Healing Trauma

Marlee welcomes Jen Martelle, former Trauma Counselor, for a profound conversation about healing trauma. Marlee and Jen discuss how experiencing some form of trauma is part of the human experience, the energetics behind trauma, how to begin to heal, and how healing yourself lifts up everyone in your community. Heal your trauma, heal the world!

Transcript

Welcome to the Shifting with Marley podcast.

I'm Marley.

Thank you for joining me wherever you are.

All that I ask of you,

The listener,

Is to have an open mind and an open heart.

And in return,

I offer you myself.

Thank you for tuning in.

In this episode,

We're going to dive into a really important but potentially uncomfortable topic,

Trauma,

Specifically how we can heal and process trauma.

Because when we heal through trauma,

We heal ourselves.

We help heal those around us and the world gets just a little bit lighter.

Heal our trauma,

Heal the world.

I have with me today,

Jen Martell.

Jen was a trauma counselor professionally for a long time,

And also has her own experience with trauma personally,

Which she has really committed to healing in her own journey.

But most importantly,

Jen is really passionate about this topic and helping others.

Welcome,

Jen.

Thank you.

Hi.

Hi,

Jen.

Thanks for being here.

Thanks for having me.

I'm so excited to talk with you about,

You know,

All this good important stuff.

So important.

And Jen,

Before we dive into our conversation,

I really wanted to start by very broadly touching on some of the different forms of trauma,

Just to get across to people listening that trauma is complex and multifaceted.

And really that we all experience some form of trauma in our own way in our own lives.

Really,

Part of being human is dealing with trauma.

So I just want to start with the trauma that happens from an event like acute trauma,

Like sexual abuse,

Abuse from a partner,

Bullying,

Abandonment,

Then there's physical trauma,

Like physical abuse or a medical incident or an accident.

Then there is childhood trauma or developmental trauma,

Which probably all of us have in some form or another,

Even if we don't realize it or remember it.

And then emotional trauma,

Which I know is a really broad category,

But it's a big one.

And it's something that,

You know,

We all deal with throughout our lives and even in micro tiny ways on a day-to-day basis for some people.

And then there is the trauma of grief from losing someone you love.

And everything I just touched on is very individualized trauma,

But there's also group trauma,

Which is whole groups of people experiencing a similar trauma.

For example,

Refugee trauma,

The trauma of being a refugee in this world and everything you experience there,

Whole races of people that are abused or don't have their basic needs met,

The trauma of a whole race of people experiencing discrimination,

Racial trauma,

The trauma of a group of people who experience a disaster like from violence or from genocide or from a terrorist event or a natural disaster.

For example,

The effects of climate change can cause trauma.

It's called climate trauma.

And that is,

While it's kind of a new form of trauma,

It's something we're experiencing on a global level,

Almost on a daily basis at this point.

And then we can even go one step above that to collective trauma.

You know,

A big theme of this podcast,

As I've mentioned over and over,

Is that we are all connected.

Everything on this earth is connected.

Our traumas are each other's traumas.

So collective trauma,

Which also impacts the individual,

Is that trauma that's experienced by whole communities or societies or our entire species,

Like the COVID-19 pandemic,

Which has caused worldwide collective trauma.

And finally,

I just want to bring up more of the energetics of trauma that's passed between us and between lifetimes even.

And what I'm talking about here is stuff like generational trauma or ancestral trauma,

Because pain is passed through families,

And we experience this ancestral pain like our own.

And similarly,

There's past life trauma,

Which is trauma that your soul experienced in another lifetime but has brought into this lifetime,

Which can manifest in irrational fears,

Triggers,

Physical pain,

Lots of ways.

And like I said,

Trauma is really part of the human experience.

You know,

All of these different types of traumas,

The big traumas,

The micro traumas,

The little traumas,

They all add up and they can compound on each other.

And it's just so important to recognize and accept that we all have some sort of trauma that we're dealing with.

No judgment,

No comparisons,

No shame,

Just acceptance of where each of us are.

How'd I do,

Jen?

Beautiful.

Did I forget anything?

