Good morning everybody.
Glad to see you all.
So I had COVID recently and I was planning to travel to Denver this weekend to see my mother as she turns 96 tomorrow.
But it didn't seem like a good idea to go,
So here I am.
And though this talk isn't about my mother,
I'd like to begin with her.
You know,
She's a good-hearted woman.
She's a person of Christian faith.
And she's something of a Christian mystic,
Honestly.
She's a spiritual friend and a spiritual teacher.
And though over the years she was an Episcopal clergy wife,
She understood what it is to cut through the middleman,
So to speak.
For my mother,
Her spiritual path is about being in relationship with God.
It's about having a direct experience of God.
I don't tell Teshan I said so,
But it seems a little Zen to me.
Some of you may remember a Catholic priest named Thomas Keating,
Who back in the 90s,
I guess,
Started a movement called Centering Prayer.
And the Catholic clergy didn't like it.
But the Catholic churchgoers at the time loved it.
It was about a meditative approach to prayer.
He wrote a book.
It was quite well known at some time.
And at some point,
My mother went to an all-day workshop he was giving.
And they had everyone fill out a little form.
And one of the questions was,
How long have you been practicing Centering Prayer?
My mother writes that for 45 years.
Right?
So somebody apparently went and showed this to Thomas Keating and he said,
Go get this woman.
I want to talk with this woman.
So my mother relays the story that she said to him that sometimes when she's deep in this contemplative state,
Deep in this contemplative prayer,
She's like,
I hear this music.
And she described it to Father Keating.
And he said to her,
Catherine,
I think the angels are singing to you.
And yet,
My mother also had a deep relationship with theology and scripture.
And she told me once that if you really want to know about Anglican theology,
Read the lyrics in the hymnal.
It's all there,
She said.
And I sometimes do read them.
I'd like to raise a glass to my mother.
She's 96 tomorrow.
Teshin once joked that I have a split dharma personality.
My Zen Mahayana side,
You know,
Where in the fullness of the moment,
In the completeness of each moment,
I try to walk a bodhisattva path where I try to aid the awakening of others,
The awakening of all beings.
But I also have this Theravadin side,
You know,
Which emphasizes an awakening of the self through self-examination and change.
And that side actually makes a lot of sense,
Especially as it pertains to my work in Buddhist oriented recovery.
In that context,
Four Noble Truths,
The precepts,
People in Buddhist recovery consider how our addictive patterns have led us into harmful behaviors that affect ourselves and by extension others.
And we work to understand the roots of these behaviors and how to apply dharma toward healing them,
That we can live a better,
More sober life.
And I think about this a lot.
And as a result,
I'm always looking for how my Zen practice can apply to that.
What does all this mean in terms of living a life of non-harm?
How do we apply the teachings of Zen to how we live here and now?
Now Bodhidharma tells us that the heart of Zen is in direct experience,
A special transmission outside of scripture.
But the odd thing is the Zen tradition has a rich and deep textural background.
So many things we can read.
So I'm taking a cue from my mother and I'm using two different texts as a basis for this talk.
The first is the book we've been reading in the Tuesday night group called How to Cook Your Life.
It's a book written by Kosho Uchiyama Roshi and it's a commentary on Dogen's fascicle Instructions to the Zen Cook.
As the book goes,
It's not as straightforward as you might think.
You know,
This essay is much more than a how to sort of manual.
The text draws connections between the actions of the Tenzo,
The cook,
In a monastic setting.
And the living of a spiritual life.
Living of a life led by Zen principle and the understandings of Zaza in mind.
And there are wonderful things in this text.
Dogen tells the Tenzo,
For instance,
Handle each simple green as if it were the body of Buddha.
The idea that one might experience Dharma,
Experience Buddha nature through something as simple as working with the greens for a salad.
I've been thinking these instructions have probably got a lot to teach.
But I'm also drawn to a chant that we do on Thursday nights,
The affirming faith in mind.
And there's wisdom here.
The lines tell us,
For instance,
If mind does not discriminate all things are as they are,
As one.
And that even slight distinctions made set earth and heaven far apart.
I love this kind of language.
But what's the wisdom here,
Really?
What's the nature,
How the text like this apply to our lives?
To our times of joy,
Our moments of sorrow and everything that ranges in between.
You know,
There are many ways to perceive things.
So many feelings,
So many thoughts.
And all of these guide our actions.
Now I teach children,
As most of you know,
Fourth,
Fifth,
Sixth graders.
And it's wonderful.
Except for those times,
You know,
When it's not.
Sometimes through my own expectations,
Even after all this time,
You know,
My own aversion to certain behaviors,
I can create a lot of suffering for myself in the classroom.
