How To Be Sober In An Alcohol Obsessed World

In this talk, I share my journey of sobriety, how sobriety benefits the body, and the resources & people who helped to shape my decision to not drink alcohol anymore. I hope that sharing my journey supports you along with yours. You are not alone. I know sometimes it can feel that way when we live in a world where so many activities center around drinking.

I have asked those who listen to this to share their personal stories in the comments section. May these stories help the souls reading along their path of sobriety.

Background music by Shivarasa "They Feel, They Know"

Transcript

I remember the countless days of waking up with a ringing headache,

Dehydration,

And feelings of absolute dread.

The whole day after drinking would be spent wasted,

Sleeping and hating myself.

I would tell myself I'm not drinking again,

Only to do it all again the next weekend.

There came a point where my soul had enough in the beginning of the fall season of 2023.

I found myself overweight,

Extremely unhappy,

And confused about what had happened to my life.

The only thing I kept telling myself was,

I have to get my life together.

I knew the first step was to let go of alcohol for good.

Alcohol.

A substance we've all been marketed to as being this fun,

Celebratory drink to have with friends.

But let's be honest,

It's poison.

And there's no small amount that will ever be good for your body or soul.

So what does it do to your body in the short term?

It disrupts your sleep.

It can fuel anxiety.

It can impede your body's ability to detox.

It causes weight gain,

Or it interferes with weight loss.

It causes facial redness,

Broken capillaries,

A puffy face.

It can kill brain cells,

And it even impacts your memory and motor skills.

It messes with your blood sugar regulation.

It disrupts your hormone and endocrine functioning,

And is linked to several types of cancer.

And it causes premature aging.

It destroys your microbiome,

Which directly impacts your feelings of happiness and your mental health.

So growing up,

My father used to tell me these things,

And I witnessed him be completely sober my whole life.

From his perspective as a doctor,

He witnessed so many people's lives be wrecked and ruined from this substance,

Through seeing a patient be in the ER from being hit by a drunk driver,

Or knowing someone who had been impacted by a drunk driver,

And seeing people's health deteriorate over time after consistent use of alcohol.

My mom,

On the other hand,

She would drink wine occasionally with meals,

And socially.

She'd love to pop a bottle of champagne when it called for moments of celebration.

But we never really had hard alcohol at home.

And the reason I bring up my parents is because our relationship with alcohol is not only shaped from how society uses it,

But also what role it may have played within our own familial households growing up,

And how other family members interacted with it.

So despite knowing how bad it is for you,

Some people around you might have still chosen to drink,

Because they like how it makes them feel.

And out of pure curiosity for this feeling,

When I turned 18,

I tried my first sip of alcohol my senior year of high school at a friend's house,

And it started off this painful journey with this substance.

At first,

I liked how it helped me relax,

And be more calm,

And feel invincible,

And open up to others.

It just brought out more of who I was.

I liked to ask questions,

And find ways to connect with people when drinking.

So from the time that I was 18,

All the way until 29 or 30,

Here's what alcohol really did in my life.

Obviously,

It acted as a social lubricant,

But it caused me a lot of painful hangovers.

It took away days off of my life,

Wasted.

It caused me to gain weight.

It put me in life-threatening situations,

Which caused me trauma.

It surrounded me with friends who,

Really,

I only spent time with to drink and party with,

Who are no longer my friends.

It served as a mask to deeper issues that I wasn't really facing.

And it exacerbated my levels of anxiety and depression to an almost unbearable point.

And it completely threw off my hormonal system.

And I will say this.

Before going sober,

About two or three years before I went fully sober,

I had been toying with the idea of not drinking anymore,

By doing the sober Octobers,

Or dry January.

I was always able to make it through and succeed,

And I always felt better,

But there was still this small part of me that wanted to feel this way always,

Yet I'd find myself going back for alcohol.

So this substance,

Which has been in my life for over 10 years,

And I've seen everyone around me drink,

I began to ask questions.

What would happen if I simply stopped?

What would I feel like?

How could my life become better?

What would people think?

What would they think of me?

Would they think I was pregnant just because I stopped?

Would I be judged?

Will my family and friends support me in this decision,

Or make it harder?

Are there other people sharing their journey of becoming sober?

And what support systems do I need?

Is this something I really want to give up for good,

Or just for a period of time?

And what happens if I fall back into temptation?

Will I give myself enough grace and forgive myself?

So the answers to these questions and more were just racing through my mind,

And I'm sure if you're listening to this,

You're wondering the same things,

But I also want you to realize becoming sober is about you,

And only you,

And your sobriety is yours to celebrate,

To foster.

And I will say this from experience,

That life gets so much sweeter when you allow your body,

Your mind,

And your soul the space to heal,

Detox,

Sleep well,

Rebalance,

And just reach new levels of health.

So here's some strategies to help you stay sober in the alcohol-obsessed world.

I want you to grab a pen and paper and write some of these down.

Number one,

Establish clear boundaries.

