

Lie down on the couch and totally go Freudian here.

I'm almost afraid of the decisions I'm making right now and the things I'm doing right now.

Not that I'm doing much,

But I just feel like I'm not coming from my best place here.

And you know what I'm also seeing clearly that for the past,

I'm going to say year or so,

I have not been making good decisions.

Like I know that I know the first part of the pandemic,

I'm like,

Here I am to save the day.

I will work every day.

I will take care of everything.

I'm not going to the supermarket.

Somebody else do that,

But I'll just take care of everybody and everything.

And that was year one,

Year two.

My boundaries got shaky.

My decision making got shaky.

And I think that's part of it too.

I'm coming out saying,

What the heck have I been doing?

But anyway,

And I share this only because it may help somebody else if they're like,

Yeah,

You know,

Maybe I should be married or whatever.

And then there's the people that I've got no patience for those.

Oh,

Well,

Just think positive people.

Right.

What are we going to do with those think positive people?

Because I'm not sure they're on the same planet I'm on.

Yeah,

No,

I totally hear what you're saying.

I think that,

You know,

One of the things I'm doing right now is going for my practitioner certification as far as positive psychology.

And positive psychology,

I think is misunderstood because a lot of people think,

Okay,

If I'm going to be air quotes,

Healthy human,

I need to think positively.

That's what we're supposed to do.

And then my life is going to feel good all the time.

And I think that does a disservice to ourselves,

To all of us,

Because basically thinking positively dismisses what we're actually feeling in our bodies,

In our hearts,

In our souls.

It makes us feel disconnected from ourselves and from other people because we're going through this stuff.

Right.

And we're like,

No,

No,

Jamie,

Think positively.

Let yourself go there.

And then we think,

Well,

How come I have all this trouble trying to stay positive?

Like everyone else,

I don't know,

They seem to be doing good and what's wrong with me?

And this kind of results in like,

It can be frustration and sadness or again,

Like wondering what's wrong with me.

And that's a really lonely place to be.

I think that the key here is to allow ourselves when we are feeling that stuff,

Right?

The frustration or the shame or guilt.

We have to actually kind of allow that in a little bit and say like,

Hello,

Guilt.

Thank you for coming today.

You know,

What can I learn from you?

Why is this here?

And looking at it like it's just data.

So be curious about what you're feeling.

It's perfectly okay.

Like we need to give ourselves the grace to be like,

Hey,

What I'm feeling is true to me and that's okay.

Right.

And there's all sorts of things we can do to manage and work with those feelings and learn from them.

But it's definitely not going to work out if you dismiss them by immediately looking for that positive,

You know,

Mantra.

And you know,

We can get into whole spirals about like trying to rely on these mantras and then we just feel just bad.

And it's worse.

We're worse off.

Jamie Mann,

Are you from Canada?

I am.

Okay.

I heard it.

I didn't apologize or anything on our call.

And thank you,

By the way,

Thank you for Justin Bieber.

Things seem to be working out.

Yes.

Yeah,

That's right.

That's right.

There was a while there we wanted to send him back,

But no,

We're going to keep him there.

We like him a lot.

Yeah,

I agree.

Yeah.

You know,

That poor kid having to grow up on the world stage.

But anyway,

Even though you are in Canada,

People can still work with you.

Yes.

Where do we find you?

Yeah,

Absolutely.

You know,

Probably the easiest thing,

Of course I'm on LinkedIn.

And the easiest thing that was on Instagram.

You can find me under the Amaryllis Project,

Which is my coaching company.

And if you go there,

You know,

You can actually find my landing page.

I would suggest,

You know,

I've got some really good information.

If you kind of drop your email into my form on my landing page there,

I'll send you some really valuable information about managing your anxiety thoughts and kind of getting out of those worry spirals.

Because that's something that I'm hearing from a lot of my clients that they're struggling with these days.

But you can contact me through there.

And yeah,

I work one on one with clients.

I do,

You know,

Group experiences.

And yeah,

I just,

I have a passion to work with women who are like looking at things and going,

Hmm,

Am I happy with my possibilities here?

Like is this feeling right?

So those women I really resonate with and love working with.

I've got you.

I'm following.

All right.

I'm following you.

Thank you very much.

Now where do I put my name?

You'll see the link there for my,

I've just got a landing page on MailChimp there.

You can click on that and find me through there.

Bam.

Subscribe to the Amaryllis Project.

And you called it Amaryllis because?

Amaryllis flowers,

They can live for up to 75 years.

They are resilient.

They are beautiful.

They're showy.

I just think the determination of that flower,

It makes me think of what I think of women.

Women are determined,

They're resilient,

They're amazing.

And I think that women need to really own that and see that in themselves,

Which is something we all struggle with.

And I hear there is a karaoke addiction.

Ooh,

Ooh,

Yes.

Yes,

Casey.

I love,

I love me some karaoke.

I do love it.

I think it's hilarious and fun and I think it brings people together and it's one of my,

Yeah,

One of my little guilty pleasures.

I totally dig it.

So that's Coach Jamie Mann of the Amaryllis Project checking in this week.