Emotional,
Mental agitation.
And that's not wrong in and of itself,
But you know,
It can spill out in ways that are unskillful.
That are counterproductive for me as a teacher.
And they can be hurtful if I'm not careful.
And this happened recently.
During what I know to be,
You know,
The natural ebb and flow of the children's engagement and their attention.
But their engagement really had been ebbing.
This is a few weeks ago.
And their engagement really had been ebbing.
And frankly for a couple of days.
Now I'm going to be an old guy.
I've been teaching almost 30 years.
And I've got some old school expectations.
I get that.
And they weren't being met.
I mean,
There were children one morning.
They were horsing around.
They weren't getting their work done.
And more importantly,
They were keeping other people from getting their work done.
What they needed to do.
And frankly,
They were doing it with impunity.
I mean like right in front of me.
I mean you can hear the edge of my voice right now.
I was angry.
Now I don't mean to say that my anger was unfounded.
Or that I shouldn't have been angry.
I think Teshin's been doing all of us a favor.
In helping us to consider that we do ourselves a disservice to say that we shouldn't be feeling what we're feeling.
But of course so much depends on what we do with our feelings.
The skill with which we handle them.
The ways that we express them.
I was angry.
And it's okay for my students to know that I'm angry.
I teach children in a three year cycle.
So we get to know one another like family.
But I wasn't skillful.
I didn't tell them how I was feeling.
I didn't tell them what I needed them to do.
I didn't help them understand.
I was just angry.
And I was loudly angry.
This happens to you already.
Okay.
So.
Just checking.
So you know in hindsight here's what really went down.
I was working from idealized expectations that come from other times.
You know pre-pandemic times.
Pre all this world oddness that we and the children among us live in.
I was working in expectations based on my experiences with other children from a different time.
And in my attachment to those expectations,
I snapped.
So.
What did Dogen's instructions to the Zen cook have to offer here?
Let's see what these thoughts tell us.
What these thoughts might apply.
I'm just reading right out of the essay now.
Put your whole attention into your work.
See just what the situation calls for.
Do not be absent-minded in your activities,
Nor so absorbed in one aspect of a matter that you fail to see is other aspects.
Do not be negligent and careless just because materials seem plain.
And hesitate to work more diligently simply because materials may be of a superior quality.
When the Tenzo or the cook,
When the Tenzo receives the food,
They must never complain about its quality,
But handle everything with the greatest care.
Nothing could be worse than to complain about there being too much or too little of something or something being of inferior quality.
I didn't see the children who were right in front of me.
Nine to twelve year olds,
They were antsy with springtime energy.
They're still kind of reeling from an on-again,
Off-again school year and my classroom has been closed just this past week.
Ten of my students have COVID.
They live in a world that they're not sure they can depend on.
And I was caught up in irritation over an expectation that may no longer be appropriate.
What does the affirming faith and mind chant say?
That the founder in dislike and like is nothing but the mind's dis-ease.
And that even slight distinctions made set earth and heaven far apart.
I was so focused on my need that in my anger I communicated disappointment and even resentment.
I'm sorry to say.
Dogen tells the cook,
Clean all the utensils,
Handle them with care and awareness.
Keep your mind on your work and do not throw things around carelessly.
And the affirming faith and mind,
The great way is without limit,
Beyond the easy and the hard.
But those who hold narrow views are fearful and irresolute.
And that this heavy burden weighs you down.
I think it'd be hard to be a child today.
Children are different than they used to be.
And I know that everybody who's been teaching a long time says that.
They probably said it about me.
But the truth is,
Children really are different these days.
They're more scattered.
They're less certain.
The anger in our society around them is palpable to them and they don't understand it.
And some of them are frightened.
That's the reality for a lot of children today.
So here's what I know I need to let grow in my heart.
You know the lines,
You can say them with me from the affirming faith and mind.
When no thing can give offense,
Then all obstructions cease to be.
Mind does not discriminate.
All things are as they are,
As one.
And from Dogen,
Do not be negligent and careless just because materials seem plain.
Rather,
Handle even a single leaf of green in such a way that it manifests the body of Buddha.
For this,
In turn,
Allows the Buddha to manifest through the leaf.
And the Timzo has to make arrangements and prepare meals without wasting a moment.
If he throws all his energy into whatever the situation truly calls for,
Then both the activity and the method will work to nurture the seeds of the Dharma.
So here's a situation more close to home.
Do you ever get impatient with a friend or your partner?
You know how sometimes those that we feel most close to can just sometimes seem so obtuse?
And then we get reactive,
If even only in the secrets of our own mind.