Make a firm decision to abstain from alcohol or drink less,

And communicate this decision to friends,

Family,

Co-workers,

And really set it clearly so that they can understand and respect your choice.

Number two,

Find some fun sober activities,

Right?

Seek out hobbies,

Activities that don't overall revolve around alcohol.

Look for ways to do yoga or go for runs or join book clubs,

Volunteering,

There's so many things you can do.

Number three,

Build a support network.

Engage yourself with supportive friends and family members who understand and respect your decision to remain sober.

Having that network is so important for encouragement and also accountability.

Number four,

Practice self-care.

Take care of your physical,

Emotional,

And mental well-being.

Prioritize these self-care activities such as exercise,

Meditation,

The hobbies that you love,

And therapy,

And engage in activities that are going to help you relax and relieve stress and help you cope with triggers and cravings.

Number five,

Develop healthy coping strategies.

So you need to start identifying what triggers may tempt you to start drinking again and develop healthy strategies for these cravings that are going to come up.

These could be mindfulness,

They could be breath work,

It could be going out to nature,

Prayer,

Whatever it might be,

Find what that is for you.

Number six,

Avoid high-risk situations.

So avoid exposing yourself to environments where you know alcohol is going to be the center of what everyone's doing.

Just avoid them and it's okay to say no.

Number seven,

Educate yourself.

Learn about how alcohol affects your body and mind as well as the benefits of sobriety.

Understanding the consequences of alcohol consumption can also help reinforce your commitment to staying sober.

And number eight,

Seek professional help if you need it.

If you're struggling to do this on your own,

You don't have to be on your own.

You can seek support from a therapist,

Counselor,

Support group,

And it makes you stronger not weaker by asking for this help.

So as you go through this journey,

One of the resources that helped me was a book by Holly Whittaker and it's called Quit Like a Woman,

The Radical Choice to Not Drink in a Culture Obsessed with Alcohol.

I recommend this book because after I finished this one,

It's almost as if a veil was lifted and I realized how I could do this and I believed in myself and I decided to leave my drunken moments in my 20s.

So you know,

I started on the journey of asking people about their stories,

Receiving support as I went through this journey,

Healing my gut,

Cutting out things that weren't serving me in other ways,

Lifting,

Running again,

Meditating more,

And I lost weight and I started to slowly transform my life as this was cut out of my life.

So I want you to give yourself the chance to see how good life can be without alcohol while also holding space and compassion for those around you who are still on their own journey with this substance.

So for those of you who are listening,

Who are sober,

Months sober,

Days sober,

Years sober,

I urge you to share your story in the comments for those who have been on the fence or just need some more support.

You have no idea how much your stories of sobriety can impact another who's also trying to find their own way on their journey of sobriety.

And for those of you listening who might be struggling with being sober,

I want you to share in the comments if you're comfortable,

You know,

What have been your biggest struggles?

What do you need support with?

What things may draw you into reaching for alcohol when you know you no longer want to?

And then for those of you who are still choosing to drink,

But let's say more consciously,

I commend you for making this change.

Please share how you plan to be more conscious with your consumption in the comments.

We want to hear from you too.

And I'd like to conclude with scripture by Ephesians 5.

18 states,

Do not get drunk on wine,

Which leads to debauchery.

Instead,

Be filled with the spirit.

So how do you be filled with the spirit?

Well,

You pray,

You meditate,

You journal,

You dance,

You sing,

You cry,

You,

You know,

Go out to nature,

You breathe,

You swim in the water,

You lay in the sun,

You cleanse and detox your body,

You surround yourself with love and communities who support you and you read and you study and you fill your time with things to educate yourself and you really just simply surrender.

Yes,

You surrender,

You let go of what you think your identity is supposed to be in this lifetime and you really allow yourself to become empty so that God may fill you up again.

I also want to add,

You should forgive yourself for any past actions or deeds which have led you to a certain point.

And just trust and know that you're right where you're meant to be and all is well.

All is well.

All is well.

Reviews

Thank you. This was very concise, compassionate and beautifully spoken. I have struggled with alcohol nearly my entire life. It is a tricky, baffling and cunning substance that likes to team up with my ego. The point you made about identity and change of identity really resonated for me. I think up until fairly recently I didn't want to admit failure, specifically that I was not like seemingly most people and couldn't have a drink because it just effected my brain differently. I am sober and have made a commitment to myself to remain so for the remainder of my days. It isn't easy by any means. Yet think you summed up the keys to sobriety very elegantly and concisely. Thank you. 🤍

I keep falling back into temptation every few days, even though I know how incredible sober life will be. I don’t know how to stick to the plan. Mostly triggered by isolation and I drink when my children go to their dad’s for the week. I’ve written down your strategies after and hopefully this time I’ll stay strong. Thank you x

Your perspective is unique. Most people will ignore me or just continue talking about thier love of beer and wine; as if the effect of alcohol is old news or irrelevant. 😱Thank you 🥰🙏🏻