No,

I think you you hit the nail on the head there.

Yeah,

There's so many different types of trauma to just like throw it out there.

We're all brought into the world through trauma,

Childbirth is trauma,

Like we're all entering the world through trauma.

And like it just starts there.

You know,

I think that it's so common for people to minimize their own trauma because they're like,

Oh,

But this didn't happen to me or,

But I'm okay.

Like it could have been worse like this minimizing,

Minimizing,

Minimizing.

And you know,

That's why trauma gets stuck in stored in the body because it's not being processed and worked out.

And I just wish more people would look at it,

Not not to be like heavy and sad and in the grief of it,

But to process it and learn from it and grow from it.

Because really,

Like we all experience it at different points throughout our lifetime.

You know,

The definition of trauma is like a disturbing,

Distressing experience or a physical injury.

So who doesn't have that?

No one's life is perfect.

You know,

We're all facing it in one way or another.

And it looks so different for everyone.

It's been such a gift in my life to have amazing support systems to be able to look at my own traumas and work and heal through them.

And I just want that for everybody.

Yes,

Exactly,

Jen.

And that's why I just wanted to kind of go through that list because I wanted to establish for everyone listening a baseline for awareness and understanding of all the different forms of trauma and that experiencing trauma from the second you're born to when you die is part of being human.

And I want to focus our conversation from that baseline that everyone experiences it in their own way to now processing and healing trauma now that we've established that.

So Jen,

Can you share with us some of the ways that unprocessed trauma shows up in our lives and how it shows up in our bodies?

Yeah,

So I think it looks,

What's the best way to say this?

I think it looks very different for everybody,

But also very the same.

You know,

I think if you're holding on to any heavy emotion or trauma,

And you're not processing it,

And it's living in your body,

It creates dis-ease in the body,

Which is disease,

You know,

So it'll show up,

Whether it's you have really tight shoulders and a stiff neck all the time,

Or you get chronic headaches,

Or you,

It just finds,

It's like the gopher,

The whack-a-mole,

You know,

It's like,

One thing comes up,

You push it down because you don't want to look at it and it pops up somewhere else.

So while it might manifest differently for everyone,

I do truly believe that when it's unprocessed,

It finds another way to come up and present itself in a not so nice way.

So,

You know,

When you're not processing it,

You know,

I kind of tell people,

It's like down in the basement,

Lifting weights,

Getting stronger,

And it's going to come back,

Come knocking on your door,

And you know,

It's going to show up again.

So I think the most common way is dis-ease in the body.

So yeah,

People have like physical ailments,

They can't really explain,

Or like chronic anxiety,

Depression,

Different things like that are super common.

Yeah,

Absolutely.

And also unprocessed trauma,

Jen,

Tell me from right about this,

Shows up in our triggers as well,

Like our emotional triggers.

Oh,

Totally.

Yeah.

It's,

It's kind of like,

If you're not looking at it and you're not processing it,

In one way,

You're not looking at it,

But in it,

On the same,

On the other side of that coin,

You're seeing it everywhere.

So because you're choosing to not look at it and process it,

Something might happen that's not seemingly related,

But you have a response that triggers that same sort of,

It's coming from that guttural place of,

It's hitting that note of the trauma that you're not facing.

So,

You know,

Someone might say something kind of mean to you,

And it,

You're not realizing that it's like hitting this trauma from your childhood of somebody did this to you then,

And you never dealt with it.

And then you're reacting from that place is I guess the best way to say it.

So,

Yeah.

And I think too,

If people use their triggers as their guides,

If we can each take an observer's perspective,

Our triggers can teach us a lot about our wounds.

A thousand percent.

So I like to recommend people when they're safe to do so to just like have a conversation with their trigger and get really curious about it.

Like,

Hmm,

This person is like really triggering me,

But they didn't really do anything to me.

Like,

Why is that?

Like,

What is it about them?

Or that makes me really uncomfortable.

I don't even want to look at it or think about it.

Well,

Why,

Why can't you look at it or think about it?

