Day 9,
Goal Setting.
Welcome back.
In the last session,
We focused on the concept of masks in Toltec teachings.
We learned about the different roles or identities we adopt in various situations and the importance of recognizing and detaching from these masks to connect with our authentic self.
Today's objective is to explore goal setting in the context of Toltec wisdom.
The theory for this section states that setting goals should come from a place of self-awareness and unconditional love,
Rather than external validation or negative self-talk.
Toltec teachings are not isolationist.
They don't want you to retreat from the world and go out into a monastery.
It is true that it believes that the world is smoke and mirrors,
But that does not mean that you don't engage with the world.
You just have to make sure you see the world for what it is and not get bogged down into its pettiness.
You need to make sure that you don't let attachments and domestication rule over you.
There are things you love doing or would love achieving.
They give you meaning in life.
There is nothing wrong with that.
In fact,
It is important to have these things in life,
But goals need to be handled correctly.
And if not,
They can put you on a treadmill,
Metaphorically,
Or cause you to spiral down into a feeling of self-hatred or even contempt.
In our world,
There's a common belief that the best way to achieve goals is through self-negative talk,
Through negative reinforcement.
This approach often manifests as an internal drill sergeant,
If you will,
Pushing us towards our aims with harmful mental dialogue.
It's a form of domestication that has led many to believe that self-criticism is not only effective but necessary for success.
This mindset fosters an obsession with outcomes and often leads to self-rejection.
Take body image,
For instance.
If we look in the mirror and dislike what we see,
We might set goals based on these negative perceptions.
And in doing so,
We agree with our inner critic,
Setting conditions that we'll only accept and love ourselves if we meet these goals.
And this process is so ingrained that we often don't realize that we're falling into something like a trap.
It's not just about body image.
Any goal set with conditional love can lead to this type of pattern.
The problems with this approach are many.
Using negative self-talk implies that our current state is insufficient,
And moreover,
If we fail to achieve our goals,
Then we're left with a sense of lack,
Setting the stage for further self-criticism.
And in future,
This can even lead to a reluctance to set new goals lest we fall and fail,
And we feel like,
Sometimes,
Like we're losing.
Judging ourselves for not meeting goals also opens us to external judgment.
And this kind of goal-setting,
Driven by conditional love,
Is a primary way that the illusion of conditional love spreads in the world.
And by participating in this,
We re-enter a cycle of domestication and self-domestication.
Ironically,
This approach can seem effective because the internal judge can be a strong motivator,
Using guilt and using shame and other negative emotions as leverage to propel you.
But success achieved this way,
In my mind,
Is short-lived.
Goals attained under the shadow of the inner critic lead to temporary self-acceptance,
As the critic is never truly satisfied and continually escalates its demands.
The Toltec tradition teaches us that waiting for future acceptance means neglecting present self-love.
Linking self-worth to goal attainment fosters a conditional relationship with ourselves where happiness depends on success or on failure.
And to avoid this trap,
Realize that you are as perfect as you can be,
In a sense,
The way that you are.
And your goal is in no way an attempt to make yourself worthy of love.
In short,
Love yourself unconditionally,
Whether you succeed or fail at your set goal.
And changing to a mindset of setting goals from a place of unconditional self-love can be challenging to maintain.
We are deeply conditioned to believe that negative self-talk is necessary for achieving goals.
However,
With vigilance and self-affirmation,
Any time that you feel inadequate,
You can definitely start to have healthy relationships with goals.
And when considering a goal,
The first step is to acknowledge that the goal is a personal desire and not a necessity for perfection.
With this awareness and self-love,
Setting goals becomes a natural and joyful process,
And not about fixing something or conditionally loving oneself.
It's about engaging with the world for the sheer pleasure of it,
And for the appreciation of it.
So here's the practice,
A grounding exercise with positive affirmation.
When trying to pursue a goal,
It's common to experience a mix of self-criticism and self-love.
And to ground yourself during these moments,
Especially while pursuing a goal,
Here's a simple practice.
Pause and turn your attention inward,
Focusing on your breathing.
Feel the air moving in and out of your lungs,
Grounding you in the present moment.
And then,
Notice your feet firmly planted on the ground,
Connecting you to the earth.
Perform a gentle body scan from head to toe.
That's when you shift your awareness from your thoughts to your body.
And remind yourself that you are choosing your actions,
And that you are already as perfect as you can be in unconditionally loving yourself.
And to reinforce this mindset,
Repeat this affirmation.
Try this.
Say to yourself,
I am complete and perfect as I am,
And I embrace myself fully.
This will help you regain a sense of self-compassion and a sense of focus.
The path to your goal will show itself to you.
So let's sum this up plainly.
Setting goals from a place of unconditional self-love is crucial in Toltec teachings.
It's about engaging with the world and pursuing personal desires without linking self-worth to the attainment of these goals.
And this approach fosters a healthier and more joyful goal-setting process and goal-setting experience.
What do you think?
You might—how might—your approach to goal-setting change if it were based on unconditional self-love instead of self-criticism?
And what are some ways that you can remind yourself of your inherent worth,
Regardless of your achievements and regardless of your failures?
How to self-baseline to measure for success?
For each goal-set,
Monitor your motivations—your self-love versus your self-criticism.
Try to become more aware of it—both of them—and your emotional state upon achieving or not achieving a goal.
Regularly reviewing this can help determine if you're setting goals from a place of self-love and maintaining a healthy perspective regardless of the outcome.
Congratulations,
We've reached the end of this session.
And in the next session,
We will learn how comparison and competition with others can lead to unhappiness.
Remember,
The more that you practice these techniques,
The faster and easier they will work for you.
Thanks again for allowing me to serve you.
And as always,
Remember,
It's a great day to be alive.
And I'll see you in the next session.
Thank you for listening.
Take care,
And bye for now.