Everybody else feels this way sometimes,
Right?
Okay,
Great.
So what does Dogen tell the cook?
Put your awakened mind to work,
Making meals that are appropriate to the need and that will enable everyone to practice with the least amount of hindrance.
And again,
Clean the utensils.
Handle them with care and awareness.
Keep your mind on your work and do not throw things around recklessly or carelessly.
And when the Timzo receives the food,
They must never complain about its quality,
But handle everything with the greatest care.
Nothing could be worse than to complain about there being too much or too little of something or something being of inferior quality.
Here's what I know I need to let grow in my heart.
From the affirming faith in mind,
If you would clearly see the truth,
Discard opinions pro and con.
When all is seen with equal mind,
To our self nature we return.
And from Dogen,
Maintain an attitude that tries to build great temples from ordinary greens.
The Timzo has to make arrangements and prepare meals without wasting a moment.
If he throws all his energy into whatever the situation truly calls for,
Then both the activity and the method will work to nurture the seeds of the Dharma.
So here's another scenario that many of us face in these times.
People's opinions and actions that feel like they're coming from a polar opposite to my own.
And my own reactions to them.
I mean really things can seem kind of stunning to me sometimes.
I mean I was a child in the 1960s.
My parents were Roosevelt people and Kennedy people after that.
And I didn't know it then,
But I was growing up in a time of a flowering of liberal society.
Now let's put a definition in that word because that's a hot button word liberal.
Let's just make sure we're all working from the same page.
Dictionary says liberal,
Adjective,
Willing to respect and accept behavior or opinions different from one's own,
Open to new ideas.
And favoring policies that promote social welfare.
I grew up,
You did,
In the shadow of Martin Luther King,
Bobby Kennedy,
The Voting Rights Act of 1964,
The Civil Rights Act of 1965.
That was the news when I was a kid.
And I grew up thinking that as a culture,
As a nation,
We had dealt with racial issues in our country.
You know,
And I've been really saddened in the last,
I don't know,
Five years to see how just wrong I was about that.
How quickly the safeguards which protect the rights of others have begun to unravel around us.
And how so many among us have become so vulnerable.
The rights of many are in question these days and I'm concerned for the ways this may affect some of my friends.
For the ways this may affect a member of my family.
And these school children who I love,
Who are growing up into our society,
Into the life of our nation.
I'm concerned.
I'm dumbfounded.
And I'm having to work with reactive disappointment.
Fear and anger about it.
Anybody else feeling the same way?
So what are we supposed to do?
What people have always done in such times,
We hope.
We believe,
We speak our minds,
We work to change the hearts of others.
I like to quote the cultural anthropologist Margaret Mead.
She said,
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the world.
Indeed it's the only thing that ever has.
And Martin Luther King who said,
We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive.
Those who are devoid of the power to forgive are devoid of the power to love.
There's some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us.
And when we discover this,
We are less prone to hate our enemies.
So how do we work to avoid the suffering of unmet expectations?
The disappointment in the actions of others of prolonged fear and anger.
Dogen and the affirming faith in mind keep coming back to me with the same ideas.
From instructions to the cook,
Put your awakened mind to work,
Making a constant effort to serve meals that will enable everyone to practice with the least endurance.
Put your whole attention into the work,
Seeing just what the situation calls for.
Do not be absent minded nor so absorbed in one aspect of a matter that you fail to see as other aspects.
And do not be negligent and careless just because materials seem plain.
And hesitate to work more diligently simply because materials may be of a superior quality.
And from the affirming faith in mind,
These are going to sound familiar at this point,
If you would clearly see the truth,
Discard opinions,
Pro and con.
If there's a trace of right and wrong,
True mind is lost,
Confused,
Distraught.
And when no thing can give offense,
Then all obstructions cease to be.
The great way is without limit,
Beyond the easy and the hard.
But those who hold to narrow views are fearful and irresolute.
This heavy burden weighs you down,
So why keep judging good and bad?
But you know,
These last few that I just read,
They almost sound inappropriate or flippant given the gravity of what's going on around us.
Are we not to be concerned?
Are we not to be angry?
You know,
Of course many of us are and perhaps we're right to be.
These ideas,
Such as discard opinions,
Pro and con,
Or when no thing can give offense,
I think they can be easily misunderstood.
They're not trying to say that we must simply accept unskillful behavior,
Injustice,
Wrongdoing.
We must not accept what our hearts cannot abide.
But this heavy burden weighs you down.
So here's an important thought.
Let's hear it again.
The great way is without limit,
Beyond the easy and the hard.
Now where is our center?
Where is yours?
Where is mine?