You know,

So when you start to like dive into those things,

You'll start to like unearth it and it'll come up.

So you're a thousand percent right.

Triggers are such good teachers because they're,

They're showing us where work needs to be done.

Yes.

Get curious about your triggers,

Everyone.

So Jen,

How does trauma affect us energetically?

It is like,

I think of it as,

You know,

When you go to get like an x-ray at the dentist and they lay that,

Like,

I don't even know,

Like a lead thing over you,

Whatever it is.

And it's like weighted.

It's I feel like it's like that.

It's like putting that weighted blanket over you on your aura.

It's like keeping you suppressed in ways like energetically.

It's it creates all these blocks in your energy field and you're not firing it next capacity.

You're,

You're limited.

And,

And it quite literally rewire trauma rewires the brain.

So energetically,

Scientifically,

All of it,

Like there's so many things that it does that just like changes who you are.

And that's not to say that you can't come back from that or work through that,

But you have to do the work to get there.

Um,

Energetically,

It definitely takes a toll.

And,

You know,

It's not fun to look at the stuff that really sucks or that was really hard.

So I understand why people don't want to look at it.

It's uncomfortable.

But I do think that in doing so,

You start to feel lighter.

And that's because that a little bit of that weighted blankets,

Like getting lifted up as you start to process it,

It's not weighing down on your energy as much anymore.

Yeah.

And I think that perspective of energetics,

What it does to your brain,

How it affects your energy field,

How it weighs you down that perspective of energetics related to trauma is so important because everything is energy in this world.

And that includes trauma.

And by shifting our perspective to the energetics,

It kind of opens up a whole new world to understanding and to then healing.

And I think a lot of people look at it as they look at their trauma is like an event like this happened.

And they're like,

Well,

That happened 10 years ago,

Like,

I should be over it.

But our energy is still holding on to that.

I think a perfect example is when we see an animals,

Like if the dog is like running down the road and gets hit by a car,

Or something shocking happens to the dog,

The dog just starts shaking,

You know,

When you see a nervous animal,

They're shaking.

And that's quite literally like releasing the trauma from the body that shaking that movement is releasing that energy from the body.

Humans Sure,

Sometimes we shake when we get nervous,

But we don't have that same visceral reaction.

And so that energy is just getting locked in our body.

It's not shaking it out.

It's not releasing.

You need to be very intentional and like,

Doing that to release it versus you know,

You see another species they innately know how to just like,

Let it go as it's happening.

We don't have that.

So we need to be very intentional and clear about doing that for ourselves.

Yeah,

Our reflexes humans,

I think really is to ignore it and suppress it.

Yeah,

It's like,

Hold on to it.

Hold on to it.

Hold on to it.

Don't look at it.

Don't look at it.

Yeah.

Yeah,

You cling to it.

Yeah,

I think they think that our reflex is that we think it's easier to hold on to it and cling to it.

Yeah,

I think that there's a lot of things that go into that.

Like,

There's definitely a piece that you know,

I've worked with so many women who have never talked about their trauma to anyone else.

And it's for the sole reason of not wanting to be a burden to someone else.

And that just breaks my heart into a million pieces,

Because we're all in this shared experience together.

And no one is supposed to walk through it alone.

And that goes for anything and everything.

You know,

If we're experiencing trauma,

We should be talking about it with people,

Even when it's really hard.

It's the only way to get through it.

None of us make it out alone.

You know,

Like,

We have to lean on each other.

Yeah,

Absolutely.

And why do you think,

Jen,

I know you've kind of talked about this a little bit,

But why do you think it's important to process and heal our trauma?

Why should people set that intention of processing and healing their trauma?

Why should people dedicate their energy to doing that?

I think you touched on it when you opened up,

When you heal yourself,

You feel the world around you.

And I think the biggest part is when,

When you see someone that's standing in their,

In their worth and their power,

Who's doing the work who's healing themselves,

That has a ripple effect to all the people around them.

So say,

I see you doing all this work,

Healing yourself,

Getting into it.

And I've been not looking at that part of myself.

I'm going to get more curious because I see you doing it and it has that ripple effect.