Hi,

It's Casey and you're listening to Shine On,

The health and happiness show.

We have a Mother's Day Mother Daughter one day retreat coming up on Saturday,

May 7th.

You can find out more at casysplace.

Com.

And if you haven't joined the 40 day challenge yet,

Pick an intention and walk the path for 40 days.

You can jump on anytime,

We're just a week in that too at casysplace.

Com.

And on the Circle of Women page on Facebook and for everybody on Instagram at Casey,

K-A-C-E-Y,

Shine On.

Okay.

I also got a call this week from Dr.

David Bissonnette.

He wrote the book Insatiable,

A Nation's Unappeasable Hunger.

He has no idea how bad his timing is telling me I need to give up potato chips at this point in my life.

But he does offer some helpful information.

How do you know if you're stress eating?

There are two mechanisms.

One is what we call a homeostatic or a balance mechanism.

And that's where our hormones are able to assess our reserves of fat,

Right?

And that generally works pretty well.

We start to put on a little too much fat and our appetite isn't so good and so we don't eat as much,

Right?

And so we're able to keep that in check.

But we've got another one that is sort of emotional base.

It's a pleasure center and emotional base and that's where the stress comes in as well as our delight and enjoyment for food,

Which is a normal thing.

But the problem is our food industry through very sophisticated sensory evaluation labs have developed really,

Really addictive foods.

And so these addictive foods override that balance system I was telling you about.

And so whether it be stress or the delight for enjoyment or the chronic enjoyment of food,

Which becomes a problem,

Right?

Those are the things that really get us into trouble.

All right.

So are we talking about particular ingredients in processed or fast food?

We're talking about three ingredients,

Salt,

Sugar and fat.

And the food industry,

Like I said,

In the sensory evaluation labs are able to really get the right concentrations so that they reach what they call the bliss point,

The point of highest stimulation of our hedonic center.

And that's basically one of the reasons that I wrote the book Insatiable is because I wanted to peer into all of the diverse stimuli that are affecting us culturally,

At the sociological level,

Even at the spiritual level.

I want to find my hedonic center and unplug it,

I think.

Well,

You don't want to do that because life would indeed become pretty bland,

Right?

So we do need that enjoyment,

But it's just that the foods that we're eating have been very well processed and,

Like I said,

Sort of developed.

How do I know if I'm hungry or if I'm just emotionally hungry?

We have a tradition of two to three meals a day.

So when you eat at a meal and you eat well,

Then you know that you've got a sort of a sense of satiety.

But what's happened is that the food industry has developed back in the 80s the snacking,

The sort of snacking culture.

30% of our population now eats overall about 10 times a day.

This is how we know that we're overindulging.

But it's hard to know,

Like you said,

Because the culture have basically ratified this snacking process into our culture.

So we're snacking and we think that we're feeding ourselves,

But we're not.

So if you really want to know,

Then just stick to three meals a day and ultimately anything after that would be considered stress eating or emotional eating for the most part.

Okay.

So if this is outside of my meal time,

I'm really not hungry,

This must be emotional eating or stress eating.

Is there anything I can do about it?

The first thing is eliminate soda pop from your diet.

Soda pop is the leading cause or soft drinks,

The leading cause of obesity worldwide.

We consume as Americans something in the vicinity of about 54 gallons of soda pop per person per year.

And that was a study done in 2008.

It's a lot more now.

That is absolutely driving this insatiable hunger that I tried to explore in the book Insatiable.

So if you eliminate soda,

Years ago,

Dieticians used to say,

Well,

Have a little bit of soda and you can be reasonable about it.

But what we've discovered since because of the addictive nature is that actually soda pop is addictive and you've got to radically eliminate it from your diet and the diet of your children especially because of the fact that they are still in brain development and this whole idea of that kind of a stimuli is very,

Really bad for children.

The second thing would be to eliminate chips,

All forms of chips from the diet,

Not letting a few in,

Just eliminating them.

And then the third is absolutely eliminating,

And this is a hard one,

Eliminating desserts or at least reducing them.

And the reason for that is that they are processed and very unhealthy.

Most of the desserts we eat in the United States are just terrible.

And if we eliminated those three things,

We would eliminate the craving process that we're going through and we'd be able to realign our health in a very good way.

All right.

So when we step away from salt and sugar,

What happens to our bodies?

The withdrawal of sugar is only temporary,

Right?

We get this all out craving for sugar.

And in my experience with my patients,

What I found is within a week,

If I'm able to get them off POM for a week,

They come back to me and they say,

I never felt better and I don't have that urge anymore.

So we have this very short impression that the craving for sugar is going to last forever and it really doesn't.

It's quite shocking how fast we can withdraw from it.

And that is Dr.

David Bissonnette.

You can find him at insatiableone.

Com,

Insatiableone.

Com.

Thanks for tuning in today.

Time for our thought for the day.

And it comes from Shirley MacLaine who said,

I think of life itself now as a wonderful play that I've written for myself.

And so my purpose is to have the utmost fun playing my part.

Shine on.

You've been listening to Shine On,

The health and happiness show with new episodes every week.

It's time to shine on.