How do we respond with the urgency of our concern,
With the strength of our convictions,
Without deepening the anger around us?
Without making things worse?
How do we affect change?
With children?
With our partners?
With others with whom we are locked in nationhood?
Here's what I know I need to let grow in my heart.
Maintain an attitude that tries to build great temples from ordinary greens.
Put your whole attention into the work seen just what the situation calls for.
And do not be absent-minded,
Nor so absorbed in any one aspect of a matter that you fail to see its other aspects.
Clean the utensils.
Handle them with care and awareness.
Keep your mind on your work and do not throw things around carelessly.
And the tinso has to make arrangements and prepare meals without wasting a moment.
If he throws all his energy into whatever the situation truly calls for,
Then both the activity and the method will work to nurture the seeds of the Dharma.
And sometimes all of this seems impossible.
But Martin Luther King observed,
Life's most persistent and urgent question is,
What are you doing for others?
What's the germ of the strength that requires?
How do we live and work from that maxim?
Now there's a line I've said four or five times here in this talk.
The tinso has to make arrangements and prepare meals without wasting a moment.
If he throws all his energy into whatever the situation truly calls for,
Then both the activity and the method will work to nurture the seeds of the Dharma.
If he throws all his energy into whatever the situation truly calls for,
To throw all our energy into something,
From a Zen perspective,
What does this mean?
Now,
I mean,
I'm just learning as I go along here as we all are.
But here's what I think the answer to this question may be.
To see each moment as whole and complete in itself,
Not dependent on what has come before,
Nor bound to what we think must come next,
But to walk our lives in the broad possibility of now.
To live our lives with an unclouded presence of what Dr.
King referred to as the fierce urgency of now.
Now in his commentary on Dogen's instructions to the Zen cook,
Uchiyama Roshi drew a distinction between our direction in the present moment and our perceptions of a goal-oriented future.
The idea that no matter what we hope for,
May or may not come to be in the way that we intend.
It may not come to be at all.
And we can get so lost in our goals that we lose track of our direction.
We have only this moment in which to live fully and completely.
Experiencing and expressing our Buddha nature,
Witnessing and experiencing the Buddha nature of others,
And coming to know in our hearts again from the affirming faith and mind,
In this true world of emptiness,
Both self and other are no more.
To enter this true empty world immediately affirm,
Not to.
In this not to,
All is the same,
With nothing separate or outside.
The whys at all times and places awaken to this primal truth.
I sat for a long time trying to figure out how to end this talk.
And I would like to,
This is the book we're reading,
How to Cook Your Life.
It's a great book,
Kosho Uchiyama Roshi.
And I'd like to read a story that is familiar to you all,
It's pretty short,
Half page.
And then just read a couple of other quotes directly from this book.
This is Dogen speaking in the essay.
When I was at Mount Tengtong,
A monk called Lu in Quen Yang Fu was serving as tinso.
One day after the noon meal I was walking to another building within the complex when I noticed Lu drying mushrooms in the sun.
He carried a bamboo stick,
But had no hat on his head.
The sun's rays beaked down so harshly that the tiles along the walk burned one's feet.
Lu worked hard and was covered with sweat.
I could not help but feel the work was too much of a strain for him.
His back was a bow drawn taut,
His long eyebrows were crane white.
So I approached and asked his age.
He replied that he was 68 years old.
And then I went on to ask him why he never used any assistance.
And he answered,
Other people are not me.
You're right,
I said,
I can see that your work is the activity of the Buddha Dharma,
But why are you working so hard in this scorching sun?
And he replied,
If I do not do it now,
When else can I do it?
There was nothing else for me to say.
As I walked on along the passageway,
I began to sense inwardly the true significance of the role of the tinso.
Just four other quotes from the same book.
To see that working for the benefit of others benefits one's self.
To understand that through making every effort for the prosperity of the community,
One revitalizes one's own character.
Actually,
When working in any position of responsibility,
Not only is tinso,
Strive to maintain a spirit of joy and magnanimity,
Along with the caring attitude of a parent.
How fortunate we are to be born as human beings,
Given the opportunity to prepare meals for the three treasures of Buddha Dharma and Sangha.
Our attitude should truly be one of joy and gratefulness.
Therefore,
Rejoice in your birth into the world where you are capable of using your body freely to offer food to the three treasures.
Considering the innumerable possibilities in a timeless universe,
We have been given a marvelous opportunity.
And lastly,
My most sincere desire is that you exhaust all the strength and effort of all your lives,
Past,
Present and future,
In every moment of every day,
Into your practice.
So that you form a strong connection with the Buddha Dharma.
Doing all things with this attitude is to have a joyful mind.
That's what I've got.