So the more we do it,

The more it helps everyone around us.

And it has such an effect on your community.

Like you wouldn't even believe.

And I also just want to say too,

From kind of a positive perspective,

There's so much opportunity for growth.

When we choose to confront our wounds,

Like you said,

It's difficult,

It's painful,

It's uncomfortable,

But in healing,

There is release.

We can be lighter.

We don't have to walk around with that leaded weighted blanket on us anymore.

We can live more in alignment with our soul and with our purpose.

We can have less fears and less emotional triggers,

Stronger relationships because of that.

And we can really access our power when we choose to confront our wounds.

There's really endless possibilities along the healing journey to grow and evolve.

Yeah,

I completely agree.

I think on the other side of that,

Something that's definitely a big reality for people of why they probably subconsciously,

Maybe a little consciously choose to hold on to their trauma is because say it's a trauma of like their loved one was very sick and then passed.

There's this fear that that letting go of that trauma and healing from that trauma lets go of that person and that person is no longer there.

Like that trauma is still keeps them tied to it.

So it's so complex.

It's not linear whatsoever.

It is the ultimate roller coaster.

But I think that people who cling to it for those reasons to keep them tied to someone,

If they just shift their perspective and you know,

Work on finding new ways to honor that relationship and keep that tied to them in a healthier way,

They're going to feel a lot better about it.

No one wants to live in their trauma.

There's one quote I wanted to share another reason that it's definitely worth dedicating our energy to this,

Not only for our own lives now and for our community around us now,

This is a quote that I'll share and I'm sorry,

I don't know who originally said it,

But the quote is when we heal ourselves,

We heal the next generation that follows pain is passed through the family until someone is ready to feel it,

Heal it and let it go.

So not only for us now,

But for the next generations.

Right.

That's so powerful.

It's so powerful.

And it's so true.

Like I've done a ton of work with my therapist for the generational trauma that's been passed to me.

And like,

I have a son now who's six months.

And when I was getting ready to try to get pregnant when I was pregnant,

The whole process of that was so intentional of like,

Okay,

Trauma is going to be passed down.

But how do I pass the least amount of trauma down to my son?

How do I heal myself the best way I can before?

You know,

It's like being really intentional.

And it's going to happen just because we're humans.

And we all have it from our parents and our grandparents probably.

And but it's a really powerful thing.

And it does just take one person to look at that trauma and say,

Hey,

You're not lying to carry,

I'm going to let you go now.

Yes.

And that is why we need to normalize talking about trauma.

Yeah.

There's,

There's like a big like warning sign around trauma.

People like don't like going near it,

But,

But it's so normal.

And also,

You know,

Like just to get even deeper into like what trauma is,

This is a good example.

I like to talk about,

Cause so many people are like,

I don't have trauma because I wasn't raped,

Or I don't have trauma because I wasn't in the military or whatever,

You know,

Like people are like,

No,

This can't be trauma.

The perfect example was like,

You could have been at the mall with your family,

When you were a kid when you were young.

You know,

When you're a little kid,

And you're like playing in the clothes racks and stuff,

Doing your thing,

Doing that,

And you look around,

And you can't see your mom anywhere.

And you're like,

Oh,

My God,

I'm lost.

And that's like panic strikes in you.

And you can't find her and you start crying because you think that you're lost alone in the small and there's all these random people everywhere and you can't find her and there's clothes and suddenly nothing looks familiar and you can't find her.

Meanwhile,

Your mom has her eyes on you the whole time.

You've never been out of her sight.

She's just over there.

She sees you.

So does that mean that that wasn't traumatic for you?

No,

Of course it was.

You were a kid,

You thought you were lost.

But this is the weird relationship people have with trauma because you might bring that experience to your mom.

Like it was so scary.

Like I was lost at the mall.

Like I remember like I had no idea where you were.

And then your mom says,

No,

I was like right there the whole time.

And that's just like squashes your experience.

And you no longer feel safe to express what you felt.

And both things are true,

Right?

Like you felt that and she was right there the whole time.

It's it's just such an interesting thing.

People's perspectives on trauma I just wish could be normalized and opened up more because it's not just like these big,

Huge,

Massive things that you hear about in the news and read about.

It can literally be something like that.

You know?

Exactly,

Exactly.

It's a perfect example.

So Jen,

Now,

How do we begin healing trauma?

How do we begin that healing journey?

What are your suggestions for that?

Find someone you feel really safe with.

A therapist is always great.

I will always preach therapy and finding a therapist that you know,

You feel really connected to.

It is just such a service to yourself to do that.

But if you don't have that a friend or loved one,

Someone that you trust,

All you need is like one person that you trust.

And if you start talking about it a little bit,

You'll feel it start to light in.

I worked in crisis for a while.

And a lot of times I was the first person that people like ever told their stories to.

And that's just really sad.

You know,

It's just heartbreaking.

And I would often ask,

Like,

Do you have a friend,

Do you have a family member that you feel safe talking about this to?

And the answer is always like,

There's like so much shame tied to trauma,

Like,

I don't want them to know about this,

Or I don't want to burden them.

I don't want them to worry about me.

That is like the big number one.

People don't want other people worry about them.

And I try to remind people like,

Well,

They're gonna worry about you more if you're not yourself,

And you're not doing well,

And they can't figure out why.

So therefore,

They can't hold space for you and help you more often than not,

Someone you love is going to be willing to listen to you.

And at the same time,

Trauma is really hard to talk about.

But you only have to disclose as much as you want,

When you want,

Like you're completely in control of your story when it comes to letting your trauma out.

You don't you don't have to go call your mom right now and tell her this big,

Horrible thing that happened to you,

You can just start with like,

Yeah,

You know,

This makes me uncomfortable.

And I kind of test the water,

See how they react to it.

You don't you don't have to,

Like start with a marathon,

You can start with a running around the block.

You don't have to go all in.

Yeah.

And how do you think though,

For all of those unlike little traumas that build up over our lifetime,

Or those traumas we were born with that we feel is our own,

But it's more those traumas that are more difficult to discern the root cause of?

How do we begin healing those traumas?

Yeah,

I think it's,

For me,

What I do and what I've led other people in doing is getting really quiet.

And when those things come up,

I'll be like a meditation for myself or for others that I've worked with in the past.

And,

You know,

When something comes up,

I asked them what it looks like,

Where it lives in their body,

You know,

All these kind of identifying questions about it,

Like,

What's their relationship to it,

And having a conversation with it.

And you'll find that when you get in touch with like,

Certain parts of self that are holding on to these stories,

The answers just kind of come out,

Like,

Is this mind to carry?

It might be like a resounding no.

And you might in that instance,

See where that came from,

Like,

Oh,

My mom was always saying this.

And that's why I'm super anxious about always making sure my door is locked.

So my mom was always saying it,

You know,

Like,

That might not be your anxiety to hold on to that might have been passed to you.

So yeah,

Getting really quiet and getting really curious.

That's amazing advice.

So Jen,

Something I've been working on a lot recently is energetic boundaries.

And I was just curious,

How important do you think energetic boundaries are when it comes to healing trauma?

I think they're like everything.

Like all the time,

Always,

But I think especially with any sort of healing work,

It's so important.

And I think the reason for that is,

When I picture healing,

I picture it like this,

Like,

Fresh little baby bird coming out of an egg,

Like,

Right,

Like being hatched,

Like you're like,

You're shedding,

You're evolving into the next form of yourself when you're doing that.

And so there's a such a vulnerability to that.

And it's just really important to protect yourself and have those boundaries.

And also,

Like,

When you're doing the deep inner work,

It's pretty like a raw.

So having energetic boundaries so that you're not letting other things come in,

You can really like focus on what's there.

And what is yours and only yours to work through is super important on getting clear.

That's what I thought.

And that's why I wanted to bring it up.

So thank you.

Thank you for connecting that.

So Jen,

On your personal healing journey now,

What has helped you the most?

What has been the most transformational for you?

Yeah,

That's a great question.

Therapy,

Again,

Like having someone that I really trust to open up and talk about everything with.

And then,

As yours progressed,

I got really involved in helping other people here with their trauma.

And that has been such an empowering experience for me to help empower other people to move through their own trauma.

And it's,

Again,

Not linear.

So it the timeline looks different for everyone.

But for me,

It was,

There was a defining moment for me.

So I'll just like touch on my trauma quickly.

But I was raped.

And there was a moment where I went to,

I was a wreck,

I was destroyed.

And I went to a like Women's Crisis Center.

Just to,

I needed to talk to someone I was lost.

And this was pretty fresh after it happened.

And the girl working there went and picked up a binder and came back to the table I was sitting at and handed it to me and was like,

Oh,

Read through this.

There's some good information in here.

And in that moment,

Something clicked in my brain.

And it was just like,

It has to fucking be better for women than this.

Like,

You've got to be kidding me.

Somebody who's just sexually assaulted and you hand them a binder to read through that might be helpful.

So like right in that moment,

That turned that was like,

Probably the most pivotal moment in my life,

Because it was like,

Okay,

I can either lay down and die and like not deal with this and let it consume me because I know firsthand how easy it would be to do that.

But something clicked and I was like,

For I can make sure no other women have to experience what I just experienced.

Because like,

Sexual assault is going to happen all the time.

That's never going to end.

The human human race is is a wreck,

You know,

For a million different reasons,

But it's always going to happen.

So I don't even remember what the original question was.

But I think what's been most transformational for me.

I think it was that moment.

Yeah,

Just realizing like,

It's gotta be better for people than this.

Thank you so much for sharing that with us.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you,

Jen.

Like I honor you.

Thank you.

So Jen,

When you were a trauma counselor,

When you were helping people,

How are you able to help and support them?

What did that look like?

Oh,

It looks like so many different things.

So many different hats to that.

Sometimes it's literally just staying on the phone and not talking.

And just so the other person knows that somebody's there.

Sometimes it's literally just that.

I was in courtrooms every single week.

So I was a rape crisis counselor.

Yeah,

I've been courtrooms every week.

Standing next to individuals who,

You know,

Were standing across from a person that assaulted them.

That's a very hard thing.

But I kind of made it my goal in life to make sure nobody ever felt alone.

Or,

You know,

At least knew that they didn't have to walk through the alone.

Everything from like,

Going to court with them.

Just being on the phone.

I was also a first responder.

So I would be in the emergency rooms,

Like when someone would come in directly after an assault.

So emergency rooms and police departments,

And detectives offices,

Like the whole nine yards.

So as much as little as they wanted,

It's there.

Wow.

Wow.

And was that draining or difficult or triggering for you to be in that role while you were healing your own trauma?

I mean,

I know that you said that it was really empowering to help people.

And you know,

Definitely,

We as we heal others,

We heal ourselves.

There's a lot of truth to that.

But was it also draining and difficult and triggering for you?

Oh,

1000%.

But you know,

That's where really good energetic boundaries come in.

And like knowing when you need to step away from something,

And being able to identify that,

And act on it and not just like wanting to save the world and letting yourself like just completely burn away.

But yeah,

I mean,

Even for people who are in it,

Who haven't experienced sexual assault,

It's called vicarious trauma.

Like,

It's vicarious trauma is real thing.

You can still call it like secondary trauma,

Whatever.

It's essentially like,

So if I just got in like a horrible car accident,

And I saw somebody die or something,

You know,

And then I came to you,

Marlene,

I was like,

I just like immediately spilled everything that just happened.

You would take on that trauma to not as much as I did,

Because you weren't there.

But you would take it on to and it would sit with you and it would stay with you.

So you know,

As a trauma counselor,

You're hearing trauma over and over and over.

And you're like,

Seeing it firsthand,

Like in the hospital rooms in the courtrooms,

Like,

Constantly.

So yeah,

I mean,

Like,

It's definitely triggering,

Like,

That's something that we all face.

You lean on your co workers heavily,

Because you're,

You know,

You can't talk about it with anybody else.

So you know,

You make sure you do like a really good job,

Like holding support for your team members to make sure everybody can like debrief and like work through like,

A little bit of your gnarly stuff that you're helping people work through.

Because if you're not your best self,

And if you're not taking care of yourself,

You can't show up for the people that are trying to help,

You're not going to be able to help them.

Yeah.

And like I said,

In the beginning,

Our traumas are each other's traumas.

So how did you support yourself during that time of your life?

Yeah,

I mean,

Just being my own best advocate,

Knowing when it's like,

Okay,

You know what,

I need to take tomorrow off,

Or I need to schedule a week off.

So part of the work I did was with hotline.

And there were some people who would call very often.

And certain people whose stories might have been harder for some of us.

And,

You know,

Like,

I knew this person had a hard time with that one caller.

So okay,

That person calls,

I'm not going to have you take that that call,

Like,

I'll take it.

And like having other people do that for me.

So just like divvying it up in a way that we cannot digest it and don't feel like we're sinking is just like,

Really,

Really,

Really important.

But yeah,

Being your own best advocate,

You have to be.

And prioritizing self care,

I assume.

Yeah.

Oh,

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean,

If you're not doing that,

Then,

Then you just simply cannot do the work.

Yeah,

It's like the second yourself help or self help self work,

Self,

Whatever self care.

Once that starts to dwindle,

Everything starts to dwindle.

Like if you're not taking care of yourself,

You're not going to last in any sort of trauma work,

Because you got to take care of yourself first.

Jen,

Wow,

You're you're a warrior.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you for sharing so much wisdom and so much of your story and passion with us.

And I just want to ask you one final question.

Can you share with us any final tips or tools or resources or actionable items for processing and healing trauma?

Yeah,

I'll start with this.

So if somebody ever comes to you,

And wants to talk about something that's hard,

A trauma that they've faced,

Just listen.

Don't ask questions out of curiosity.

Ask questions if you need to ask questions to better help them.

But when someone's disclosing something to you,

That's hard.

Just listen,

It's not a time to get curious.

And I think that that's a really big piece in learning how to hold space for other people.

Like it's not about your curiosity,

It's about letting that person disclose as much as little as they need to in that moment.

So that's my advice for helping other people if they determine you're a safe person for them.

I think it just always comes back down to get really quiet and get really curious.

And lean on the people that you know you can trust.

Get quiet and get curious for yourself internally for your own trauma.

Yes,

Yeah.

Yeah.

And just start to look at it.

And you know,

You start to look at it one day and it's like a big ugly monster and you're like,

Nope,

Gotta close that door.

That's okay.

It doesn't have to happen right this moment or tomorrow.

You know,

It can happen gradually over time.

So you don't need to just like out this big thing.

You can just start by dipping the toe in and testing the waters.

In a few days,

You might be standing in there up to your waist,

You don't know.

Definitely don't put pressure on yourself.

And there's so much shame tied to trauma.

And that's a normal part of it is that a lot of people feel it.

But that's really not your shame to feel.

So try to let that go.

So let's lovingly support each other and encourage each other as we each do our own healing work.

Start wherever you are.

Start with whatever resources you have.

Let's break the cycle of passing trauma between us and through us.

This is our collective mission.

As Mark Nepo puts it so beautifully,

When we heal ourselves,

We heal the world.

For as the body is only as healthy as its individual cells,

The world is only as healthy as its individual souls.

And I know that sounds like a tall order,

But we are each here now together for this reason.

We got this.

Reviews

Hi Marlee, thank you so much for an amazing podcast on trauma! I think you’re so right - this isn’t a topic that society talks about much, but it definitely should be.

I have a lot of childhood trauma, and maybe even past life trauma to deal with (although I haven’t explored that much) and I really appreciate all the wisdom that you and your guest Jen shared here🥰. You are both truly an inspiration. I really resonated with the advice on how to heal the trauma by exploring the triggers, that’s something I find very difficult to do. I think it’s all about taking it one step at a time.

Sending you so much gratitude and light ✨